Friend emigrating - feel so sad

[Pinklepurr361]

I found out today that one of my good friends is emigrating to NZ and I am absolutely gutted.

I had no idea it was even a pipe dream, let alone a deal which is now signed and sealed so it was a huge shock.

I feel so sad, I have known her for 7+ years and our children have grown up together, go to school together and are best friends. Our DD's are so close they are almost like two peas in a pod and do everything together.

I know that given time I shall adjust, but how on earth do I break this news to my children? Realistically, we shall never see them again and whilst I know we can keep in touch by email, it isn't the same thing. I am particularly worried that my DD (6) will find it especially hard as she is shy and is very dependent on her friend at school.

I think it will be 3-4 months before they go. Should I tell my children now or wait until closer to the time.

Even the thought of my upcoming trip to WDW isn't cheering me up at the moment.

If anyone can give me advice I would be grateful.

PP

 

[Dimplenose]

Oh, I feel for you. My friend moved to France 2 years ago, and although she's a lot closer than NZ and I do get to see her occassionally it's not the same as having her just down the road. I always feel that it's very hard for the people left behind, a bit like a bereavement in some ways - but other people just don't realise the loss you will obviously feel.

I think you should tell your children, it is a long way off but if they find out from someone else it will be even harder to deal with. As for your DD you may find that she'll blossom once she hasn't got her friend to rely upon.

Keep busy, enjoy the next few months and don't miss her until she's gone.

Sending a big hug

Libby

 

[Booknut]

Friends moving away can be very sad but I agree with everything Libby said. Enjoy the time you have left and although they aren't a substitute for having them around the internet/email and telephone can be a great help and comfort at first when you're all missing each other!

 

[natalielongstaff]

Friends and family are the one thing that stops me from emigrating

I hope you and your friend can continue your friendship

 

[jjk]

sorry to hear that,hopefully you will keep in touch

 

[Strommie]

I know how you feel, one of my very close friends lives in the Far East, in Laos, and I don't see her very often at all. However, we keep in regular phone and internet contact, and while it's not the same, it's better than no contact at all. Hopefully you will be able to do the same with your friend

 

[Minniespal]

Not nice when friends move away.

Hope you can still maintain your friendship

 

[Pinklepurr361]

Oh, I feel for you. My friend moved to France 2 years ago, and although she's a lot closer than NZ and I do get to see her occassionally it's not the same as having her just down the road. I always feel that it's very hard for the people left behind, a bit like a bereavement in some ways - but other people just don't realise the loss you will obviously feel.

I think you should tell your children, it is a long way off but if they find out from someone else it will be even harder to deal with. As for your DD you may find that she'll blossom once she hasn't got her friend to rely upon.

Keep busy, enjoy the next few months and don't miss her until she's gone.

Sending a big hug

Libby

Thank you for your kind words. That has expressed how I am feeling very well, it's a bit like a bereavement in a way.

We are telling our children tonight. I want to be strong and put things across to them in a positive way but also not give them unrealistic ideas.

I will let you know how it goes.

PP

 

[angel659]

It must of been a shock and I can totally understand how you feel. My friend moved away when I was about 7 I think to NZ. I was devastated at first, but I made other friends. I think children can be adaptable and as someone said it might make her blossom. Being an only child myself and my friend only being the girl in my street it was very hard at first. Unfortunately it took 12 years to see her when I heard she came back to visit family. NZ is far, but if the parents can stay in touch you will be able to pop over there for a visit or vice versa.

From my point of view of emigrating. Bruce and I want to emigrate to Canada. Only a few people know. I have not spoken to any of my parents yet and that is because if Bruce changes his mind or for some reason we cant get the visa we dont want to get people upset over nothing. Also I feel too many people knowing will add on extra pressure. This is a big decision that both my dh and I want to make. Of cause we allow for our family, but as I say we live once and I cant leave it too long otherwise we will be too old ourselves to emigrate. Until the visa is being assessed this is when we will say what we are doing. Pending on if we get in or not is whether we emigrate or not. It just allows families and friends to understand it. This is what your friend might be doing. Is worried it will all fall through and look silly or doesnt want any pressure from others. I am sure she didnt mean to not let you in.

Either way get together frequently and enjoy the little time you got together. You never know if she is a disney fan you may be able to have holidays there together as well.

 

[aaronandterri]

hi
weve also got an application in to move to Canada, and not a lot of people know, it can be hard to tell people, and you put it off, also theres the what if it doesnt happen or we change our minds, its such a long process, and you dont even know if youll; pass medicals etc, that it can be very daunting, please dont feel angry at your friend for not telling you sooner, maybe its something that she founnd difficult, it is an emmense decision to emmigrate, and im sure shes doing what she feels is best for her family.
hope you feel better soon, just think of the holiday youll have with them one day.

hope the kids take it ok.

terrri x

 

[mandymouse]

Sorry to hear that your friend is emigrating. Hopefully if you have a strong friendship you will keep in touch, and maybe one day you'll be lucky enough to visit her out there

 

[angel659]

hi
weve also got an application in to move to Canada, and not a lot of people know, it can be hard to tell people, and you put it off, also theres the what if it doesnt happen or we change our minds, its such a long process, and you dont even know if youll; pass medicals etc, that it can be very daunting, please dont feel angry at your friend for not telling you sooner, maybe its something that she founnd difficult, it is an emmense decision to emmigrate, and im sure shes doing what she feels is best for her family.
hope you feel better soon, just think of the holiday youll have with them one day.

hope the kids take it ok.

terrri x

Ditto

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

I know how you feel, my aunt & uncle and cousins moved to NZ last year. Its always sad when people close to you move away.
Maybe you can go NZ and visit them when they have settled in?

 

[Chilly]

I hope it went ok when you told your children last night

 

[Pinklepurr361]

I hope it went ok when you told your children last night

Thank you for asking.

It went pretty much as I expected. They both burst into tears when the enormity of what we were telling them began to sink in. We showed them on a map where NZ is and explained that it would be too far to go for holidays until they are older. My DD (6) retreated to her room. When I went up and asked if she understood what we'd told her, she said "yes, that means I don't have any friends now" - heartbreaking to hear. It's one of the most difficult things I've had to tell them. So far this morning they seems OK.

 

[Chilly]

Thank you for asking.

It went pretty much as I expected. They both burst into tears when the enormity of what we were telling them began to sink in. We showed them on a map where NZ is and explained that it would be too far to go for holidays until they are older. My DD (6) retreated to her room. When I went up and asked if she understood what we'd told her, she said "yes, that means I don't have any friends now" - heartbreaking to hear. It's one of the most difficult things I've had to tell them. So far this morning they seems OK.

Is it possible for you to invite a couple of children to your house for a "Play Date" to help her make new friends?

 

[Dimplenose]

I'm sorry that she took it so hard but hopefully it will make the real parting less of a shock. I think it's a great idea to invite other children round to play - maybe you could extend the invitation to the mums as well. (Not to play but for coffee .. but I'm sure you know what I mean.)

The worst part of all this in my experience was that the one person I wanted to share my problems/sadness with was the friend that was leaving. And there was no way I could do that to her, I don't think that even now she knows how much my world changed when she left. But I've adjusted and the reguar e-mails do help a lot.

Libby

 

[CHEK]

Oh I feel for you and your children!, but your friend's children will be feeling as sad, I emigrated to Australia when I was 10 and it was soooo heart wrenching saying goodbye to everyone , I remember my last day at primary school and crossing the road with the lollipop lady in floods of tears!!
But after 12mths we we're back!, but given half the chance I'd go back but I couldn't leave my family

 

[Pinklepurr361]

I've just spent the last hour bawling my eyes out after listening to my friends husband tell me how wonderful their new life will be. I made all the right noises etc but inside was wanting to say "but how do you think I feel?". I am putting on a brave face for the kids too and only letting the tears flow when they are safely tucked up in bed.

My kids seem OK today and my plan of action does include inviting some girls over to tea from school in the next week or so, so that she has the opportunity to try and forge new friendships before her other friend goes. My son is a sociable boy and has lots of friends his own age who are always in and out of our house so I am more confident that he will be OK.

Thank you everybody for your words of comfort - it's really helped to know that others can identify with how I am feeling.

PP

 

[Chilly]

We are always here to listen