Friday night bridal shower

[RUDisney]

My SIL is having her bridal shower on a Friday night.... during Lent, of all times. (We're Catholics.) It doesn't start until 7:00 p.m.

I hate this idea. In our house, Friday night is family night. We do things together. We're all tired from the week. It's our time to relax.

Our kids go to bed by 9:00, so this will have my DD up later than her bed time. She has to go to the shower because, against my wishes, my DH wants her in the wedding.

Aside from this, it will be a display shower. For those who don't know what this is, it is where all the gifts are brought unwrapped to the shower and they are displayed with a card that says who the giver was. The gifts for this shower, so our cousin can display them earlier during the day, are to be delivered to my MIL's house... the same house in which my SIL lives. To me, that means, she'll get to see and criticize (I know my ILs... unless the gift is very expensive, they will make fun of it ) everyone for their gifts prior to the shower.

IMO, they should just say, drop off your gift and be free from the aggrevation of having to give up your Friday night.

I know that they chose a Friday night because it is my MIL's way of controlling everyone else's time. She also wants to show off by spending her brother's money on a Friday night dinner at a lovely reception hall. When other's pay $10-11 for a brunch shower, she can throw an expensive dinner party for her daughter. They did the same thing for my other SIL's shower. UGH!!!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Oh boy!! I hear a lot of hate and anger.

Not everyone has there family time at the same time. Many people have family time on Sunday afternoon, also a prime shower time. I am sure your DD is thrilled about being in the wedding. Let her enjoy it. One night missing a bedtime isn't a big deal. In the interest of family relations, bite your tongue, let DH pick out the gift, go and be gracious.

 

[RUDisney]

There's alot of hate and anger. I've promised my DH that I'll behave. The bottom line for infringing on our family time is that my MIL knows that is an important time for us. Since she divorced my FIL almost 20 years ago, she has decided that she can never have any fun or have a life. This is her way to create some "fun" for herself (i.e. something to do) on a Friday night.

DD is ambivilant about being in the wedding. She has no idea what the whole thing is about.

 

[Tinkbell]

When it's time for family showers/weddings/receptions/etc., I pretty much keep my mouth shut. I would actually prefer these parties to be held on a Friday night instead of the usual Sunday afternoon. My Sundays are for winding down and relaxing. Whatever day they are held on, I attend and act like I'm having a good time, even if I'm not. It's a lot easier than the alternative, which would be arguing and complaining. Just go and smile.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Luckily I have never been in a family situation like this.

I feel for you RUDisney. Good luck to you.

 

[RUDisney]

I will certainly keep my mouth shut, but as a silent protest, in my DH's family who thinks that the only color worth wearing is black, I will wear a pink dress.

 

[Tinkbell]

Originally posted by RUDisney
I will certainly keep my mouth shut, but as a silent protest, in my DH's family who thinks that the only color worth wearing is black, I will wear a pink dress.

LOL! Good for you! Make sure you're in a lot of the pictures!

 

[vald1977]

I've never heard of a shower where you display the gifts like you are describing. That seems kind of obnoxious. Since you are pretty much stuck going, good luck and try to have some fun .

 

[kdibattista]

Believe me... I know about horrible inlaws but this situation doesn't seem like it warrants a whole lot of negativity. I am sure if it was held on a Saturday afternoon it would be infringing on someone elses family time. If it was held Sunday morning, it would be infringing on some elses family time. I think you get the point. You can't make everyone happy all the time.... especially planning showers. If it's that big of a deal, don't go. Otherwise pick your battles. This just doesn't seem like one worth fighting over.

 

[cgcw]

Originally posted by Breezy_Carol
let DH pick out the gift

Great idea And, I would let it be known that DH did the shopping.....maybe along with DD. That way, you are out of the picture and maybe it will be a little special time between your DH and DD to do that.

It sounds like it's going to be a tough night. Good luck and try to have at least a bit of fun. Maybe you can make a point of having a special family time the next day/night.

 

[aahmom1]

Family time is every day in my house, changing it to a day on the weekend isn't that big of a deal. If you are dead set against it, just don't go.

 

[Wendy]

I actually would love to have a shower scheduled for a Friday night. It just happens to be the time that would work out best for me. No matter when it's scheduled, it's going to interfere with something someone has planned. It sound like unfortunately, this time it interferes with your family time.

I have a 5 & 7 year old. They've both been in weddings before and they both get to be in my sil's wedding in April. Once your daughter figures out what it's all about, she's going to be thrilled that she was invited to participate. Plus, you'll get the chance to get some very nice pictures of her all dressed up!

My sil has decided to have a morning wedding. This means her rehearsal dinner will be the night before starting at 7:00 PM. The wedding takes place the next morning at <b>10:00 AM!</b> My 5 year old is the ringbearer, and the 7 year old is going to be an usher. The timing is going to be awful since I'm sure they'll be up way past their bedtime the night before. But, it's her wedding and her decision. The kids will survive one night being up past their bedtime with the early morning the next day. Besides, if they're cranky, I'll just remind her it was her idea to have the rehearsal dinner so late and the wedding so early.

Oh, and yes, I do think putting the wedding gifts on display is tacky, but to each her own.

 

[kdibattista]

What is the difference between a "display shower" and unwrapping the presents and cards in front of your guests? I guess I just don't understand Wouldn't be the first time though

 

[Dodie]

Although I have never heard of a "display shower" and I honestly don't see the big deal about holding a shower on a Friday night, I have to second Breezy_Carol's comment. It sounds to me like there are whole lot more issues, anger, and resentments going on here than just those surrounding this shower.

Are you sure they could have done anything regarding this shower and/or wedding that would have been acceptable? (Not sniping at you - just trying to be honest.)

Showers around here are always on Sunday afternoons. That seems to eat a whole lot more "family time" than Friday night does.

 

[RUDisney]

Are you sure they could have done anything regarding this shower and/or wedding that would have been acceptable?

They could have excluded me.

Actually, there are more resentments with this group than I could possibly go into. The bride has gone on record to say that she loves the groom like one of her brothers. EWWWWW! It makes me wonder how long this will last. The groom is an awesome guy. He deserves better than my ILs.

I made a conscious decision to remain very low key during this wedding. I'm not even sure what day it is. If I don't have opinions, I can't get hurt by anyone. When my other SIL got married, I offered to help in many ways, but was criticized for my ideas and was ridiculed for them. When it came time to take a family photo at the house before the wedding, my MIL told me she only wanted her children in the pictures. It wasn't necessary for me to be in any. They are a very spiteful and evil-spirited bunch. That's not the half of it.

When my SIL called my DH to tell him that my DD was the only one who had not yet been fitted for her dress, she made it seem like we were trying to purposely not get her fitted. She told my other SIL (BIL's wife) the same thing. Both of us saw through what she was saying and I asked my DH if he asked her why she waited so long to tell us where to get fitted. Of course, he didn't. Here's the killer thing... when I called the woman to schedule a measuring, she told me she'd never heard of my SIL. She was very nice to me and she told me she had an unlisted number and was curious about how they got her number. We finally figured out the connection and I told my DH to call is sister back and find out the truth about this already. Why would you have your attendants call someone whom you've not made any arrangesments with first? When my SIL went to be fitted, she asked if she was the last one to show up. She was told she was first.

Yes, it goes far deeper than having it on a Friday night.

As for a display shower, I've been to some that were lovely. However, I know that my ILs are doing this as an excuse that the bride won't have to get up and say anything to her guests. If she had to open and show all of the gifts, she might embarass herself by having to speak publicly.

I just hope that there are no assigned seats so I can sit with some of the fun relatives.

 

[SonjaB]

Ouch, definately a history there.

Here's my 2 cents (or whatever it's worth, LOL). I had to learn the VERY HARD way not to spend precious energy on people that:

1) Don't care about me in return
2) Are nasty to me or go out of their way to hurt me
3) Use me (meaning, drain me emotionally, financially, psychologically, whatever, to the point of leaving me with nothing left to give and yet still demanding more)
4) Are mean in general (rude to service people, stuff like that)

If your in-laws are in one or more of those categories, do only what you absolutely have to do to keep peace with your DH and the heck with the rest. Most certainly don't spend any emotion on them. Go if you feel you must, wear your pink protest dress , spend family time on Saturday night, and remember you only had to deal with them for a couple of hours. They have to LIVE with themselves.

 

[RUDisney]

Thank you for the pep talk, Sonja!

I remind myself all the time about these people that I'd rather be happy than right. They can think that they are right, but they are not happy.

 

[SonjaB]

You're welcome and if that doesn't work, put Ex-Lax in the cake.

 

[allicat]

I've never heard of a display shower either!
Guess you have to grin and bear it, unfortunately. Luckily, it will be over soon enough.
Are you able to talk about all this with your DH? Or does he stick up for them?

 

[RUDisney]

He thinks I am overly critical of them. We've learned just not to discuss his family. He's grown alot in the past 13 years that we've been together, but sometimes when he talks to his mother, he regresses and we have to start over again. At least now, we don't have to start from the beginning.

I think he understands and agrees with me, but he was raised to believe that family is your mother and siblings. His mother decided that none of her children should speak to their father anymore about 20 years ago when they got divorced. My DH has been sneaking around behind her back since his father is in a nursing home and needs his help now. They only started speaking to one another again about 6 months ago. I'm proud of him for being an adult about this. He'd never admit that I'm right about them, but I think he understands why I feel the way that I do about them.

Gosh, reading this over, I guess I really went around the block in my answer. I guess in a nutshell, no, he doesn't outwardly support me, but he also lets me talk and doesn't try to change my mind about them. All he wants me to do is keep peace when I have to see them. I've promised to do that.