fraternal twins -- what would you do?

[rubyslipperlover]

my daughter is on her way to a b'nai mitzvah this morning -- that's a combined bar/bat mitzvah. the honorees are fraternal twins, a brother and sister. my dd is friends with the girl, but not with the boy.

dd bought two cards and is giving a gift to each of the honorees. I didn't feel comfortable giving a gift tot eh girl and not to the boy.

what would you do in a similar situation?

 

[Swimnoid]

I agree with you. A gift for both is appropriate.

 

[HayGan]

I would give a gift to both.

 

[Keli]

I'd do exactly what you did. And I can tell you as a fraternal twin myself that is how most people handled our birthdays and whatnot. My sister and I would each be allowed to invite 3 or 4 kids to our bd parties. The invitations would be from only one of us because mom didn't want to make the parents feel like they needed to bring two gifts but they usually did anyway.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Both.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I would have done the same thing as you.

 

[golfgal]

I have fraternal twins (b/g) and for birthday parties, etc each child invited their own friends and the invite came from one child. I wouldn't expect parents to buy a gift for the other child just because they are twins. Think of it this way, you have a son that is friends with another boy and he is invited to this boy's birthday party. Would you buy a gift for his sister, too, even though they don't have the same birthday. I think buying a gift for the girl and giving a card to the boy is totally appropriate. If your DD was friends with both children, played with both children and was invited by both children, then yes, two gifts would be appropriate.

In our case, each child ends up getting a gift or two from the other child's friends and usually what happens is one of the twins ends up with 6 presents and the other ends up with 8 presents or something along those lines. I try to make it clear to the parents that they child is only being invited to DS's party or DD's party, even if we have them at the same time. As they have gotten older, the double gifts have not happened as much.

 

[rubyslipperlover]

if she'd gotten an invite fromthe girl and not the boy ...but the difference here -- the invitation was issued in the name of both kids. I couldn't ignore his bar mitzvah with his name on the invite.

 

[dg39]

I would give a gift to both kids.

I also have twin girls and growing up they had the same group of friends. So when it came time for birthday parties and such it was easy because they both invited the same kids.

But in your situation I would give a gift to both. I'm sure its not expected, but, its a nice thing to do..

 

[lewdyan1]

ditto eveything that was said...

 

[jx3smom]

I might only send one gift if it was a birthday but in your case I would have sent 2.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I think if your child only really knows the girl then a gift for the girl and just a card for the boy would have been fine. A gift for both is very thoughtful and hopefully appreciated.

One of my biggest peeves is parents who have "dual" parties and word the invitation from both kids. In most situations I have personally encountered with DS he knows both children so we bring gifts for both. He used to be very good friends with a set of twins, and he also knew a pair of brothers with birthdays in the same month and they ALWAYS had a dual party. My gripe was that the brothers' mom always did the invitations with both boys' names on them, and other parents would comment that they felt obligated to bring gifts for both even if they had never met one of the boys! That mom also had a habit of inviting people the boys barely knew, I think just to see how many people she could pack into one party. Odd.

Last year DS got an invitation to a dual party for two classmates, unrelated kids - one boy, one girl. Both had unisex names, neither one was anyone DS ever mentioned, and when I asked him about the kids he didn't seem to know very much. So I called to RSVP and sounded like a total idiot because I had no clue who these people were. DS went to the party, brought gifts to both kids, and never received a "thank you" from either! The party was pretty early in the school year and he didn't become friends with either of the kids. Good thing they didn't invite him this year!!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yikes! As a mother of 7yo B/G twins you have given me food for thought. I'd never thought about it before but now I'm worried people resent buying two gifts.

Thoughts from others? We usually have a pool party with lots of food. The kids invite their cousins and friends from the neighborhood and the classroom (same) who they are both friends with. Maybe for the non-family members I should address the invitations differently?

 

[Twigs]

I have fraternal twin boys and I would probable give them both a gift if we were in that situation. BUT, If I were giving a party for my twins, I would not expect people to give to both if they didn't know both, and neither would my boys.

Adding: In the past when giving out invitations, if I invited kids from thier classes who didn't really know the other, I would just put the one name on the invitation.

 

[rubyslipperlover]

for a regular birthday I'd give a gift ony to the twin dd is friends with.

but for a b'nai mitzvah...

well, for the next b'nai mitzvah, she's friends with both kids. so that makes things easy.

 

[Talking Hands]

My daughters' godmother has identical twin boys and we always bought gifts for both and so did most other people. They were in the same special ed classes most of their school life so they knew the same kids anyway. That said if it were a birthday I would only get a gift for the child that my child is friends with but for this special occasion I would give a gift to both.

 

[marlasmom]

You did the proper thing of course. Morbid curiosity - how many of these affairs are there annually?

 

[Disneyland_emily]

<- multiple

I think that for formal events like that its totally appropriate (where its a celebration of all three) but for birthdays I have no problem with just the gift for who was invited (least in my house it was everyone invited 3-4 people so it was more individuial)

-em

 

[rubyslipperlover]

You did the proper thing of course. Morbid curiosity - how many of these affairs are there annually?

you don't want to know!

we live in a very Jewish community, dd has freinds from synagogue, friends from school who belong to other synagogues, and friends from camp.

my older dd was "on the circuit" two years ago. she figures she went to 24 bar or bat mitzvah parties.

 

[Stitch1962]

I would do the same thing. Hope she has a good time.