Foster Parents

[quentina]

It's something we are thinking about also! Mind if I add questions? I'm wondering if you can take the kids out of state for vacations? I'm sure if it's a yes, there's quite a process involved, but i'm wondering if it is allowed at all...

We did. We filled out a request and the judge signed the order. I even got passports as we did a cruise. The judge signed for it to be approved.

 

[Sleepy425]

We are foster to adopt - have had twins since they were released from the NICU (they are 5 months). The state pays for most of their formula, all medical expenses, and they each came with a $150 card to buy essentials with. The rate in our state is $25.99/day/kid. We treat them the same as our bio children, but thankfully right now they get to tag along to pretty much everything for free due to their age (Elmo Live, movies, children's museums, etc). If we are fortunate enough to have them next May they will be going to Disney with us (the state has guardianship over them and will give us permission to take them). Many people have given us clothes and other necessities, so as of now we have very few expenses for the girls. Obviously if they were older dance classes and sports would take up some money, but for now the stipend more than covers the diapers/wipes/other small expenses.

 

[dreamgirl]

I applaud you for considering this new endeavor. My husband and I had a foster daughter four years ago. She was a month old when she came to live with us and was returned to her aunt nine months later. I don't remember how much we received a day. I know that we spent way more on her then we received back from the state. It doesn't sound like you are in it for the money though As PP have stated, many people donated items to us when they found out what we were doing. Most people will be supportive of you. As far as taking them out of state, if we just wanted to go for a day or two we needed a letter from her case worker giving us permission. To take her for longer lengths we needed her mothers permission. We wanted to take her with us on our vacation to WDW but her birth mother would not give her permission. In that case, she was placed in another foster home for respite care. I don't know if it is the same in all places but in Delaware you have the ability to place the children in respite if needed. You will hear horror stories but remember there are good stories too. The only reason my husband and I are no longer foster parents are due to the birth of our own children. I didn't feel like I could handle newborns and foster children at the same time. I'm sorry to ramble on like this but I wanted to encourage you and remind you that there are two sides to every story. For every horror story there is a success story too.

 

[angwill]

Foster to adopt parent here. Our son came to us at age 4 and is now 19 and has always been a handlful and a blessing all at the same time. I can feel for the previous posters with their bad experiences having had similar issues with foster children.

As for the financial asped it really depends on your state but it seems $400 per month plus medicaid is around standard. As another poster said we always treated our children like we would our own but not all do. They were a big expense because you are paying for an extra person for anything you do, anything you eat, anywhere you go etc. I don't think anyone can give you a definite number to budget because everyone lives differently. If you go out and on vacations a lot your figure will be bigger than someone who likes to stay home and do things there. Good luck on your adventure into the world of foster parenting and bless you for caring enough to do it.

I hope it is ok to post a link to a video that shares foster care from the childs view. Although I will admit the girl doesn't seem to have mental health issues either. http://www.faithit.com/groundbreaking-video-on-foster-care-removed-short-film/

 

[tina.tina]

Just like it's hard to convey what being a regular parent is like, it's hard to understand what being a foster parent is like and the people who have discussed the downsides are stating facts. Anyone who is a parent understands that things aren't always rosy because smiling, sweet infants cut teeth, have dirty diapers, and grow up to be rebellious teenagers. Plus, foster parents have the added frustration of state supervision as well as the foster child's resentment because they want to be with their "real" parents, and a million other issues.

My parents have done foster care for almost 17 years. They have had so many foster children (many of them teenaged girls) that I can't remember all of them. Some have stuck out in my memory, though, and I could tell many stories of destructive behavior and rebellion. I think it's an admirable ambition to help others and these kids definitely need help. I don't think I would ever want to do foster care, but I have a DD13 and a DS8 and I am happy to concentrate on them.

My sister (now 32) lived at home when my parents first began foster care and it was a difficult adjustment for her. Maybe that's why she got married and moved out at 18. It's truly difficult on the whole family when the children are being disruptive. This is also true of biological children, but even the foster children who have tried the most to fit in with our family can be distant as well as extra rebellious at times.

I've often wished they had never done foster care, but then we wouldn't have my 13 year old little brother (who they brought home from the NICU at 3 weeks old with the understanding that he would probably only be at their home less than a month!) My parents still talk to many of the girls who stayed with them years ago. Just last month, mom and dad took their truck 30 miles to a nearby town and moved a mattress for one girl (she's getting divorced and moved). Mom also picked another girl up from her halfway house (just out of prison) and took her to a job interview an hour away from our hometown. These girls haven't lived with them for over 10 years and are in their mid to late 20's. I have very nice parents.

My mom says that rates have been reduced due to budget cuts to the point where she has had to curtail their regular activities- eating out, vacations, movies, etc. Paying for an extra person for everything gets expensive. As one small example, they usually get a 1 bedroom unit for their timeshare and my 13 year old brother sleeps on the sleeper sofa. This year, they have a 17 year old girl with them and have reserved a 2 bedroom unit which takes a lot more points. They've only had to get the case worker's permission to go on out of state vacations and they go monthly on weekend visits to mom's family in WV, too.

 

[barkley]

I supervised a foster care unit-the portion that handled all of the financial and health insurance aspects.

as people have said-rates vary state to state, they can also vary within a state AND if fostering is done through dss or a private agency. with some there are funds for clothing periodically, with others it's strictly once per year in a specific month so it goes to the placement the child is in on that day. in some places medical/therapy travel is reimbursable, in others unless it's over a specific mileage range from your home it's not.

in the state I worked in a fc child could not be taken out of state without dss's permission (which could include an order from a judge). two of the biggest reasons for this were (1) medical care-that state's Medicaid did not cover anything out of state, and (2) jurisdiction-if a bad issue came up with an fc kid while they were in another state that automatically triggered the new state getting involved so you ended up with a kid stuck in the middle of two different state agencies trying to figure out who was going to determine what occurred with the child (absolute nightmare).

I think one of the best things someone considering fostering can do is find a foster parent support group in their geographic area. contact them and ask if someone considering it can attend their meetings. sitting and listening to the successes, frustrations and experiences people in YOUR region are dealing with hour by hour, day by day can be very illuminating (and a good way to find out if dss or private agency is the best route in your neck of the woods). it's also a good way to get an idea of what you would need supply wise to get set up AND home wise-there can be some very strict rules on how many bedrooms a person has and how sleeping is arranged (depending on age/gender of children in the home and potential foster kids) so it's best to get an idea up front if your current home would qualify (and if so for what age range).