Foreclosure? UPDATE#12

[Luvchefmic]

Honestly, those posts make it sound to me that OP HAS been aware of her DSS's plight and has been doing her best by ALL her kids and that she's not making anything up, just trying to get a little advice as she works through a difficult, complicated situation. Yeah, there's drama, but life has drama.

If anyone's life has absolutely no stress or drama. . .I just gotta wonder what it's like living in Stepford. The rest of us occasionally step into the drama whether we like it or not. Honestly, sounds like OP is just dealing with the sorts of things that most humans deal with occasionally - spouses who've made poor choices; extended family members who need help; and finding out that decisions made that seemed good and wise in perspective might now cause issues in retrospect.

I totally agree with everything you so eloquently said in your post WOW so sad that people love to throw people to the wolves when they ask for advice

OP I wish you and your family all the best

 

[Lisa71]

I have several friends in your boat and most got a new home loan in 2-3 years. My cousin and his wife both lost their jobs when the economy tanked and it took them 4 but mostly due to wanting good stable jobs. They had both worked for companies that went under and took what they could while they looked for big companies. They only had to put 3 percent down but do pay PMI.

 

[Zydebearsmom]

OP HERE...I'm just going to start off by ignoring Knewton64 I think she is confused and has no idea what I am talking about or herself for that matter. But to address my other issues....yes I had a horrible 2013. I had issues with my marriage that have been resolved (thankfully for my children). As I stated in a previous post my stepson came to stay with us last Christmas just out of the blue I had to make the best of it by making sure he had everything my children had for Christmas. I am not one to bash anyone's parenting and I try not to ever speak badly about his mom. However after he came to stay with us for Christmas I guess she enjoyed being free from his responsibility that she no longer wanted him. She asked Dh if he could come to live with us but because our house is so small and we were just starting to work through our marital issues he told her that he could come in August for the new school year. We'll she said ok. We thought everything was ok. We didn't know that two weeks later she was going to drop this 12 year old off at a relatives house with all of his belongings. The relative could not handle him because of his behavior and she turned him over to DFACS. We didn't know where he was because after dh told the mom he could come in August she changed her number. Being that they were living out of state we had no way to contact them. DFACS contacted my mother n law that is how we found out he was in the states care. I never hide my screen name when I as for advice on here I see no reason to since no one on here knows me anyways. But it feels good to get the advice and for the most part it is all very helpful that is why I keep coming back. DH and I are doing a lot better just taking it one day at a time. But regardless I just have a hard time having my children's sibling in a rough situation. I am still very angry at my husband for what he put me through last year but I put on my big girl panties and I am trying to move on from it without involving the children. Yes at this point all vacations have been cancelled. I spoke to my mother n law yesterday and she said if we continue to pay his child support that she will get him and use that money and get her a bigger place (she is leaving her husband) dh pays $550 a month so that will be enough for her. She said just give her two weeks and she will have him. And as someone stated yes there is two sides to every story. My side is his mom has a new boyfriend and she doesn't want her child she asked dh to take him dh said yes just wait for school to get out so he could get a bigger place. The mom said ok and ditched him. He is 12 years old so I'm sure he knows what's going on. For the other question...the reason why they are making it so hard to get him is because he had another case in Texas for abuse he left the state and they couldn't find him for months. So I guess because of all the deaths that have been occurring in the states hands they are just being extra careful. We had to go to court for his placement but because we don't have adequate room for him is why we couldn't get him. Technically I wouldn't think that legally my 6 year old should be in the room with my husband and I but we don't have a choice.

 

[MSLRAC]

OP HERE...I'm just going to start off by ignoring Knewton64 I think she is confused and has no idea what I am talking about or herself for that matter. But to address my other issues....yes I had a horrible 2013. I had issues with my marriage that have been resolved (thankfully for my children). As I stated in a previous post my stepson came to stay with us last Christmas just out of the blue I had to make the best of it by making sure he had everything my children had for Christmas. I am not one to bash anyone's parenting and I try not to ever speak badly about his mom. However after he came to stay with us for Christmas I guess she enjoyed being free from his responsibility that she no longer wanted him. She asked Dh if he could come to live with us but because our house is so small and we were just starting to work through our marital issues he told her that he could come in August for the new school year. We'll she said ok. We thought everything was ok. We didn't know that two weeks later she was going to drop this 12 year old off at a relatives house with all of his belongings. The relative could not handle him because of his behavior and she turned him over to DFACS. We didn't know where he was because after dh told the mom he could come in August she changed her number. Being that they were living out of state we had no way to contact them. DFACS contacted my mother n law that is how we found out he was in the states care. I never hide my screen name when I as for advice on here I see no reason to since no one on here knows me anyways. But it feels good to get the advice and for the most part it is all very helpful that is why I keep coming back. DH and I are doing a lot better just taking it one day at a time. But regardless I just have a hard time having my children's sibling in a rough situation. I am still very angry at my husband for what he put me through last year but I put on my big girl panties and I am trying to move on from it without involving the children. Yes at this point all vacations have been cancelled. I spoke to my mother n law yesterday and she said if we continue to pay his child support that she will get him and use that money and get her a bigger place (she is leaving her husband) dh pays $550 a month so that will be enough for her. She said just give her two weeks and she will have him. And as someone stated yes there is two sides to every story. My side is his mom has a new boyfriend and she doesn't want her child she asked dh to take him dh said yes just wait for school to get out so he could get a bigger place. The mom said ok and ditched him. He is 12 years old so I'm sure he knows what's going on. For the other question...the reason why they are making it so hard to get him is because he had another case in Texas for abuse he left the state and they couldn't find him for months. So I guess because of all the deaths that have been occurring in the states hands they are just being extra careful. We had to go to court for his placement but because we don't have adequate room for him is why we couldn't get him. Technically I wouldn't think that legally my 6 year old should be in the room with my husband and I but we don't gave a choice.

Hang in there! This too shall pass and it sounds like your MIL is a good solution for the time being. Continue to work on your relationship with you DH and research better housing options. At least if you can get him with your MIL, you'll know where he is and that he's safe. That will also take some of the urgency out of the situation so that hopefully find a better option than foreclosure.

 

[Swimalie]

Sounds like your mother in law taking him in is a great option and hopefully during that time you can get the house sold and get in to a place for all of you.

 

[kymom99]

OP, I'm glad you came back and that you were able to weed through the junk and find the good advice here. I guess some people can't fathom the idea that your husband was unfaithful so you considered divorce, but decided to reconcile.

Since your husband has been paying a rather large sum in child support, that should help when your DSS comes to stay and you have that money in your budget. My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage, and while they are grown now, at one time I put a lot of effort into helping him be a good parent to them. My hat is off to you, because I know the sacrifices you are making, and I know how hard it is to have to watch others make bad choices and not be able to do anything about it.

 

[DizMe]

Ignore this if it is unwanted advice, but I've been in "dramatic" situations myself and want to say this.

Your dh, from what I've read in your previous posts, has not been reliable or consistent in your marriage. You've stated many ways you've attempted to meet the needs of the children and keep the family intact. You're the one with the steady income, the one that bought a house, and the one who is worried about making things work. Perhaps your dh is as well, but I've not felt that to be the case from your posts.

You're also now the one who is considering losing that home and trying to make a place in your life for a stepson you barely know, who comes with some added pressures in the form of behavioral issues. Bless you for thinking of this child, for wanting to take him in and for trying to make his Christmas (prior post) as happy as you could.

BUT...please consider carefully what will happen if your dh decides again that "he isn't in love with you anymore" and wants a divorce. Where will that leave you as far as financial security? Custody? I wish with all my heart that there was an easy answer and everyone could come out of this with a happily-ever-after story, but the reality is that you have a difficult path ahead of you. Think carefully about what this will mean for you and your children who live with you now; it may be wise to consult a counselor who is familiar with these types of issues and can give you a better idea of what things you must deal with and the potential ramifications of the various actions you can take.

I would be very hesitant to try and make this work if your dh is not on board 100% and doing everything he can do to expedite things. I am concerned that he is (apparently) willing to let you make these sacrifices for his son when, as far as I can see, he has not taken any steps until now to take care of this before it went into crisis mode.

If you do decide that your stepson needs to move in with you, find out how you can best ensure that his mother can't swoop in and take him away again at her whim. I don't know anything about that but don't take for granted that it couldn't happen.

 

[Hannathy]

Even with the update I would try to adapt my current house in some way, if you have a garage that would be the easiest and cheapest way for you and your husband. Again it doesn't have to be cosmetically nice just legal. $550 a month will go a long way in fixing up the garage. But I would not go into foreclosure over this.


I'm having a hard time thinking about a grandmother having to be paid to keep her grandson for a month or so, but it takes all kinds I guess.

 

[garnetandblack]

Ignore this if it is unwanted advice, but I've been in "dramatic" situations myself and want to say this.

Your dh, from what I've read in your previous posts, has not been reliable or consistent in your marriage. You've stated many ways you've attempted to meet the needs of the children and keep the family intact. You're the one with the steady income, the one that bought a house, and the one who is worried about making things work. Perhaps your dh is as well, but I've not felt that to be the case from your posts.

You're also now the one who is considering losing that home and trying to make a place in your life for a stepson you barely know, who comes with some added pressures in the form of behavioral issues. Bless you for thinking of this child, for wanting to take him in and for trying to make his Christmas (prior post) as happy as you could.

BUT...please consider carefully what will happen if your dh decides again that "he isn't in love with you anymore" and wants a divorce. Where will that leave you as far as financial security? Custody? I wish with all my heart that there was an easy answer and everyone could come out of this with a happily-ever-after story, but the reality is that you have a difficult path ahead of you. Think carefully about what this will mean for you and your children who live with you now; it may be wise to consult a counselor who is familiar with these types of issues and can give you a better idea of what things you must deal with and the potential ramifications of the various actions you can take.

I would be very hesitant to try and make this work if your dh is not on board 100% and doing everything he can do to expedite things. I am concerned that he is (apparently) willing to let you make these sacrifices for his son when, as far as I can see, he has not taken any steps until now to take care of this before it went into crisis mode.

If you do decide that your stepson needs to move in with you, find out how you can best ensure that his mother can't swoop in and take him away again at her whim. I don't know anything about that but don't take for granted that it couldn't happen.

This. After reading your previous posts and the fact that you were separated less than a year ago I wouldn't let your house go into foreclosure. Your marriage isn't secure. Your house is secure and you need to make sure that you have security for yourself and your 3 children. Fix up the garage as a temporary situation.