Foreclosure? UPDATE#12

[Zydebearsmom]

OP Here....The trips have already been cancelled not because of this situation but I cancelled them before this and used the money to pay off credit cards. I looked into renting incase that was something I had to do. Every where I checked out only want first month rent and a deposit. I estimated that to be about $2400.00. Now I could pay that if that is the price to get the garage converted. I'm not sure if that would be enoiugh or not but then I would not be able to pay the mortgage that month. I took the money I had set aside and paid off credit cards and paid on student loan. I will have a child going to college next year so I was trying to get all my business squared away so I could focus on her next year. We'll then this happened. His ADHD has not been confirmed but the family is in denial about it. Now everyone on the outside is aware of his impulsiveness. So his parents have always refused to medicate him. We'll anyways I'm going to go ahead and see how much it will cost to convert the garage. If need be I can catch my mortgage up the next month. That will only put me a month behind. Thanks for your help.

 

[DizMe]

OP Here....The trips have already been cancelled not because of this situation but I cancelled them before this and used the money to pay off credit cards. I looked into renting incase that was something I had to do. Every where I checked out only want first month rent and a deposit. I estimated that to be about $2400.00. Now I could pay that if that is the price to get the garage converted. I'm not sure if that would be enoiugh or not but then I would not be able to pay the mortgage that month. I took the money I had set aside and paid off credit cards and paid on student loan. I will have a child going to college next year so I was trying to get all my business squared away so I could focus on her next year. We'll then this happened. His ADHD has not been confirmed but the family is in denial about it. Now everyone on the outside is aware of his impulsiveness. So his parents have always refused to medicate him. We'll anyways I'm going to go ahead and see how much it will cost to convert the garage. If need be I can catch my mortgage up the next month. That will only put me a month behind. Thanks for your help.

OP, I notice you say "I" in reference to paying debts, and I wondered about your DH. Does he have a job? Is he contributing money to this?

 

[Colleen27]

OP Here....The trips have already been cancelled not because of this situation but I cancelled them before this and used the money to pay off credit cards. I looked into renting incase that was something I had to do. Every where I checked out only want first month rent and a deposit. I estimated that to be about $2400.00. Now I could pay that if that is the price to get the garage converted. I'm not sure if that would be enoiugh or not but then I would not be able to pay the mortgage that month. I took the money I had set aside and paid off credit cards and paid on student loan. I will have a child going to college next year so I was trying to get all my business squared away so I could focus on her next year. We'll then this happened. His ADHD has not been confirmed but the family is in denial about it. Now everyone on the outside is aware of his impulsiveness. So his parents have always refused to medicate him. We'll anyways I'm going to go ahead and see how much it will cost to convert the garage. If need be I can catch my mortgage up the next month. That will only put me a month behind. Thanks for your help.

A tip from the wife of someone who does this kind of work... Talk to people at your church, if you belong to one, or at organizations that help the poor in your community. You could even try Habitat for Humanity - our local chapter has renovation assistance available to lower-income working families, yours might as well. DH has done some free of charge (customer provides materials, DH and others donate their time and labor) repairs and improvements for people in need, including finishing a basement to bedroom-safe code for a woman trying to get her grandsons out of foster care. You might find that there are local businesspeople in your community willing to do the same.

 

[Zydebearsmom]

Yes...my dh is a landscaper. He just started back working March 1st. So with him money is sporadic. We may get a lump sum at once and then we may go days with no checks at all. Now he did have an interview last week (it was his second one with that company. They said they would contact him either way the middle of April. The job is not starting until June. We are hoping he gets it though.

 

[MSLRAC]

OP, I'd seriously look into converting the garage. We have a neighbor that converted their garage for their teen son last month. They paid $500 for it and it only took a weekend to do it. The main cost was framing in and walling up the door (it still looks like a garage door from the outside). They just pressure washed the floor and painted on some sort of textured sealant that they got at Lowe's. They took down the electric door opener and changed out the bare light for a ceiling fan with a light. It looks great and if they ever sale, the new buyers can leave it as a room or easily take out the 'wall' to make it a garage again.

 

[Egdisney]

OP Here....The trips have already been cancelled not because of this situation but I cancelled them before this and used the money to pay off credit cards. I looked into renting incase that was something I had to do. Every where I checked out only want first month rent and a deposit. I estimated that to be about $2400.00. Now I could pay that if that is the price to get the garage converted. I'm not sure if that would be enoiugh or not but then I would not be able to pay the mortgage that month. I took the money I had set aside and paid off credit cards and paid on student loan. I will have a child going to college next year so I was trying to get all my business squared away so I could focus on her next year. We'll then this happened. His ADHD has not been confirmed but the family is in denial about it. Now everyone on the outside is aware of his impulsiveness. So his parents have always refused to medicate him. We'll anyways I'm going to go ahead and see how much it will cost to convert the garage. If need be I can catch my mortgage up the next month. That will only put me a month behind. Thanks for your help.

I definitely think you can convert the garage for less than $2000. As long as you can catch up on the mortgage payment I wouldn't worry too much about missing 1. I had to do it a few years ago when I had medical troubles and missed some work. Good luck, this must be so stressful. I hope it all works out for you in the end.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

We converted the garage at our old home for less than 2000.00. Like previous person said the main cost is going to be covering up garage door and insulating the walls if there is not any. We were lucky as our old house was old and had all finished walls. We also had heat in the garage. In your case I would swap adults room and put DsS in one of the completely finished rooms.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Hannathy]

If you have an attached garage you can fix that up for YOUR room, don't put the children there or you would have to do a lot more work. But for you, you could do that very cheaply. Would it be beautiful, hell no but it would be a room. clean and paint the floor, get a cheap area rug, walls stay how they are for the time being, do a wall at a time when you can afford it. permanently lock the garage door and throw up a frame and put some cheap paneling or even plywood over it and paint it.

Hell I personally would put up a rod and hang a drape over it vola done fore under $50

Put your furniture in and you have a room.

Never would I go thru foreclosure when I had an attached garage to stay in.
My In laws did that with their very small house with 4 kids in it

 

[garnetandblack]

Have you looked into the cost of rentals compared to your mortgage? Rentals in our area are very high compared to a mortgage on the same property. A modest house in our area is at minimum $1400 per month while a mortgage PITI would run under $900.

Owning a home gives you stability - rental prices are going up in our area and unless you sign a long term lease the owner can go up on your payment every year. They could also decide to sell it and moving expenses can run into the thousands.

You mentioned that you bought your house a very long time ago but owe $80,000 on a house worth $45,000. I am assuming that you refinanced when it was worth more? How many years left are on your mortgage?

If you decide to walk away from your home you will be responsible for it until your bank decides to foreclose. This could take anywhere from 6 months to several or more years. I know someone who went bankrupt after large medical bills and decided to let their house go since they owed much more than it was worth and start fresh. This was almost 3 years ago and the bank still has not foreclosed on the house. While they have worked hard to improve their credit and have scores in the 700s and decent credit card limits they won't be able to buy a home until 3 years after the bank forecloses on their home (per FHA guidelines, conventional won't touch them). They are now trying to work out a modification on the home but with the back payments and negative escrow they owe $43,000 more than they did when they stopped making payments. Thankfully they have lived in the house the entire time and saved a decent amount of money while not making a mortgage payment. This is not an option for you.

Definitely work out a short sale, deed in lieu or rent your house out if you decide to walk away. It could take a while for the bank to agree to a short sale or deed in lieu, so I would rent it out while trying to work it out with your bank. Banks prefer for the house to stay occupied and be cared for and they move a lot slower on homes that are worth much less than what is owed on them.

I'm a real estate agent and have worked with several people that chose strategic defaults and bought new homes. It worked out well for most of them.

If you are able to get away with a cheap fix up of your garage for you and your husband I think that would work out best. You need to get your SS with you as soon as possible. Do that and then work out the best thing for your families financial security.

Does your husband have a relationship with his son? How did he not know that he had been abandoned? Did he not have contact with the mother or him at all?

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

OP, I don't know about where you live but here in NJ to call a room a bedroom, it must have at least 1 window and a closet. We found this out when selling our condo 17 yrs ago. Our agreed contract price was higher than what it appraised for. It was a 1BR with a den. We were told by the appraiser if we could convert the den into a BR with above rules, he could appraise it as a 2BR. The den already had a window and sliding door to balcony but dh had to quick put in a closet. I was 36 weeks pregnant at the time (over due by settlement) but luckily dh is very handy and got it done in time. The buyer didn't want it (had furniture to go there) so dh agreed to tear it all out after settlement and repaint for her.

Anyway I think that's the least of your issues. What is most worrisome to me is that your OP only mentions your concern for your credit score like that's your biggest concern in all of this. Personally, if one of my kids were in foster care, my credit score would be the last thing on my mind.

 

[bumbershoot]

What is most worrisome to me is that your OP only mentions your concern for your credit score like that's your biggest concern in all of this. Personally, if one of my kids were in foster care, my credit score would be the last thing on my mind.

Not to get all therapy-speak-ish...I think that's what the OP CAN handle thinking about right now. The rest of it is too emotional, so she worries about that. She has NO control over what's happening with the stepson, so she's flogging herself for the quite-decent housing decision she made in the past that is, because of a fluke with DH's ex, causing issues right now. Know what I mean?

The reason that the state is involved is because before she left him some form of abuse went on. I'm not really clear as to what but DFACS from another state called here looking for him. So once her relative turned him over in Georgia at that point he became custody of the state. We are not adopting him but to get him out if state care we have to prove we can provide a suitable home for him.

Of course you aren't adopting him. He's your stepson, and your husband's son. I don't get why they aren't just handing him over. Your husband didn't have a hand in abuse, the mom did. Have you gotten an answer to why this has been made so complicated?

I thought homeownership was the way to go...I bought my house when I was 22. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was a single parent with a 4 year old, working full time and going to school no welfare. 2 years later I had another child. House was perfect size for a mother and 2 girls still working full time no welfare. 2 years later I married their father house started to get small but I wanted to get my masters degree so wanted to watch our money so I remained in the house. Quit my job went back to school full time. 2 years later had another baby (boy). Once I finished school the housing market started falling out. I got a new job been their 3 years making decent money however I can't sale my house so I have just been making due living like this. But then we found out about DSS

Well I think it's amazing that you bought a house so young. My mom rented our house from when I was 1 to when I went away to college at 17. She left when she got re-re-married and moved x-country and only then had a hand in owning anything. My dad didn't have his name on a house deed until he was something like 50. So I think it's amazing.

Don't beat yourself up for that; there's no time to do that. Figure this out now.

Get the real answers as to why your husband's son can't just come to you (I just don't get why it's being treated like a foster-kid-going-to-foster-parents situation), and start figuring it out.

Maybe even start a new thread with the stepson situation front and center, and get even more ideas from that thread. (though as you may have already noticed, if you're going to bring finances into it, address the trips you've cancelled up front so you don't have to answer those questions later on!)

Just start moving forward.

 

[knewton64]

Originally Posted by Zydebearsmom
OP Here....The trips have already been cancelled not because of this situation but I cancelled them before this and used the money to pay off credit cards. I looked into renting incase that was something I had to do. Every where I checked out only want first month rent and a deposit. I estimated that to be about $2400.00. Now I could pay that if that is the price to get the garage converted. I'm not sure if that would be enoiugh or not but then I would not be able to pay the mortgage that month. I took the money I had set aside and paid off credit cards and paid on student loan. I will have a child going to college next year so I was trying to get all my business squared away so I could focus on her next year. We'll then this happened. His ADHD has not been confirmed but the family is in denial about it. Now everyone on the outside is aware of his impulsiveness. So his parents have always refused to medicate him. We'll anyways I'm going to go ahead and see how much it will cost to convert the garage. If need be I can catch my mortgage up the next month. That will only put me a month behind. Thanks for your help.


************************************************************************************************
Let me see if I am understanding you correctly -
**************************************************************************************************



1) you are upset over your Son's parenting skills??
2) and you have a belief system that says that by throwing meds down a person's throat that all will be well??
3) and that due to 1 & 2, you feel that you would be a better parent??
4) and that you feel that you need to be therefore the Custodial Parent over this child due to 1, 2 & 3??
5) and that now after 4 pages of postings by other confused posters, you suddenly state that you are ok on your mortgage and that you will only be one month behind??
6) you say that the child's mother "abandoned" the child?? Keep in mind there are two sides to every story and I feel that you are not telling both sides on this extremely sad tale.....as evident by everyone priort to this posting feeling confused by this. IMO, I feel that there is MORE to this than what you are choosing to reveal. Mind you, I have gone through something just like like 10 yrs ago.


Overall -
The above has left me feeling........
************************* HUH??**************************



Ya know, I feel that I am going to show my age here but here goes nothing:



On an old but classic USA tv show called, "Bewitched," there was a nosy next door neighbor that lived next to the Stephen's family and the nosy next door neighbor name was Gladys Kravitz.





Yes, whereas I do feel that you have honorable intentions, I feel very strongly that the core issue here is a sad situation that involves your Son and Wife partner and that's it. You have nothing to do with this.

Furthermore, yes - perfectly ok to offer your Son a shoulder to lean on, etc etc etc but to bail him out of this situation (& at the same time behave like Gladys) will just IMHO just perpetuate him repeating the same behavior over and over and over.

AND -
in the process IMO should you continue down this road........

7) you will have just invited sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much unnecessary turmoil onto your property and to your life.



7a) EXAMPLE - Q: WHat's NOT TO SAY that the NCP (the Mother) won't come back.....say after 12 years and sue you for Custody????
DRAG YOU AND YOUR GOOD NAME THROUGH THE COURTS?? Whether or not you win is not relevant, it's putting the Child through this is what's soooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong here. He or She has a name and is not an object.


7B) What's not to say your own Son could sue you as well??





yes, I understand full well this involves a child, and here comes the word BUT.......



BUT please...................
please stay out of this - INOYB.



I hope you understand I am not here to be mean. AS I have stated earlier, I too have gone through and am still going through something VERY SIMILIAR to this.....and my situation occured coming up now to 10 years ago.


Rest assured, like your situation, I feel both of our situations will have a happy ending................if PATIENCE will be followed.





GOOD LUCK.
as I really hope I am NOT feeding a TROLL.





CHEERS

 

[Swimalie]

1) you are upset over your Son's parenting skills??

Yes, whereas I do feel that you have honorable intentions, I feel very strongly that the core issue here is a sad situation that involves your Son and Wife partner and that's it. You have nothing to do with this.

I'm sorry but I think you are confused. This involves her husband and his son. The son is a minor from what I can tell. It has nothing to do with her son's parenting skills nor her "son's wife" since he's not married nor is he a parent.

To Zydebearsmom, I don't have advice but wish you luck.

 

[knewton64]

I'm sorry but I think you are confused. This involves her husband and his son. The son is a minor from what I can tell. It has nothing to do with her son's parenting skills nor her "son's wife" since he's not married nor is he a parent.

To Zydebearsmom, I don't have advice but wish you luck.

Thank you for the clarification.



Nontheless, I feel that Zydebearsmom is behaving like Gladys and needs to MHOB for the essence of what I stated above.
Per se, edit out her name and put in her Husband's name and IMO, ya still have the same opinion I stated above.
Meaning, enstead of HER NAME, you have HER MARRIAGE'S NAME behaving like Gladys.
(remember the title to this thread?? Now here it is 4 days later and it is revealed that she / her marriage is current on their mortgage??)...........HUH????????



Yes, I too wish her luck -
I just very strongly feel she and her marriage needs to MTOB.


If not, hope she has a good lawyer as she will be needing one.
Meaning, in relation to her / her marriage's self induced meodramatic unecessary problem:


1)Hope she understands she / her marriage will be literally sitting in court settings more often than not.............
2)Hope she / her marriage understands that "modification of Final Judgment" will be a phrase they will come to understand all too well as it gets revisited approx IMO every 120-180 days (for the next approx 8-14 yrs) according to all this unecessary melodrama she / her marriage wants onto her / their front doorstep.
3)Hope she / her marriage understands how to respect the legal system, etc etc etc.......
4) Hope she / her marriage understands they are on the verge of opening herself up for unecessary litigation., etc.
5) Hope she understands she could lose HER relationship to her Husband over this as well.
6) Hope she understands this attempt will now change how their family celebrates holiday time with other relatives.


- JUST SAYIN -


All because she / her marriage is trying to do the right thing. ANd yes, I do commend her/ their marriage for this BUT....

Too much going on here and I don't feel we are getting the full story.
Moreover, I do repeat that I am currently undergoing something very similiar to this (10 yrs this June) & I feel that this needs to be worked out between her Husband and his son and NO ONE ELSE. Anyone else attempt to jump into this is IMHO nothing but meddling and is not warranted.

I sincerely wish her / her marriage and most importantly, the child the best of luck.




Cheers

 

[MSLRAC]

Originally Posted by Zydebearsmom OP Here....The trips have already been cancelled not because of this situation but I cancelled them before this and used the money to pay off credit cards. I looked into renting incase that was something I had to do. Every where I checked out only want first month rent and a deposit. I estimated that to be about $2400.00. Now I could pay that if that is the price to get the garage converted. I'm not sure if that would be enoiugh or not but then I would not be able to pay the mortgage that month. I took the money I had set aside and paid off credit cards and paid on student loan. I will have a child going to college next year so I was trying to get all my business squared away so I could focus on her next year. We'll then this happened. His ADHD has not been confirmed but the family is in denial about it. Now everyone on the outside is aware of his impulsiveness. So his parents have always refused to medicate him. We'll anyways I'm going to go ahead and see how much it will cost to convert the garage. If need be I can catch my mortgage up the next month. That will only put me a month behind. Thanks for your help. ************************************************************************************************ Let me see if I am understanding you correctly - ************************************************************************************************** 1) you are upset over your Son's parenting skills?? 2) and you have a belief system that says that by throwing meds down a person's throat that all will be well?? 3) and that due to 1 & 2, you feel that you would be a better parent?? 4) and that you feel that you need to be therefore the Custodial Parent over this child due to 1, 2 & 3?? 5) and that now after 4 pages of postings by other confused posters, you suddenly state that you are ok on your mortgage and that you will only be one month behind?? 6) you say that the child's mother "abandoned" the child?? Keep in mind there are two sides to every story and I feel that you are not telling both sides on this extremely sad tale.....as evident by everyone priort to this posting feeling confused by this. IMO, I feel that there is MORE to this than what you are choosing to reveal. Mind you, I have gone through something just like like 10 yrs ago. Overall - The above has left me feeling........ ************************* HUH??************************** Ya know, I feel that I am going to show my age here but here goes nothing: On an old but classic USA tv show called, "Bewitched," there was a nosy next door neighbor that lived next to the Stephen's family and the nosy next door neighbor name was Gladys Kravitz. Yes, whereas I do feel that you have honorable intentions, I feel very strongly that the core issue here is a sad situation that involves your Son and Wife partner and that's it. You have nothing to do with this. Furthermore, yes - perfectly ok to offer your Son a shoulder to lean on, etc etc etc but to bail him out of this situation (& at the same time behave like Gladys) will just IMHO just perpetuate him repeating the same behavior over and over and over. AND - in the process IMO should you continue down this road........ 7) you will have just invited sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much unnecessary turmoil onto your property and to your life. 7a) EXAMPLE - Q: WHat's NOT TO SAY that the NCP (the Mother) won't come back.....say after 12 years and sue you for Custody???? DRAG YOU AND YOUR GOOD NAME THROUGH THE COURTS?? Whether or not you win is not relevant, it's putting the Child through this is what's soooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong here. He or She has a name and is not an object. 7B) What's not to say your own Son could sue you as well?? yes, I understand full well this involves a child, and here comes the word BUT....... BUT please................... please stay out of this - INOYB. I hope you understand I am not here to be mean. AS I have stated earlier, I too have gone through and am still going through something VERY SIMILIAR to this.....and my situation occured coming up now to 10 years ago. Rest assured, like your situation, I feel both of our situations will have a happy ending................if PATIENCE will be followed. GOOD LUCK. as I really hope I am NOT feeding a TROLL. CHEERS

I think you are the one confused. This involves the OP's stepson who is a minor child.

 

[MSLRAC]

Thank you for the clarification. Nontheless, I feel that Zydebearsmom is behaving like Gladys and needs to MHOB for the essence of what I stated above. per se, edit out her name and put in her Husband's name and IMO, ya still have the same opinion I stated above. Yes, I too wish her luck - I just very strongly feel she needs to MHOB. If not, hope she has a good lawyer as she will be needing one. Hope she understands she will be literally sitting in court settings more often than not............. Hope she understands that "modification of Final Judgment" will be a phrase she will come to understand all too well as it gets revisited approx IMO every 120-180 days according to all this unecessary melodrama she wants onto her front doorstep. Hope she understands how to respect the legal system, etc etc etc....... Too much going on here and I don't feel we are getting the full story. I sincerely wish her and most importantly, the child the best of luck. Cheers Cheers

Seriously, you think she should mind her own business? I would think that her stepson being in foster care is her business! I commend the OP for being willing to help this child.

 

[Swimalie]

Seriously, you think she should mind her own business? I would think that her stepson being in foster care is her business! I commend the OP for being willing to help this child.

I agree. She could mind her own business but DFCS has made it her business by having the kid in foster care and her/ her husband's house not being large enough right now.

 

[knewton64]

Seriously, you think she should mind her own business? I would think that her stepson being in foster care is her business! I commend the OP for being willing to help this child.

.........thank gosh I wasn't part of the jury for the above mentioned trial that THANKFULLY went only 12 hours for Jury Selection before a settlement was reached out of court.



And yes, I feel and hope the same will occur over time (analitically speaking of course) with this sad situation as well in regards to the players involved.


I know that some of you will view me as a villian for speaking like this, yet I do stress that I too hope that the interests of the child will be protected.



I am speaking from the side of experiencing hauntingly the very similiar settings the OPs has brought before us and my guilt if you will, is speaking from the wisdom gained from my ongoing trip into H*** in hopes that the OPs can hopefully be aware of what not to 'step in' as she / her rmarriage chooses the right path for not only themselves but also for the best intertest of the Child.



PEACE OUT -

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Cheating husband. Divorce. Stepson dumped on family at Christmas. Now "foreclosure" but not a foreclosure. OP seems to live with drama in her life on a regular basis.
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=3068441
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=3160426
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?p=50317512#post50317512

Honestly, those posts make it sound to me that OP HAS been aware of her DSS's plight and has been doing her best by ALL her kids and that she's not making anything up, just trying to get a little advice as she works through a difficult, complicated situation. Yeah, there's drama, but life has drama.

If anyone's life has absolutely no stress or drama. . .I just gotta wonder what it's like living in Stepford. The rest of us occasionally step into the drama whether we like it or not. Honestly, sounds like OP is just dealing with the sorts of things that most humans deal with occasionally - spouses who've made poor choices; extended family members who need help; and finding out that decisions made that seemed good and wise in perspective might now cause issues in retrospect.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Seriously, you think she should mind her own business? I would think that her stepson being in foster care is her business! I commend the OP for being willing to help this child.

Exactly. It has become her business not out of choice but the fact that she's the original homeowner and the house was a good choice at the time. Now that they've outgrown the house, it's not so simple to just move. Also selling/buying can be such a long process, usually several months which will not do when your child is going to foster care.

Is there some relative who is able to take him in until you can create more space at home? Maybe the paternal grandparents? It's upsetting to have him shipped around but still if it's with family and still in contact with his father, knowing it's just temporary, it's still better than foster care.