For those who have lost someone close to them....

[Fishbone†]

Do you ever have days when you have to remember that they're gone?
And then the pain just hits you all over again??

Like just now I was in the bathroom here at work, and I was thinking about my wedding - and I just had this strange feeling like I did when I was
hoping my Grandma would make the wedding..... it was one of those fleeting
feelings where I just had this moment of fear/hope that she would be
there, and then I remembered she won't. It was really weird, and then I
just wanted to cry again..... like this pain welling up and wanting to
take over.

How long do these moments last? Do you ever really get past that?

 

[MsDisney23]

 

[Southern4sure]

Yes I do. I go to call my grandmothers-in-law and have to remind myself they are gone (Both passed away within a month of each other recently). It is hard and I also cry because I miss them so much. When I see quilts I say, I gotta tell granny about this pattern (she was a quilter) and I realize I said that out loud and I feel so horrible.

 

[MELSMICE]

I know how you're feeling. We laid my grandmother to rest one week ago today & it still hasn't hit me that she's gone. I still expect her to come home from Florida with my parents in 2 months & be here for our weekly Sunday dinners.

Losing someone is heartbreaking.

 

[CathrynRose]

Dunno - My closest death. In fact the only one Ive went through, really - was just 2 months ago...my mom.

Ive had those moments though ...they suck. Out of no where - WHOOSH - flooded with feelings.

i dont think they do go away, since they were so important to us... kwim?

***HUG*** to you!

 

[kdibattista]

My father died when I was 4. Although I have many memories of him, I was so young. I still have days that are tough... 24 years later. I'm sad that he wasn't at my wedding. I'm sad that he will never see his grandchildren. I'm sad that I didn't get to know him. Maybe it has to do with the way he died (suicide) but I had a really rough year when I turned the age that he died (27). I don't think it ever completely goes away.

 

[TEENEE]

I think the "I should tell so and so about..." moments to fade over time. It's been 2 1/2 years since we lost my grandmother, I don't have those moments anymore (or at least I haven't in a long time). You will never stop missing your grandma, she was too important to forget. It will get easier to deal with in time.

Have you considered making grandma a part of your wedding? You can put a picture of grandma on the alter with you. My cousin and his wife did that for their wedding. It was a really nice touch.

 

[AmyJ of Ca]

It takes awhile. I've lost both my parents and sometimes it STILL doesn't seem real to me. It's been almost 7 years since my Mom died and about 11 years since my Dad (and I'm not even 40 yet) and I sit here with tears going down my face because I know that I will ALWAYS wish they were here. I had a reading with John Edward (the psychic) about 4 years ago and it helped a lot. He convinced me, without a doubt, that they are still "around". Now instead of a sharp jolting pain of grief when I think about it it's more of a calm sadness. I know they are still with me, just in a different way, God knows, I wish it was the physical way, to pick up the phone and say Hi but I'll take what I can get. Give it time. I pray for you to get to the point of just a gentle sadness also. Take care. Amy

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Of course it's natural and normal to have these feelings. It gets easier as time passes, but it never totally goes away. My dad died when my oldest was an infant, almost exactly 18 years ago.

Last week my 6yo found a harmonica and was "playing" it and I told him that my dad used to play harmonica. I was fine telling my boys that, but the next day he was upstairs playing it again and I just lost it. Just a little, "happy" memory like that can really set a person off.

 

[Fishbone†]

My Grandma and I had a "wedding" together three days before she died - it was actually the last day she was completely coherent. I wore my dress and she told me what she was going to wear, my mom sang some songs, and she "danced" at my "wedding" - just like she was looking forward to. I have a picture of it that I'd love to share with you if I knew how to post pictures. Maybe Dan Murphy will come to my rescue.

 

[wdwmom2]

I lost both my parents 11 years ago this year. They died 2 months apart, totally unrelated deaths. I found my dad dead at his home (my mom and dad were divorced). He had been dead for about 2 days. He was 66 and in good health for his age. A total shocker for me. My mom died in my arms 2 months after my dad. She had cancer.

Since they have died, I have only visited their gravesite 2 times. It is just too painful for me. It totally tore me apart both times. I can't listen to sad songs on the radio, especially ones that talk about someone dying. Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. Occasionally I do break down for no reason at all and just bawl. I don't think that I will ever get over my parents deaths. I except it just because that is how it is, but I don't think that I will ever get over missing them deeply.

to you. I know how you feel .

 

[MosMom]

Yeap. It has been 7 years since my SIL died and we were talking about a big family trip to Disney and for a second I thought how much fun she will have and then it struck me that she is gone. It just reminds you of how much you miss them and how badly you want them back.

 

[AmyJ of Ca]

Alright, someone pass the Kleenex this way....Everytime I read this thread or I see on the AOL front page, a picture of that Italian little boy that was murdered, I start tearing up again....I guess it's just one of those days.

 

[mrsltg]

I had one of these moments a couple of days ago. I was driving home and all of the sudden remembered the day we received our son's diagnosis. I felt like someone was standing on my chest and it's been nearly two years. The pain was just as bad as it was the day we found out and it came from nowhere. There are days when I feel like it's been a lifetime and days when it feels like it was yesterday. It's completely normal (at least that's what I've been told).

Last night I was looking at a picture of my grandparents with my dh and I on our wedding day. I lost both Nana and Grandpa recently and it took me a second to remember that they were gone. Grief sucks...

 

[In a hurry]

It has been 6 years since my boys were killed. I swear that sometimes I hear one make a crack behind me! They were young teens, and just too funny. They both had their dad's dry sense of humor. Sometimes when he says something, or their little sister gets a little attitude, it is like an electrical shock. I don't cry everyday anymore, but my heart still aches for knowing them as adults.

 

[Rajah]

Frequently.

I don't think you'll ever get over it entirely. But the pain does lessen as time goes by.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It has been 6 years since my boys were killed. I swear that sometimes I hear one make a crack behind me! They were young teens, and just too funny. They both had their dad's dry sense of humor. Sometimes when he says something, or their little sister gets a little attitude, it is like an electrical shock. I don't cry everyday anymore, but my heart still aches for knowing them as adults.

OMG, I had no idea. I am so sorry--I can't even begin to imagine that pain and I hope I never have to.

I think about the family of the missing New Jersey college student and just ache for them and try not to put myself in their place, but it's hard not to when I have a child his age. So I cry tears for him and them. So very sad and difficult to even think of certain things.

 

[Minnesota!]

(((Hugs)))

My daddy has been gone almost 7 years *WOW..that went fast*** and there are still times I think "oooh, I need to call Dad and tell him about this" or something along those lines..

Wishful thinking, maybe?

 

[andromedaslove]

It's been almost 3 years since my little boy passed. It was weird because I cried when we heard his diagnosis, and then I literally didn't cry again until the day of his funeral. As soon as they said "this concludes our service" I lost it. It was the first time anyone other than my DH had seen my cry about the loss of our son. I used to hide in the shower and bawl until I just couldn't anymore. For the longest time I kept accidentally calling our youngest son "Matthew" (our baby that passed) instead of "Lucas". That was definately hard.

I still think about him on almost a regular basis, and I will always miss him. It does get easier though. There will come a time when you think about that person you lost, and you will smile as you remember, you may still shed a few tears , but you'll smile while you do it. At least that's how it is for me.

Dana

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Yes. 18 years since my mom died, 5 since my dad, and I still get these moments.

I think they get fewer and farther between over time, but I don't you think you ever really get past it.