For those of you with husbands who work later than 5pm.....

[DawnM]

My husband gets home between 7pm and 9pm, depending on what projects he is working on at work.

If your children get up early for school, do they go to bed before your husband gets home?

Right now we are homeschooling and the kids go to bed late so that they have time with their father, but we are considering school for next year (I may be going back to work) and I am wondering how to make this work.

Input?

Thanks,

Dawn

 

[Countrymom]

When my kids were younger, there were days when they wouldn't see DH at all because he left before the got up and got home after they fell asleep. Now that they are older, (8 &11) they are still lurking around and he spends a little time with them tucking them in and making plans for the days they have off. My husband's days vary so sometimes he's home when they get home from school too.

I think for us, this makes time with Daddy more special...as opposed to time with boring old Mom.

Is your DH home in the morning? Perhaps he can be the one to get them off to school while you are getting ready for work yourself.

Good luck finding a balance.

 

[MALE*RN*777]

You might not like my answer but here it goes. As a nurse working at a hospital I use to work every other weekend 3-11 which ment I saw my boy for only about 2 nights a week because I would sleep late in the morning. I decided when he started school I would go to daylight to be with now the 2 kids and 1 on the way. It depends what is important to you. The family comes first and lucky for me the wife stays at home right now. Again I'm not saying it is wrong to work late but the number of nights working late may be able to be changed.

 

[buzzmom3]

My DH gets home around 8:15pm. I keep my DS up so he can spend time with his dad. He goes to daycare right now but starts school in September. I just make sure he has his bath and everything before DH gets home so that they can just play or read stories.

 

[jodifla]

You might not like my answer but here it goes. As a nurse working at a hospital I use to work every other weekend 3-11 which ment I saw my boy for only about 2 nights a week because I would sleep late in the morning. I decided when he started school I would go to daylight to be with now the 2 kids and 1 on the way. It depends what is important to you. The family comes first and lucky for me the wife stays at home right now. Again I'm not saying it is wrong to work late but the number of nights working late may be able to be changed.

It's good you could switch. It's not possible in all professions. Journalists work late.....it just goes with the territory.

My DH, a reporter and editor, sees DS in the mornings, and sometimes takes to jr K, so they have the car ride together. He occasionally is home at night to tuck him in bed and read him a story.

They try to have weekend time together every weekend.

 

[wrighter]

My husband's schedule is harried, he travels a lot, and when he isn't traveling has one heck of a commute. It's safe to say the our children do not see him at all during the week.

Before you go feeling sorry for me (okay, you can if you want ) hear me out. We have gotten used to this schedule. I am pretty much a single mom during the week and it isn't easy. But they talk on the phone every day, and we make the weekends "our time." I tell my husband that just because a dad is at the dinner table every night - it doesn't make him a good dad. Heck, my dad was home every evening and I barely know the guy. A good dad knows it is the quality of time spent together, not just the quantity.

I would love to have my man around more - as I'm sure the kids would, too. But this is all they have ever known. I pray that we do right by them. Just love them every day - that's all we can do.

Good luck in your decision - it certainly isn't an easy one.

 

[In Luv with Disney]

My husband works two jobs. He works EVERY day except Sunday. He is home on Mondays until 3pm, Fridays and Saturdays until 2pm. It's not much, but we make it work.

He gets home from work about 9:30pm/9:45pm every night. DD is still wide awake (21 months old...goes to sleep late!) but DS goes to sleep at about 8:30/9. Sometimes he waits up for daddy...and if daddy gets home in time, he will tuck him in and read him a short story.

Do what you think is right for your family. This works for us right now. Things can and probably will change in the future. But this is what we need to do NOW.

Good luck!

 

[3boyzmom]

Hi,

My DH is in the restaurant biz and works long and varied hours. My kids do go to bed early ... asleep by 8pm, so they often don't see dad at night. He does spend lots of quality time with the boys when he is off or when his hours are more flexible.

 

[texaslover]

From the perspective of someone who has been through this....here goes. DS is 9 and DH worked from 8-8 for nearly all of his life from age 0-5. I was able to stay at home so I was with him most of the time. Oddly enough, it did not bother either of them too much because they did not know the difference.

Now, DH works from home and I teach so he takes DS to school most days. He's also home when we get home approx 2 days a week and travels the other 3. DS is sooooo attached to him and counts the days until he's back. I really believe that this time they spend together has made their bond way stronger and it will now last, no matter what happens with DH's work in the future. I have had to ask but DH now takes him to practices and Home Depot and other "manly" things and it's made all the difference. I've seen that a parent really has to spend the time to build a connection but, when they do, it doesn't seem to go away with decreased time.

 

[twinscandc]

My DH is a Police Officer and has worked all kinds of shifts. At the beginning of the year, he went to first shift which is 6a to 3p. It works perfect for us b/c he is home all evening. It hasn't always been like this. For the past 3 years he has been on 2nd shift which is 2:30pm to 10:30pm. Those years were very hard on the girls b/c they only saw him in the mornings and then the weekends that he doesn't work (he still works every other weekend). When he was on 2nd shift, the girls never stayed up to see him except during the summer.

Again, like others have said, you do what is right for your family. As long as your children feel they are loved and cared for. Sometimes it's a good lesson for them to know that parents have to make sacrifices to provide for their families. It's all good in the end.

 

[java]

My dh gets home at 7:30. if we are lucky. Every night. The kids and I wait for dinner- we eat at 7:30 on the dot. If he is here we all eat together. If not- I feed the kids and then we'll eat later. The older 2 go to bed at 9 and the younger 2 - well my 2 year old has been going to bed at 7 lately- so he misses family diner and the 4 year old stays up until 9. We all get up at 6:30 AM to make the buses and to drive the 4 year old to school. It is our routine and it works for us.-

 

[crisi]

We both work but we are able to time shift the ends of our days.

I drop off the kids and spend the mornings with them. He gets off early and spends the early evenings with them - then he is often back logged in after I get home (I do get home long before bedtime most days).

Is your husband working very long days, or is his shift shifted? If his shift is "off" have him doing the mornings with the kids and put them to bed on time (plus, spend time with them on the weekends). If this is a long workdays thing - with three or four day weekends, have him spend his days off with him. If this is a workallthetime sort of thing (two jobs, for instance) then you need to do whatever works. Also, can he work from home? Working from home has been great in that someone can be home a day or two for the kids to take the bus home. We don't necessarily "see" much of them - we are working and they are running off with friends - but there are parents present when they walk in the door (otherwise they do after school care through the district and we don't pick them up until 4:30 or 5).

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

DH gets home between 7:00 and 7:30. I get home about 4:00 and get most of the chores (homework, studying, cleaning) out of the way so that we can have a couple of hours of family time in the evening. It works for us.

 

[BethID]

I am the one who works until 7. My husband gets home around 4:30 with the boys and then plays with them and gets dinner ready. We eat when I walk in the door at 7:15, then get them ready for bed. I have no choice but to work 9-7, so it is just the way it is around our house. I do have Thursdays, Fridays, and every other weekend off, so I get to spend extra time with the boys on the weekdays since they are not in school yet.

 

[cfknight]

IMHO it is the DH's job to support his family, unfortunatly the hours of your occupation do not always cooperate. I would love to have a different shift schedual and spend more time with the kids, but there is not a better feeling than knowing your kids have what they need. My main purpose in life is to provide for my children and thats what I am doing. I work 3-11pm. My boys understand I'm not always home because of what I am giving them. I get up at 7am and have breakfast with them and see them off to school, then of course on the weekends, not to mention when there off during the summer I see them all day before work.

 

[crjack]

My DH gets home around 7:30 most nights but he also travels a lot for his job. During the week, my kids have bedtime of 9:00 pm so like many others I get them fed, homework done, etc. so he can spend fun time with them. We tried eating later but I found it didnt work well for us (too many snacks, etc.) On weekends we all eat dinner together and have more family time.

Now that mine are getting a little older the homework takes longer and DH's job is to check over the middle school math homework!

I think we all end up finding something that works for us based on jobs, schedules, etc. I use to worry about DH's travel a lot more when the kids were very young but looking back it was what they knew and it didnt impact them in a negative way. In a safe, loving enviroment children will thrive and be happy.

I definitely believe it is the quality of the time spent that counts.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

IMHO it is the DH's job to support his family, unfortunatly the hours of your occupation do not always cooperate. I would love to have a different shift schedual and spend more time with the kids, but there is not a better feeling than knowing your kids have what they need. My main purpose in life is to provide for my children and thats what I am doing. I work 3-11pm. My boys understand I'm not always home because of what I am giving them. I get up at 7am and have breakfast with them and see them off to school, then of course on the weekends, not to mention when there off during the summer I see them all day before work.

I understand that working and providing in order to provide for a child's basic needs is very important, but it's just as important to give a child time with their parents, as a family, which is also something every child needs. I remember the things my parents gave me when I was a little girl, but what I cherish the most now as an adult (and especially since my mom has passed away) is the time my parents spent with me and the lasting memories they gave me from my childhood.

My DH has mentioned working a second job to help pay for our infertility treatment/adoption expense debt and for us to have more money for things like, oh I don't know, like Disney trips and such. But, I don't want him to because it's important to me for us to be together as a family in the evenings and on weekends and he'd miss the kids terribly.

And FWIW, as a wife and mother, I see it as part of my job to support our family financially too. However, only work M-F and I'm off by 3:00 every day.