For the love of Disney: Should I or shouldn't I? (somewhat long)

[Bete]

Let me start off with saying I've been to Disney over 30 times through my 58 years of living. We honeymooned there, as well. I could go there year after year in a heartbeat; I never tire of it. For the last two years, I've taken a hiatus from Disney; because, my hubby is tired of it. We have travelled to other vacation destinations over that time period. We take my mom, who is 90, on all of our vacations. My mom and I still enjoy Disney the best; I've asked her about the various trips. She's in a wheelchair at the parks and in the room she can manage with a walker. She's with Stage 3 Alzheimer's and she's incontinent in a big way. There are a few other issues, but those mentioned are my main concerns for trips.

I just received a pincode for the Disney World winter season which is our favorite time to go. Our last three trips there were for early December. Hubby will not go to Disney World anymore. I'm not sure he'll ever go back. He feels it's seeing the same thing over and over again and he doesn't enjoy doing that anymore. He's our driver to Florida from Indiana. Recently, he's developed bursitus and that's affecting his driving abilities. We take our 1 year old dog on all our trips, as well. I will not do any overnight kennels with her. With that said we couldn't stay on-site if hubby came along. Day Care is okay with the dog. I would like to take a trip without the dog; so, it would be nice if hubby stayed back for that purpose.

I really would like to go this year; because, we have a good Disney pincode and it's been two years plus for me which is the longest time period I have ever stayed away from Disney. My mom likes Disney World. I think she likes it better than anywhere else we go. She digs the characters among other things. She enjoys Buzz Lightyear and Toy Story Mania; she does shoot the targets on those rides. Anyway, I feel next year you have the new value resort (Animation) opening up and pretty soon the extension for MK will be open. I think it will be more crowded in the next few years and prices will be going upward in my opinion or there will be less discounting from Disney. Also, I kind of feel good about doing a mother and daughter trip and it being just us. Over the last twenty years this hasn't happened for us in that way.

I had a cousin who was going to join my mom and I this year, but she had a foot injury recently and it looks like it may take a long time to get it all taken care of. Anyway, my cousin just backed out of the trip with us and I understand. She has back issues, too; so, this recent problem just blows her away. I really don't have anyone else to ask to come.

So, here's my situation, now. If I go it's my mom and I alone. I don't want to drive if we are alone together for many reasons including two layover nights each way. My mom has never flown. I don't know if she will have a meltdown between the security check or the plane flight. I'm afraid she won't know how to clear her ears on the plane and that may aggravate her. I've not flown myself; since, the new security regulations are in effect. I've never taken an air trip with my mom alone. I fear the whole airport experience. With two carryons (probably backpacks that I can hang from the wheelchair)and pushing a wheelchair, it may be too much for me to get to Magical Express.

I think once we would be there my mom would like Disney again and I sure would, too. I've never done it by myself and my hubby probably provides 15%of the help with her if he's with us on a trip. Without him, it would be harder for me. I'm also a little insecure with me being older with a few minor issues myself and my mom in a wheelchair and somewhat helpless without me. We could be a target for the wrong kind of people, too. What if something happened to me on the trip? I would have my mom identified properly, but that would be traumatic to her.

So, under my circumstances would you or would you not go alone as a two some? To a certain degree I feel I deserve this trip every year. I'm not sure if hubby wouldn't reconsider in future years, either; there's no way for me to determine this. Also, I'm not sure if my cousin wouldn't be able to do it another year and should I just wait for that opportunity to come? Actually, I'd like to do both; a trip with my cousin later with my mom and my alone trip with my mom this year. I'm inclined to give it a try; I have a positive outlook about doing it. But is it too risky for me to try to do this on my own?

I know there are some who go as a two some to Disney with medical issues, too. Would love to hear from you about your experiences doing Disney alone as a two some and would you do it again that way?

 

[bidnow5]

I would you love it your mom loves it and at 90 she may not be able to go many more times. I am lucky my wife and I both feel the same if we had the money we would go several times a year. We did go 3 times one year.

Go for it enjoy

 

[pampam]

From what I read, it seems that you really want to take your mom, but the biggest problem is how to get there. You're afraid of how Mom might be on the plane/airport because of her Stage 3 Alzheimer's. I'm sorry, but I don't know how your Mom would react to this. Only you can really surmise how it could go. I'm sure the staff at the airport has seen it all before, so it is feasable. perhaps letters from doctors would help. I can't think of another way to get to Orlando, unless you have family or friends you could hitch a ride with, but that is probably unlikely. Your task will be lightened if you could get someone else to go with you to help out.

If it is working out for you, I highly recomend staying longer. It takes a lot longer to see and do the things you want, and we want you to have a rest/vacation too.

I do know that it is quite a challenge to be the principle care-giver, to one who is completely dependent on you. It's stressful, and tiring, but the memories you make are priceless. Once you get home the good memories sustain us through some very stressful times.

I really hope you can make this trip back to your happy place, and I know when you explain your needs to WDW they will do their best to help you.

 

[dclfun]

I'm a little bit torn, and I wish in some ways that you could just take a solo trip and have a break from caregiving. How does your Mom do in unfamiliar surroundings? I'm afraid that even though she loves Disney and has been there before, it won't be home and might be stressful for her. You'll also have alot of caregiving to do if she's incontinent and needs you to push her 100% of the time, needs help transferring, and may have behavioral issues that aren't her fault. Will she be able to sleep well or wake up afraid in a new location? I guess I'm afraid that you'll be exhausted and focused so much on her needs that you might not have the enjoyment you're expecting and needing. Of course I don't know your Mom and her condition or how much stamina you have...or how much you really want to take a trip with her before her Alzheimer's or her physical condition becomes worse. At least you are familiar with WDW and I'm sure you know how to take it easy without pushing yourselves. Whatever you decide, I know you'll make the right decision for you and your Mom- I just want to be sure that you aren't pushing yourself too much and that the trip would be enjoyable for your Mom too vs. something stressful due to her medical condition. ---Kathy

 

[Alison Wunderland]

As a nurse who has taken care of Alzhiemers patients I know a lot about the effects of the disease. Even though she has gone before, WDW may be unfamiliar to her. She may get scared in a unfamiliar hotel room and try and escape. This may not be a problem during the day but what about when you are asleep. Also, she may become moody or angry in an unfamiliar social situation. You may not see this because she is comforatable at home. We have had to medicate Alzheimers patients because they have become combative and too much to handle until they become aclimated to thier new home. I don't like it but we don't have enough staff to watch over 1 or 2 when there are a total of other 26 people to be taken care of. Also, your mom is incontinent. Are you going to want to have to perform care to maintain hygiene while in the parks? I don't know the last time mom went to WDW but Alzheimers progresses within a couple of years. There is just no way to know how she is going to react to the parks. Its entirely up to you but if it were my mom, I wouldn't risk it. I hope I didn't offend you. I am just trying to provide a viewpoint from someone see's the effects of the disease on a daily basis.

 

[Bete]

My mom was in stage 3 Alzheimer's the last time we were at Disney and she's been incontinent for 7 years, now. Typically, I make 4 to 6 stops in the parks for restrooms depending on how long we stay at the parks. I manage with no help on that count. She's had a few outbursts in our resort room with hygiene issues, but they pass quickly. If it was up to her she would never take a shower. I do have a doctor's note stating she can have uncontrolled emotional outbursts. I got the idea from someone in our support group. She had a problem once with her mom on vacation that could have caused problems with police and other bystanders; so, I'm protected for the worse scenario. I've never had to use the note and I don't plan on triggerring any unneccessary outbursts.

Recently, we came back from Colonial Williamsburg and Busch Gardens and Washington, D.C. She did all right there, but she was bored with most of it. I think it was too hard for her to understand most of it. Some of the live entertainment at Busch Gardens reminded her of Epcot and she liked that part.

My mom for some reason likes to get out and go places. We don't overdo our activities. She gets a lot of attention when we are at Disney from me; I think she likes this, too. I can give her more of myself on vacation; because, I'm not dealing with our house, yard and I'm not cooking meals and so forth. I think this is the part I like, too. I still have some duties on vacation but it's not a full plate like when I'm home.

She has never been an escape artist anywhere including home. I think I'm very lucky that way. Frankly, I'm lucky that she does not have the strength to open any heavy, metal resort door. Even so, I use a motion detector (has a loud alarm) in her path at night when we sleep. I sleep in the same room, too. If she's trying to get out of bed; I'll know. She sleeps well on vacation; because, I think she is stimulated more on vacation; so, I haven't had too many bad situations that way.

I think what concerns me most is being all alone with her and just me, myself and I. I'm getting older and what if something happened to me on vacation with no one else to turn to for her? Being handled by strangers would probably make her very upset. My other concern is our safety; I think we could look like good targets for the wrong people especially returning to our resort room at night. I've never had a problem, but there have been posts about circumstances that are not so nice in that way. Finally, the airport security procedures and it being her first time to fly is the most frightening to me.

I'm trying to actually bribe my husband into going even if he doesn't actually go into Disney. It would be a safety net for me and we would drive in that case; so, I wouldn't have to fly with my mom. I may have to raise the stakes for him to come, but I would feel better doing it this way. In this scenario we would not stay on Disney property; because, we would have our dog with us and hubby would babysit the dog. I'm thinking about the Marriot's Residence Inn in Lake Buena Vista. We can get a two BR, two bath, kitchenette and living room. This would not box hubby in too bad being there most of the time. I would still give him the choice to come to Disney if he changed his mind and we would do day care for the dog. I'm only about 40% sure this will work; so, I still have to think I may be on my own if I want to go this year.

 

[peemagg]

I think, as long as you are staying on Disney property, you should be safe. I have never not felt safe on the property.

If this is something that you really want to do, then I don't see how anything could or should stop you. I say go for it.

 

[Scarlett81]

When I was younger my aunt brought me, my 2 cousins and my grandmother who did not have alzheimers but was totally confined to a wheelchair, paralyzed on her right side, and suffered from bouts of fear and confusion as well, so somewhat of a similar situation.
My aunt was the primary caregiver to her, and wanted to bring me but I needed assistance also. So my one cousin helped me, and the other cousin helped my grandmother and I helped her when I could too. It wasn't easy at times, but it was one of the best memories of all of our lives. There's a picture on my wall of us, my grandmother in her wheelchair-all of us dancing with the bellydancer at Morocco in Epcot. It is a precious memory to us all, and I know it was one of the last times she really got to enjoy herself. She's passed now, and my little girl still asks about the picture and we talk about her.
I would say its worth it to try it. And if there's anyway you can get a younger relative or friend to join you as a helper and say, their payment is airfare or a 3 day park hopper pass?-you'd all probably have a wonderful time.

 

[Bete]

terrible stories surfacing on the TSA agents again. Flying in my situation is going to be hard enough without such situations.

In the news recently they talked about a 95 year old woman who had to remove her diaper. It was wet and there wasn't a replacement handy. I don't know all the facts here, but that sure doesn't sound pleasant.

And on our own boards, we hear the story of the Vietnam vet. And that one takes place in Orlando.

Yes, I know you can report mistreatment, but that sure doesn't help in the moment.

I'm still on the fence about trying this on my own with my mom. This sure doesn't help me feel better about it all.

I, already was going to do a trial run at the airport and ask a lot of questions; so, this is just more questions to ask about.

They sure don't make it easy for the disabled to fly.

 

[dclfun]

I've flown twice a year for the past few years and have always been treated with dignity and respect at every airport including Orlando International ( I live in Orlando so I'm either flying in or out). Someone in a w/c is not immune to being searched- it could be an easy disguise actually with plenty of places to hide something that could cause harm. As I'm on a ventilator I certainly don't fit a terrorist profile but I know I'll be going through the same search as everyone else along with my equipment and service dog. If I ever had a challenge, I'd ask for the CRO. I wouldn't let fear of airport security stop me from travelling.---Kathy

 

[Bete]

Hubby will drive us to Florida and take care of the dog while my mom and I are at the Disney parks. In return, I will get hubby a new desktop PC.
I know we shouldn't bribe our husbands, but I have to think about what's the best for our situation. With saving on park tickets and a scooter cost for him; it's really not that much of a bribe. I believe we will save money with doing meals mostly off site. We will have breakfast and most dinner meals together as a whole family; so, I think this can work out. Who knows he may change his mind once we are there and do Disney for a few times. He can do some good bonding with the dog, too. There are trails were we are staying for some good dog walks. He will have some alone time where he can sleep all day or watch sports all day and so forth.

For a cost cheaper than a Disney moderate we are getting a 2BR, 3 bed suite which includes 2 bathrooms with one bathroom being handicap accessible including roll in shower. We get a hot buffet breakfast which I feel is worth $10/person. There are 3 days/week where the resort has an evening reception, too. The resort gets a 9 out of 10 rating. It's 4 miles from Disney proper. I'm ready to stay off-site.

I may change my mind again if free dining is offered at Disney for December, but I think it's unlikely this year. I would venture out solo with mom if there was a better deal out there. Since we like to stay at POP, a 30% resort savings was just not enough to stay there when I consider the boarding costs for kenneling the dog at Best Friends near by. Also, it would be a little hassle going back and forth for visits with the dog. It's much nicer to be together.

I've never taken a trip like this before. If it works out for me and my mom being more alone then maybe next time I'll venture out without hubby. I think this is the best option right now for our particular situation. I will have a safety net with him there. I may even venture out a few nights alone to Disney while everyone else stays in the room. As long as hubby doesn't have to do any hygiene with my mom (like changing a diaper) he will watch her for 3 to 4 hours.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

Three words for you, wait no...2 words for you: DO IT.

Your mother is elderly, she is clearly enjoying the parks, and those memories is what you will have for MANY years. Disneyland offers such magic, that if you both enjoy it so much do it! nothing can stop you. You and your husband can go on many many many other vacations, you and your mom's are limited and probably not many left. What a brave lady she is to still go on trips. What a lady!

I really wouldn't worry about being helpless without your hubby. There is plenty of help everywhere you go. Whether it's at the hotel, the parks, or the shuttle to and from where you are going, you can always get a couple extra hands to help.

Mom and I have gone to Disneyland MANY times, I have hip dysplasia and rely on a crutch 3/4 of the time, and she has a brain tumor which unables her to walk for long periods of time. We've always been able to manage the parks AND shopping in fact, one time 3 days after discharge I flew to LA Disneyland on my own after I fractured my pelvis...yes I know. The airport and flight attendants all had special staff to help me. I was wheelchair bound on T3's and anticoagulants and could not walk AT ALL. I was actually bed bound for 2 months while the fractures healed.

Once in the park I would consider renting an electric chair or perhaps just use your own wheelchair, but I have no doubt in my mind you guys can do it. Don't miss out on a possible last magical trip.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

...one morething....I know the parks are "technically" the same, but would he consider maybe flying to LA and going to DCA instead? there are some differences, and many other parks outside of Disney that would be fun for the 3 of you, and he wouldn't need to drive at all during the trip.