? for stay at home moms/wives

[WIcruizer]

Because you haven't proven it or given any examples. You're claiming when I say "many or "most" people there's some sort of meaning beyond it. An observation I have is people in here tend to throw out comments like that with no explanation or supporting evidence.

 

[Pooh67_68]

It's not a conspiracy. Words have meanings, which is why I use them carefully. MANY means just that. I rarely use the words all, none, never, always. And I stand by my comments. Especially since I didn't insult anyone. Those of you who are a princess, you know who you are.

Well geese thanks for thinking I'm a princess, when you know nothing about me and my dh and the reasons that I stay home.

 

[WIcruizer]

Well geese thanks for thinking I'm a princess, when you know nothing about me and my dh and the reasons that I stay home.

It never ceases to amaze me. Wow. Do some of you go looking for a fight? Either some of you can't read or you're reading what you want to see. Not sure which.

 

[DVCJEN]

I'm DREADING going back to work tomorrow! No, I'm down right depressed. I want sooooo bad to be a stay at home wife. We don't have kids, we are childfree by choice. I just wonder if I would get bored. I know there is lots to do around the home. It would save time on the weekend. I would LOVE to be a stay at home wife. No more deadlines, staff meetings, snowy drives, out of town workshops and office politics! I'm so much more peaceful being at home. My mom never had to work. She was always a stay at home mom. She still doesn't work. Sis & I are in our 30's.

Just wondering if those who stay at home "enjoy" being home away from the everyday rat race? Did you always plan on staying home? Do you miss the work environment?

This thread has gotten off track a bit but I wanted to let you know that I know where you are coming from. DH and I are also in our 30s without children and I have been seriously considering "retiring" if you will. My husband makes a good living and has told me that he would be happy to have me stay home if it was what I wanted. I have went back and forth with the issue of how I would best utilize my time because right now my job is hectic and very busy. My Mom never worked outside the home either and she is one of the most interesting and involved people I know. I think some of the less supportive comments here come from either possible jealousy or a lack of appreciation for your choice of being childfree.
I don't have a lot of advice except--- weigh your options and know that in the end the only opinions that are truly important on the subject is yours and your DH's. Good Luck!

 

[LeesyUD]

Just like a social worker knows they may not fit as a corporate business woman or vice versa, A SAHW may know they would not fit as a working woman and a working woman may know they wouldn't fit as a SAHW. But just as a working woman deserves respect, so does a SAHW,

 

[Chris2597]

Several years ago one of our friends decided that dh would be the SAHD....The wife made a high salary and her dh salary was considerably less....It worked great for about a month...She was thrilled with the house, laundry, and meals being ready when she arrived home.....But after the novelty wore off....the clean house, meals, well cared for children stopped....He found hobbies, fishing, hunting, hangin with his buddies much more fullfilling than the housework...He expected her to come home and do it all as she had done before.As you can imagine that went over like a ton of bricks....They are now divorced....
My friend still has the same high powered job, but is single....She would have been thrilled if he had lived up to his end of the bargain....She didnt begrudge him his "me" time but did expect him to take his SAHD job seriously...

 

[WIcruizer]

I'm still seeing a lot of talk about choices...I don't feel like working...I struggle with working...etc. All I'm saying is there's a double standard. Men are expected to work, whether we "feel" like it or not. This is the easiest way to explain it. For those of you who don't feel like working, what if your husband felt the same way? Now nobody works right? Yet it's ok for YOU not to work because you don't feel up to it.

I don't really care, it doesn't affect me. I'm jsut pointin out the double standard, and it's interesting to me, that's all. Consider the millions in middle class suburbia where the DH works, and the wife is a SAHW. He walks in one day and says "I really don't feel like working" We need to sell the house or you have to find a $100,000 job. Those princesses wouldn't know what to do next. I guees despite the women's revolution, little has changed. Women have choices, men have responsibilities.

 

[DVCJEN]

I think you DO care and it DOES bother you, WIcruizer. I am sorry your situation is causing you frustration, I hope it improves for you.

 

[beattyfamily]

Because you haven't proven it or given any examples. You're claiming when I say "many or "most" people there's some sort of meaning beyond it. An observation I have is people in here tend to throw out comments like that with no explanation or supporting evidence.

I did not "claim when you say many, most', I didn't mention you at all. You are not even the only one who used the word 'some' in this thread. I made an general observation regarding people using the word 'some' along with an insult on the DIS to make it somehow ok, just as you made a general observation about 'some', actually 'many' SAHW's being princesses.

Why would I have to give examples or supply proof for an OPINION or an observation I have. Too funny!!

 

[WIcruizer]

I think you DO care and it DOES bother you, WIcruizer. I am sorry your situation is causing you frustration, I hope it improves for you.

Cute...and nice try.

 

[Mommy2three]

I am a stay at home mom. If i wasnt a mom I dont think I'd want to be a stay at home wife, would get pretty boring after a few days for me. Dh and i decided when I got pregnant then I would quit my job and stay home with the 2 kids and with the baby when I had her. the other 2 kids are my "step"kids, but I am more like their real mom since their birth mom abandoned them when the boy was only a few weeks old and only sees them now a few times a year. When I found out i was pregnant last march then I quit my job and stayed home, and hubby is a over the road truck driver who is home on the weekends and mostly everynight for a few hours while he drives thru. So now i am a stay at home mom to three, a baby girl who is 2 months, a girl age 5 and a boy age 3. The oldest daughter is in kindergarten all day and so during the day its just the boy and baby and I, but I teach the boy at home. If it weren't for the kids I would not stay home, would be too boring. There is only so much housework to be done in one day if you are just a stay at home wife, lots more to do when your a mom.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

If your husband is fine with it and you can afford it and you can fill your days with activities like the household chores, volunteering etc...then go for it and don't you worry about what anyone else thinks of it.

I don't get why some are so bothered by your idea? Jealousy? All that matters is how you and especially your DH feels about it.

A long time ago, women didn't work, whether they had kids or not, and the DH liked it that way. Go figure. I'm not saying we need to go back to that but the OPs idea isn't really all that foreign a concept.

Good luck to you!

ITA!

 

[skiwee1]

I'm still seeing a lot of talk about choices...I don't feel like working...I struggle with working...etc. All I'm saying is there's a double standard. Men are expected to work, whether we "feel" like it or not. This is the easiest way to explain it. For those of you who don't feel like working, what if your husband felt the same way? Now nobody works right? Yet it's ok for YOU not to work because you don't feel up to it.

I don't really care, it doesn't affect me. I'm jsut pointin out the double standard, and it's interesting to me, that's all. Consider the millions in middle class suburbia where the DH works, and the wife is a SAHW. He walks in one day and says "I really don't feel like working" We need to sell the house or you have to find a $100,000 job. Those princesses wouldn't know what to do next. I guees despite the women's revolution, little has changed. Women have choices, men have responsibilities.

If my husband decided he didn't want to work then obviously our priorities would change. Like instead of living in a house we would have to live in a box! Seriously I know my husband. He would never want to stop working unless our way of life can still be achieved. He would never want to stay home and play house and that makes me very happy. I do lead the princess life. I admit it. I also LOVE it! I'm spoiled and have absolutely no guilt about it at all.

 

[PaulaSue]

I don't really know how you can compare stay at home moms to stay at home wives. I stay home with my kids by choice and I love it. But, even with my kids I do get bored. It's not always a picnic in the park. If I didn't have kids I would work, there would be no point for me to be at home all day with nothing to do. If you're dreading going to work so much then maybe you should look into getting a different job.

Ditto. Having kids is a very busy job and no pay so you have to Love it to do it.

 

[Christine]

I'm still seeing a lot of talk about choices...I don't feel like working...I struggle with working...etc. All I'm saying is there's a double standard. Men are expected to work, whether we "feel" like it or not. This is the easiest way to explain it. For those of you who don't feel like working, what if your husband felt the same way? Now nobody works right? Yet it's ok for YOU not to work because you don't feel up to it.

You are right on. I am a working female with two children (and a DH)! When I 'grow up' I want to quit work. In fact, almost everyday of my life is devoted to thinking about when I can quit my job and stay home or go find some job that is more like a "hobby." Unfortunately, this is not an option for me right now as I have a house, kids, car payment, etc. But it's what I want. I'm sure my DH hates working every bit as much as I do but, to be honest, it has never figured into either of our plans that HE would quit. Now this is partially because he has the better job (not higher paying but better in regards to health insurance and pension).

So, do we women think of quitting work because of a "double standard"? Or is it just ingrained in our thinking because of those of us that do work, usually (and I say *usually*) the female has the "lesser" of the jobs?

 

[cstraub]

I knew what you were saying and I totally agree with you. I can't imagine a man (with no children) being as accepted if he chose to simply not work and stay at home instead. There's definitely a double standard.

I can't imagine staying at home if I didn't have kids, it's just simply not "me".

Wait a minute! First men put us in the postion that we were opressed and felt inferior to them (we were not even considered good enough to vote!!). Then we fought- HARD- to be treared equal by working outside of the home, going in the Military, getting college degrees and not staying home. Now we are left where we can choose to stay at home or work and be respected. If men would have treated us right in the first place and respected us for staying at home we wouldn't have these "choices".

 

[Ziva]

Wait a minute! First men put us in the postion that we were opressed and felt inferior to them (we were not even considered good enough to vote!!). Then we fought- HARD- to be treared equal by working outside of the home, going in the Military, getting college degrees and not staying home. Now we are left where we can choose to stay at home or work and be respected. If men would have treated us right in the first place and respected us for staying at home we wouldn't have these "choices".

Huh? You're preaching to the choir here, I'm a proud feminist.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

I think that women are liberated--look at all the choices that many of us have. Liberated does not mean doing everything, but instead being equal and equal does not mean the same. My husband would not be willing to stay at home, plain and simple. He realizes that if, in the future, I were to get a job outside of the home that it would mean that he would need to pitch in around the house, if a child is sick he would sometimes need to take off, need to help with dr appts, etc, etc. When I mention this, he tells me to get a job at home so I can do a job AND most everything else around the house. Ummm, don't think so.

I'm sure there are days that he would like to throw the towel in and not work. Of course there are days that I'd like to go on strike around the house, but then I remember that I'm an adult in a cooperative household and I do my part. There are times to suck it up and I know it's something that we both need to do on occasion.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

There is most certainly some truth in that statement and I agree it isn't fair at all. I believe a couple should divide up everything that needs to be done based on who the best person for the job is, what each person enjoys (or doesn't hate, when it comes to scrubbing the kitchen floor), etc. There is a double standard in the minds of many people.

 

[cstraub]

Huh? You're preaching to the choir here, I'm a proud feminist.

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

I was responding to this and then to you. Men do not have the same "choices" beacause they have not endured the same hard road that we have. Beacause they forced us to change from "working" in the home to working outside of the home. Now many of us want to stay home and many of us want to work. There is a choice there for us and it is a double standard. I guess this is our reward for not having respect from them in the first place!

Paybacks are heck......No I'm not big believer of Karma but it sure fits!