?? for seperated/divorced parents of young kids

[mudnuri]

Do you take your children shopping for the other parent at christmas and on birthdays?

Today DD8 and I finished up picking things up for her father. DD9 and I went last Saturday and did some. For fathers day, I took them shopping for him.

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, and she sort of thought it was odd that i'd do this. My thought was the girls get to give their father something on christmas morning, that they otherwise would not be able to purchase, as they dont have money LOL.

DD9 got
plug in coffee cup- plugs into cig lighter
new bowtie trailer hitch plug since the old one broke
and a big bag of m&m's
a tank cover for his 'Busa, since his jacket zipper scratched it this summer

DD8 got
a pair of carhart quilted jeans (she told me he spilled diesel on his other pair)
m&m coffee mug full of m&m's
big pack of resee's peanut butter cups
a cell phone charm (this one was beyond me...its a rose LOL but she wanted to get it for him)

I didnt think twice about any of it, even though he doesnt think like me, and i know that he did not take them shopping for me, nor do i expect that he does.....my mom took them LOL

Brandy

 

[pixiemomma]

My parents divorced when I was young. They would each help me pick out something for the other on their birthdays and Christmas. When I look back I realize they treated each other with alot of respect after they split and for that I am grateful.

I think it is really sweet of you! I'm sure it makes your girls feel good to have something to give their Dad.

 

[RadioNate]

My parents divorced when I was 5 and they both took me shopping for the other parent. When I was really little my mom would just buy my dad's stuff and hand it to me. Usually cologne or a sweater.

On the occasions that my dad didn't take me (we had some aad Holidays) my mom's mother did.

 

[malibuconlee]

No, mine didn't, but I just want to say "Thank you" for treating your ex with respect. Your daughters will remember that when they're grown and thank you for it.

 

[kristen821]

I think that is a wonderful thing for you to do. It takes a strong and wonderful mother to do that.

 

[monarchsfan16]

My parents split when I was 8. My mom always took us shopping, and even now that I drive and shop myself, she picks up stuff she thinks dad'll like and hands it to us to give it to him, in addition to the stuff we get. She still pays for a lot of the stuff we get him too. I'm 19, and my sister is 15.
My dad, on the other hand, definitely never took us shopping. My grammy was wonderful though, and predicted this little problem from the start, so before my mom remarried Grammy always picked up stuff so that there was stuff under the tree for mom from us.

 

[dmslush]

I think it is wonderful that you are able to put your differences out of the way and put your children first!

 

[tiggerlover]

I think it is wonderful that you are able to put your differences out of the way and put your children first!

I was thinking the same exact thing. What a wonderful thing you are doing for your children.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You are teaching your children a wonderful lesson and I think it's great!

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

My DS is 5 now, me and his dad split when he was 10 months old. It was a very messy break up but we have come a long way and now get along. We try and make our son's life as "normal" as possible. I usually get DS's dad a gift certificate for him and his girlfriend to use - my son may or may not make something for him in addition.
DS is at the age where he is questioning why we can't all go on vacation together (meaning DS,me,my DH, his dad and dad's girlfriend), why we don't all live together, etc... It is hard to explain to him at this point. Although we all get along, going on vacation with each other is just a bit too weird for me, LOL! DS's dad always asks for us all to go out together (to dinner, sports games, etc), but my DH doesn't really want to (not that I can blame him) But I will go out with DS and his dad alone (lunch, shopping) with no problem.
My parents are constantly telling me how my relationship with DS's dad isn't "normal", and we shouldn't ever talk to each other except about DS. For some reason, they just want me to hate him forever. I can't live hating someone I deal with on a daily basis. I think if we can get along it will be much better for our DS growing up. Both of us strive to make everyone have a positive relationship with each other.

 

[bettyann29]

My kids are now 7 (almost 8), 12 and 14... Me and their dad has been divorced for a little over 4 yrs now but we were separated for 4 yrs before that (we separated when I was 4 mnths pregnant with youngest DD).. When we first split things werent so nice between us.. we have gotten along really good for the last 5 yrs or so.. Every year I let the kids get something for their dad for Christmas and his birthday.. He has always taken them to get me a Christmas present.. Even though we couldnt get along while we were married, we have been able to put our differences aside for our kids.. We will always have that tie because of the kids.. Its funny because we get along so well now.. He comes to the kids parties, even here at the house.. He has even came and stayed with the kids while me and my boyfriend went on vacation.. When me, boyfriend and my kids go on vacation he comes and picks up our animals, takes them to his house and takes care of them.. If we didnt have our kids I wouldnt have contact with him, but they are a common bond for us and will always have that.. even when our kids are older, because then there will be hopefully grandbabies..

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

My DD is 9, and yes, I let her shop for her Dad. It isn't her fault that he and I couldn't make the marriage work. I help her with ideas on things I know he likes but I want her to enjoy picking the presents and giving from her heart. I also let her wrap his gifts.

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

My mom has always taken my DD shopping for any holiday or special occassion, however this year DD says she does not want to buy for her dad. I can't say that I blame her but I have asked several times just to make sure, i did my part now I have to let her do hers!!

Thank you for putting your kids first on this on and not your feelings!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

 

[QT Pooh]

I used to take the kids to buy my ex a gift and vice-versa until we got into other serious relationships (we're both now remarried). Now his wife takes the kids to buy him a gift and my husband takes them to buy me a gift. It's important for the kids to know that everyone has a role in their lives and should be respected.

My 2nd husband's ex-wife on the other hand always got a gift from my ex-husband (usually handmade as he is a woodworker) as a 'thanks for taking care of the kids'. They live 10 hours apart so visitations were only a few times a year. She never reciprocated or even had the kids call him to wish him a happy birthday, father's day, merry christmas or send him a card. It's really sad, and it hurts him so much.

 

[NMAmy]

I think it's great--I do take dd shopping for a father's day gift for her dad if she's with me at that time--her stepmom takes her at Christmas and birthdays when she's with them. He, on the other hand, has never done this--his current wife would have a fit. Before I remarried, I used to give dd money to buy me Christmas, birthday, and Mother's Day gifts and then I'd take her to the store and she'd cover up whatever she was buying me in the cart. I'd look the other way when we checked out. She made me a bunch of stuff, too. Now she takes DH shopping for me.

 

[floridaminnie]

DD 6 and we split when I was 2 months prgnant. He never has, I use to in the beginning, but he is now remarried and I've given that job to his new wife. They are "suppose" to see here very other weekend and then for extended periods of time during the holidays, so if they want to they can. I don't think they do though.

 

[KathyFP]

What you are doing is healthy. You are being a great role model.

 

[DwarfMaster]

In was wondering how other parents handled this. This is my first Christmas alone & I wasn't sure how to handle the gift situation. We've not been on very good terms since the split.

I did take my kids to Wal-Mart and let them each pick up something little. I absolutely cannot afford to be buying my Ex gifts (Especially since he has yet to pay any of the court ordered child support)...but I did feel it was important for the kids to have something to give him on Christmas.

 

[Shannon G]

In was wondering how other parents handled this. This is my first Christmas alone & I wasn't sure how to handle the gift situation. We've not been on very good terms since the split.

I did take my kids to Wal-Mart and let them each pick up something little. I absolutely cannot afford to be buying my Ex gifts (Especially since he has yet to pay any of the court ordered child support)...but I did feel it was important for the kids to have something to give him on Christmas.

I'm in a simialr situation - the is the first Christmas since our split, and money is tight. I make good money, but I am paying all of the bills alone now. But, I still want the girls to have something to give to their Dad, so I got a 5x7 print of a really cute picture that my mom took of the girls recently, and put it in a frame.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

In was wondering how other parents handled this. This is my first Christmas alone & I wasn't sure how to handle the gift situation. We've not been on very good terms since the split.

I did take my kids to Wal-Mart and let them each pick up something little. I absolutely cannot afford to be buying my Ex gifts (Especially since he has yet to pay any of the court ordered child support)...but I did feel it was important for the kids to have something to give him on Christmas.

I'm in the same situation. He refuses to pay support. He is the one who filed for a divorce..chose his internet girlfriend over his marriage and then preceeded to put me through hell for 2.5 years while I waited for the divorce to be finalized. In the end, I gave up fighting with him and let him have whatever he wanted just to be free of him. In return, he still takes advantage. But I cannot justify putting all my ill feelings on my DD. I keep silent and let her visit her father even though he keeps his cell phone turned off so that I cannot reach my DD when I want to, if he takes her out of town, like he did the past few weeks, he tells me he will be in one hotel, but actually stays in another so that I never know where my DD is etc. Yes, I would love to ram my fist down his throat and take him to court and forbid him to see DD again, but...she loves her Daddy. I have no right to take her hero away from her. So I take it and DD never knows how much I hate having to pay for him to receive gifts.