First day of school was a disaster!

[PHXscuba]

I read something in a parenting book that really hit home for a control-freak perfectionist like me.

It said, "Focus on being a good parent, not on having "good kids." Basically, I took it to mean that we should do everything we can to raise our children right (sounds like you are), but that our children's choices, reactions, temperment are their own and they have their own free will.

All of us grownups have bad days, so do our kids. Each of mine has been through a couple rounds of separation anxiety but gets over it eventually. Give her lots of love, but stay strong and know that "this too shall pass."

PHXscuba

 

[PaddingtonBear]

Well I know I'm a good mom (kidding- does anyone ever really KNOW they're a great mom?) most of the time anyway, and my dd went through this as she graduated from one daycare class to another. It was a huge ordreal and went on for about two weeks. Every day at drop off she'd cling, cry, beg for me to stay and the teachers would have to pry her off me. I'd go upstairs to my desk, sit in my cube crying over what a horrible mom I am, then get a call from the teacher saying she is happily playing with the other kids and making a necklace out of painted pasta on a string. After about 2-3 weeks it got much better and now she happily goes to school each day.

So this too shall pass. Just give her lots of love and encouragement, and do your best to be sensitive but positive.

 

[zoemurr]

is the world's biggest self proclaimed Mommy's boy.

He is very shy and clingy, and gets nerves every time we go anywhere. Lucky for me though he never acts up in public 'cause he hated drawing any attention to himself.

He was very nervous about K, and then about 1st (even though he had the same teacher). I had a small pin set that had a little boy pin. We attached it to the bottom of his shirt so he could touch it if he missed me. He asked for it for a few weeks both years, and then it was forgotten. It did seem to make him feel better.

It's just his personality though. My DD is like another PPs.. she eagerly seeks out new situations/people and thrives on it. My son will be starting 3rd grade this year and still complains of a tummy ache every morning before school/camp/gymnastics/whatever. I dread that he is going to go through life like this. Everyone says it will get better, but it's been an 8 year battle so far. Sorry... guess I'm no help at all..

 

[eeyorethegreat]

The others have said essentially what I was going to say. I thought I would mention a children's book that I love called the Kissing Hand

http://www.amazon.com/Kissing-Hand-...8005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249603495&sr=8-1

It is about a little racoon that is nervous about going to school and being away from Mom. If you haven't ever read it, check it out from the library, maybe having your own "kissing hand" could help.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

The others have said essentially what I was going to say. I thought I would mention a children's book that I love called the Kissing Hand

http://www.amazon.com/Kissing-Hand-...8005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249603495&sr=8-1

It is about a little racoon that is nervous about going to school and being away from Mom. If you haven't ever read it, check it out from the library, maybe having your own "kissing hand" could help.

This is a top three favorite of mine and DDs. What a sweet story.

 

[scootch]

My best advise... don't get emotional in front of them.... just say, it will be ok, and drop them off. The more emotional you are, the worse they are. My dd cried the first 16 days of school. Hugs to ya.

 

[tpholland]

Also been there - done that...

My ds started school when he was 2. EVERY day he did this until kindergarten. At that point I volunteered @ school, teaching in his room 1/2 day every week. He was fine in the morning & on every other day, but when I left @ noon on that one day a week, he FREAKED!!! He begged me to take him home with me & cried & cried. It was heartbreaking. But the teacher always held him & told me to go he was fine.

I'm here to tell you, that 12 yrs later, he is a normal well adjusted Sr., who I must say, shows no sign whatsoever over being afraid for either of us leaving

I'd ask the teacher how things are going after you leave, just to give yourself some peace of mind. Because, I bet she's just fine

 

[mickeymouse1017]

Hi! Mom and first grade teacher here who has been on both sides of this fence. This type of behavior is more common than you think. You should be praised for wanting to help and looking for answers. You did what was right. This behavior will stop but you must continue to drop her off, tell her goodbye, and leave. Her teacher knows that she must just continue with the regular routine and let your child work through her emotions until she is ready to join the rest of the class. Parents don't realize that it usually only takes about 5 or 10 minutes for this behavior to subside and everything is fine. Make sure that you are keeping the same routine as far as drop off and pick up are concerned as she may be worrying about things like that during the day and this could cause undue anxiety. A small reward if she has a good day or week could be something to work towards. It is usually harder on the parents but if it lasts longer than about two weeks, I would suggest that you ask to speak with the counselor about the situation. Good Luck!!!

P.S. - I say none of this lightly, I cried like a baby when I dropped my DD5 off at preschool and thought that I was going to have to see the counselor!!!

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

We're a military family and something we've always been taught in pre-deployment briefings is that it's easier emotionally to be the one leaving than it is to be the one left. This is why my DS is going to ride the bus to kindergarten this year. He is very attached to me and suffers from severe separation anxiety when I even leave him with Grandma so we've done alot of things to ease him into school. I'm very nervous about him riding the bus, getting on and off in the right places, etc., but I know if I take him to school there will be a scene when I leave. If he gets to leave me it will be exciting.

If your DS can't ride a bus, is there anyway you could leave him at the door of the school to go with a teacher or another parent to his classroom? Just a kiss then "Okay, I'll see you after school, have fun today!" then he walks away from you?

Don't feel bad, for some kids it's just their nature. He will adjust. When I was about 5 my Mom would leave me for Sunday school each week and I would freak out and after she left I refused to play, I would just sit in a chair and do nothing unless the teacher set a puzzle down in front of me. This went on for a long time, sometimes my older sister would sneak down and get me and take me out early, but finally a very persistent little girl started talking to me and trying to get me to play and after two Sundays of that I was fine and couldn't wait to go. That's another option, does your DS know any of the kids in his class? If not maybe you could set up a playdate with a couple of them so he could get to know them or have a "back to school" party so he could see them outside of school.

 

[allyphoe]

it's easier emotionally to be the one leaving than it is to be the one left. This is why my DS is going to ride the bus to kindergarten this year.

My DD rides the bus for just this reason. On the rare days I need to drop her off myself, I'm literally peeling her off of me and running out the door as she attempts to re-attach herself. On bus days, she gets on the bus and doesn't glance back.

 

[Momvic5]

is the world's biggest self proclaimed Mommy's boy.

He is very shy and clingy, and gets nerves every time we go anywhere. Lucky for me though he never acts up in public 'cause he hated drawing any attention to himself.

He was very nervous about K, and then about 1st (even though he had the same teacher). I had a small pin set that had a little boy pin. We attached it to the bottom of his shirt so he could touch it if he missed me. He asked for it for a few weeks both years, and then it was forgotten. It did seem to make him feel better.

It's just his personality though. My DD is like another PPs.. she eagerly seeks out new situations/people and thrives on it. My son will be starting 3rd grade this year and still complains of a tummy ache every morning before school/camp/gymnastics/whatever. I dread that he is going to go through life like this. Everyone says it will get better, but it's been an 8 year battle so far. Sorry... guess I'm no help at all..

I am all too familiar with your story. I have a DS13 who still struggles with anxiety. He is much better now because as a 13 yr old, he is better at putting things and situations into perspective, but his elementary years were very tough. We both struggled with his anxiety every morning through the 4th grade. Like your son, he complained with a tummy ache. He never cried or made a scene at school, but he would hug me a million times each morning and get sick to his stomach. We would just barely make it to school on time because of his stomach issues. One day after being so frustrated over it all, I talked to the school counselor about him, and she came up with a great idea. She asked him to be her early morning helper. Every morning just before school started, he (along with a few other children) would meet the counselor in her room and be given some little task to do. He would help her until the bell rang each morning. This helped us tremendously because it allowed him to focus on helping her rather than his anxiety.

Right now, he is on camping trip with family friends. He was very eager and excited to go, but as he was getting ready to leave, he must have hugged me and said good-bye twenty times. I have to be very positive and encouraging with him, but he is doing much better.

 

[mjejj]

When I was a kid in school (waaay past that age now) I had horrible anxiety and hated to be left anywhere. One thing I remember hating was not being the first in the classroom. For whatever reason, if I was there before anyone else I was fine. Maybe you could leave a little earlier and try to be the first in the class. If that isn't possible, maybe she could walk in with a friend. I agree with other posters, maybe riding the bus would be easier on her. She'll get used to school, everyone has to adjust in their own way. I can tell you as someone who suffered horrible anxiety as a kid, there really wasn't anything my Mom could have done differently. Just be supportive and sympathetic but don't let her avoid doing things that make her anxious. It will be ok.