Finding the real me in this body

[CJK]

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better. When you feel well, it's often easier to tackle all that life is throwing our way. Hope you can get out that weed killer soon!

 

[CACruisin']

Glad you are feeling better and the kids are better too. Can your OB call in a refill at least for a month for you?

You have a good attitude about today being a new day!! You can do it!

Go weed killer .....

 

[deelam]

More excitement last night. DH gave Neice $40 for her birthday. I had it on the counter and had planned to get her a gift cert since her parents don't want her to have money. DH forgot. Neice has a substance abuse problem and I promised her parents I would never give her money. Neice went out with Crazy BIL and stayed out all night, most likely spending all her money on drugs. Neice has been hanging out with BIL allot. MIL has been stressed out. In addition to hanging out with drug abusers Neice had big hickeys all over her neck. Last night after BIL and niece went out, MIL had chest pains and had to go to the hospital. She was admitted. I called sister in law and let her know whats happening. She refused to talk to MIL. They haven't talked in about 6 weeks. SIL is planning to drag neice out of MIL's house today and make her come home. There will be a big fight( and a possible fist fight). I'm sure of it. I'm torn between just going out to the mall or sitting on my porch and watching all the action like watching a movie. But if I stay home, they may all come running to me for help. One thing is for sure, MIL does not need this stress. This is the 3rd hospital visit in 3 months.

The diet went well.
I really need to start walking again. I think that is really the key for me.

Today
Scrambled egg in low carb wrap
Lunch Weight Watcher low carb
Dinner-steak & mushrooms or something at the mall

My carb count is a litle higher today. I really needed a wrap this morning. That was 8 carbs. The WW low carb is also 8 carbs. I'll be about 25 to 30 carbs for today.

I still haven't called OB Dr for refill. I'll have to do that today. It's not a good time to have a "little accident" come along.

 

[deelam]

Yesterday was a calm day at home. MIL still in hospital. None of her kids went to see her. I was going to go, but I had the cable guy coming and really needed to be home. At least I called MIL and told her that I'm there if she needs me. I called SIL to ask her not to come to MIL's house to drag druggie neice (her daughter) back home. I really had a fear that SIL would get attacked by BIL. I called my Druggie neice to tell her Grandmom was in the hospital. Neice was mumbling badly over the phone. I really couldn't understand hardly anything she was saying. I'm not sure if this is from partying or what. The bottom line is neice is staying somewhere else for a few days, she left. I'm not sure why niece decided to stay elsewhere. I keep saying to myself their problems are not my problems. It helps keep me calm.

I stuck to my diet plan yesterday. It feels good to eat right.
Today I woke up very tired. Boss at work is out, so I had to go in extra early to fill in. In work at 6AM and I got up at 4Am. I just didn't have any desire to eat this morning. It was way too early. So I brought a low carb wrap with low carb peanut butter on it to eat later in the morning.

Todays plan
BF low carb wrap with low carb peanut butter
Lunch-weight watcher low carb
Dinner-maybe pork chops on the grill with greanbeans

Since school started my days and nights are crazy. I do so much laundry. I did a load last night, and have like 2 more loads for the weekend. Next week starts all the running around, band, artclub soccor, not to mention dinner and homework. DH helps a little, make that very little.

 

[goldcupmom]

I think we must be related!!! Your life sounds so crazy like mine. I can certainly relate, way too well!! (except for the Birth Control issus - we took care of that as DH 38th BDay present )

I hope things calm down a bit for you & you can have a bit of you time this weekend.

Hang in there - it seems to be what we do best!!!

 

[CJK]

Oh dear! Sorry to hear about all you're going through. I hope you'll have time in between these conflicts and laundry to do something for yourself this weekend. GREAT job at maintaining your eating plan with all that's going on. Keep up the great work!!

 

[CACruisin']

You are doing such a good job staying on plan when you are going through so much. You are taking charge of what you can control and that is your own eating and family. You are right about their problems are not your problems. You can not control them.

 

[deelam]

I did okay until last night. I gave in to candy corn. I don't know what came over me.
We had a family party yesterday (DH side). DH brought DS10 & DS3. I arrived later. When I got there DH really wasn't watching my 3 year old. DS3 was in the back yard with the dog. The dog kept knocking down DS and humping him. I don't think anyone was paying attention to what was going on. Thank god I arrived when I did. I was so stressed, no wonder I ate candy.

It's 9/11, I really thought about taking off and heading up to NYC to go to the tower site. My Mom lost a cousin there. But that isn't really the reason. I barely knew her cousin. I have 2 dear cousins that got caught up in all the mess after the collapse. But they are fine. During the attacks, I managed to get my friend in NYC on the phone. It was horrible to hear her talk about everything as it was happening. We were both so upset. The hard part was her telling me about the people jumping from the towers. Some of the people were holding hands as they jumped. Maybe I'll go up this weekend. My Mom really wants me to take her up. My Mom has been sick and needs to see a lung specialist. We are all scared to death for her.

MIL is still in the hospital. She had A-Fib and they are treating her with blood thinners so that she doesn't have a stroke. I forced DH to call her Friday. He talked to her for a minute then handed the phone to me. MIL took the time to tell me everything I'm doing wrong in my life, she insist all I ever feed my kids is pizza, and that isn't true. SHe started telling me that both of my kids are going to be fat (both of my kids are skinny and eat very little). It just went on and on.

Todays plan
BF -small piece of chicken
Lunch-large salad
Dinner-bunnless hamburgers

 

[CACruisin']

Just take everything day by day. Maybe you should not call MIL. She doesn't sound like she is very nice to you. She is the one growing the ragweed too, right? Maybe this is just one person you don't really need in your life right now. She doesn't seem to be a positive influence for anyone.

 

[deelam]

Thanks CACruisin, you are correct. I need to stay away from MIL at all cost. I need all the support I can get in dealing with her. I've got to not get involved in what happens next door. It's not my problem.

MIL never did come home from the hospital. BIL & druggie niece came home next door at 4AM. They were locked out and made soo much noise it woke me & DH up. FIL let them in. We could hear BIL yelling F words. And then we heard something break. It sounded like he busted out a window. FIL is 76 years old and had to put up with this. I have been saying it's not my problem all morning. I wouldn't even let myself look next door this morning to see if windows were broken. I really wish SIL would take druggie neice home. It's just not good to have her around BIL. It's like, as a team they are stronger. I'm feeling allot of anger towards SIL & drugger niece. I feel anger towards SIL's husband too. He is the stepdad to druggie neice. He told me he would leave SIL if niece came home. But, with MIL near having a stroke and FIL being put through all this, I think they should handle druggie niece. It's their problem. When I told DH this, he told me to stay out of it. I will, IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

I broke down again last night and ate a few potato chips. Right back on the healthy eating program today. This Thursday at work is Sub day. The company buys everyone sub sandwiches. Maybe if I eat the lunchmeat and avoid the roll I can make it through.

I haven't weighed myself, but I noticed that my shirts are a little looser and my ankles thinned out some. I think I have been retaining large amounts of water and doing low carb has helped get rid of the water. I need to get out and walk.

Todays plan
BF 2 scrambled eggs
Lunch large salad
Dinner-roast pork & green beans

 

[CJK]

I think you need to repeat to yourself over and over again that it's "not your problem". I know that's hard to do, but for the sake of your sanity and health, it's worth it. Hang in there. Good for you for keeping your eye on the prize of healthy living. Congrats on the looser clothes!!! That's the best feeling of all! Hope your week goes well and that you get through sub day okay!

 

[deelam]

Yesterday was a crazy day. Crazy BIL tried to kill himself a couple of hours before MIL came home from the hospital. There was blood all over. His wound was not life threatening. Druggie niece called the police and they took him away. I have no idea where BIL is now. Niece now wants to kill herself too. Niece's sister, the good niece, came over my house crying last night. She loves her sister so much but can't get through to her. But she spilled the beans on what druggie niece is doing. Which is about every drug under the sun, including herion and cocaine. It's just a sad somber day today. We are all worried about them both. MIL is soo sad. I actualy called SIL and told her to call her mother. I said that out of respect she should call her. It's just so sad. All this is heading for a tragic end. I know it's not my problem, but it's so hard to watch.

I stayed on plan yesterday. Except for taking 2 Tumms. I also weighed myself. I'm still at 216. SO all the cheating I have done and I haven't gained any weight. I feel very good about that.

Today
BF Bacon
Lunch low carb weight watchers
Dinner-not sure yet, maybe a Philly cheese steak without the bun

Tonights activites will be homework, cook dinner & clean up, do a load of wash, and go to band meeting. My 10 year old wants to join the school band to play the trumpet! This should be fun.

 

[deelam]

I did well last night. It was a good turnout for the band meeting last night. DS is really into it. He changed his mind from the trumpet to the sax.

Todays meal plan

BF bacon
Lunch--sub day??? I will try not to eat the roll. I just hope insanity doesn't set in.
Dinner-no clue, I really want to go to the outback. They have very low carb friendly food. I guess it all depends on how I make out at lunch.

On a side note, I really feel good and secure about saying I'm done with the problems next door. As a matter of fact I'm done with SIL too. I don't want inlaws calling me with any problems, and I will tell them if they call again. I really think they take advantage of my good nature. It's always about them and their problems, never about me. My world could be colapsing and I don't think they would even notice.(maybe MIL would just so she could blame me for it) Last night MIL told me she didn't know if she should believe good niece's confession on what druggie niece is doing. I just can't deal with MIL anymore. I called SIL's house to give her drug rehab info, I left a message. SIL's never called me back, instead her husband called and I gave him the message. It really dawned on me how selffish SIL is. I have 20 years worth of history with her and know how selfish she can be. I'm not getting involved anymore.
So, for once I am going to be strong and be done with it all. My family is too important to me to get wrapped up in inlaws problems anymore.
My new goal is not only to get fit, it is to be strong and focus on what's best for my family and avoid other people's problems.

 

[CJK]

Bravo!!!! I love your new goal of focusing on family and not getting involved in other peoples' problems! I should follow your lead!

How did sub day go? Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

 

[CACruisin']

As CJK said, BRAVO! Keep your focus on your family and you. That is what really matters. That is where you need to spend your energy and time.

Hope you are having a great weekend.

 

[deelam]

Well my food choices haven't been good. Sub day started my downfall, eventhough I didn't eat the roll. We had a small football party yesterday during the eagles/giants game. I grazed all day on party food, had a meatball sandwich. Plus a had a couple of beers. But l was just as bad on the days leading up to Sunday. I plan to start walking tonight. My ankle that was broken still bothers me. I'm not sure if the torn ligaments or the break that makes my ankle feel weak and sore. I think walking will help make it stronger. So tonight afterwork I will walk.

I've done well at emotionaly detaching myself from my in-laws problems. The ups and downs when you deal with drug abusers are just too much. I'm staying out of it. BIL is okay. They held him only 24 hours! I was hoping they would hold him forever. If anyone ever needed to be committed, it's him. I found out that his wound really wasn't that bad. It couldn't have been a serious attempt to kill himself. But his timing was awful, with MIL coming home from the hospital. These druggies never think of others, it's all about them. I just need to be done with their mess. SIL seems to have done well on turning her back, even though it's her daughter with the drug problems. She hasn't been over to see her Mother she she was released from the hospital or check on her daughter at all. Selfishness must run through their family.

Todays food
BF chicken and a pickle--that is want I wanted
Lunch-chicken and pickles-so yummy from breakfast, I packed more
dinner-bunnless burger & salad

 

[CJK]

Your food plan sounds great for the day! It's important to eat what you enjoy, so if you want chicken & a pickle for breakfast, go for it!!!

I still can't believe what is going on next door. It must be very difficult, but remember your goal of focusing on you and your immediate family. The rest will take care of itself. Have a healthy and happy week!

 

[CACruisin']

I love pickles , but I really retain when I eat them so I have to moderate ...

Great job staying detached from the Inlaw problems. CJK is right. Remember to stay focused on your family and yourself. You need to be selfish in this area.

 

[deelam]

You both are right. I need to not be wrapped up in the problems with my in-laws. I feel better every time I say, It's not my problem.
I don't even want to know what is going on. I still have to work on being strong. I saw a T.V show called intervention on A&E. Seeing this druggie girl, and the way she treated her sister & family just reminded me of druggie neice and her sister(good niece) so much. I really need to get good niece to watch it with me. It might help heal some of her pain. She really is in pain watching her sister self destruct.

I did great on the diet. No cheats at all. I felt good. My plan was to walk yesterday before dinner. When I got home to change, my kids were starving. DH was busy outside. So I had to cook dinner, clean up, homework and then DS3 got into the cabinette and dumped cooking oil all over himself and on the floor. So then it was bath time and clean up. I ended up only walking around the block. But it was a start. I have a better plan tonight. I have speggetti & meatballs ready to heat up for the kids. DH will do this while I walk.

Todays food
BF cheese
Lunch chicken & pickles
Dinner-string beans & grilled steak-I'll be cooking for myself only

I really am getting the urge to start planning our next Disney trip. We may have to wait until June, when DH's work slows up a bit. DH doesn't want to go back. I have to try and convince him. I'll go with just the kids if I have to, as a last resort.

 

[deelam]

I did walk a little last night. I did 4 laps around a quarter mile track. It's a start.
DH messed up on dinner. DH was home yesterday with DS3. He fed him what I planned for dinner at lunch time. So when I came in from my walk the kids were starving, DH had no idea what to make them to eat. I feel like I have 3 kids instead of 2.
I have back to school night at DS10 school and DS3 daycare. I told DH to order a pizza for him and the kids. I'll try to fit in some walking and eat a quick bite before leaving for the schools.

All still quiet next door. Actually, I'm trying my best to not get involved by not paying attention. This morning at 5AM I could here the noises from BIL & niece outside. They must have just been coming home and were really noisey.
I just will train myself to pay it no attention.

Todays plan
BF-a pickles and 3 cups of coffee! Not good, I know it.
Lunch-chicken ceasars salad
Dinner-not sure, I have chicken I can grill. I'm going to start clucking soon. But I do love chicken.