FIL passed away Monday and the fighting has begun...UPDATE 127

[disneybound2010]

I'm not even sure which way is up at this point. My FIL passed away suddenly Monday morning. He lived with his GF and almost immediately the GF and her family tried to lock DH out of any arrangements, info or access to his belongings and paperwork(We tangled with them just to look for any funeral info he may have had). DH has already been to the courthouse and the VA and we do know that she has NO RIGHTS to do anything. There is no will and her POA was strictly for medical purposes. That died when he did.

DH had joint accounts with his father and this mornign she started questioning him about all of that. This afternoon, she was asking about certain items that were FIL's. We have not yet taken anything of his. Monday was too hard to even consider any of that. The arrangements were made yesterday(by DH) and his family. We just didn't want to deal with his belongings until we could get a grasp on this, but now the insinuations are that GF is doling out items to HER family. To be honest, we aren't even so much upset about the material items, it's that she is takign it upon herself to do as she pleases and not even consider DH has a say in this.

GF's SIL actually told us that we had no rights to anythign in that house unless GF deemed so and she would decide what stays and what goes at HER convenience. It hadn't even been 8 hours after he had passed.

IF you've made it this far, thanks for letting me rant. We are all just in shock to begin with and then to have this kind of fighting so soon just blows my mind. DH was more than willing to work with GF and wanted her to be a part of it, but she has repeatedly over the last 2 days just shown her true colors.

 

[Missy1961]

It stinks.

 

[WDWisTheBest]

Believe me, DH needs an estate lawyer yesterday.

 

[DVCLiz]

Have your husband tell the GF that legally he is in control of his father's estate and she has no authority to take any items that belonged to your FIL.

Have your DH retain an atorney and have that attorney write a letter to the GF stating same. Your DH will be required to list all items of personal property and their value in settling the estate anyway, so you might as well nip this business in the bud.

It's great to try and be nice but there are laws that have to be followed and if she is already causing issues there's no reason to include her only to have her make things worse.

 

[Agri]

If she definitely has no rights, she needs to be served with whatever notice you need to get to get her out of the house and change the locks. And yes, lawyer up, most definitely because it will make your life easier. Its hard to deal with it right now, but if you wait she will have more control over the situation and make things even more difficult.

 

[DMass]

It's great to try and be nice but there are laws that have to be followed and if she is already causing issues there's no reason to include her only to have her make things worse.

This.

And everyone should have a will.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I am sorry for your loss. First of all what GF is doing is illegal. Were they were living, was it a rental or owned by your FIL. It it was owned by your FIL
then I would hire a locksmith and change all the locks and lock her butt out. Dump all her things outside and you are done.

I also agree with other posters about speaking to an attorney...but at this rate, she will clean out the house/apartment. You might be able to get a court order for her to stop taking/giving away anything in the home. Not sure if you want that or not. Your DH can also call the police and see what they say. If she is taking things it is theft.

Good luck!

 

[Michelle and crew]

How long were they together? While she may have no legal rights, he obviously cared about her and the other way around. Hope that you all can figure it out. She may just be scared of losing her things, and that which belonged to both of them.

He obviously trusted her with his life. I am sorry for your loss.

 

[holycow]

If she was only his GF how does she have rights to anything?

I do know that if your DH is on the joint accounts she has NO access to any of that if her name isn't on the account.

Take the time no matter how difficult and get an attorney. You may not care now but when the shock wears off you will be upset you didn't do anything!

 

[C.Ann]

She has no legal rights to distribute anything of your FIL's to anyone.. Nor does she have any say in his final arrangements.. Your DH needs to tell her that whatever has been disposed of needs to be returned immediately - basically she is stealing..

Did she live there in the house? If not, change the locks on the doors.. If she does, your DH is legally within his rights to request that she leave..

Have you made arrangements for a military service? If he was a VA, he is entitled to certain things - including free burial in a military cemetery if that is what he would have preferred..

Death, weddings, and holidays bring out the absolute worst in some people.. I'm so sorry to hear of this sudden passing of your FIL - and then nasty issues on top of it..

Hugs and prayers to you, your DH, and other family members..

 

[sbell111]

Have your husband tell the GF that legally he is in control of his father's estate and she has no authority to take any items that belonged to your FIL.

Have your DH retain an atorney and have that attorney write a letter to the GF stating same. Your DH will be required to list all items of personal property and their value in settling the estate anyway, so you might as well nip this business in the bud.

It's great to try and be nice but there are laws that have to be followed and if she is already causing issues there's no reason to include her only to have her make things worse.

this.

 

[Wishing on a star]

All she has to do is 'claim' that the FIL gifted everything to her...

Which is what she seems to be doing....

If their residence is owned by the FIL, and this woman's name is not on the title or lease, then I would show up with a law-enforcement escort to have her ushered off the property, like yesterday. If this is not the case, then, really, anything there might be fair game... possession is often 99% of the law.

In any case, I would be taking steps to find out how to proceed, and would not hesitate to take official action IMMEDIATELY.
NEVER HAVE ANY GOOD-WILL OR TRY TO NEGOTIATE WITH A SNAKE.

Did the FIL leave a will???

Yes, there are actions that can be taken.
However, they would have to be taken NOW...
Because, once things disappear, there is really no recourse but to prosecute for theft and file a civil suit for reimbursment.

Sadly, it sounds like the actions, and inaction, of the FIL that have created this situation. It sounds like he considered her as a kind of common-law wife..... If he really had any problem with her taking anything she wanted, and her making all the final arrangments, he should have had things set up differently. He should have a very clear will, with a stated 'executer', etc....

 

[tlbwriter]

Did she live there in the house? If not, change the locks on the doors.. If she does, your DH is legally within his rights to request that she leave..

Unless she owned or co-owned the house, or was on the lease.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

How long were the GF and your father together? How long did they live together? He gave her a medical power of attorney so he must have trusted her and cared for her (and vice versa).

If they had been in a relationship and living together as 'husband and wife' (even without the legal formalities), then I think I'd cut her A LOT more slack than you seem to be. But, if it's been a short-term relationship (less than two years), I could definitely see where you are coming from.

You said that the death was sudden and unexpected. This woman has lost her lover and now she's worried she's going to be kicked out of her home and having the items she's been sharing with her partner taken away. If your father-in-law had been supporting her, she's may also be reeling from the realization that her financial security is in jeopardy. She must be going through a world of hurt right now, and may be very bitter that the man she loved didn't take the time to ensure that she was taken care of.

GF's SIL actually told us that we had no rights to anythign in that house unless GF deemed so and she would decide what stays and what goes at HER convenience. It hadn't even been 8 hours after he had passed.

I'd also like the context of this comment. Did SIL bring up the items in the house of did your DH or one of his family members? If the man I'd been living with died suddenly and his family, less than 8 hours after his passing, started making noises about coming into my home and taking items out of it, I'd probably be on the defensive as well.

I'm not saying that your son isn't legally entitled to his father's possessions, but I think seeing things from her perspective might make it a little easier to handle this situation gracefully (even if she and her family aren't always behaving equally).

I am VERY sorry for your DH's loss, and hope that having such a supportive spouse will help him through this difficult time.

 

[DebbieB]

Unless she owned or co-owned the house, or was on the lease.

That is the big question. When I read the original post, I took it to mean it was her house. If it's his house, then get her out. If it's her house or it's joint property, then there's a problem.

 

[tvguy]

The law varies from state to state, your husband certanly needs to get an attorney to protect his rights and brief you on what the law is.
When my FIL died, there were a lot of documents my wife had to have notorized and signed so her step mom could settle the estate. Fortunately we all get along, but under Texas law, she had priority over her step mom on ownership of her dad and stepmom's house and cars despite the will and how they were titled.

 

[tasha99]

If she was living in the house, you can't just change the locks as that would be an illegal eviction. If she lived in the house with FIL for a few years, she could be a common law wife and have some rights. Whatever the case, I think she may be paranoid about losing the things she and FIL acquired jointly. If FIL trusted and loved her, I guess I would give her some benefit of the doubt.

This is also a warning for people in non-traditional relationships to make sure they have a will (they should anyway, but esp. if going "by law" isn't going to match your wishes.) I guess I'm becoming more aware of this since I would take a huge financial penalty if I ever married again, yet would not want my partner to not be left out in the cold.

You really should see an attorney to find out what's expected of both you and her. I would not turn out someone who my FIL loved and cared for.

 

[Gigi22]

OP, take a real deep breath, give your DH a big hug and tell him that you love him, and are going to be there for him.
Now, take another deep breath, and get a lawyer.
It sounds as though you may be in for a difficult time, and you and your DH need to take care of each other first.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

OP, take a real deep breath, give your DH a big hug and tell him that you love him, and are going to be there for him.
Now, take another deep breath, and get a lawyer.
It sounds as though you may be in for a difficult time, and you and your DH need to take care of each other first.

 

[disney11fan]

get a lawyer ...is she still in the house....if so find out if you can have her removed...get police involved if needed...and change the locks.

good luck.

i am sorry for your loss...you shouldn't have to be put thru this.