Feeling Depressed

[kejoda]

Becka huge hugs. There are people that care about you.

 

[Rajah]

Originally posted by perdidobay
Becka, feel free to Pm me antime you need a shoulder

Me too!!

 

[Kissimmee JP]

Originally posted by perdidobay
And shame on those people who down play other's problems with "you could have it worse" . It sure doesn't help at all does it?
I also personally can't stand the phrase " God doesn't give us more than we can handle" Then why do people die of grief and depression????????

Ok, I don't want to overstep my bounds here, but this is, quite possibly, the dumbest thing I've ever read on this board.

Ok, Becka is in pain. Does that suck? Yes. Do I personally feel sorry for her? Yes.

However, there's no denying that there ARE people out there with much worse problems. I don't think that Miss Behaved was trying to DOWNPLAY Becka's pain problems. I think she was trying to cheer her up by pointing out that no matter how bad it is, it can ALWAYS be worse.

Sorry you didn't "get it."

 

[perdidobay]

Sorry JP, I did get it. I don't think you got the message I was trying to get across. I think people who think they are helping with this kind of statement don't understand that it doesn't cheer people up, it only makes them feel worse for feeling the way they do. It doesn't help to dismiss a problem or sadness by saying things like that. Feelings and sadness are real and valid, no matter that there are "worse" and " bigger" problems in the world. Of course there are, and will always be....
In my case it took going through sexual child abuse and serious depression, and being told all your life to "suck it up" because other people have it much worse, to learn how painful such statements are.



Ps I've read MUCH dumber things on this board

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Two words Becka:

Vicodan Daquiri

 

[CathyCanada]

You're right this is just a message board, but that's why we have to remember that people don't "hear or see" how we say things to get the whole message.

It's not always what you say, it's how you say it.
CC

 

[DonnaS]

Don't ever feel bad about venting here. That's what we're here for. I know how it feels to be in constant pain and I can't imagine having a baby to take care of on top of that.

Have you been to the doctor for your back?

I hope you feel better soon and that the stress at your work and your husband's lets up soon.

 

[aahmom1]

Becka, I hope you feel better soon. Don't feel bad about venting, you have every right to vent.

 

[Miss Behaved]

Originally posted by perdidobay
Sorry JP, I did get it. I don't think you got the message I was trying to get across. I think people who think they are helping with this kind of statement don't understand that it doesn't cheer people up, it only makes them feel worse for feeling the way they do. It doesn't help to dismiss a problem or sadness by saying things like that. Feelings and sadness are real and valid, no matter that there are "worse" and " bigger" problems in the world. Of course there are, and will always be....
In my case it took going through sexual child abuse and serious depression, and being told all your life to "suck it up" because other people have it much worse, to learn how painful such statements are.

Ps I've read MUCH dumber things on this board

No one was dismissing anything, I just said that "it could be worse" works for ME when I'm feeling bad for any reason. Being depressed and wallowing in self-pity isn't healthy either, I was merely making a statement, I certainly didn't mean to put her down or say she wasn't valid to be bummed out, she's allowed. I've seen my father go through years and years of chronic pain, and at times he got bummed out, but he is also very religious and was able to get through it and keep as positive an outlook as possible, despite what he was going through. Of course he didn't voice his concerns or his feelings or depression on a message board either. I wish her all the best and hopes she gets to feeling better.

 

[FOJMO]

Well, let me get this straight...

1. You had to take some vacation days because you have to be out because of your back pain (I'm assuming you are out of sick days). So, you have to use 2 sick days that you were planning on using for a visit this weekend and you will be short a 3rd day over the 4th of July. Right? You are unable to go this weekend (which you shouldn't go anyway because you are SICK) and you are STILL going over the 4th of July and see your family then -- so what's the problem?

2. You're worrying about having to use up more vacation before your WDW trip IF you or your DS gets sick and you'll have to cancel your plans for your trip. Why are you worrying about something that may not even happen? Stop stressing over something unknown. It isn't helping your back situation.

3. DH is getting stressed (AWWWW) because he is swamped at work and he is FORCED to take care of DS, the house, blah, blah, blah. The last time I knew, couples took marriage vows of "in sickness and in health" and "in good times and in bad". He needs to step up to the bat and take things one at a time and know that this is only TEMPORARY.

4. Your daycare center will not allow your DS to return if he has over a 100 degree temp. HELLO!?? Your child is SICK! He would not be running a 100 degree temp if there was not something wrong. He needs to see a doctor. He may be acting "normal" and "wonderfully happy", but you need to check that out and stop looking at it as just another interruption to your life. And, the daycare has every right to not expose the rest of the children in the center to a possible virus he may have. They are only going by the rules.

5. You say you HAD to go into work today and your DH couldn't drive you. Why couldn't he? He's home today, right? Take the baby along. Why are you risking making your back worse by going in and then driving yourself in on top of it?

6. Your work called you (unnecessarily) last night at 1AM. Don't know if they're calling you at a cell phone, pager, your home phone, or all of the above, but if it's a cell phone, turn it off. If it's a pager, turn it off. If it's a home phone, either don't answer it or turn your ringer off. YOU ARE SICK! You shouldn't be answering work calls -- that's why you're home!

You need to take a deep breath, face your dilemmas, realize you're having TEMPORARY problems, and work together to help the situation as best as you can. Don't worry about things you can't change and don't worry about things that haven't even happened!

And, yes, it DOES help to remind yourself that things could be worse and ARE worse for others. You NEED to put your situation into perspective so you don't go crazy!

It's OK for people to send their hugs and pixie dust and all that "feel good" stuff, but some people who respond to your thread are realists and are trying to help to FACE your problems.

If you need to scream, then SCREAM. If you need to cry, then CRY. It probably helped just writing your thread (lets off steam).

But when you put a thread out there like this one, you need to expect to receive all kinds of responses, not only the ones you'd like to hear...

 

[TeresaNJ]

Poor Becka, wish there was some way I could help you out. I think you have every right to feel sorry for yourself. When things look really bad though, imagine how much worse they could be. That's what I try to do when I start feeling sorry for myself. Here's a cyber hug {{{{{}}}}}}, and I hope things start looking up soon.

 

[becka]

I am going to preface this with the fact that I realize what I am about to say here is going to make me look like a big *itch to some people and I should probably just keep my mouth (typing fingers) shut but I am just not going to take this without responding in some manner.

But when you put a thread out there like this one, you need to expect to receive all kinds of responses, not only the ones you'd like to hear...

I know there are people on the boards that cannot take criticism in any form but if you knew anything about me you would know that I am not one of those people. I have NEVER asked for a thread to be locked, deleted, etc. because I didn't like the responses - that is just not me. However, I will fight back if I feel that a person is being a smarta$$ to me.

It's OK for people to send their hugs and pixie dust and all that "feel good" stuff, but some people who respond to your thread are realists and are trying to help to FACE your problems.

Just because I am stressed does not mean that I am not dealing with my problems. Where exactly did I state that I was running away from my problems and not dealing with them? Being a realist has nothing to do with your comments.

1. You had to take some vacation days because you have to be out because of your back pain (I'm assuming you are out of sick days). So, you have to use 2 sick days that you were planning on using for a visit this weekend and you will be short a 3rd day over the 4th of July. Right? You are unable to go this weekend (which you shouldn't go anyway because you are SICK) and you are STILL going over the 4th of July and see your family then -- so what's the problem?

Yes I had to use vacation days due to my back pain because my 5 sick days for the year where eaten up when I had the flu in January and then when I had to stay home with my DS in Februrary when he was sick. Therefore any time I am out I have to use my vacation. When you only get 11 days a year even after being here 6 years having to use 2 days when you can't get out of bed takes a big bite! I had hoped to use 1 day this weekend to visit my family. I have lost this visit which was going to be a surpise visit for my Dad on Father's Day and I will need to shorten what is already a short time to visit over the 4th. It is a problem for me because I LOVE my parents, brother, sister, niece, aunts, grandparents, etc. who all live 8 HOURS away from me. I don't get to see them very much and I am very DISAPPOINTED that I am missing out on time with them. They are also disappointed because they do not get to see their grandson very often. It is not only my disappointment. I do have a PROBLEM with that!!!!

2. You're worrying about having to use up more vacation before your WDW trip IF you or your DS gets sick and you'll have to cancel your plans for your trip. Why are you worrying about something that may not even happen? Stop stressing over something unknown. It isn't helping your back situation.

It may not happen but I am being a realist here. I have a son who is a little over 1 y/o and is in daycare with lots of other kids. Kids get sick and there are times when my DH just cannot get off to take care of him due to his job situation (particulary in the spring and fall). I worry about my amount of vacation time a lot because I don't like being in a situation where I don't feel I have any choices about my son's care when he is sick! I have to hoard my vacation very carefully. I believe I have only used 2 DAYS vacation since May 2001 for "pleasure". Every other day has been for DS - I saved the max to take after he was born and since then when he was sick or the daycare was closed for holidays I don't get off. I don't take chances with his health and I keep him home more than I need to according to the daycare's rules. I worry about everyday I choose to take off because I wonder if I will really NEED that day later for DS when he is sick.

3. DH is getting stressed (AWWWW) because he is swamped at work and he is FORCED to take care of DS, the house, blah, blah, blah. The last time I knew, couples took marriage vows of "in sickness and in health" and "in good times and in bad". He needs to step up to the bat and take things one at a time and know that this is only TEMPORARY.

Who said DH was not stepping up to the bat? DH has been wonderful and has done EVERYTHING at the house and taken care of DS so I could rest my back as much as possible. I happen to CARE that my DH is stressed because I LOVE him and because I do take my marriage vows seriously. I feel BAD that he has an extra load at home because of my injury especially when he has been buried under at work. I sure would not want to be married to someone who would take that uncaring attitude towards their spouse.

4. Your daycare center will not allow your DS to return if he has over a 100 degree temp. HELLO!?? Your child is SICK! He would not be running a 100 degree temp if there was not something wrong. He needs to see a doctor. He may be acting "normal" and "wonderfully happy", but you need to check that out and stop looking at it as just another interruption to your life. And, the daycare has every right to not expose the rest of the children in the center to a possible virus he may have. They are only going by the rules.

HELLO???? Have you examined my child? How can you pretend to know and understand the health history of my son? DS is NOT SICK and unless teething is contagious the other kids should be quite safe! He is teething and he tends to have low-grade fevers for a few days before a new tooth will show up. I understand the rules of the daycare because they cannot be entirely sure for every child but that doesn't mean that I am fighting the rule or do not agree with it. I am glad that have that rule but sometimes it can be frustrating in a situation like this and that is what I was complaining about. And for the record my son is NEVER an interruption of my life! You just can't win on these boards...most of the time I am accused of having no life of my own and just living for my son!

5. You say you HAD to go into work today and your DH couldn't drive you. Why couldn't he? He's home today, right? Take the baby along. Why are you risking making your back worse by going in and then driving yourself in on top of it?

Yes I needed to come into work today because I have missed 3 days already. I guess my DH could have driven me but I didn't see the need to drag him and DS up out of bed to drive me across town when I needed to leave at 6 AM. It may not have been the best solution but it was my decision at the time.

6. Your work called you (unnecessarily) last night at 1AM. Don't know if they're calling you at a cell phone, pager, your home phone, or all of the above, but if it's a cell phone, turn it off. If it's a pager, turn it off. If it's a home phone, either don't answer it or turn your ringer off. YOU ARE SICK! You shouldn't be answering work calls -- that's why you're home!

Taking night calls (and day calls) is part of my job. I don't mind legitimate calls but the computer automated system was screwing up and it kept calling our house and my pager. I am not going to have my DH not answer the phone at our house in case there was a real phone call or an emergency. I can also not turn off my pager because (imagine this) there may be a real problem with something else! I suppose it is real easy for someone to tell you not to do your job. Perhaps you don't take your job seriously but I do take mine seriously and part of that is making sure that I am available when the systems go down even when it means getting frustrated with "false" problems.

If you need to scream, then SCREAM. If you need to cry, then CRY. It probably helped just writing your thread (lets off steam).

The only thing you have written that I can agree with. Writing this thread was a way of letting off some steam but why some people feel the need to try to direct that steam back at you and tell you that your problems are not enough of a reason to vent I do have a problem with that. I can't stop you from making those comments but once again I don't have to take them lying down if I choose not to.

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi Becka:

All I want to say is, PLEASE IGNORE the people who are posting negative things here. You have a right to post how you feel about ANY subject WITHOUT having to defend it. Unfortunately there are all kinds of people out there who like to pretend they are "helping" you with their advice, but they aren't. Please ignore them. I don't post often anymore on these boards, and I don't read many either, but when I saw your thread, I did stop and read it because I know you are generally a very upbeat person.
I could say more, but I won't. *HUGS* to you. And no, I am not a "pixie dust" kind of person.

 

[aahmom1]

Jeez FOJMO, who pissed in your Wheaties? Give her a break, I don't see you going after every 'pixie dust' thread on this board, why did you feel the need to pick on Becka, who I have never seen whine about anything.

Lighten up and give a girl a break, jeez!!

Are you under the impression that she shouldn't vent just because 'things could be worse"? There is always a scenario that could be worse...are you telling me that you've never felt down in the dumps?

I suggest you learn how to click the back button if a small vent offends you so very much!

 

[Tiger Lily 03]

He Becka! {{{HUGS}}}
Whatever it is that you have to do...go ahead and do it.--cry, laugh, rent a great chick flick, but relax, and try not to feel out of control.
You will get through this and tell yourself that you will. Do your best to do whatever it is that you are able and be ok with it (don't feel guilty if you aren't running a tight ship).

Back problems are the pits for sure!

 

[kejoda]

I think what we need to realize is that we are seeing a very small part in Becka's life and we are in no place to judge her.


Becka the ignore button works wonderfully!

 

[SeaSpray]

Originally posted by aahmom1
Jeez FOJMO, who pissed in your Wheaties? Give her a break, I don't see you going after every 'pixie dust' thread on this board, why did you feel the need to pick on Becka, who I have never seen whine about anything.

Lighten up and give a girl a break, jeez!!

Are you under the impression that she shouldn't vent just because 'things could be worse"? There is always a scenario that could be worse...are you telling me that you've never felt down in the dumps?

I suggest you learn how to click the back button if a small vent offends you so very much!

VERY well said!!!!!!!!!

 

[perdidobay]

Miss Behaved,
I truely believe you were trying to be nice, don't take what I posted as a personal attack, please. I am just really sad that people that are having a bad day and looking for a little hug or hang in there, are treated like they are the biggest whiners on earth. They are not wallowing in self pity, just looking for a connection, that they matter somehow in this big old earth.
You have a great day

 

[gepetto]

Holy Cow FOJMO! Why are you bashing a mom for venting about a bad week? Sheeesh.

 

[caitycaity]

All I want to say is, PLEASE IGNORE the people who are posting negative things here.

i agree. i hope you feel better soon becka.