Favorite Jungle Cruise Quotes

[d-r]

outside Shirley's temple:
"here we see the ancient imagineer's first attempt at a monrail."

---------------------------------
"do you know how to tell alligators from crocodiles? The alligators are made of plastic, the crocodiles are made of fiber glass."

 

[HallGirl]

"Who here has seen the Jungle Book?" a few people raise their hands "Well for those of you who haven't, it's right over there" pointing to a book on a crate, which is in the jungle

 

[MikeandSulley]

To people in yellow ponchos, "watch out for the monkeys, they might find you appealing."

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Our last skipper got our entire boat singing It's a Small World inside the temple. It was awesome!

YES! We had one that sang it in a really creepy voice.

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

The part where you see the witch doctor with the shrunken heads hanging from his waist . . . "(his name) is running a special today - 2 of his heads for one of yours" and "don't worry, you'll always come out ahead!"

ETA one more - when you reach the dock and the skipper says, "And now the most terrifying part of your voyage - civilization!"

 

[kaybird]

"You see those large butterflies? Their large wingspan can go anywhere from 12" up to a foot"

The one that got us the most this last trip wasn't so much the joke, but one of the guests reactions. Traveling past the crashed plane in the jungle, the skipper says "Oh. See that crashed plane? That can only mean one thing...."
(boat goes around bend)
"Hippos." This dignified older gentleman laughed so hard tears came to his eyes. Now we say "That can only mean one thing..." all the time!!!

 

[Robo]

The part where you see the witch doctor with the shrunken heads hanging from his waist . . . "(his name**)

**Chief "NAH-mee" (perhaps spelled, "Name.")

That is said to be an inside joke, as well.

When the head-hunter character was added to the ride, he did not yet have a name.
So, in the script, they had the line written as "Chief (name.)"
Meaning that they would come up with a name soon.

But, a clever Skipper actually read aloud (pronounced) the name from that script as "Chief Name (NAH-mee.)"

Don't know if that's just apocryphal, or it its true... but it's interesting to note, anyway.




.

 

[Missish]

I still think "back side of water" is the funniest thing I've ever heard.

My father LOVES this bit. Our family always quotes along with this bit (we've had skippers point at us and say "You've done this before!")

I like the one about the paradox/pair of docks, but I can't remember it because I've only heard it once or twice (considering I've been on the ride at least 15 times, this is disappointing) - anyone know the one I mean?

Does anyone else find that a lot of the guests on your boat don't seem to get that the ride is just meant to be corny and full of jokes? I've been on full boats where my family and I were the only ones laughing at the jokes!

 

[HarborBlvd]

We work in tourism, loading crowded passenger trains, so we thought it was hilarious when we were loading our boat and our Skipper asked us to scoot in closer together and said "What you call personal space, we call room for ten more!"

 

[princess22]

My father LOVES this bit. Our family always quotes along with this bit (we've had skippers point at us and say "You've done this before!")

I like the one about the paradox/pair of docks, but I can't remember it because I've only heard it once or twice (considering I've been on the ride at least 15 times, this is disappointing) - anyone know the one I mean?

Does anyone else find that a lot of the guests on your boat don't seem to get that the ride is just meant to be corny and full of jokes? I've been on full boats where my family and I were the only ones laughing at the jokes!

I feel like that almost every time I ride it! Then again, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in my family laughing also!

 

[JenetixK]

My father LOVES this bit. Our family always quotes along with this bit (we've had skippers point at us and say "You've done this before!")

I like the one about the paradox/pair of docks, but I can't remember it because I've only heard it once or twice (considering I've been on the ride at least 15 times, this is disappointing) - anyone know the one I mean?

Does anyone else find that a lot of the guests on your boat don't seem to get that the ride is just meant to be corny and full of jokes? I've been on full boats where my family and I were the only ones laughing at the jokes!

I was going to ask about the paradox joke too. I always crack up, but can never remember the joke once I get home!

 

[HallGirl]

I like the one about the paradox/pair of docks, but I can't remember it because I've only heard it once or twice (considering I've been on the ride at least 15 times, this is disappointing) - anyone know the one I mean?

It's something like "There's a dock on the left and a dock on the right. We call that a paradox."

Another one of my favorites is when you approach the snake. The skipper "tries" to recall the name of it, saying it starts with a "p". Guests usually say "python" but then the skipper says "Nope. It's plastic."

 

[amypetecar]

A. outside Shirley's temple, the skipper asks, "Does anyone know where this tunnel leads to? Me neither, but it's Disney so it probably ends in a gift shop."

B. It's old line from a looney tunes cartoon, but the skipper made me laugh when he made everyone get very quiet on the boat explaining, "If you listen closely, you'll hear the baby hippo call to it's mother......*quiet moment*...... skipper screams as the voice of the hippo, "HEY MOM! WHERE ARE YA!? I'M OVER HERE!" at the top of his voice.

C. As the boat is loading and the skipper is making small talk.....

skipper: "Where are you from?"
Guest: "Cleveland"
skipper: "I'm sorry?"
Guest: "I said Cleveland"
Skipper: "No, I heard you, I'm just sorry."

 

[Tarheel girl 1975]

"On your way out, please gather all of your personal belongings, including children. If you leave any children behind we will take them to lost and found and 24 hours after they become the company's property. We will superglue their feet to It's A Small World and we will teach them that silly song in 27 different languages. That's how I started here, I was a hula girl for three years. Just imagine, I was a hula girl when I was 13... it's an awkward age anyways." (I had to watch my jungle cruise video to be able to type all that out!)

"do you know how to tell alligators from crocodiles? The alligators are made of plastic, the crocodiles are made of fiber glass."

These are two of my faves. I haven't heard them on our trips to WDW, but have always remembered them from our trip to Disneyland back when I was 15.

 

[Tinkerbell Teen]

I think the paradox one goes something like: "See that dock on the left and the dock on the right? We call that a paradox. Now see the two people on the dock? We call them a pair-o-dorks."

 

[juliebug1997]

I usually start laughing the minute I get on until we get off.

A little off topic but do any of you read the signs as you get on the boat and get off the boat? I like the one about needing a good home for some kittens before you get on and then Eileened Over when you get off. So many funny jokes!

 

[SenoiaDawg]

"Please do not cross the center crates! It is a fire hazard! If you cross those, you will trip and fall, I will point and laugh, and I will get FIRED!"

"On your way out, please gather all of your personal belongings, including children. If you leave any children behind we will take them to lost and found and 24 hours after they become the company's property. We will superglue their feet to It's A Small World and we will teach them that silly song in 27 different languages. That's how I started here, I was a hula girl for three years. Just imagine, I was a hula girl when I was 13... it's an awkward age anyways." (I had to watch my jungle cruise video to be able to type all that out!)

Our tour guide for that cruise was HILARIOUS, I videotaped the whole ride and I just laugh hysterically whenever I watch it, he had the BEST voice, it was kinda nasal and so expressive, it made everything about 10 times funnier. And he talked SO FAST.

 

[MinnieGirl33]

Our tour guide for that cruise was HILARIOUS, I videotaped the whole ride and I just laugh hysterically whenever I watch it, he had the BEST voice, it was kinda nasal and so expressive, it made everything about 10 times funnier. And he talked SO FAST.

By any chance, was his name Jason? Dark hair, glasses?

 

[-Hope-]

When the CM looked at husband and said she could tell he was having a good time because she could "see it in his eyes"- while he was wearing dark sunglasses. My kids got a kick out of that.

 

[Missish]

It's something like "There's a dock on the left and a dock on the right. We call that a paradox."

I think the paradox one goes something like: "See that dock on the left and the dock on the right? We call that a paradox. Now see the two people on the dock? We call them a pair-o-dorks."

Sounds about right!