Farting Etiquette

[Southern4sure]

Your DH goes into the Hallmark store??? Wow, he's a keeper!

Her dh must be a sentimental farter!

 

[jenm2878]

It amazes me the number of spouses that do this openly infront of each other!!

I think there are certain things my DH never needs to see me do. He never needs to see me shave anything or change a feminine product. Farting, however, is not a huge deal. Then again, the only time one of us closes the bathroom door is when company is over. When he's on the pot, our one cat will come into the bathroom and sit in his underwear. We literally have an 'open door' policy at our house.

 

[Kirby]

Another term for "fart" that I haven't seen yet is "toot" or "tooter".

Richard Pryor did a skit about farting a long time ago. Heard that it was pretty funny. Anyone remember it?

 

[agentpleakley]

I had to share one of my fart experiences. I consider myself a little (ok, not so little) gas factory, but I'm usually pretty good about farting in private. Oh who am I trying to kid. If I need to let one go and no one's around me I'll let it go. Well, this particular night several months ago now, I was lying in bed and had the covers pulled up to my neck. I really had to fart but didn't want take the covers off because it was cold. So I let it go. My wife was out of the room at the time and so I didn't think anything of it. I knew it was a bad one, but thought all was ok when I heard her coming down the hall because I couldn't smell it any longer. My wife walks into the room and stops dead in her tracks. She got this look on her face and turned around and left. When she came back she was armed with a can of airspray. I have yet to live that one down.

I think you were considerate. You could have waited until she got into bed and then held her head under the cover. (DH is famous for this)

 

[Regina]

When DH and I were first dating, we got back from going out for dinner and being a true gentleman, he insisted that he open my car door for me.

From the time he shut the driver's side door to the time he reached mine, he let out a fluff with each step. I'm sitting there wondering "does this guy think his car is soundproof" and doing my best not to laugh. Mostly I was hoping that the smell was absorbed by the night air.

This past Easter, we spent a long weekend with my son's future in-laws. It was the first time every one from both sides of the family had gotten together. When I told the story of how their daughter and my son played dueling butts during a a game of Uno, her mother was absolutely mortified.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

When I saw that WebmasterRegina was the last one to post to this thread I thought..."What did you all say and do while I was at Costco to get the thread shut down?" Glad to see that she'd only posted her own fart stories.

Growing up with could not say the F word...fart. Had to say gas or tooted. My mom used to say that she'd let a "windy" and couldn't understand why I hated the nickname that she tried to give me for Linda....Wendy. Afterall, I thought she was calling me a fart.

 

[paigevz]

When I saw that WebmasterRegina was the last one to post to this thread I thought..."What did you all say and do while I was at Costco to get the thread shut down?" Glad to see that she'd only posted her own fart stories.

Growing up with could not say the F word...fart. Had to say gas or tooted. My mom used to say that she'd let a "windy" and couldn't understand why I hated the nickname that she tried to give me for Linda....Wendy. Afterall, I thought she was calling me a fart.

How is Wendy a nickname for Linda? She must have actually been saying "Windy" .........maybe you were eating too many cherries.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

How is Wendy a nickname for Linda? She must have actually been saying "Windy" .........maybe you were eating too many cherries.

STHU!

She also called me Linda Star Sapphire. That confused the heck out of a 5yo. But that has nothing to do with farts. I don't think.

 

[paintnolish]

Her dh must be a sentimental farter!

Didn't you mean "scentimental"?

 

[Nancyg56]

My brother is the worst when it comes to farts. One night he farted in bed and blamed it on the cat. His wife jumped under the covers to get away from the smell of the cat. She quickly realized it was him and that she had just dutch ovened HERSELF!!!!

I had forgotten about that. When she sees this you are in big trouble!

 

[lovetomow]

Anyone ever tooted in a empty coke bottle and capped it quickly and then handed it to someone to open. Its nasty.

Stink hand used to be popular in college. Fart into cupped hand and then place still cupped hand over someones nose from behind!

 

[UGAFan0829]

Hubby will fart loud and proud at home, then blame the cat. we honestly have fart contests on occassion to see who can go loudest. They usually aren't violent toward the nose though. Occasionally he will fart in bed then pull the covers over my head to trap me.

At work I tend t release silent but deadly ones. I try to do this in motion as I walk down a hall. Just drop an Air Biscuit and keep moving. Sometimes I get the squeekers though where every step results in a *Fluff*. Gotta stay in motion so as to get far away from the scene of the crime. Watching others walk into it is kinda fun.

OMG, I litteraly fell outta my chair laughing at this. I can't even see to type I'm laughing so hard and crying! I can't wait to tell the DH about "air biscuits"...

 

[Southern4sure]

Anyone ever tooted in a empty coke bottle and capped it quickly and then handed it to someone to open. Its nasty.

Stink hand used to be popular in college. Fart into cupped hand and then place still cupped hand over someones nose from behind!

That is gross.......

 

[agentpleakley]

Anyone ever tooted in a empty coke bottle and capped it quickly and then handed it to someone to open. Its nasty.

Stink hand used to be popular in college. Fart into cupped hand and then place still cupped hand over someones nose from behind!

Oh gosh -- I thought DH was the only one that would have ever thought of doing this .......................

I think we have another fartmaster here ... do you guys take a class on this stuff. I remember watching guys in college light their farts on fire --

 

[agentpleakley]

Oh, and DH (the master blaster) has proudly taught my little girl to "fart and fan"

 

[MushyMushy]

I work in a middle school, so I've become quite desensitized to farting. But with what they serve for lunch, it's no wonder!

First period this morning, my 6th grade students proved me right! Right before a spelling test, this girl went, "EWWWW! Somebody farted and it's so disgusting, can I please move?" I immediately thought of this thread and was trying not to laugh, but then all the kids were laughing and I couldn't help it.

I got them settled down for their spelling test and started giving them their words in sentences. I get to the word, "impolite" and started giggling to myself as I said, "It is impolite to fart in public." We all lost it and spent the rest of the spelling test in tears as I tried to incorporate other little gems into the test. "It is inappropriate to pass gas in school." I was crying by the end of the test, as were they.

I confess. I'm a middle school boy in disguise.

(And I'll probably be in so much trouble!)

 

[litlpixie]

First of all, this thread is bringing tears to my eyes ...and speaking of which, we had an incident on one of the resort buses, going back at night, the driver turns down the lights on the way back to the resorts....that's when you know someone on that bus is going to get bombed.....happens to us all the time. Back at the resort, people can't get off the bus fast enough, their jumping from the top step......hmm, I wonder if it was the turkey legs that did it, or the Dole whips???

 

[mickeyboat]

Anyone ever tooted in a empty coke bottle and capped it quickly and then handed it to someone to open. Its nasty.

Age 9, 8 year old brother, empty cool whip container, practical joke played on mom. Enough said.

 

[Southern4sure]

First period this morning, my 6th grade students proved me right! Right before a spelling test, this girl went, "EWWWW! Somebody farted and it's so disgusting, can I please move?" I immediately thought of this thread and was trying not to laugh, but then all the kids were laughing and I couldn't help it.

I got them settled down for their spelling test and started giving them their words in sentences. I get to the word, "impolite" and started giggling to myself as I said, "It is impolite to fart in public." We all lost it and spent the rest of the spelling test in tears as I tried to incorporate other little gems into the test. "It is inappropriate to pass gas in school." I was crying by the end of the test, as were they.

I confess. I'm a middle school boy in disguise.

(And I'll probably be in so much trouble!)

Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed your story and I had to giggle.

 

[Southern4sure]

Age 9, 8 year old brother, empty cool whip container, practical joke played on mom. Enough said.