Family?

[Mom2SamandJames]

Every year, my husband and I put the kids in the car and drive 4 1/2 hours to the in-laws. Then on Christmas Eve, we load up with the in-laws for a day of nothing but driving and eating. We spend lunch and afternoon at MIL's family and then we do supper at FIL's family. For the last 6 years, we have done this to try and please everyone. This year, we drove down with our trip taking 7 hours due to a horrible wreck on a state 2 lane highway. We still went to MIL's mom's house on Christmas Eve, but not one single person from the family showed up to visit. MIL was crushed, and my boys didn't get to see their cousins on this side of the family. I can understand being busy on Christmas Eve, but at the same time, every other family member lives in the same town as MIL's mom so it is an easy drive for a few minutes. What really makes me mad is one of the cousins called and said his kids were down for a nap, and they'd be down as soon as they woke up. However, while he was talking to us on the phone, his wife was posting pictures of the kids building gingerbread houses on Facebook. If you don't want to come, fine, but don't lie about it.

Do you think I should say anything to the ones who lied to us? I hate lying with a passion. My MIL was hurt beyond belief as was her mom and dad.

 

[seashoreCM]

At least MIL's mom got to see some grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I would say keep quiet. Let MIL and her mom broach the subject and do the talking.

Have there been any fallings out in the family?

 

[KibbyCat]

Every year, my husband and I put the kids in the car and drive 4 1/2 hours to the in-laws. Then on Christmas Eve, we load up with the in-laws for a day of nothing but driving and eating. We spend lunch and afternoon at MIL's family and then we do supper at FIL's family. For the last 6 years, we have done this to try and please everyone. This year, we drove down with our trip taking 7 hours due to a horrible wreck on a state 2 lane highway. We still went to MIL's mom's house on Christmas Eve, but not one single person from the family showed up to visit. MIL was crushed, and my boys didn't get to see their cousins on this side of the family. I can understand being busy on Christmas Eve, but at the same time, every other family member lives in the same town as MIL's mom so it is an easy drive for a few minutes. What really makes me mad is one of the cousins called and said his kids were down for a nap, and they'd be down as soon as they woke up. However, while he was talking to us on the phone, his wife was posting pictures of the kids building gingerbread houses on Facebook. If you don't want to come, fine, but don't lie about it.

Do you think I should say anything to the ones who lied to us? I hate lying with a passion. My MIL was hurt beyond belief as was her mom and dad.

Just because she was posting pictures right at that moment doesn't mean that those photos had just been taken. Is it possible that they decorated gingerbread houses before their nap, and she was just posting the pictures after she got the kids down?

If it's really that much of a hassle to you, I'd suggest hosting at your house next year. Tell them (or have your husband tell them, since it's his family) that this past year was too stressful (traveling time taking twice as long, etc) and that you don't feel up to it next year. Say that you'd be glad to have the whole family come to you instead. Then maybe the ones that aren't planning on coming anyway will not use lame excuses. And if nobody shows up, you can have your own relaxing Christmas with your own family and start your own traditions that don't involve running all around town trying to please/appease everyone.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not to be mean but just because you don't mind spending the holiday running all over town doesn't mean everyone else wants to. We do not travel anywhere for Christmas. If you want to see us then come over and we will feed you but we are not visiting anyone no matter how close they live to us. That is not an enjoyable day to us.
You can't get mad at people because they don't want to do the same thing as you.
ETA- You also mentioned that they live in the same town. Maybe they see them all the time and wanted a day to themselves.

 

[Mom2SamandJames]

There have not been any fallings out in the family that we know of, especially none that have involved us. The pictures were posted live from her mobile phone, and they put that in their descriptions. The family bragged about it the next day to other family members.

We plan on hosting our own Christmas after there aren't any great grandparents around. We know then NO one will bother traveling to see us. If we don't drive to Pensacola, we see no one. It seems that everyone thinks we should be the ones who should always travel. That family was mad when we didn't come down less than a week after having our second son on the 18th of December so they withheld gifts from my then 2 year old son. Gotta love family.

Thanks for listening to my little rant. It is just hard to be merry on Christmas every year when this is going on. My sons helped me make gifts for all of the people who didn't show up too. They were so upset not to be able to share the gifts they helped make. Of course, no one gave them anything, but that's nothing new.

 

[Mom2SamandJames]

Not to be mean but just because you don't mind spending the holiday running all over town doesn't mean everyone else wants to. We do not travel anywhere for Christmas. If you want to see us then come over and we will feed you but we are not visiting anyone no matter how close they live to us. That is not an enjoyable day to us.
You can't get mad at people because they don't want to do the same thing as you.
ETA- You also mentioned that they live in the same town. Maybe they see them all the time and wanted a day to themselves.

We DO mind all the travel. We only do it to keep the grands and great grands happy. We'd love to say if you want to see us come up, but that would never happen. It was at their suggestion that we have this arrangement to start with. My husband and I wanted to come down around New Year's and do something then, but that wasn't what THEY wanted so we do it this way.

What I wouldn't give to just be able to enjoy Christmas Eve at my own house with my boys and husband! I may be able to convince him to do so next year!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We DO mind all the travel. We only do it to keep the grands and great grands happy. We'd love to say if you want to see us come up, but that would never happen. It was at their suggestion that we have this arrangement to start with. My husband and I wanted to come down around New Year's and do something then, but that wasn't what THEY wanted so we do it this way.

What I wouldn't give to just be able to enjoy Christmas Eve at my own house with my boys and husband! I may be able to convince him to do so next year!

Well to be honest it is your own problem. If you don't like going then don't. Just because they want it one way and it doesn't work for you then it simply does not work. Stay home in your own home and go and visit for New Years. It seems like everyone else is doing what makes them happy - and they should- so why do you have to drag your kids all over town? I am sorry but you are the only one who can fix this problem. Good luck.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, you have every right to be hurt. It sounds like this is a yearly tradition, and your DH's family blew it off without even letting you know ahead of time. We stay home on Christmas, but if my sister and her family was in town visiting my parents, we'd definitely be over there! She lives 12 hours away, and we look forward to getting the cousins together. My SIL's live 4 and 10 hours away, and when they come and visit the IL's, we make it a point to drive an hour to see them. It sounds like your MIL also had a right to be hurt. You don't just not show up for a holiday without prior notice.

 

[happymommy]

If you don't like going then don't. Just because they want it one way and it doesn't work for you then it simply does not work. Stay home in your own home and go and visit for New Years. It seems like everyone else is doing what makes them happy - and they should- so why do you have to drag your kids all over town?

I agree - just because they would like you to do all that driving, that does not in any way obligate you to do so!

My in-laws live here in town, but my kids want to stay home. So, Christmas was at my house. I ordered some excellent party platters of beef tenderloin, salmon, vegetables, fruits, shrimp, etc.... They all came here. The cleanup was still a pain, but I didn't want to go over to anyone's house. I had actually planned on spending Christmas at Disneyworld, but canceled it when my DD got H1N1 plus many other sicknesses (decided this winter we better not travel). When I told my sister in law that we had considered going away, she seemed shocked! She said, "You can't travel on Christmas." I told her lots of people do! Like, we are somehow obligated to stay home just because of them?

Other than if we had been on vacation, my kids will always wake up at home on Christmas morning.

I can't imagine how not fun it would be for my kids to have to be driven from one house for a meal to another on Christmas day. They just got toys they want to play with, or books to read, and that just sounds like no fun.

I'd definitely just make your own plans for Christmas, and let them know when you'll visit other than Christmas day. They can deal with it. I'm sure your kids will be much happier!

 

[okeydokey]

We DO mind all the travel. We only do it to keep the grands and great grands happy. We'd love to say if you want to see us come up, but that would never happen. It was at their suggestion that we have this arrangement to start with. My husband and I wanted to come down around New Year's and do something then, but that wasn't what THEY wanted so we do it this way.

What I wouldn't give to just be able to enjoy Christmas Eve at my own house with my boys and husband! I may be able to convince him to do so next year!

All is takes is to stay home and enjoy yourselves. We haven't traveled for Christmas since my DD was born 11 years ago. Anyone is welcome to come to us and if they don't we just see them at other times of the year. We love a quiet day at home on the holiday. You deserve one too.

 

[mjkacmom]

All is takes is to stay home and enjoy yourselves. We haven't traveled for Christmas since my DD was born 11 years ago. Anyone is welcome to come to us and if they don't we just see them at other times of the year. We love a quiet day at home on the holiday. You deserve one too.

Just tell them you'll come a different day! It stinks that no one let you know they wouldn't be going to MIL's, or else you could've rescheduled. Even before we got married, I informed my family and DH's family that we were staying home Christmas day once we had kids (I HATED having to go to Long Island every year as a kid). Fortunately, my IL's come here in the morning, and then go to dinner at SSIL's, who have no kids, and live by them. DH and my kids didn't even get out of their jammies all day on Christmas day (I did, but changed back when the grandparents left).

 

[amamax2]

So sorry that happend to you! That really does stink!

I know it would be hard, but I do think you should either keep doing what you are if that is the only way to please the grands and great grands, but think to yourself that you are going to celebrate with them, and not worry about anyone else in the family, or see if you can either get them to come to your house or celebrate on a different day. Even if you are still the only ones that come on the different day, it would still be so much less stressful.

We used to do a similar routine to you, but stopped som years ago and have never been happier.

We would go Christmas Eve to some very dear friends for hors d'ouvres, then to my ILs for dinner, then to late Mass as we couldn't go earlier in the day, go home, get the kids to bed, put presents out, etc, get to bed ourselves very late, get up very early Christmas morning for our own family celebration, pack up the car and drive, with holiday traffic and accidents, 4 -5 hours for dinner with my family. The rest of my family all live in the same town, and would come over right before dinner. We all had to eat dinner, then dessert, and then, and only then, were the kids allowed to open presents (one person at a time).

This is the way we had done it when we got married (when no one had kids, so everyone spent the WHOLE day at my mom's), so we continued. After a few years of this, and feeling like we had no real traditions of our own, plus the whole thing was just so stressful and not in the least bit enjoyable, we gave up anything on Christmas Eve, and told everyone we would alternate years for Christmas Day. On the off years with my family, the whole family would get together a different weekend in January. We did that for a few years, then finally decided we didn't even want to do that as it continued where my family members showed up just as dinner was being served, stayed for the time it took to eat and open presents, then left, not to be seen again the whole time we were there, unless we wanted to make trips to individual relatives houses.

So now we have our own traditions, and invite people here. The only ones who ever came were my mom and dad, and now that my dad has passed away, my mom comes for about a week. My oldest DS (13) every year invites her and tells her she HAS to come as it is "tradition." It really is so much more enjoyable.