Family wants me to pay for entire funeral costs of my sister.

[MELSMICE]

Sounds to me like there are a lot more family issues than just paying for this funeral.

Brothers have no money
Mom & dad will declare bankruptcy if surviving DD doesn't pay for funeral
Deceased sister didn't have enough assets to pay for her own funeral

The fact that a sibling is expected to front this kind of money is absurd, IMO. Your parents should not be holding their bankruptcy over your head. They got into a mess such as this, it is their responsibility to get out.

You need to be the grown up & walk away from this mess, as hard as it might be. Everyone else has been too immature for too many years & you shouldn't have to (literally) pay for their mistakes.

JMO (flame suit ready to be donned).

 

[mickeyfan2]

But don't you think running that deep freeze cost him money? I'm just saying it seems bizzare to me to think we don't have to pay for this kind of stuff.

I beleive they keep them for a set amount of time and then do the pauper's funeral. Sorry I did not grill the Funeral Director for exactly how we makes his living.

 

[goodtype]

More information from the OP:

The day after my sister died my parents went over to the funeral home and signed some legal papers giving them the right to take care of the body and authorize the use of the funeral home to have a short service, embalm the body and coordinate the many other issues connected with the funeral and burial. The contract says my father would pay a small amount of money upfront and then all the amount due within 60 days. If it was not paid within 60 days interest would be charged at a very high rate. I suspect that the funeral home will sell the account to a finance company that has aggressive debt collectors.

The family just assumed I would pay up front because I am the only one in the family that has a college degree and works in a professional job.

 

[Jillpie]

From the other thread....

It seems as though Goodtype has been talking about her sister dying. Although on the second page of the other thread she posted the above (highlight mine). The OP is either telling stories in hopes that someone will donate money, but I note that the OP HAS NOT asked for money. Or he/she is covering up the fact that her brother died saying she had a sister or vice-versa, perhaps to protect herself or her family.

I'm not trying to bad mouth the OP at all as the OP has not done anything wrong except change her story a bit. That does not automatically mean she's trying to scam us.

To the OP, can you respond to this post please?

 

[goodeats]

You've done your part. If they wanted you to pay all of it then they should have consulted you on the costs.

Your parents need to grow up.

 

[Evil Queen]

More information from the OP:

The day after my sister died my parents went over to the funeral home and signed some legal papers giving them the right to take care of the body and authorize the use of the funeral home to have a short service, embalm the body and coordinate the many other issues connected with the funeral and burial. The contract says my father would pay a small amount of money upfront and then all the amount due within 60 days. If it was not paid within 60 days interest would be charged at a very high rate. I suspect that the funeral home will sell the account to a finance company that has aggressive debt collectors.

The family just assumed I would pay up front because I am the only one in the family that has a college degree and works in a professional job.

Then you ought to set your family straight, & just let them deal with it.

You didn't sign anything, you are not responsible.

I suggest they make arrangements for payments.

Why would they assume anything, that's just not smart.

 

[offwegotoneverland]

I beleive they keep them for a set amount of time and then do the pauper's funeral. Sorry I did not grill the Funeral Director for exactly how we makes his living.

I'm so sorry if you felt I was trying to imply you should have grilled him.

I should not have quoted you in particular I guess I was just making the general comment re paying for the service.

So sorry if I upset you...that was not my intent at all.

 

[poohandwendy]

More information from the OP:

The day after my sister died my parents went over to the funeral home and signed some legal papers giving them the right to take care of the body and authorize the use of the funeral home to have a short service, embalm the body and coordinate the many other issues connected with the funeral and burial. The contract says my father would pay a small amount of money upfront and then all the amount due within 60 days. If it was not paid within 60 days interest would be charged at a very high rate. I suspect that the funeral home will sell the account to a finance company that has aggressive debt collectors.

The family just assumed I would pay up front because I am the only one in the family that has a college degree and works in a professional job.

At this point, I am not sure what type of responses you are looking for?

We all know you family members are dead beats (and a few of your neighbors too, from all of the info gathering you have done). That has been established. We also know that your parents have the legal responsibility to pay this and signed a contract with no intention of honoring it. Your family sucks...we get it.

You have two choices. Pay the amount and deal with family members upsetting you by your trying to get blood from a bunch of stones or let them figure their own way out of this and deal with their being mad at you. Weigh the pros and cons on your own...you mad at them (and out lots of money) or them mad at you (and their having to pay what they owe). We really cannot help you beyond that.

It's that simple.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The family just assumed I would pay up front because I am the only one in the family that has a college degree and works in a professional job.

Well tell your family to sell off THEIR assets. Do they houses, cars, etc??? If they do then they can pay. They just don't want to.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

you mad at them (and out lots of money) or them mad at you (and their having to pay what they owe). We really cannot help you beyond that.

It's that simple.

I was thinking the same thing.

Either way you are screwed. Personally I would vote for #2, and be rid of people that treat me like dirt, expecting me to pony-up for their baloney.

1)If you do pay you will be out a large sum of money and then they will be mad because you want them to pay you back. So you lose-lose.

2) You do not pay and they are mad, but you still have your money.

 

[Missy1961]

Move to another state & don't tell your family of deadbeats where you are. And then, unless they Google you, they won't be able to find you.

 

[LindaG4458]

Sounds to me like there are a lot more family issues than just paying for this funeral.

Brothers have no money
Mom & dad will declare bankruptcy if surviving DD doesn't pay for funeral
Deceased sister didn't have enough assets to pay for her own funeral

The fact that a sibling is expected to front this kind of money is absurd, IMO. Your parents should not be holding their bankruptcy over your head. They got into a mess such as this, it is their responsibility to get out.

You need to be the grown up & walk away from this mess, as hard as it might be. Everyone else has been too immature for too many years & you shouldn't have to (literally) pay for their mistakes.

JMO (flame suit ready to be donned).

I totally agree with the above. Some of my family members would expect DH and I to pay for such stuff because, in thier minds "we could afford it." Never mind that they were totally irresponsible with money.

There are some people who would bleed you dry (financially and emotionally) and desert you when they can't get any more out of you. Some of my family, and it sounds like yours, too, are like that. You've done enough. If Mom and Dad have to declare bankruptcy, so be it. It's their problem, not yours.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'm so sorry if you felt I was trying to imply you should have grilled him.

I should not have quoted you in particular I guess I was just making the general comment re paying for the service.

So sorry if I upset you...that was not my intent at all.

No problem.

 

[Shugardrawers]

When my grandma died she was dirt poor broke. There was NO money in the estate to pay for a funeral and none of her children were really in the position to pay for it either. In order for the state to pay for it, my dad would have had to sign an agreement saying that no service would be held anywhere on her behalf. If they found out someone even toasted grandma at dinner, that could be considered a service and void the agreement. Dad couldn't bring himself to do that and so we had a bare bones service for her and had her cremated. It still cost my parents $3k. This was 15 years ago in WA state. YMMV. I can understand a younger person not being prepared but with pre-planning available it's disgraceful to leave your children to suffer the consequences. My parents have their funerals all paid for. All I have to do is contact the funeral home to come pick them up.

Dh wants me to donate his body to the medical school. I don't have a problem with that. I'm not sure they'll want him because he'll surely have used up and worn out his old bones by then! When it comes to me, I won't be there. I don't really care how he handles it. Donate me, bury me, cremate and scatter me, I don't care. Whatever makes him feel best. Just don't waste 12K on a fancy pants funeral.

As to the OP, whether harm has been done or not, the changing story has destroyed their credibility. If someone is so concerned about privacy that they change their brother into a sister then A) that's a pretty poor disguise B) why ask for any advice in the first place?? Couple that with the fact that the OP has only a dozen posts to their name and I'm very skeptical. Sorry.