Family restrooms / moms with sons?

[beattyfamily]

I have no problem seeing/having boys in the ladies room. I'd do the same (I have two girls so haven't had to deal with it but my DH has; he no longer brings them into the men's room as it's just not appropriate with the openess of the Men's room) but I'd like to know at what age you think it is reaching the inappropriate stage?

I'm thinking 11 and older really shouldn't be in the ladies room anymore. They are approching puberty. There does need to be a cut off at some point doesn't there? What is that cut off age?

Sounds to me like some here think even age 12 is ok because the safety of your child is more important than the discomort of the other women in the ladies room. I'm just curious as to a cut off age?

 

[joym70]

Sounds to me like some here think even age 12 is ok because the safety of your child is more important than the discomort of the other women in the ladies room. I'm just curious as to a cut off age?

I am very curious as to what women would be uncomfortable seeing male children in the ladies room. Everything is done behind closed doors and if they are uncomfortable hand washing in front of male children they probably wouldn't be in a public restroom. I have 4 young boys and until I feel comfortable in their ability to protect themselves against grown men they will be accompanied everywhere.

 

[beattyfamily]

I am very curious as to what women would be uncomfortable seeing male children in the ladies room. Everything is done behind closed doors and if they are uncomfortable hand washing in front of male children they probably wouldn't be in a public restroom. I have 4 young boys and until I feel comfortable in their ability to protect themselves against grown men they will be accompanied everywhere.

Never said it would bother me so I can't answer your question, but I was just curious as to what age moms with boys would stop doing this? What age is finally considered inappropriate. 12? 13? 14? We have Men's and Ladies' rooms for a reason I guess, don't we? I'm really just curious. I sure can sympathize with moms with sons and my DH with my DDs so I'm truely just wondering.

 

[Wee Annie]

Joy --

I think that rather than dismissing the fact that some woman may be surprised to walk out of a stall where she's done all sorts of intimate "female" things and bump into a ten-year-old boy (it's more the surprise factor that makes it uncomfortable), you should educate mothers as to why they may see boys in ladies rooms in our world today. Please don't just dismiss the fact that a woman may feel some discomfort -- they are some VERY modest women (usually older) out there that might be uncomfortable. And it's usually my older daughter who seems slightly distressed about seeing an older boy in the ladies room.

Please don't flame me -- I'm actually all for anyone who feels it's safer bringing their male children into the ladies room. I just thought I detected a dismissive tone to your post. Some woman do feel a little uncomfortable. I have no sons, and, although I had two brothers, my parents were so conservative and extraodinarily modest that something like an older boy going into a ladies room seems out of the ordinary to me. But does a woman's discomfort trump your decisions re your sons security? No. And my parents' extreme modesty was not healthy. But some people were raised that way, so please realize that some woman will be a bit, well, surprised to see your sons in there. But stick your guns, I say. I'd probably do the same thing if I had a boy!

 

[Beca]

Joy --

I think that rather than dismissing the fact that some woman may be surprised to walk out of a stall where she's done all sorts of intimate "female" things and bump into a ten-year-old boy (it's more the surprise factor that makes it uncomfortable), you should educate mothers as to why they may see boys in ladies rooms in our world today. Please don't just dismiss the fact that a woman may feel some discomfort -- they are some VERY modest women (usually older) out there that might be uncomfortable. And it's usually my older daughter who seems slightly distressed about seeing an older boy in the ladies room.

Please don't flame me -- I'm actually all for anyone who feels it's safer bringing their male children into the ladies room. I just thought I detected a dismissive tone to your post. Some woman do feel a little uncomfortable. I have no sons, and, although I had two brothers, my parents were so conservative and extraodinarily modest that something like an older boy going into a ladies room seems out of the ordinary to me. But does a woman's discomfort trump your decisions re your sons security? No. And my parents' extreme modesty was not healthy. But some people were raised that way, so please realize that some woman will be a bit, well, surprised to see your sons in there. But stick your guns, I say. I'd probably do the same thing if I had a boy!

You make some very good points that I had not thought about. I am sure some women of other cultures might especially have some problems with this. I have read stories that others have posted about how orthodox jewish women could not ride in the same train, car, boat, etc. as men they were not related to in WDW. For them, the "boys in the bathroom" might be troublesome. I also think women from some conservative Muslim countries might have issues with this as well. I could be wrong, and please don't "flame me" for interpreting the muslim religion wrong...it is just my understanding that women, by their religious law, need to be either in the presence of only women, or escorted by a male family member.

Don't get me wrong. I believe the safety factor outweighs the "offensive" factor. And, if I had a boy...well, I don't know what the "cut off" age would be, but...he'd be coming with me for sure!!!



Beca

 

[dturner]

Years later I heard of that horrible case in California where the little boy went in, the aunt was waiting right outside, and a lunatic stabbed the boy to death before the aunt even knew what was happening. It's so scary. Right now littlest ds is only 4 so he just comes with me when DH can't take him. I really think there should be more "family" bathrooms.

This is why at this time my DS(8) will ALWAYS go into the woman's restroom with me, sometimes even standing outside the door doesn't do the trick when there is a lunatic around and we all know bad things happen in all walks of life so I'd rather be safe then sorry.

I also agree that there needs to be more "family" restrooms.

 

[dturner]

I was just curious as to what age moms with boys would stop doing this? What age is finally considered inappropriate. 12? 13? 14? We have Men's and Ladies' rooms for a reason I guess, don't we? I'm really just curious. I sure can sympathize with moms with sons and my DH with my DDs so I'm truely just wondering.

I think it would depend upon the child. Some children are more mature at certain ages then others, able to handle things better but I would think around the puberty age (11) I would start sending DS into the men's restroom alone.

Right now he does go alone to wash his hands like if we are in McDonald's but only when I know there is NO one else in the men's restroom and I'm still at the door and talking to him the entire time, LOL!!

 

[joym70]

Joy --

I think that rather than dismissing the fact that some woman may be surprised to walk out of a stall where she's done all sorts of intimate "female" things and bump into a ten-year-old boy (it's more the surprise factor that makes it uncomfortable), you should educate mothers as to why they may see boys in ladies rooms in our world today. Please don't just dismiss the fact that a woman may feel some discomfort -

I am soooo sorry if anyone felt I was being dismssive of others feelings. I was not and I try to never be however I have been following this since the beginging and am still shocked by some of the replies. As a Mom to all boys I feel very strongly that if there is a situation I don't feel comfortable with I will do what I need to to ensure the safety of my children and I would expect all other parents to do the exact same thing. Obviously if it is a one person reatroom I check to see its empty then send older 8 & 5 yrs into the gender appropriate room while I wait outside however if its a multi user room I just don't feel they would be completely safe and that truly is a sad comment on our world today. Again I apologize if I offended anyone and if I see uncomfortable women looking at me and my boys in the restroom I will apologize and explain in the hopes they will understand.

 

[JJsmama]

I am very curious as to what women would be uncomfortable seeing male children in the ladies room. Everything is done behind closed doors and if they are uncomfortable hand washing in front of male children they probably wouldn't be in a public restroom. I have 4 young boys and until I feel comfortable in their ability to protect themselves against grown men they will be accompanied everywhere.

I absolutely agree! What is the big deal?

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Never said it would bother me so I can't answer your question, but I was just curious as to what age moms with boys would stop doing this? What age is finally considered inappropriate. 12? 13? 14? We have Men's and Ladies' rooms for a reason I guess, don't we? I'm really just curious. I sure can sympathize with moms with sons and my DH with my DDs so I'm truely just wondering.

I am very much in favor of taking boys into the women's bathroom but I think this is a good question. If your children are 7 or 8 or 9, it's really hard to look even a few years ahead and think how you would assess the situation at 12 or 13. I never took my son in a womens restroom after he was 12. That does not mean that if i thought the situation unsafe I would not do so , but for most situations, his self comfort needs, balance out any danger and he goes alone. I have a few times had him stick his head in to see if there was anyone else in the mens and then stood right at the door the whole time and also sent him into a women's at a rest stop while I stood at the door and asked the few women to wait just a minutes. As children grow and mature thier needs do change and you have to look at the whole picture. I was only shocked once when I went into a resturant bathroom and there were three teen-age boys in with thier mom. I however reminded myself that they may have had specail needs that were not obvious and they needed to be in there.

I would love to hear parents of older boys share when they choose to let their boys go in alone.

Jordans' mom

 

[bethbuchall]

I have a 13 year old ds, and I am trying to remember when I first let him use the men's room alone. I would never dream of taking him in the women's room now, and I'm sure he wouldn't go. BUT I sometimes still feel apprehensive when he goes to the men's room alone, and there are places where I wouldn't let him (we'll find somewhere else). Also, I don't usually allow him to take my younger ds (5) into the men's room with him (again, it depends on the situation).

A little off-topic, but our YMCA doesn't have any family friendly locker rooms, and they expect boys to start using the men's locker room as soon as they turn 5. They don't have attendents or supervision of any kind in there either. My son still comes in with me. I know that is a little different, because some women do like to change in the open, but there is no way a 5 year old should be alone in a locker room! I take him to a corner and get him out as fast as I can. I haven't heard any complaints.

Beth

 

[grlpwrd]

Never said it would bother me so I can't answer your question, but I was just curious as to what age moms with boys would stop doing this? What age is finally considered inappropriate. 12? 13? 14? We have Men's and Ladies' rooms for a reason I guess, don't we? I'm really just curious. I sure can sympathize with moms with sons and my DH with my DDs so I'm truely just wondering.

Statistically there are more male pervs than female pervs. I can't speak for anyone, but I think there is no cut off age until, of course, all the pervs stop doing what they are doing. Realistically, maybe as a teen? I don't know.

I think that's what they feed on -opportunity and socialization. Pervs know that they have opportunity because lots of women are unwelcome to having boys, especially older boys, enter a woman's bathroom and we are socialized that way - keeping the sexes seperate.

There are options, of course, such as family restrooms and formulating a system such as going in only when it is not busy or only going in with their fathers or other known male or finding a unisex bathroom or even searching out for one person-only facilities.

Sorry, that won't make me stop taking my son in a woman's bathroom even when he's older. Children are minors and I won't let the pervs get that opportunity to take advantage of my kids. At the least I would stand at the door and respectfully confront those about to enter to tell them there's a boy in here which I have seen happen a few times.

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

I didn't read the entire thread so forgive me if someone has already mentioned this. My husband and I also work opposite shifts. When he is alone with our DD 8 they take along our 2 way radios. That way if she is taking a little longer than she shoul he can check on her. It's also comes in handy in the event they get seperated Daddy is just a press of abutton away.
Luckey

 

[vicceja]

I have 3 boys (4,7,9) - My 2 oldest hate to go to the bathroom with me because it's the "Girls" bathroom - Unfortunately for them but I won't let them go to a public bathroom on their own. I wouldn't stress about this because everyone has to deal with it and it's better to be safe than not. I try to use the Family Restrooms whenever possible but sometimes you just can't help it.

Ely

 

[colleen costello]

My son is almost 7 and looks at least 9. I quit taking him into the ladies rooms because he was protesting. If your sons will put up with it, go for it. Any woman seeing a boy in the bathroom should understand he is there because of safety factors. When I am alone with my son, I yell through the door. I do believe this is a deterrent. People who pray on children count on "opportunities" and my big mouth makes it known that I am close by. Also, I calm myself by remembering that while it is pedophiles who pray on little boys that get the most notoriety, by far the most endangered child is still female. The vast majority of pedophiles are men and most of their victims are still little girls. The odds of a little boy being harassed in a busy restroom with Mom yelling outside are very small.

This helps me try to be reasonable when my poor son wants to use the toilet. Now what do I do to reassure myself about my daughter? What a world we live in.