Family Member Flop :-(

[La2kw]

DW and I planned a week at the THV. As a wedding gift to my brother and his wife we invited them to come and purchased their 7 day park hopper passes. Brother hasn't been to Disney in 15 years, his wife has never been. In the months leading up to the trip they were very excited about the parks and spending time at WDW. Returned home last night, and confirmed we will never invite them again. SIL only went into the parks a couple times and would only stay a couple hours...the parks were keeping her away from the pool. I am disappointed things turned out the way they did. DW and I love the parks and the experience on a whole. I feel slighted because she didn't give the parks a chance and just kept saying she didn't want to leave the pool. We love the pool too and usually spend a couple hours each day swimming and relaxing. She could have just told us 6 months ago she would prefer to sit by the pool and not do the parks, we would have understood. In addition to the lack of enthusiasm no gratitude was shown either.

I'm confused as to why this is a problem. Why would you want to spend every minute of vacation with them? What's wrong with doing separate things that interest you?

 

[Deb & Bill]

You said this was a wedding gift. Are they newlyweds? Did you think they might like a little time for just the two of them? Maybe commando park going wasn't really what they had in mind.

 

[Sammie]

Totally agree with you here. Sounds like you detailed discussions ahead of time and she should have spoken up and said that she would rather just just hang around the pool.

She had never been, how would she know how much time she wanted to spend in the parks until she was there.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I am sorry the trip did not meet your expectations, but I hope your guests did enjoy their vacation. Normally I buy 10 day park hoppers non-expiring and use 2-4 days per trip and go commando every other day. We then thow in some Universal and waterparks on off days. In March we did Disney parks only and I bought 7 day park hoppers. 3-4 days we only spent less then 4 hours in parks as we enjoyed relaxing by the pool and sleeping in. We would have been fine with 5 day hoppers or 7 day one park tickets in hindsight. There are many ways to do Disney and you can have a great trip no matter how you do it.

 

[princessdawn2011]

As many PP you can't expect everyone to do your thing. Sorry that you spent $$$ on the tickets. When I go with extra family, I stay in a different room & sometimes different resort because I learned the hard way that not all minds think alike, especially when the other minds are taking care of little ones.

Funny story though, entire family was there about a yr or so ago, we had plans & all was going along well, we stopped back at the tree house & my bro & I & my nieces fell asleep watching Phineas & Ferb in the late afternoon. Mom & SIL let us nap for a bit We still made it to dinner on time!

 

[bonrea]

DW and I planned a week at the THV. As a wedding gift to my brother and his wife we invited them to come and purchased their 7 day park hopper passes. Brother hasn't been to Disney in 15 years, his wife has never been. In the months leading up to the trip they were very excited about the parks and spending time at WDW. Returned home last night, and confirmed we will never invite them again. SIL only went into the parks a couple times and would only stay a couple hours...the parks were keeping her away from the pool. I am disappointed things turned out the way they did. DW and I love the parks and the experience on a whole. I feel slighted because she didn't give the parks a chance and just kept saying she didn't want to leave the pool. We love the pool too and usually spend a couple hours each day swimming and relaxing. She could have just told us 6 months ago she would prefer to sit by the pool and not do the parks, we would have understood. In addition to the lack of enthusiasm no gratitude was shown either.

My signature says it all for this situation.

 

[Cee]

I sympathize with you. Over the years I have come to realize that everyone enjoys their vacation time differently and certainly has there own unique strategy when it comes to enjoying WDW. This Oct. my DB and DSIL will be there at the same time to celebrate their 25th anniv. We are staying at separate resorts, doing our own thing and meeting up once(maybe twice?). All in the name of peace and harmony.

 

[Crystal_27]

I'm so sorry that you were disappointed in their reaction, but I have to say that a Disney vacation really isn't a vacation-vacation in the sense that it is a put-your-feet-up-and-relax getaway. We are always dashing to rope drop, barely making it to ADRs, dodging strollers and walking tens of miles each day. Granted, we do take time to swim and do other activities, but Disney vacations, for us, are exhausting. If someone isn't committed to that type of vacation and wants instead a "real" vacation, an awesome resort pool would be hard to say no to...at least you were able to give them that.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Everyone vacations differently. When we have guests, we have learned to go with the flow. My son and his Sig. other prefer to spend less time in the parks and hit specific attractions. Other friends go with and expect us to 'tour guide' them through the day. Given my "druthers" I would like to have something in the middle. I kind of enjoy giving people a tour, but I like to have some down time to do the things I like best too.

The ideal guest for me starts every day with us, and then goes their own way. We tend to choose guests now who have that plan in mind.

Perhaps the biggest mistake made by the OP was not consulting with the guests ahead of time enough. Perhaps a studio of their own would have been sufficient, and they could have saved the park tickets or gotten tickets more appropriate to the way the guests wanted to vacation.

Other than our children, I have never purchased admission tickets for guests. I inform them of what is available, but I let them choose what fits their budget and lifestyle.

Sometimes the best "together time" with guests is at a main meal each day.

 

[crisi]

You gave your family members a GIFT, it is not your say to what they do with the GIFT. They may feel they got value out of the GIFT, although you didn't.

Although gifts come with a responsibility on the part of the receiver. Especially when the gift is a trip to go along with them to somewhere they want to share. Because now you are not only the receiver of a gift, but the guest of your hosts.

At the very least, gratitude for the gift. And frankly, when someone gives you a gift worth thousands for your wedding, its hard to express too much gratitude.

The OPs expectations may have been misguided, but it doesn't sound like she didn't communicate them.

We had a really nice trip with my sister and her boys - sometimes my brother in law was along for it. Sometimes they went off as their family, and we went off with ours. We've learned to value separation on trips like this because then we enjoy OUR vacation our way, and we don't worry about making our guests happy - they take responsibility for that - if that is by the pool or in the parks, or heading to the outlet mall. But what peeves me off is when gratitude is given not at all or grudgingly.

 

[dianeschlicht]

But what peeves me off is when gratitude is given not at all or grudgingly.

You got that right! We have only had one guest family who didn't even say thank you or take us to dinner. That family has NOT been invited back either. I don't expect a dinner out, but a spoken or written thank you is expected.

 

[TLPL]

I am sorry you were disappointed, but I agree with many posts here, you can't dictate how your brother and SIL should use their wedding gift. They did enjoy their pool time at the Disney Resort you treated them to and they enjoyed their time at the parks you paid for. Maybe they did not maximize all their honeymood time at the parks like you would, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t appreciate your gift. Remember it was their honeymoon, they should be able do whatever they want with themselves, NOT spend they whole time hanging with you in the theme parks. If I her and you were nagging about this the trip while you guys where there, I wouldn’t have show gratitude neither.

 

[rwcmath]

A gift is a gift.

OP hasn't come back.

 

[eliza61]

Inviting anyone with you on vacation can be a bit unnerving. Everyone has their own style.

I've invited my cousin and her family with us this year. Luckily they are very independant so if we tell them we are doing some thing different then what they want to do, they roll with the punches.

Then on the flip side I've have travelled with my sister and all I can say that no blood was shed.

 

[UConnJack]

I agree with everyone here that, while understandably disappointing to you, you can't really criticize her desire to spend more time at the pool/resort relaxing than going to the parks. Heck, I can't understand why people would tour a National Park without ever getting out of their car, but to each his own.

That said, they ceratinly should have been appreciative of the gift, even if they didn't use it the way you expected them to. If they were not, you have every right to be PO'ed. I do need to ask though, were they not appreciative at all, or just not as appreciative as you would have expected them to be with a Disney trip?

 

[UConnJack]

If I her and you were nagging about this the trip while you guys where there, I wouldn’t have show gratitude neither.

Good point. Not to assume the OP did take any kind of attitude like that, but if someone gave me a gift and then tried to dictate how I should enjoy it, I would be less appreciative too.

 

[OhioDVC]

Every 2-3 years we would get a Grand Villa and invite all the in-laws for a "family" vacation. We let everyone know that the intent is to spend time together!

We always take a vote and do what the majority wants - park, pool, where to eat.

Everyone goes along and gets along knowing that their turn will come as far as where they want to go...except for one couple. They go with the group for one day and then off on their own for the other 6 days.

Not a problem, it is their vacation and they can do what they want, but they are no longer invited on the "family vacation" because they choose to ignore the family.

They are now mad because they are no longer invited. I explained that they chose to go off on their own and I am not mad about that, but I am not willing to pay for their room anymore.

Now I am the bad guy.

Everyone else in the family really likes that we stay together and do everything as a family.

 

[Uncle Remus]

We don't have this kinda problem, we don't invite guests.

 

[nickspace]

Sometimes we get excited with new relationships and assume that we will have things in common only to be let down. I would give the new couple space and chalk it up as a learned lesson.

 

[marynvince]

You can really only manage expectations you have of yourself, not others. It is unfair that you feel she did not get the value out of the 7 day ticket that you believe she should have. A gift is just that, a gift. Is the 7 day hopper any different than the wedding gifts you or anybody receives that end up going unused (bread maker/pasta maker)?