Family Beds???

[snoopy]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
Personally I prefer a Marriage Bed over a Family Bed and never had any interest in sharing. My babies all started out in bassinetts in our room, but honestly my husband snores so loud that I always moved them after a couple of weeks because I was convinced he was waking them. He also tosses and turns alot, I would never feel safe with a baby in the same bed.

Reading the parenting boards I always feel so bad for the AP Moms who are posting that they haven't slept for more than 2 hours in nearly 3 years because of the toddler who keeps waking up to nurse. I have also seen more than a few disgruntled Dad's who have been kicked to the couch over space issues in the Family Bed.

I usually preferred getting up to sit in a recliner to nurse the baby. I could never find a comfortable latch on position horizontal in bed. None of my kids had major sleep issues and I like to think allowing them to get comfortable in their own crib/space from the beginning was a factor.

My feelings exactly. Both DH and I were in agreement that children would never be in our bed. On the rare ocassion one of them is sick, one of us would go to their beds, not vice versa.

And I too was one to nurse sitting up. I was always afraid if laid down to nurse I'd fall asleep and suffocate the poor baby. Probably not likely to happen but I always felt more comfortable sitting up.

 

[Feralpeg]

DD never slept in my bed. Before DD was born, a lady I worked with had her baby in bed with her. During the night, she rolled on her and suffocated her. The authorities said it happens a lot. That was enough for me. DD slept in her crib from the day she came home from the hospital. Her crib was in a different room. I had a monitor that allowed me to listen for her right next to my bed. When she was about 3, we went through a brief period where she would cry when I put her to bed. I started leaving a lamp with a very dim bulb on in her room. Some nights, I let her cry for a few minutes. It was hard, but after a little while she went to sleep.

I have friends whose children slept with them until they were seven and five years old. It caused some definate friction in their marriage. I'm just not a believer in the family bed concept, but each family has the right to make their own decisions.

 

[issa]

I know there is a great fear of babies dying in bed...but honestly...the percentage is low compared to CRIB DEATH.
Being wise about dangers around a baby will protect the baby..same as crib bumbers, outlets, glass objects, stairs and choking hazards.

there was a reason why it was called crib death before it got the politaclly correct title of SIDS.

It is true babies do copy the rythem of the mother's breath

I am so sorry for all the tragic deaths of infants...I can in no way say I understand that pain....i hope I never do. I fear it...with every new finger food and climbing exploration.

 

[Blondie]

Our OB nurses and lactation consultants can't stress enough the importance of NOT having your newborn in bed with you, especially for convenience purposes. Too many women have accidentally rolled over on their newborns in their sleep and suffocated their infants.

I've lived here sine 1991, and it's happened locally to 2 women since then. Two babies are dead because they thought it was an inconvenience having to get up every 2 hours to breastfeed their infants.

Say what you want, and show all the statistics you want, it doesn't excuse the unnecessary deaths of two babies.

SIDS is believed by some to be caused by infants being placed on their stomachs to sleep, that is why you'll see babies on their backs or sides in the hospital's nursery.

 

[issa]

wow...after I delivered my little girl..and told the nurses I did not want her in the nursery overnight. They actually set up blankets and a cozy spot for DD in my hospital bed since i was nurseing. ( the c-section sitches made it difficult for me to lean over the the cribs)

I stayed in the hospital 6 days and was encouraged to have her sleep with me as long as I felt comfortable with it. They were wonderful and I enjoyed my recovery stay with them.

They cited it was better for her breathing and would support my breastfeeding.


There are so many studies on both sides...both claiming and denouncing. Only the parents can make the right choice for thier family. In either situation, where the baby sleeps must be made safe and all precautions taken to prevent any tragities.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by issa
wow...after I delivered my little girl..and told the nurses I did not want her in the nursery overnight. They actually set up blankets and a cozy spot for DD in my hospital bed since i was nurseing. ( the c-section sitches made it difficult for me to lean over the the cribs)

I stayed in the hospital 6 days and was encouraged to have her sleep with me as long as I felt comfortable with it. They were wonderful and I enjoyed my recovery stay with them.

Not making any comments for or against family beds, but there is a significant difference between having your infant in your hospital bed with you compared to having them sleep in your bed at home.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by issa

there was a reason why it was called crib death before it got the politaclly correct title of SIDS.

It is true babies do copy the rythem of the mother's breath

The inference here is that not sleeping with the mother heightens risk of SIDS. There is absolutely no science to back this, and the hypothesis that babies copy rhythmic breathing - as comforting of an idea as it must be to mothers - has been tested and statistically disproven. So as not to scare anyone by leaving that uncommented.

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by chrissyk
I hope that someone can answer this question for me and DH. We want to get one of those cosleeper things that attaches to the side of the bed when we have a kid. This seems to make nightime nursing easier. Anyways, what do people do about pets? We already do have a "family bed" with our 2 cats, LOL! Do they make crib tents for cosleepers? I doubt that either of my cats would go anywhere near a baby, but I want to be on the safe side. Also, I wouldn't expect the cats to sleep elsewhere once we have a baby. If safety is an issue, we'll scrap the cosleeper idea.

I've never seen any type of a cover for a co-sleeper bed. (Or bassinet, for that matter!) We also share the bed with two cats and will not be sharing with the baby, for the baby's own safety.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Originally posted by Goofymum
My cousin was allowing her baby to sleep in bed with her. She was afraid the worse that would happen is that he would get spoiled by it. However last month when she woke up she found her baby had inched himself underneath a pillow and suffocated during the night.

My goodness. How terrible.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

There seems to be an implication that the babies who die in the parents' bed dies of SIDS. This is not the case in situations I have heard about. (although I am sure that it has occured) The kids who die in their parents' beds usually suffocate on bedding (which you can guard against) or by their parent rolling over on them and suffocating them. Could there be a worse feeling in the world than that? And could anyone say with any degree of certainty that they would not roll over on their child? That very scenario occured twice during this summer in a town just north of Cincinnati.

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by IMGONNABE40!
And could anyone say with any degree of certainty that they would not roll over on their child? .

I can. If I couldn't say it, I wouldn't sleep with my babies in the bed.

I'm not saying that it's always the case, or that it was the case in the incidences where you live, but in many cases, over-laying cases are more complicated than they first appear. The parent may be on drugs (prescription or otherwise) may have consumed alcohol or may have been obese (co-sleeping is counter indicated with obese parents) Biologically speaking, it doesn't make sense that mothers would roll onto their babies and suffocate them on a regular basis because our species would not have survived. "Family bed" is not a new age, crunchy concept. It's a very old concept, it's the way our ancient ancestors did it and it's the way families all over the world still do it.

That being said, we live in a different time and a different culture. Crib sleeping is the norm and it's a safe, loving way to arrange infant sleeping. But, it's not the only or the safer way to do it as a matter of course. There are pros and cons to both. No matter where a baby sleeps, in the family bed or in the crib, parents need to educate themselves about what is safe and what is not and then create the safest arrangement that they can for their child.

As I said earlier in this thread, sleep is important and it's also very individual. Neither co-sleeping families or crib sleeping families are any better or worse parents for their choices. What's BEST for an infant is what's BEST for the entire family and that is plenty of safe, quality sleep for everyone in the house.

 

[chrissyk]

Originally posted by katerkat
I've never seen any type of a cover for a co-sleeper bed. (Or bassinet, for that matter!) We also share the bed with two cats and will not be sharing with the baby, for the baby's own safety.

Thanks! I hadn't seen this type of a cover for a cosleeper bed either. I think that we will probably put our baby in his/her own room when we have a kid, then. It seems safer, especially with regard to the fact that the cats sleep with us. Believe me, we've only just started getting any decent stretch of sleep without our female waking us up. Getting up to nurse a human baby will be no sweat after nearly 7 years of getting up 2-3 times a night to deal with the cat, LOL!

 

[gshoemate]

I wasn't going to post because I so dislike debates but i'll share my experience.

When DD was born I didn't get sleep for the first 2 weeks. As soon as I would put her down in her crib, she would wake right up. Well after 2 weeks of no sleep, I accidentally fell asleep with her on my chest in the recliner chair. It was the best night sleep ever. So there is where we slept for the next month or so. I am a very light sleeper and if she even wiggled, I woke up. From there we moved to the couch (with no pillow or blanket). I was nursing and it was easier to have her next to me. I would pull the recliner up to the side of the couch so she wouldn't roll off of course. When she was around 6 months is when we moved her to our bed. This is what worked for us and I wouldn't change a thing.

DS was the same way. Wouldn't sleep in a crib, bassinet or his car seat so we did the same thing but skipped the recliner and went right to the couch. DH snores so me and DS still sleep on the couch, thank goodness he's a small guy.

Did I at anytime think I was putting them in danger by sleeping with them, not at all. I took all the precautions by removing bedding and I know myself enough to know that I was not going to roll over on them. I have two wonderful children who love to snuggle with mommy and daddy. There is nothing better then waking up in the morning to my DS's smiling face. And at night when he wakes up for any reason, he is not alone in a dark room.

Has it affected my marital relationship, not at all. It just means you have to be more creative.

Of course there are 2 sides to this and each side will have experts agreeing or disagreeing with the other. You have to do what is right for you.

 

[aprilgail2]

I used a co-sleeper when my daughter was an infant, was SO easu t ojust pick her up and feed her and put her back down without haveing to get out of bed (I had her bottles right next to the bed)....then when she got older I changed the co-sleeper to a pack adn play and she slept in that then I put her toddler bed next to mine and she would wake up and climb over me to get into bed so finally I just got rid of everything and she sleeps with me....I love the closeness of having her there and for now she loves it too, eventually she will want her own space and I have a bedroom set in her room for when she does. I would never have her in my bed when she was an infant, I was always afraid of rolling on top of her and killing her!

 

[disykat]

I didn't let my babies in my bed. Nursing laying down didn't work for me anyway - I needed to sit upright. With my first child, we had a bassinet next to the bed. None of us ever slept. My son was constantly awake. Imagine my surprise when I moved him to his crib and he immediately started sleeping through the night! My son is pretty particular about his surroundings - always has been - and he likes his space. The stimulation of having us close kept him awake. His situation was weird because he really didn't sleep anywhere except his crib - not even in the car.

 

[gina2000]

Funny, I always thought family beds were a conscious decision made by families wishing to share the warmth of a sleeping arrangement with the entire family. Many cultures do this routinely and have done so since the beginning of time. Warmth, lack of space, and the need to be together were probably the reasons.

I guess we had a family bed because I had a son who would not sleep alone. The first six or seven months he slept with us just so we could get some sleep. During that time (and later), if I put him in his crib, I ended up asleep on the floor next to the crib. That went on for a couple of years. Oh, and after that, sleeping in the car bed (crib mattress size) next to him. Imagine how comfy THAT was! It took him til he was about 5 to be comfortable alone. We figured that if we kept him out of our bed, he would get used to sleeping alone. He didn't. We let him cry it out and never let him nap so he'd be tired at night. No dice. So I guess necessity is the mother of invention and if sleeping with the child works and you need sleep, then go for it.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

4 kids now grown. All survived sleeping in our bed. All independent, capable, kind and wonderful adults. 4 kids in five years, none of whom were good sleepers, all with asthma/allergy problems. If we hadn't just slept together I'd never have gotten any sleep. Oh and since there were 4 of them born in five years I can assure you that a family bed doesn't cause too many problems with mom and dad's, um, togetherness

 

[diznygirl]

disykat - you have described my DD! And she is so different from my DS - he loves cuddling with us. He usually ends up in our bed early in the morn (6-ish) and falls back to sleep.

When we brought him home from the hospital he had days and nights mixed up (jusst like another poster). He slept with us the first night and my husband and I were soooooo sore from the tension of sleeping on our sides and not moving allll night loong! The next night he slept with us again, and my husband and I swtiched sides in the middle of the night, rather than roll over! LOL! The next day we kept our DS up all day trying on clothes and taking pictures - he slept the next night in his own crib and we finally got some sleep!!! (Well, for whole hours at a time, with waking up to nurse, but you get the idea!)

I agree that it is all personal - obviously my DH and I found out that having the baby in the bed with us made us too tense. And I know that sleep deprivation is a bad thing, but there was a closeness that we shared as my DH got up with the baby, changed the diaper, then I nursed, and my husband stayed up and folded receiving blankets and burp cloths. (First time parents, we even wrote down nursing times and poopie/wet diapers!) And we were lucky cuz my babies slept through the night early on.

Every situation is different. You have to do what works for you.

 

[M's_girl]

We made the decision before our son was born to have him sleep with us, but we also wanted to be safe. We used a co-sleeper for almost the first year and he then moved to our bed when he got bigger. We have a california king that is very low to the ground. All three of us enjoy the arrangement, but I've never felt the way we did it was right--just our way.