Family bailed on Christmas trip - need to vent

[bpmorley]

We're in the beginning stages of the same kind of plans. We started with a GV & 1bdr at OKW for the first week of Dec 07. That's a year and a half away. We've already had 4 people who were gung ho backing out. people are strange. How can you possibly know that you can't do something a year and a half from now.

 

[JimMIA]

How can you possibly know that you can't do something a year and a half from now.

Well...you can certainly know you don't want to do something a year and a half from now, and "can't" is often code for "don't want to." It sounds like a great deal at first, but then people start adding up all the costs, comparing the confusion and hectic pace of a big group outing to a relaxed vacation on their own -- and next thing you know, they "can't."

Just be glad they made that decision a year and a half ahead, rather than a week and a half!

 

[Chuck S]

I have two rules with most family and friends.

1) They purchase non-refundable airfares for the desired dates within 1 week of booking the room (they are less likely to back out if they lose the air $$$)

2) If they do cancel for anything other than serious illness, hospitalization or a death in the family, they are NEVER invited to use my points again. So far, there are two people who are NEVER being invited back.

I have taken family numerous times without problems, and enjoy having them along, with the exception of the two "banned" people. I do not require them to pay for their rooms, that way it is understood that they are MY points and what I say goes. If you "rent points" to family, they tend to feel like it is no big deal if they cancel.

 

[danders2]

Had this happen last Christmas --- by my own daughter. I lost over 100 points because she cancelled two days before arrival date. Tried to give away but on short notice no one was interested. She wants points this year for a Fall trip --- may give her 25 points and tell her to have fun!!!!!

 

[gtrist4life]

Some of you may have heard my story before, but here is a shortened version.
Pre DVC
2002 - POFQ Trip with my side of the family (total of 11) everyone dutch, great time no problems

2003 - CSR Trip with both mine and DWs families (total of 16) everyone dutch, great time, minor personality issues - We all were so glad we took the trip as DWs sister (who we talked into having her family join us) died in a car accident 6 weeks after the trip was over.

Post DVC
Now fully committed to sharing our DVC with family, friends, and just for us on alternating years.

But......I've made it very clear when the time comes for reserving rooms, I need a solid yes or no, and that the opportunity will not come up for 3-5 years. No hard feelings after that and 7 or 11 months is plenty of time to make arrangements.

2004 - Planned a trip for July 2005 with my side (lodgning on us) so every one could be out of school and sure enough, 7 backed out right before making ressies, still had 10 go and had a great time, had extra room and used the other points (and a few extra) for our family of four to go to Disneyland.

2006 - DD just graduated HS so we're planning a 2007 trip with DWs side, working through some logistical issues, but right now we will have 8 of us for 4 nights at Vero and 2 nights for BWV (lodging on us). Both DD and DS college and grade schools spring breaks are the same time

Already talking about a 2008 trip with our longtime friends and their 3 little ones...crossing fingers.....

Yes it is a hassle trying to plan some of these get togethers, but if you lay down the rules, and communicate, and communicate some more, I think you'll minimize the issues. Of course most of our family gets along, definitely feels blessed to share time together, and that helps alot

 

[FredS]

.............Yes it is a hassle trying to plan some of these get togethers, but if you lay down the rules, and communicate, and communicate some more, I think you'll minimize the issues.

Good luck with your plans, but be careful about thinking for a moment that you have this figured out! I don't know how I could have communicated more clearly or frequently -- that was part of what was so frustrating in this case.

 

[Cinderpals]

I think that losing points to family and/or "friends" is hurtful. At least, that's how I felt when it happened to me. Of course, looking back, I now see where I shouldn't of let that happen. There was some sense on my part that it was a stupid set up. I should have taken the points back before it was too late. This person knew the whole deal about points/rules, but didn't care enough about me to back out in time. I now, could use those points since I had to pay for some more points for this next trip.

Plus, someone else who knows about my trip this month thru mid-July found out that we were going to be there. She just assumes that it would be alright to come and stay with us while she's down there over 4th of July!? Not! She can get her own room! Like I've posted before somewhere, I can attract the "best" of them for some reason. My sweet daughter and I will be "living" it up at WDW for 28 days!! I don't care if hurricanes come through, we're staying! We have enough points to stay where we want (still waitlisted some nights) but have back up ressies through CRO which I wouldn't mind using if needed. I have a friend who lives there and wants us to stay with her all month. We're not. Definitely staying at hotel & 2 dvc properties...maybe BCR if waitlist doesn't come through. I still haven't booked a hotel for Sea World and Universal, but I like being on WDW property. I feel "safe" there.

Use your points for yourself, or rent them out to some family/person who would appreciate them!! I wish that I could show you some of the emails that I have received from those that I ended up "renting" points to help pay for a disney cruise that I'm planning on taking. Most, have been very appreciative!

 

[JimMIA]

Good luck with your plans, but be careful about thinking for a moment that you have this figured out! I don't know how I could have communicated more clearly or frequently -- that was part of what was so frustrating in this case.

I agree with Fred. I've seen a number of threads where the OP sent frequent emails, detailed descriptions and explanations, etc, etc...and in the end, family members said, "Oh, we know all that -- but we just CAN'T go!"

And in those situations, if there is some legitimate reason, you don't see threads here. The threads we see are the ones where someone simply changed their minds (often because they thought it was still going to be too expensive), and dumped on the poor, generous DVC owner.

It's human nature, I guess, to take things lightly when it's someone else's money.

We would certainly take GM and Great Aunt again, but then we're paying for everything so they have no reason to back out. I have great in-laws, but if any of them want to go, I'll be referring them to the Rent/Trade board or CRO.

 

[bpmorley]

, and "can't" is often code for "don't want to."

I understand that. But whats weird is that the ones that dropped out already were the ones that brought it up in the first place.

We're pretty new to DVC, but reading these stories I don't think I'm going to be willing the share my points. If they want them, it's money up front before I make the ressie. Family or not.

 

[gtrist4life]

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I have everything figured out, I probably need to emphasize that we are/will be very particular in who we invite, if they back out (and some have prior to us making ressies), we will think twice or thrice before inviting them again. Also I’m almost sure that in the future we’ll be disappointed in a grand plan that goes awry. But, I’m willing to take that risk in exchange for the chance to share/give the DVC experience.

A key point which is totally subjective, is how well do you really know someone and what is their likelihood of sticking you with points. I think with family there are immediate and extended members and their respective in laws. Each live with different priorities and pressures. There are some family members we definitely will not invite just based upon past experiences and actions.

With friends, I think you have a better chance of recognizing a risk. Of course the strength of a friendship may or may not impact how the “gift” you plan to give/share is received.
Interesting discussion…..

 

[westjones]

We just got back from a family trip. There were 5 in my DH's family (Grandparents, SIL and her two kids) so we got them a studio at BWVs with the daybed. It worked out well, but I got the feeling they almost backed out at the last minute (personal problems at home--and these problems put a damper on the fun that week).

We 'promised' them another trip in 2 years (because we told them the 10 day tickets were the best deal and we could save up points to go again in 2 years).

We decided to book a 2 bedroom the next time (since you can now have 9 in a two bedroom) and if they don't show up we are just going to enjoy the two bedroom to ourselves (4 in our family). That way we won't be stuck with a room we can't use and we won't be upset if they bail on us.

DJ

 

[bpmorley]

We decided to book a 2 bedroom the next time (since you can now have 9 in a two bedroom) and if they don't show up we are just going to enjoy the two bedroom to ourselves (4 in our family). That way we won't be stuck with a room we can't use and we won't be upset if they bail on us.

DJ

Yeah but on the other hand, you'll be using 2 to 3X the points than normal. It's only me and my wife. We get a studio, that's all we need. If we were to invite 5 other people and book a 2bdr. Then they all back out. We're gonna be out a boatload of points. And I think that is what people don't get. They think that you just went anyway, not about what you lost.

 

[JimMIA]

I think a lot of the back-outs -- by renters, by relatives, whoever -- occur because of cost. A lot of people focus on how much they save on one particular part of a vacation, and only later focus on the overall cost -- which is large.

At first, it sounds great! You're getting a free room, or a room at a big bargain -- and not just at a cheap motel, but at a deluxe on-site Disney resort! What could be better than that?

But then, they start looking at airfares...which have gone up due to fuel costs. So that's $300-400 apiece.

That's okay, we tell them, you'll make it up with the Dining Plan -- it's only $38 a day for more than you can possibly eat! And they think: Who in their right mind would pay $38 a day to eat???

So we tell them, "No wait, you'll see! DDP is a great deal -- if you don't get it, you'll probably pay $50."

"Huh...no, not for the family, $37.99 per adult per day. But hey, the kids 9 and under are only $10.99! Huh? No, you have to get it for everybody in your group, for each day of your stay...but you'll save money!"

Then we start explaining APs and 10-day no-expire passes, and they start adding all that up, and asking questions like "Whadda you mean $60 a day doesn't include water parks???" and "Why do I need a Park Hopper again?"

Pretty soon, figuring airfare, DDP and passes, they realize they are looking at $150 a day per person...IF they have a free room.

Then, they remember your daughter's closet -- you know, the one with 19 Disney Princess outfits? They remember they haven't included any trinket money, or any half-yards of beer, or Leave-a-Legacy, or...

A Disney vacation IS very expensive, and it's fast becoming out of the reach of many average families. That's too bad, but it's the reality. Sometimes when we're trying to do a "good deed," we're really inviting relatives on vacations they can't afford -- or don't want to spend that kind of money on. Maybe they CAN afford a $5,000 vacation, but they want to do it cruising or skiing, etc...not at Disney.

They can't afford it -- or don't think it's worth it (to them) -- and next thing you know, they have something terribly important that they need to do on those exact dates: "Sorry...I know what you said about cancellations...but we CAN'T go!"

 

[gtrist4life]

JimMIA,

Excellent points! You are so right that it can be (and most often is) a major expense to go to WDW even if the rooms are paid for.

For our friends we want to take in 2008, They are excited and want to go, and I’m telling them to research the costs, and if they can afford it, to start saving now, maybe buy a park hopper ticket here and there so it doesn’t hit them all at once.

 

[westjones]

Yeah but on the other hand, you'll be using 2 to 3X the points than normal. It's only me and my wife. We get a studio, that's all we need. If we were to invite 5 other people and book a 2bdr. Then they all back out. We're gonna be out a boatload of points. And I think that is what people don't get. They think that you just went anyway, not about what you lost.

Oh, I know, but at least with a 2 bedroom, we will use the space. If we got two seperate rooms, it would go to waste totally if they bailed.

I hope all goes well, but it is a one time offer and I know they could bail, but we are going into it with the frame of mind that it is OUR vacation and we hope they are joining us, but if they don't we will enjoy this wonderful unit (our kids will have their own room this way).

In your case, where there are only two of you, I can see how that would bother you. You couldn't use the extra space, but the four of us can spread out nicely and really enjoy the 2 bedroom.

I am trying to prepare myself for the worse (they bail on us) and have the attitude that no matter what, our family is going to have a great time. I really don't want to get upset with anyone if things don't work out. It just takes too much energy and would ruin our trip.

DJ

 

[Cinderpals]

I think that what it comes down to is a lack of committment. Something better will always come up if you're looking for it...

Also, to be fair, it's hard to expect others to share in the excitement of a WDW vacation. Most of us who are DVC members know and love our WDW vacations. We highly value them, and want to share this with our friends and family. It's a great thing for us, and we expect them to "get it" too.

I have invited my In-laws many times to come and join us on some of our vacations. Not mentioning DVC...but just offering the positive family experience of vacationing together in a great place that offers so much variety for everyone. They say that they have been there once with their kids...yeah, before Epcot was a fraction of what it is now, and AK, most of MGM was in the planning stage..ho hum...not a place that they want to go again even with their Grandkids.

I was disappointed when I had eagerly booked a WDW vacation, not on DVC points, but with that great free dining plan package when my niece and nephew were going to be visiting us. Not for their whole visit, but just for part of it. I had planned to take them and my two kids with just me, if no other adults wanted to go to WDW for 7 nights on me!
Gee... niece and nephew didn't want to go! My sis said that they are just not that fond of WDW like my kids are! How does she know? They have never been on a WDW vacation with us?! hee hee...I cancelled my booking!!
What a deal that was going to be though! What fun we could have had!

At times, when I see extended families at WDW vacationing together, eating together, I'm a little envious. When I have rented out ressies for several parties at a time, I wonder how they put that vacation together. Who did they end up leaving behind, which of them were in at the beginning of the planning stages etc... I've heard back several times that the vacation was much more than they had expected. They fell in love with the DVCs, and were interested in becoming members themselves.

At least, I know that it is possible. I'm just not going to hold my breath and offer up my points

 

[UConnJack]

When my wife and I bought into DVC in 2000 (BWV) just before getting married, we did so with the intention of treating family (and some friends) on occasion, feeling it would enhance our enjoyment as well. Other than bringing my Dad on a couple golf trips to HH, we have taken only one large family trip. This included bringing my cousin and her husband, their two young sons, my aunt, and my parents staying in a GV at BWV (10 total including myself, wife, and daughter. My cousin had already saved for and started planning a WDW trip, and when I heard, I volunteered to plan it and get the GV (they were looking at All-Stars). They were very appreciative and willing to change their original planned dates to allow us to get the GV. My parents flew us down, and my cousin/Aunt bought all the food. The trip went off without a hitch, and we all had a great time. If anything, we overwhelmed them a little. My wife got grumpy a few times because she felt she was being held back from what she wanted to do, but the memories now are all good.

I love to plan vacations, I plan skiing and camping trips for a large group of friends every year and I have never been taken advantage of. There are some friends and family I don't trust and would be wary of risking anything for, but I guess I am lucky that most of my friends and family will either commit to something and keep it, or are very conscientious if they do need to change their plans. We are now waiting for my brother’s nursing clinical to finish, so we can plan another large trip with the whole immediate family.

 

[Cinderpals]

At first, I wanted to throw-up when I read this. I'm very happy for you and your family. They are very fortunate that they have someone like you.

 

[cruiseletters]

We were invited by friends to go to WDW with them in 2004. We had never been [We've done many trips to DL] to WDW and we knew nothing about the DVC. Our friends did all the planning, they consulted us along the way about different costs but we left everything to them from booking transportation from MCO to the BWV where we stayed. They are DVC members but didn't tell us much about the way it works other than getting our firm commitment about going. I would never have considered dropping out on them when they were putting all those points on the line for us. To make a long story short we went, we loved it and wanted to know more about the DVC program. We became members after that trip and our two families continue to travel together, only we now contribute our share to the trips.

 

[diesel]

My parents backed out of a vacation less then 30 days before the trip. The worst part was we had used our points to get them reservations at the Poly (they had spent their 50th anniversary here and really enjoyed it so we treated them to another stay). So we ended up using our points for a week stay at the Grand Floridian since we could only use these points at a Disney (non-dvc) hotel. It worked out for us since we got to stay at the Grand Floridian something we never thougth we'd be able to do but it did use up alot of points. When my mother says she's dying to go back to Disney I kindly say your're not going with me!!