Fairies, Angels and Believe

[Docmum]

Hi all,

I am a longtime lurker, mother of two wonderful kids, beginning seamstress because of the very talented ladies I sort of met here, and now have something on my heart I need to talk about.

My DD (8) has a very close friend, same age, who spend a lot of time together. Since my daughter has been to Disney somewhat 15 times, they often talk about Fairies, Princesses etc.
Now my daughter came home from her friend and had quite a bit to think about, because her friends mother told her, that she would not be a real Christian, since she would believe in fairies, angels and Santa Claus. This would mean, that she could not believe in our Lord !

I was speechless, since we are a christian family, with values, that are not material ones, but love, supporting those in need, friendship, family.
But we are also huge Disney fans and have a place in our heart, that believes in fantasy, imagination and magic.

From our point of view, this does not make us a family without "true" believe.

I just needed to get that of my chest and am interested to hear, what you think.

Thanks for listening!

 

[Alesia]

Sounds like a great opportunity to teach your daughter that different people believe different things.

 

[MandiC]

^ Ditto! Everyone has their own beliefs. I think it is wrong to tell a child they cannot believe in the Lord because of a belief in typical childhood things.

I will say in our house we don't really encourage a true belief in anything like fairies or santa and magic in a 'witch' type magic. Magic, the feeling? Definitely believe in that I don't think some of the make believe stuff meshes with our beliefs. I grew up not believing in any of it and I still find life perfectly wonderful and magical.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I would be very, very annoyed with that parent. It isn't her decision to contradict the you teachings or even to share with a child that age what her church believes.

I would tell DD that their church has different beliefs than ours, and I would talk about what the Bible says, where St. Nicholas comes in, etc. DD has a friend whose religion does not celebrate Christmas at all, and they disapprove of some books Alison loves like Harry Potter. I really don't mind the kids sharing this with each other at all - it is when the mom gets involved that it bothers me. DD and I have had many conversations about how we believe different things. When Alison was younger, this included talking about how Santa respects the wishes of the parents, so he wouldn't visit if the family didn't celebrate Christmas. It also included discussions about how some religions think wizards (or fairies in this case) are evil, but that ours recognizes that it is creative make-believe.

 

[Thing 1]

I would not be happy with this mom. Not so much for sharing what her family believes, but for transferring those beliefs to your child. You will need to share with your child what your family believes and stress that not all families believe the same thing. She is at the age that if you have presented these things as "real", she may start to question them. It can be tough for Christian families to find a place for Disney magic and even Santa but MANY families, including ours has done just that. We have Christian friends that do choose to indulge their children in a much deeper believe in magic and pretend than we do and that is ok. I would NEVER take it upon myself to judge a child's faith. You may want to use your faith and belief system and decide what you want to share with your daughter. We personally did not disallow belief in things like Santa or Disney Characters, but we never really reinforced those believes and let the boys figure it out, while firmly instilling what we do believe in. Both of my guys did give up the believe in Santa by 5 and never really believed in Disney Characters, BUT Santa still comes and we are HUGE Disney fans. Not sure why she does not believe in angels. Maybe she was thinking that your daughter was not viewing them in their true biblical form, but again.....not her call.

 

[EmilyS90]

That is seriously out of line for that mother to say. Having different beliefs is fine, but it really sounds like she over stepped her boundaries there.

I agree with everyone else, just explain that everyone has different beliefs, and that doesn't mean that her personal beliefs are necessarily wrong, or that anyone's are. And I'd also explain to her that situations like this are why it's so important to be respectful of others' beliefs (unlike the friend's mother).

 

[Crystal824]

I would be upset with this mom. While she may not agree with you and perhaps even shared her beliefs regarding magic with your daughter, she should not have gone so far as to say you were not real Christians. People do have different beliefs even different denominations of Christianity do things differently. You do have to be respectful of those beliefs. While the mom may feel in her heart that believing in magic, fairies is wrong, it isn't her place to tell your daughter that. You can't control what this other mom does. The best you can do is just talk to your daughter about how different families do and believe in different things.

 

[Nennie]

The mom sounds like a complete jerk. Sorry, I just can't sugar coat it! I would be furious, and not want my child being supervised by her again. It's one thing to be a jerk and tell another person's child that Fairies, Princesses, and Santa aren't real, but she took it to a whole new level when she not only pushed her religious beliefs on another child, but went so far as to tell a child she wasn't a good Christian if she believes in those things?

I'm so sorry OP! I hope you can find a way to deal with this. If your DD wants to continue the friendship, maybe just have the other girl come to your house from now on, so your DD doesn't have to be subjected to the nutty mom!

 

[Docmum]

Thank you everybody for your replies - this subjecgt is really something, that stays on my mind.
I totally agree that everybody has and really should have their beliefs, whatever they are - this is the way it should be. My problem was (and still is) that she just pushed us, our values, way of life and so on into a certain corner, out of the blue, and left my DD insecure about what would be "right" to think and to believe. As several of you already stated we do not encourage our kids to believe in fairies, Santa, but we do encourage them to believe in beautiful things in life, that sometimes "magical" things happen, and that not everything that happens between heaven and earth can be explained rationally - I want them to be open to see "magic" in small things.

We have a wall tattoo in our childrens room that says: "Those who can hear butterflies laughing, know what clouds smell like .." - this says exactly what I mean.

And I guess that`s why we hold it with the iconic article from 1897 in the "SUN" about that little girl Virginia, asking the newspaper if there was a real Santa Claus. I love the reply and often read it with my daughter, explaining her, that this is what I mean. It does not matter, if I know that underneath these Mickey ears is only a CM - as long as this Mickey can make us all smile it`s the "real" one.

My DD just tunred eight, and yes, she still has high hopes to see a real fairy one day, if she is patient enough and I absolutely do not want to destroy this idea. Life is often hard enough and can ruin so many illusions within seconds that I think I just should not enforce that.

My personal view was too, that she had gone much too far with this - I had not asked for her opinion and certainly did not want her to leave my daughter insecure and feeling "wrong". (By the way, people in Iceland mostly believe in fairies - they even have construction sites replanned, if this could disturb the fairies living there - sounds funny, but you can read it on the web, they have some articles about it.)

I am so much into this, because yesterday my DD gave her friend a little gift she had made (she just got a sewing machine for her 8th bday) : a plush owl she had sewn and had named "Hedwig" (I told her about Harry Potters owl, because I alwas thought that name to be funny for the owl - my DD herself has neither read nor seen anything Harry Potter yet). Today I learned, that the girls mom would not allow that owl in her house, because nothing related to Harry Potter is allowed inside the house.... And so the whole thing started again for me ...

The two girls are real close friends, that is (my) problem, otherwise I would just keep my distance ..

 

[powellrj]

She will always find people like this mother. My DD went through the same thing in middle school with Harry Potter. Some parents are just like this and nothing you can do will change them. Just hug your DD and tell her in a way that she can understand about differences in beliefs. Good Luck, this parenting stuff is hard!

 

[Alesia]

She will always find people like this mother. My DD went through the same thing in middle school with Harry Potter. Some parents are just like this and nothing you can do will change them. Just hug your DD and tell her in a way that she can understand about differences in beliefs. Good Luck, this parenting stuff is hard!

This is so true. I used to work in a Christian preschool. Every single year we would have a parent who either encourage her child to tell the other kids that there's no Santa, or just skip the middle man and tell them herself.

 

[Crystal824]

This is so true. I used to work in a Christian preschool. Every single year we would have a parent who either encourage her child to tell the other kids that there's no Santa, or just skip the middle man and tell them herself.

That is terrible. We know a family that for religious reasons does not do Santa. However, that particular family encourages their children not to ruin the fun of the other kids at school.