Facebook Friending

[Luv Bunnies]

What do you do when someone sends you a friend request on Facebook and you have no idea who they are? Do you send them a message and ask how they know you? Do you hit "Ignore?" Do you do nothing and just leave the request hanging?

I just friended an old friend from high school and one of her friends popped up to friend me. I didn't recognize the name or the picture. I went through her friends list and recognized her maiden name and finally figured out that she used to go by a nickname and now uses her real name. Turns out I did used to know her in high school but I had to do some research to figure out how. Another guy is trying to friend me by saying he knows someone on my friends list. But I have no idea who he is and I'm sure we've never met so why would he want to friend me? Isn't that just gratuitous friending to make your list look bigger? There are 4 others that I don't know at all. What do you do in these cases?

 

[HsvTeacher]

What do you do when someone sends you a friend request on Facebook and you have no idea who they are? Do you send them a message and ask how they know you? Do you hit "Ignore?" Do you do nothing and just leave the request hanging?

I just friended an old friend from high school and one of her friends popped up to friend me. I didn't recognize the name or the picture. I went through her friends list and recognized her maiden name and finally figured out that she used to go by a nickname and now uses her real name. Turns out I did used to know her in high school but I had to do some research to figure out how. Another guy is trying to friend me by saying he knows someone on my friends list. But I have no idea who he is and I'm sure we've never met so why would he want to friend me? Isn't that just gratuitous friending to make your list look bigger? There are 4 others that I don't know at all. What do you do in these cases?

I just ignore them. I have some friends who are obsessed with the numbers and will send request to anyone and everyone. For instance, one of my high school friends sent my DH a request. She's never even met him. She also sent requests to some of my friends that she had never met just because they were on my friends list.

 

[simba928]

If I don't know them, I look at mutual friends and see if I can figure it out from there. If I can't, then ignore it is. I think some people just use it as a popularity indicator. The more friends the have, the more popular they are, and therefore, they must be awesome. I prefer to use it as a way to keep with people that I am/was friends with but don't necessarily see or talk to often.

I've also had people that I know, but don't want to add them. I ignore them as well. There was one girl that I went to high school with that kept sending friend requests. I didn't like her then and I don't like her now. She kept sending, I kept ignoring. She finally gave up but it was a good couple weeks of ignoring her almost everytime I logged on.

 

[lsyorke]

If they play farmville/cafeworld, it's all good, LOL! I have NO life!

 

[Saphire]

I have 'ignored' more people than I am friends with, and would never, ever agree to friend someone who is a peripheral person, never mind a stranger. I think some people tally friends on Facebook the way they tally post counts on the DIS, they feel some pride in the numbers. I never 'got' that, and keep my friends to people I know and want to talk to on a somewhat regular basis.

 

[daisyduck123]

It happened to me over Xmas break. Someone "Friend Requested" me & I did not recognize her name, nor her picture. I looked at all of her friends, & I do not know ONE OF THEM.

I sent her a message politely asking how we know each other. She never responded back & after a week of waiting, I finally hit "Ignore".

 

[FireDancer]

It depends. First, if are they female, single, and attractive they get the . I have a lot of friends from the podcast board and the WISH board who I know in real life so they get added and then I get some of their friends from the boards.

It is pretty rare that I get a request from anyone that I can't find any connection to. I don't put anything on Facebook that I wouldn't want anyone in the world to see. I go by the motto that if I wouldn't want my boss, a potential boss, or my future children to see it I don't put it on there. Once something is online it is there forever. Going with that criteria I am not too concerned with people I am not really close with seeing anything I would care about.

 

[WDWBarb]

I just hit "ignore." I do try and figure out of I might possibly know them first (and amazingly, most people I thought I didn't know, I really did).

My DH's friends and co-workers often send me friend requests and it's a bit uncomfortable. I don't want to insult them by denying but I also don't want to friend them just because they know DH... I usually end up accepting it.

 

[kacaju]

I have no problem ignoring them. My dh is very active with our girls softball team here in town. I don't get to go to many games or practices since I am taking our other dd to her activity while dh is at softball with the youngest dd.
I have gotten two friend requests from men whose dd's also play softball. I know their names, but I do not know them. I refused both of them.
I have no trouble getting emails from them in regard to softball stuff, but they are not MY friends, so no they will not be my fb friend.

 

[PixieDust32]

I send them a message asking them if I know them and if I indeed do know who they are I accept them, if they don't reply or I really don't know who they are I ignore them. I don't feel comfortable with people I don't know at all and I don't see the point of having them or they having me

 

[MIGrandma]

I had a guy that wanted to friend me recently, simply because we have the same last name. I do not know him at all. I just hit ignore.

I don't want "friends" on facebook just for the sake of upping my "friend" count. I have a Facebook page simply to keep in touch with my family and close friends.

I see people with high friend counts, in the hundreds, and I know they don't really "know" that many people to consider them "friends." I just don't get that.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think some people tally friends on Facebook the way they tally post counts on the DIS, they feel some pride in the numbers. I never 'got' that, and keep my friends to people I know and want to talk to on a somewhat regular basis.

I almost "get" that when it comes to kids...I've seen friend counts over 1,000 for my kids' friends...my DD said that they all just friend anyone from the same high school; also, anyone who is friends with a sibling. But when adults do it...?

My cousin goes around friending everyone and I find it uncomfortable. Like she friended my DD, who is 19 and hasn't seen in many years, and I could probably count on one hand the number of times she EVER met her. And my sister's ex-husband who she hasn't seen in more years than that, and also never saw much of. My DD didn't want to accept her, but felt uncomfortable NOT adding her, so she did. My ex-BIL posts things about his kids (my nephew and niece) and grandson, but I can't comment because I'm not his friend, but I see my cousin commenting, which is very weird for me. I'm thinking of sending my ex-BIL a friend request, but I can't get past the weird factor, because I'm just so focused on friending true friends.

I got a friend request from the team manager of my DS's former soccer team. We'd occasionally chat at games. I left it sitting there.

I also got a friend request from a niece's DH. I can't stand my niece...I adore her DH; he's a great, super nice guy. But I find that connection awkward...then she'll have access to my FB, despite my tight security.

I don't want "friends" on facebook just for the sake of upping my "friend" count. I have a Facebook page simply to keep in touch with my family and close friends.

As far as a stranger friending me? I ignore it. I might try to find out who they are if they're a friend of a friend. And then probably still ignore it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't know, everyone seems to have a different attitude about it. I see FB as an extension of my life (a minor one). I don't mind friending people, and I agree with FireDancer. With me, what you see is what you get. I'm the same on FB as I am in person. I'm friendly with everyone and if I only allowed people "close" to me on my friends list, the list would be teeny tiny. Like less than 10.

 

[happygirl]

I would send a message asking how they know you

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I have plenty of facebook friends that I don't actually know, or didn't actually know before friending them on facebook. Facebook is social networking site, it doesn't need to be for people that you are already friends with, it can also be used to expand your social network. I'm friends with other DISers and friends with people solely for the purpose of Mafia Wars but we have become actual friends over time. I'm also friends with some ladies from when I was an Avon rep that were also Avon reps all across the country.

That being said, when I get a friend request from someone I don't recognize right away I usually check out to see if we have common friends, interests, or pages, if all else fails you can always de-friend them later

 

[MelanieC]

I don't friend anyone who sends requests like that unless I know them, period!

 

[MushyMushy]

I have plenty of facebook friends that I don't actually know, or didn't actually know before friending them on facebook. Facebook is social networking site, it doesn't need to be for people that you are already friends with, it can also be used to expand your social network. I'm friends with other DISers and friends with people solely for the purpose of Mafia Wars but we have become actual friends over time. I'm also friends with some ladies from when I was an Avon rep that were also Avon reps all across the country.

That being said, when I get a friend request from someone I don't recognize right away I usually check out to see if we have common friends, interests, or pages, if all else fails you can always de-friend them later

Good point about expanding the social network. I've made friends with people I might have otherwise just passed on the street. I don't feel "popular" or anything like that, but can you really have too many friends or acquaintances in life?

 

[dizluvah]

I just wanted to point out that not everyone uses facebook for the same things or the same way. So just because someone has 1000+ friends and that may seem ridiculous - doesn't mean they are simply beefing up their friend count.

Many people use facebook to play games - not only as a way of keeping in contact with friends or family. In most of those games, I'll use Mafia Wars as an example, you excel in the game by having more "mafia" and you must friend them in order to add them to your mafia.

Savvy facebook users know that just because someone is your friend - does not mean they have to see everything you post. You can create lists determining who sees what etc. You can exclude specific people, or you can create "lists" - so I have all my Mafia Wars under one list and I say I only want Mafia Wars people to see certain posts. Because as my friends may care that I am trying to lose weight, my mafia "friends" surely don't.

As to the OPs question - if I don't know them, if they don't post any kind of avatar or picture, if it doesn't say I have mutual friends or if they don't bother to send a message to indicate they play a certain game or I knew you when - then I just hit ignore - it is no big deal they don't get some message telling them you ignored them or anything. OP you seem very considerate and thoughtful but most people won't dwell on whether you accept their facebook friend request so don't stress about it. Facebook is supposed to be fun!

PS - I totally understand the need to be cautious online and prevent strangers from gathering personal information about you and protecting yourself from identity theft etc. I just felt compelled to write because I have 1000+ friends and am too old care about looking cool or beefing up my friend count for any other reason than to kick butt in Mafia Wars (I'm addicted