extened family- dilema? HELP!

[mudnuri]

We've been planning a nov '05 trip since we came back in April of 04.

One of the DBIL's has shown interest in coming. DBIL/DSIL have a baby- who will be 2 when we travel. Here comes the dilema-

We're doing a Silver plan- either at Fort Wilderness Cabins (DH has just added Park Model Cabins to his line at the store, and we want to check these out) or at AKL or WL... basically its going to be about $5,000 for the 4 of us (thats a bit high)...

I'm going to book in February when we get back from Mexico, and pay it off with our income tax return.

I am planning the pirates cruise for DD's, the cooking thing at the GF etc.. more than just the parks this time...more time on the boats/bikes etc.

I am an anal planner...not to the point that we dont wing it, but I know basically what we're doing when we're doing it. We can and have flown by the seat of our pants- but we tend to get "grumpy" doing that.

DBIL/DSIL have no desire to learn anything about WDW...I have all the books- video etc.

They are planning on staying at a Value resort- and not doing a package.

How is this going to work? We have wishes to use, more "money" to spend per say, than they will.

I have tried to explain this to them, that we're basically prepaid for meals etc.. but they're not grasping this. They have no WDW Clue..

I have given them our dates/budget/estimate for everything right down to the mousekeeping tips...Not sure what else I can do.

I told DH I'm going to continue planning the trip as if it's just the 4 of us and then give them a print out of where we'll be when etc.??? Rude?? Inconsiterate? or just a diser's way of WDW?

UUGGHHHH! Mexico is soooooo much easier, and there's 23 of us going there!

Brandy

 

[laceemouse]

I have to say from past experience that doing WDW with another family is HARD. We all like to do different things, and I also like to plan, plan, plan. I do not think that it is rude for you to schedule things and then give them a copy of it. Maybe you could make some PSs for all of you together, but otherwise split up as needed. They are not going to want to burn the candle at both ends with a 2 year old anyway. Good luck.....Lacee

 

[Brian Noble]

I would try to plan *one* thing that the two families do together each day. Either a meal, or a "morning in park X" or an afternoon on the water mice, or whatever. Let the other family have some influence over what that choice is, even if you use the "here are some things we could do together, which are interesting to you guys?" Trying to get two families to do the same things together all the time would be a challenge, to say the least.

This lets each family go their own way much of the time, and puts less pressure on their budget. Your in-laws may not be able to afford the silver plan, or they may prefer to have a less "luxurious" visit, for whatever reason. For example, my family visits one full-service restaurant per day and a half or so, preferring counter-service or tray-slide/buffeterias to spend less time in restaurants and more time on attractions. Likewise, the parks themselves still hold enough "new" stuff for us to do that we wouldn't do more than one or two "out of park" things (water mice, mini golf, whatever). So, for us, the silver plan doesn't make much sense. Even though we could technically afford it, it wouldn't give us much value.

In any event, some people just aren't planners. If you are willing and able to build some "flexible" time into your own schedule to do something "spontaneous" with your inlaws, it probably would help family peace and harmony. Similarly, I suspect handing non-planners the Master Printout will *not* promote peace and harmony.

 

[leebee]

It sounds like you have alot more $$$ to spend at WDW than B/SIL do. Try to respect that. We (DD and I, sometimes DH also) go to WDW frequently and only spend about $1200 per trip, less now that DD and I have APs, and that includes airfare, car, hotel, food, souveniers, etc. Perhaps they don't want to madly plan with you because they cannot spend the kind of money you can? I know I wouldn't be able to keep up with you. We MUST travel with the budget in mind or not at all...not that we go cheap, but we never prepay meals or do Disney "plans", always stay offsite, don't do "plus" features, etc. A non-park day for us is just that...no parks anywhere, no Universal or KSC or Typhoon Lagoon. Is it possible that they can't or don't want to pay alot of money for this vacation, so they are just not "planning" the way you are?

 

[hokiefan33]

You may want to cut your BIL a little slack. I don't know your financial situation or that of your BIL, but it seems like money isn't really an issue for you. You're booking your $5k WDW trip after you get back from a trip to Mexico? Either you or your husband (or both) are doing very well in your job. Maybe your BIL doesn't have that kind of money, and just wants to have a nice vacation. When we go, we stay at a Value resort too, mainly for 2 reasons: I don't have a lot of money to spend, and I'm hardly ever in the hotel room, so why spend money on a room I'm only in for about 8 hours a day, most of that spent sleeping? Maybe your BIL has the same outlook.

That being said, it seems you have about 2 choices. Either modify your planned trip to be more accomodating to their style (and budget), or let them know up front the kind of trip you're planning on taking, and directly suggest that maybe you don't travel together. I say "directly" suggest b/c it seems you've been dropping hints that he might not be getting. Consider also your/your husband's relationship with their family, and ask yourself if any possible strain is worth the vacation your planning. Sometimes compromise is best. Then again, sometimes it's hard for those "with" to see things from the point of view of those "without". I'm not saying that's necessarily the case here, but if it is, you may want to try really hard to see the vacation from their point of view, considering their budget.

Good luck!

 

[DisneyPete]

My extended family vacations together all the time and we, almost, always have a great time. The best tip I can give you is to only do together what is appealing to everyone, and otherwise split up. We usually get together and anyone who wants to do something does so together, and the others go there own way that day. We always plan at least 1 activity like a dinner or a big ride or a water park, to do together during the trip.

But, I am not sure that this will work for you because it sounds like you will be at the parks at the same time but not on vacation together. If that is true, then simply look for each other while you are there and hope you bump into each other some where.

If you would like to vacation together, than both sides are going to have to compromise somewhat to reach a happy medium and a have a great trip together. Most of the fun for me is seeing my sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews etc. and making new memories.

 

[mudnuri]

You may want to cut your BIL a little slack. I don't know your financial situation or that of your BIL, but it seems like money isn't really an issue for you. You're booking your $5k WDW trip after you get back from a trip to Mexico? Either you or your husband (or both) are doing very well in your job. Maybe your BIL doesn't have that kind of money, and just wants to have a nice vacation. When we go, we stay at a Value resort too, mainly for 2 reasons: I don't have a lot of money to spend, and I'm hardly ever in the hotel room, so why spend money on a room I'm only in for about 8 hours a day, most of that spent sleeping? Maybe your BIL has the same outlook.

Maybe this wasnt clear....Both DH and DBIL are doing well in business/financially...it's not a $$ issue for either of us.

As I stated I'm paying for WDW from our income taxes... DBIL is able to as well. DBIL is going to Mexico as well, (along with the rest of the DBIL's..

We stayed at ASMovies in April- I'm not "above" staying there again, HOWEVER when you add the silver package- it's pretty hard to get your monies worth at a Value...

To clairfy- when I stated we had more "money" to spend- basically what I meant was we had to use the wishes....not that we were spending more $$ overall than they were.

My problem wasn't financial- it was planning wise. who knows- he could end up doing the PLATINUM package at Grand Floridian! The issue was the planning. - I do it...they dont want to.

going to Mexico as an extended family is easy- it's all inclusive..what is there to plan? Nothing. Pool/Beach/Bar... pretty simple to figure out whos' doing what when. We're talking WDW here...gotta plan some stuff!

thanks to all who replied..and I appologize if I wasnt clear that it was NOT a financial reason

Brandy

 

[beavismom]

I would try to plan a couple of meals with them (explain that you must plan it to get PS) and then give them your schedule and tell them you respect their choice not to plan and they are welcome to join you for what they want (as long as they are welcome and able to). I would also suggest that if you both have kids that you offer to swap babysitting so you have some couple time.

 

[HopperFan]

I guess I see it from a different perspective......and I suppose I may need a helmet on.......and my family DOES do WDW with relatives almost annually...... but on those trips we ALL plan when and what we will do in advance of anything being reserved etc. We may not always stay at the same hotels, but we plan our activities so that we enjoy our extended trip. It is a group plan from day one. Anyone is free to slip out to do something else at anytime, no hurt feelings.

BUT, if I were planning the family trip that you are, and we do this regularly too............it would be just that..........MY families trip. I consider you a kind and caring IL that you have given them all the information they need to have a good time. I would then give them the times of only the PS/activities that you would enjoy doing with them. If they want to join in, leave it to them to plan.

As far as you being viewed as rude and inconsiderate - absolutely not! I happen to think that asking to go on someone's family vacation is being inconsiderate. Especially since you have all just been on a group family vacation.