Extended family trip - rude to stay in different hotel?

[SusieQ93]

I would stay where I want. With a 1yo you have very different park plans. The older kids are going to want to do things that aren’t baby friendly.

I would talk realistically to your sister. Your baby will need a daily nap and much more down time than your sister’s family. She knows what an infant needs. when we’ve traveled w extended family we scheduled one. Ts meal a day w the entire group. We often started the day together then broke up, w each nuclear family either heading back to the resort for pools/naps or off to more park time.

be so much more convenient for your midday break to be right there.
your sister will understand. It’s really not a big deal.

Thanks! Yeah, after talking to my husband more about it, I think we’re just going to stay where we want. You’re right, the needs are just very different and we want to be able to get back to the hotel for a mid-day nap easily. It also might be pretty hot and I can tell you, it makes a world of difference in our happiness if we don’t have to trudge back down S. Harbor Blvd where there’s little shade in the heat. If her kids go back for a mid-day break, they’ll be swimming, but our baby will need to be napping. Also, at the end of the night, quickly getting back to the hotel is worth it to me. It’s going to be a very different speed for us traveling to Disney with an infant and I want to set ourselves up for success. My husband also wants the opportunity for some space just our family which I get too!

 

[TheMaxRebo]

Obviously you know your sister better than any of us, but I do think it is your vacation and your vacation $ (I assume you are paying your own way - if your sister is paying everything that would be different) and you need to do what is best for your family

And having traveling with extended family and friends and done all the planning, etc - ever time it winds up that as the trip goes on we start doing more and more of our own thing and just have specific things we get together for, so staying at different places I really don't think will change things much. I just suggest to, before hand, agree on what are the things you really want to do all together and make sure those thins happen (if at all possible)

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

Communication is key. I went on a single girls trip in my twenties with two friends. The best thing we did was have several planning meetings and laid all of our expectations out on the table. Once we heard each others expectations from the trip, we also shared dislikes and/or concerns. We all agree to be totally honest with each other and ended up having a wonderful trip. The only sneaky thing we did was two of us planned how we would select a driver and very tactfully exclude the third girl from ever driving on California freeways. I volunteered to put the rental car on my credit card, so it was natural for me to be the sole driver and the other two agreed. Frankly, she was a scary driver and had a near fatal accident my sophomore year in college and spent a year recovering, subsequently changing her major and becoming a nurse.

But I digress. . . my sister has 6 children and I have one. There is no way I could possibly spend from morning to evening with them and not lose my mind. I love them all very much, but the chaos of that many children makes my DD and I so anxious and frazzled after a few hours, we would just have to have down time on our own. Being at a separate hotel sort of builds in a natural buffer.

 

[DL1WDW2]

I think it will be fine to have the nearby GC for this trip. Her children will be moving way faster than you with tiny child...and this gives them excuse to plan different things also. Plus bonus of going to the Grand Pool if they want .
That walk is a long walk to the HJ . Actually there have been times when the walk to the GC has felt long, especially at the end of the day.

 

[Keetchino]

I did about 4 trips with my oldest before she hit 2 and I’d go with the closest hotel possible, it will make things so much easier! She needed naps mid day, and she didn’t sleep well in the stroller so we ended up going back to the hotel every day for a break. Also, with the hotel so close to the parks, you can pack a bit lighter and take a quick dip back to the hotel if more supplies are needed. I like to travel light with my stroller packing and not look like I’m ready for a 3 week expedition up Everest. Invite them back to the Californian for their mid day break, it’s a lovely hotel and maybe it’ll convince your sis to splurge next trip

 

[sk!mom]

Yeah, we also are just different types of travelers. My sister is much more of a budget traveler (regardless of what she can afford), it's just her style. And that's perfectly ok. For example, they don't really like doing TS meals, it's just not worth it to them. We like TS for the break, ambience, knowing you have a reserved table (not having to fight for a table with your hands full at QS). I guess to me another rationale is that we'd have a room so close, they would be welcome to take a rest in our room if they wanted mid-day/store anything they wanted in our room. With a Disney trip you're not spending a lot of time hanging out at the hotel, any together time would be in the parks/Downtown Disney anyways. The only thing we'd be missing out on is walking to the parks together, I don't see that as a big deal.

Do you live in the same place or see each other regularly? If so, then given your very different travel styles, I question why you would choose to travel together. If not, then I get it and would stay in the same hotel since the purpose seems to be spending time together. When we do group trips, part of it is early risers meeting up for coffee while the slow pokes are getting ready. Sitting by the pool at night with a glass of wine, etc...

 

[paisleys]

Staying at The Grand Californian vs. anywhere else would be a no-brainer yes for us.

 

[North of Mouse]

Not rude at all and would totally be an easy conversation if it were me. Just say the truth - "we know it would be so much easier with a toddler to be close by so we're going with the 'X' hotel - he still needs his regular naps/breaks" - period!

 

[SusieQ93]

Do you live in the same place or see each other regularly? If so, then given your very different travel styles, I question why you would choose to travel together. If not, then I get it and would stay in the same hotel since the purpose seems to be spending time together. When we do group trips, part of it is early risers meeting up for coffee while the slow pokes are getting ready. Sitting by the pool at night with a glass of wine, etc...

No - we don’t live in the same area. We want to do Disneyland together because I’m the big Disney fan in the family and watching Disney movies/talking about Disney/having the whole family come for my Disney wedding has been a big way that I bonded with my nieces and nephew. And even if we stay different places, we’ll still be going to the parks together.

 

[SusieQ93]

I did about 4 trips with my oldest before she hit 2 and I’d go with the closest hotel possible, it will make things so much easier! She needed naps mid day, and she didn’t sleep well in the stroller so we ended up going back to the hotel every day for a break. Also, with the hotel so close to the parks, you can pack a bit lighter and take a quick dip back to the hotel if more supplies are needed. I like to travel light with my stroller packing and not look like I’m ready for a 3 week expedition up Everest. Invite them back to the Californian for their mid day break, it’s a lovely hotel and maybe it’ll convince your sis to splurge next trip

That’s what I was thinking! Also, I’m more than happy to let them store stuff in our room during the day so they don’t have to pack around so much. So really it’s kind of a win-win.

 

[SusieQ93]

I think it will be fine to have the nearby GC for this trip. Her children will be moving way faster than you with tiny child...and this gives them excuse to plan different things also. Plus bonus of going to the Grand Pool if they want .
That walk is a long walk to the HJ . Actually there have been times when the walk to the GC has felt long, especially at the end of the day.

Yes, I just keep thinking of that long walk and we’d be doing it four times during the day since a mid day nap is going to be a must. So that’s like three extra miles of walking with a one year old (and all the stuff that goes with them!).

 

[HopperFan]

Ok, so this trip is a long way away. But with the bummer of the pandemic, I’m already talking about it because it makes me happy. Anyway, We’re planning an extended family trip to Disneyland summer of 2022. My sister and her family of 5 wants to stay at the Howard Johnson close by DLR. I know the HoJo has a loyal following and I’m not saying it’s a bad place to stay at all. But my husband and I are spoiled by having stayed at the Grand Californian and our baby will be one. The convenience for us on a hot day to quickly get back to the hotel for a break made what could’ve been a hot and kind of miserable trip perfect and that was just the two of us. I can only imagine how much that convenience will be worth with a one-year-ole. Is it rude of me to tell my sister that we’re going to stay at the Grand Californian instead? I don’t think we need to be together every second of the trip and breaks I’d imagine we’d spend time separately anyway (her kids will be 10, 8, and 4) so very different ages.

Have planned many Disney trips with extended family and friends. My number one suggestion is that everyone stay where they want to stay for their own expectations and budget. Sleep and relax time is each families time to do as they wish. Forcing anyone to stay anywhere they don't want to inevitably can cause issues.

We set up a meeting time each MID MORNING at the parks. We've been through the pressure of one family wanting to sleep in or wanting to get going very early or not in agreement on levels of breakfast. When we stopped causing all that morning pressure trips went smooth. We usually book or decide on a meal together for lunch every day and then some dinners together. Some evenings we might or might not stay together but the option is there for each doing something different.

It is too expensive a vacation to expect everyone to want to do everything together every minute. I would enter the conversation that everyone picks their own hotel that fits their needs. Then get the excitement of planning which park you'll meet at and where you want to book your lunch / dinners.

Our best big group trips have been where everyone can rest & retreat at their own place with their own family time. I've only had two trips where it went well being together but both with family we could be totally honest with, could compress on our own and even completely split up some days.

 

[Stratman50th]

My sister and her family of 5 wants to stay at the Howard Johnson close by DLR. I know the HoJo has a loyal following and I’m not saying it’s a bad place to stay at all.

My opinion for what it's worth, and it might not be worth much but I'm here now so....
We moved to Florida from Maryland several years ago and stay in our own coach at the Fort now and are only 30 minutes away so regardless of who else will be there that's where we'll be.
That's the now. We had been going to WDW once a year for 25 years or so with two other families, my parents, my sister, her husband and two kids, and my wife, daughter and me. Everyone did the parks differently so except maybe if everyone hit the bus stop at the same time we were on our own. Mostly we stayed at the same resort, but on the occasional trip we were split up. As long as we made whatever special meal or activity my mother wanted to do everybody was on their own for the week.
The part of the question I quoted above is what I kind of zeroed in on. They want to stay there, you want to stay someplace different. You stay where you want, let them stay where they want. One thing I learned over the years is everybody does what they do differently and to try and coordinate an entire group into the same box can be frustrating and sometimes damaging. Plan some family activities you can do together and for the rest of the trip everybody is on their own.

 

[kwdw]

I would have a conversation about expectations in general before making a firm decision. When I travel with family, frankly it’s the times at the resorts that are the most bonding because we can’t manage to stay together in the parks for long. She could be imagining family hang out time at the pool and pizza dinners at the resort. Other family’s seem to be able to hang together for hours in the parks and use resort time as their personal space. If you talk about this in general, you can talk about the needs of a one year vs her kids. Set the expectations, and go from there. She could be angry the whole trip because you are in different resorts and that’s not what she wants...... or maybe it’s fine. This is really a very family group specific thing......

 

[VandVsmama]

Ok, so this trip is a long way away. But with the bummer of the pandemic, I’m already talking about it because it makes me happy. Anyway, We’re planning an extended family trip to Disneyland summer of 2022. My sister and her family of 5 wants to stay at the Howard Johnson close by DLR. I know the HoJo has a loyal following and I’m not saying it’s a bad place to stay at all. But my husband and I are spoiled by having stayed at the Grand Californian and our baby will be one. The convenience for us on a hot day to quickly get back to the hotel for a break made what could’ve been a hot and kind of miserable trip perfect and that was just the two of us. I can only imagine how much that convenience will be worth with a one-year-ole. Is it rude of me to tell my sister that we’re going to stay at the Grand Californian instead? I don’t think we need to be together every second of the trip and breaks I’d imagine we’d spend time separately anyway (her kids will be 10, 8, and 4) so very different ages.

Some thoughts & suggestions to consider:

1. Ask this same question on the DL board.
2. I've stayed at Hojo's before. It's a great hotel. They have wonderful customer service. Their kiddie water park play area is GREAT for kids. If I had 3 children like your sister does and if my kids were her kids' ages, I absolutely would stay at Hojo's.
3. But if I were going with a baby? And if I could afford to stay at the GCH? I absolutely would stay there instead. I would not feel guilty about it.
4. You should talk to your sister about the trip ahead of time. Talk about expectations. Find out what their park touring style is like. Remind her ahead of time that the baby WILL slow you down. Tell her that it'll be ok if they want/need to go off and do their own thing for awhile.
5. In turn, you should also find our HER expectations.
6. You are wise to anticipate the possibility that maybe your baby might not be the sort of kid who will just nap straight away in the stroller...that maybe your kiddo will need a dark, quiet place to sleep. GCH hands down since it's so close.
7. Talk about whether you'll be spending every waking moment together or if you'll do something like meet up IN the park at a specific place & time, go on a couple of rides together, split up, meet again for lunch, etc.
8. You should also strategize with your sister about what can sometimes be vastly different ride & attraction preferences between a 4 yr old and a 10 yr old. Pairing up you & baby with her or her spouse/partner & the 4 yr old, for example, to go to a princess meet & greet while all of the older kids (grown ups included) hit up a thrill ride might be a good idea.

 

[SusieQ93]

Some thoughts & suggestions to consider:

1. Ask this same question on the DL board.
2. I've stayed at Hojo's before. It's a great hotel. They have wonderful customer service. Their kiddie water park play area is GREAT for kids. If I had 3 children like your sister does and if my kids were her kids' ages, I absolutely would stay at Hojo's.
3. But if I were going with a baby? And if I could afford to stay at the GCH? I absolutely would stay there instead. I would not feel guilty about it.
4. You should talk to your sister about the trip ahead of time. Talk about expectations. Find out what their park touring style is like. Remind her ahead of time that the baby WILL slow you down. Tell her that it'll be ok if they want/need to go off and do their own thing for awhile.
5. In turn, you should also find our HER expectations.
6. You are wise to anticipate the possibility that maybe your baby might not be the sort of kid who will just nap straight away in the stroller...that maybe your kiddo will need a dark, quiet place to sleep. GCH hands down since it's so close.
7. Talk about whether you'll be spending every waking moment together or if you'll do something like meet up IN the park at a specific place & time, go on a couple of rides together, split up, meet again for lunch, etc.
8. You should also strategize with your sister about what can sometimes be vastly different ride & attraction preferences between a 4 yr old and a 10 yr old. Pairing up you & baby with her or her spouse/partner & the 4 yr old, for example, to go to a princess meet & greet while all of the older kids (grown ups included) hit up a thrill ride might be a good idea.

Thank you very much for your well thought out response and bullet points. You makes lots of good points! So one thing I never mentioned, my other sister and I were going to be staying at GCV in October of 2020. We rented DVC points. Well obviously that didn't happen and now we have a credit to use. My other sister and her family will go on this trip too they've decided, and my mom is going to be going too. We can't go in 2021 (I am due in June and with the pandemic, it's just totally outside the realm of possibility). So, we kind of need to use this credit. I talked to my mom about it and she said she would stay at the HoJo with my one sister. So luckily it's not like everyone would be staying at GCH except my other sister. I think the plan is that we'll split up some, but we'll take turns doing the thrill rides (my other sister has a little bit younger kids too).

 

[Bloomster]

I don’t think it’s rude at all. As long as you are up front about it. But like it’s been said, the ability to head back for a break with the kids is so nice! Also, I totally agree with you that it just isn’t the same to stay anywhere else after staying at the Grand Californian.

 

[SusieQ93]

I don’t think it’s rude at all. As long as you are up front about it. But like it’s been said, the ability to head back for a break with the kids is so nice! Also, I totally agree with you that it just isn’t the same to stay anywhere else after staying at the Grand Californian.

Omg, so true. The only bad thing about staying at the Grand Californian is we were like , “ok, this is amazing, we can’t ever stay off property again.” missing Disneyland so much just thinking about it. Even in 100 degree weather, staying at GCH, we just had the best trip ever. We’d just go on Grizzly River Run at like 1, then go back to our room and relax and go back out at like 4:30. Had we been having to walk up and down S. Harbor Blvd in the heat that trip, I don’t think we would’ve had very good attitudes

 

[TikiTikiFan]

Discussing expectations when you travel with folks is always a good bet. I did a joint trip with close friends (like family close- known them since childhood) and we stayed in the same hotel.

This left a pressure to always be leaving at the same time in the am or taking breaks at the same time. One morning they were moving slow to get up so I just texted them saying ‘hey, my son and I going to go snag us all a spot in line at the gates.’ And it just rubbed some of them the wrong way that we left them. And I honestly didn’t see it coming- I didn’t realize it’d be taken personally. Then one friend got motion sick on nearly everything (poor guy!) so we had to try to make different choices so he wouldn’t have been left out.. when in reality we could have just split up in smaller groups and do our own thing for awhile. That’s just one example and we didn’t fight or anything but we had some tense moments. All would have been prevented if we would have communicated more clearly as a group. Next time, we’re going to have a group meeting beforehand to set guidelines.

 

[dpswift]

When we do family trips we always stay at the same place. I prefer Deluxe accommodations but I stay where my brother's family is able to stay. Now, we also don't see each other all the time back home so the vacations are more for us to spend time together. If we saw each other every weekend I might be more inclined to stay at a different location.

That is what I was thinking. If it is someone I only saw every few years I would stay in the same hotel. If it is someone I saw regularly the time apart might be nice.