Excited for Return Trip But Older Son Doesn’t WAnt to Go!

[have2getaway]

We went to Disney last January as a family of 5 and had an amazing time at the Polynesian Resort—DH, me, and our triplet boys, then age 7. My older son (15) went at the same with his father and we got to spend a small amount of time with him. Well, we had been planning for a return trip with all of the boys. I was really looking forward to it because he doesn’t remember the trip I took him when he was 4 1/2. We discussed when to go. He doesn’t want to miss school, and being in high school and honors classes, it would be hard. It became very clear, however, that he really doesn’t want to go at all. He didn’t want to go over Christmas break, February break or April break, and said he be willing to go in the summer until we told on how hot it was. It then became clear he didn’t want to go at all. We sort of got that “been there, done that attitude”. He likes going to theme parks with us for a day or two, but said not a full week. He has Asperger’s and, while we encourage him to get the accommodations available to him, he refuses to because he doesn’t want to be different. We used the accommodation when he was 4 and wouldn’t have survived the trip without it. DH said we should just go ahead and plan a return trip without him. Is this normal? Does anyone have older kids who do not want to go? It’s hard to know if it’s spectrum-related issues or if it’s just a typical teen who doesn’t want to endure a theme park with his family for a week. I’m just very sad about it really. I always wanted to go on trips with my family. He is going with us to Myrtle Beach in April where all his older cousins will be going as well. He is looking forward to that trip. Should we reserve a larger room on the off chance he decides to go, or reserve The Polynesian which is where his younger brothers really want to stay. The Polynesian won’t work with 6. That said, I can’t see paying Christmas or Feb. break rates if he isn’t going to go in the end anyway.

 

[22Tink]

My son quit joining us on our trips at about that age. We'd been going regularly every 2 years to DL and once to WDW since he was 3 and all of a sudden he was just done. In fact on the last trip that he joined us on he should have stayed home because he didn't have fun at all. He was 14 on that trip. I was sad that the fun was gone for him but at the same time I was fine with him staying home if that's what he wanted.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

If he doesn't want to go, I wouldn't make him. I have two older stepsons (they are now 21 and 23). We took them to WDW in 2005 and, while they enjoyed it, they have had zero interest in going back. Meanwhile, DS10 has been to WDW at least 20 times since he was born. It's been absolutely fine. We do things all together that we all enjoy (we went to the US Open together, took a beach trip to FL, DH took them to Europe, etc.). As they got older, they, too, did not want to miss school, miss being with their friends or miss out on their extra-curricular activities. I think it's really normal for him not to want to go. Heck, DS just turned 10 and I am already seeing the frequency of our WDW trips diminishing as we branch out to other destinations that he can now enjoy as he gets older (Europe, etc.). I would do WDW with the triplets and look forward to doing Myrtle Beach with everyone. I really think it's fine.

 

[Shanti]

We went to Disney last January as a family of 5 and had an amazing time at the Polynesian Resort—DH, me, and our triplet boys, then age 7. My older son (15) went at the same with his father and we got to spend a small amount of time with him. Well, we had been planning for a return trip with all of the boys. I was really looking forward to it because he doesn’t remember the trip I took him when he was 4 1/2. We discussed when to go. He doesn’t want to miss school, and being in high school and honors classes, it would be hard. It became very clear, however, that he really doesn’t want to go at all. He didn’t want to go over Christmas break, February break or April break, and said he be willing to go in the summer until we told on how hot it was. It then became clear he didn’t want to go at all. We sort of got that “been there, done that attitude”. He likes going to theme parks with us for a day or two, but said not a full week. He has Asperger’s and, while we encourage him to get the accommodations available to him, he refuses to because he doesn’t want to be different. We used the accommodation when he was 4 and wouldn’t have survived the trip without it. DH said we should just go ahead and plan a return trip without him. Is this normal? Does anyone have older kids who do not want to go? It’s hard to know if it’s spectrum-related issues or if it’s just a typical teen who doesn’t want to endure a theme park with his family for a week. I’m just very sad about it really. I always wanted to go on trips with my family. He is going with us to Myrtle Beach in April where all his older cousins will be going as well. He is looking forward to that trip. Should we reserve a larger room on the off chance he decides to go, or reserve The Polynesian which is where his younger brothers really want to stay. The Polynesian won’t work with 6. That said, I can’t see paying Christmas or Feb. break rates if he isn’t going to go in the end anyway.

Plenty of teens, especially boys, wouldn't be caught dead at Walt Disney World. It's seen by many of them as a kids' place, but that doesn't mean they won't enjoy going back as adults. When my sister was a teen, she went to Orlando on a school trip, and she & her friends chose the local beach for their day off instead of a Disney park. They were just too cool for Disney. But now as an adult, she's totally back into it and has already taken multiple trips with her little girls.

If your son has the added, serious issue of not wanting to miss honors high school classes, please do not pressure him to go with you to WDW. He's 15 and that ship has sailed.

 

[cruising spud]

When our oldest daughter was 18 years old, she told us that she did not want to go with us on our upcoming Disney trip. She was adamant. We called her once a day to see how she was doing. By the second day, she was wishing she had come and has not missed a Disney trip since then (she is 42 years old now).

 

[fla4fun]

I would not pressure him to go. It could be when he misses this trip, he will be more enthusiastic about the next one. Or not. Sometimes a person's interests change as they grow up. Mine didn't - loved WDW on my first visit as a child and have loved it continually since then. Moved near Orlando to be closer to it. But I think I'm probably in the minority (except on these boards, of course ).

 

[SteveH]

/My oldest is Aspy too, when through the same phase as your son and I think Aspy or not it's normal. We had a running line of "forced family fun, you'll thank us later" and now that our kids are 22/19 they now appreciate that we made them do somethings they didn't always want to do at the time. My oldest was an A student, Honors all that, by the time he hit his senior year he began to chill out and realized it was only high school.

One suggestion would be to see if there are some teen activities that he could do that are separate from the kid stuff such as the backstage or special events. Plus with the homework you might give him some down time in the hotel too.

https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/tweens

 

[JoieNsk]

My daughter has some degree of Asperger too. She is now 18.

She likes going to Disney - maybe because she is that girly-girly type etc.

But I can see where she would totally refuse some activities - especially in the places where a lot of people are etc.

If it's not too much more expensive to book the room which accommodates one more person (in case your son changes his mind) - I would do that. But I would not force him to go of course. He would be all upset, and he might make everybody's else time totally miserable (at least my daughter would for sure )

Or if you can afford holding two cancellable room reservations - one if he goes and another if he doesn't - I would rather do that.

 

[DaisyDuck001]

I wish all of my family members and friends would enjoy all the same things I do, but some will, some won't, and that's normal. You could arrange for your older son to stay near home with a responsible adult, while the rest of you enjoy your trip as planned.

 

[bumbershoot]

It’s hard to know if it’s spectrum-related issues or if it’s just a typical teen who doesn’t want to endure a theme park with his family for a week.

I guess at some point you have to wonder if it matters what the reason is between those options?


He has the April trip to Myrtle with guy, so that will be fun.


And you said that for the January trip he went with his dad while you went with your husband and three younger kids? And you only got to see him for awhile? I wonder if his dad’s touring style maybe wasn’t to his liking, and he’s projecting that into how you guys would be? That would be something I would wonder about.

 

[Shanti]

And you said that for the January trip he went with his dad while you went with your husband and three younger kids? And you only got to see him for awhile? I wonder if his dad’s touring style maybe wasn’t to his liking, and he’s projecting that into how you guys would be? That would be something I would wonder about.

Or maybe he liked the one-on-one touring with his dad, and is really just hesitant to tour the parks as part of a pack with mom, stepfather, and three younger triplets who will get most of the attention...

 

[Disneylover99]

I would just book the resort you want and let your son stay home if possible.

 

[cruiser21]

I have 13 and 15 year old boys. The 13 year old loves WDW the 15 year old could care less about it. He would go if I forced him, but why would I? WDW is expensive. Why spend all that money on someone who doesn't want to be there? I'm happy to save the money and just take the kid that likes it.

 

[NewmanFamily6]

This summer will be the first trip our oldest has joined us on in years. She hasn't wanted to join us in the past and so she stayed with a relative. This year she will be 21 and is more excited than some of the others I believe. If you force him to go then the rest of you will be miserable. I agree with your husband, plan a trip and go enjoy yourselves.

 

[DaisyDuck001]

I have 13 and 15 year old boys. The 13 year old loves WDW the 15 year old could care less about it. He would go if I forced him, but why would I? WDW is expensive. Why spend all that money on someone who doesn't want to be there? I'm happy to save the money and just take the kid that likes it.

Excellent point!

 

[have2getaway]

And you said that for the January trip he went with his dad while you went with your husband and three younger kids? And you only got to see him for awhile? I wonder if his dad’s touring style maybe wasn’t to his liking, and he’s projecting that into how you guys would be? That would be something I would wonder about.

Or maybe he liked the one-on-one touring with his dad, and is really just hesitant to tour the parks as part of a pack with mom, stepfather, and three younger triplets who will get most of the attention...

He stayed with his Dad off-site. He went with his Dad, his girlfriend and her two older teenage daughters who he isn’t super close with. They did both Disney and Universal. He liked Universal, but he didn’t like having to take a shuttle to and from either of the parks. He had said just after the trip he would like to do what we did and stay on site, which is what we are trying to do, but the expense of the rooms over some of the breaks is a lot for six people, too much to stay at a Deluxe resort, but we were willing to try to work it out so it was more convenient and more enjoyable for him, but it was clear he didn’t want to give up his school break to go, regardless of where we stayed or when we went. He plays the drums in a band with several friends and likes having his weekends and school breaks to “jam” with them or practice for events they perform at. He almost didn’t go to our beach trip we do every year because of his band, but said he really wanted time with his cousins (all boys—same age as him).

 

[Shanti]

He stayed with his Dad off-site. He went with his Dad, his girlfriend and her two older teenage daughters who he isn’t super close with. They did both Disney and Universal. He liked Universal, but he didn’t like having to take a shuttle to and from either of the parks. He had said just after the trip he would like to do what we did and stay on site, which is what we are trying to do, but the expense of the rooms over some of the breaks is a lot for six people, too much to stay at a Deluxe resort, but we were willing to try to work it out so it was more convenient and more enjoyable for him, but it was clear he didn’t want to give up his school break to go, regardless of where we stayed or when we went. He plays the drums in a band with several friends and likes having his weekends and school breaks to “jam” with them or practice for events they perform at. He almost didn’t go to our beach trip we do every year because of his band, but said he really wanted time with his cousins (all boys—same age as him).

You have your answer then: he really doesn't want to go this time. He sounds like a normal kid with other priorities besides the family vacation. Enjoy WDW without him, while he gets to do his own thing with friends.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

You have your answer then: he really doesn't want to go this time. He sounds like a normal kid with other priorities besides the family vacation. Enjoy WDW without him, while he gets to do his own thing with friends.

Yes, I completely agree. And I think it's really ok to just let him stay home and enjoy the time with his band. As my DS gets older, he is really leaning in this direction as well (he's 10 now). He would MUCH rather be on the basketball court training and playing with his friends than going ANYWHERE and we are starting to plan our trips around his basketball seasons. My DS has a developmental disability as well and I'm just so happy he found an avenue, in basketball, to make social connections, so I'm happy to work around his basketball schedule and see him so happy on the court! I think it's awesome your DS wants to be with his band and his cousins. It really sounds like he will enjoy that so much more than the WDW trip.

 

[georgina]

My DS was done with WDW after our trip when he was 14. He was happy to go on other family trips, but not interested in Disney. We did a family Universal/Disney trip when he was 21 and he came for some of that. Not that it matters, but he has many of the traits of someone with high-functioning Aspergers.

 

[have2getaway]

Yes, I completely agree. And I think it's really ok to just let him stay home and enjoy the time with his band. As my DS gets older, he is really leaning in this direction as well (he's 10 now). He would MUCH rather be on the basketball court training and playing with his friends than going ANYWHERE and we are starting to plan our trips around his basketball seasons. My DS has a developmental disability as well and I'm just so happy he found an avenue, in basketball, to make social connections, so I'm happy to work around his basketball schedule and see him so happy on the court! I think it's awesome your DS wants to be with his band and his cousins. It really sounds like he will enjoy that so much more than the WDW trip.

That’s exactly how I feel. He wasn’t social at all for a long time, and he’s finally showing an interest in something and making friends. I really want to encourage that because, for so long, he was perfectly content being alone. I guess I just want him to know that we would want him there if he wanted to go. I talked with him more about it today and he said he was sure he would want to go back some day, when he had a family of his own, but just wasn’t something that was a priority right now.