Ex wanting the kids for the summer

[Heather Smith]

I can't believe that ex and new SO have the best interests of the children in mind, because if they did the planning would have involved you. This is just a little too secretive for me to be comfortable with if it were my children. The plans should be made with you not the children.

I have an ex-husband who also never paid child support and would sometimes try to secretively whoo my daughter with grandious plans just to try to get me to forgive his child support obligations.

LOL when she went to college he got a teaching position at the same college (he didn't know she was attending there). He intentionally saw her once in four years. Funny how when money wasn't involved he didn't have that same sincere desire to see her.

 

[Pamlur]

I apologize for my blanket statement; the law in my state has changed since my (grown) kids were younger. Visitation no longer depends on child support being paid up.

 

[kaabost]

My question is this: What kind of pathetic excuse is it to say that "your father hasn't contacted you himself because he hasn't learned how to use a computer?" Uh, ok, have we heard of a telephone OR the US Postal service?????? I have to wonder if the father even knows that his new wife is trying to arrange this. Maybe SHE is curious. Maybe SHE wants to know his kids while he doesn't really give a rats *** about them. People like this father make me so mad!

 

[MagicalMom]

My question is this: What kind of pathetic excuse is it to say that "your father hasn't contacted you himself because he hasn't learned how to use a computer?" Uh, ok, have we heard of a telephone OR the US Postal service?????? I have to wonder if the father even knows that his new wife is trying to arrange this. Maybe SHE is curious. Maybe SHE wants to know his kids while he doesn't really give a rats *** about them. People like this father make me so mad!

Well, he also has her call for him. Then again this is the same guy who would look at the checkbook register & see that there was a balance of 100.00 then he'd call the automated number & they'd tell him the balance was 200.00. He'd ask me where I was hiding the other 100.00. I spent many a nights trying to explain that they bank doesn't automatically deduct the money from our account as I'm writing the check! Thank God we went to a small bank in a small town because the teller always had to fill out his deposit slip, he never could figure out that accoutn number thing.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

First and formost. He is entitled to no other visitation than what is SPECIFIC to your divorce agreement. If he is serious and committed to a relationship with his kids then he will go to court and take the necessary legal steps to rework the visitation.

That said.. A friend of mine, same deal ex took off never paid any support called every once in a awhile. didn't see his son for 6 years from age 1 to 7. He lived in Florida, we did not not. I was actually on a trip with her and her son and she took 2 days from her trip and took him to Daytona Beach to see him. At her expense. Her rationale was it was best for her son. ( I did not agree then and do not now)

Anyway.. we went home and the following summer he called and asked could he come to stay for 3 weeks? She left it up to the child, he said yes. The child stayed the 3 weeks came home never said a word. She thought all was well. Dad did not call again for a year.

Year later showed back up, lived near us now, took him for the weekend. On Monday he was not returned, He was picked up on Friday and left the same night with his Aunt.... Dad never came back for him. My friend picked him up and Dad has never called since then. Her son is now 19. it has been almost 10 years. Recently he just has told her, those 3 weeks he spent in florida with Dad and oh yes the new step mom? dad was beating the step mom, Stepmom got arressted for beating Dad. She bailed out then he hit her he went in to jail. It just went on and on and on.

There is no way in hell, I would allow my kids to go with someone who is a stranger to them and to you. By his choice he is a stranger correct? This is not about fathers rights or the right for the kids to know them. You need to protect them from someone who clearly does not have their best interests at heart. I would not tell the kids no and make you the bad guy. I would very sweetly say. In order for you to go out of State we have to follow certain proceedures with the courts. So as soon as Dad and I can work those out, we will make a plan. From what you said, he will not follow through with this. and you are neither bashing him or taking the blame for it not happening. Good luck and don't stress!!!!! YOU do not have to send them.

 

[golfgal]

Is there a chance that your DD contacted them about visiting them first? Given the age of your DD I wonder if this might be a case of "the grass is greener" thinking that what ever her 14 year old mind perceives as a "horrible life" with you (teenage thinking not that it is really horrible-it might just be that you wear green tennis shoes and embarrass her at the mall) it might be better at "Dad's" house. I know my sister went through this when she was about 13-her life at Dad's was going to be so much better because he wouldn't make her clean the kitchen or do her homework or at least that is what she thought. She moved in with him for a few months and discovered differently.

 

[MagicalMom]

Well, I went ahead & spoke to his wife. I offered to help them get a hotel here so that he could visit with the kids but she said they really don't even have the money to travel. I explained that the children would not be going there for the summer & that if they do develop a relationship between now & then maybe they can spend some time together this summer. She said that she is on disability & he only makes 8.50 an hour so after they pay child support there is nothing left. I really wanted to ask how they intended to feed the children when they can't afford gas, but figured I'd just drop that.

So, I told her that we will look into visiting then during Spring Break. Maybe the kids can spend the day with them while DH & I sight see. I've never been to TN so that may be interesting.

We'll see how it goes. Chances are we won't hear from them again after the holidays.

 

[mum4jenn]

Sounds like they were prob planning on not paying any support during the summertime that they wanted them. My guess would be that you probably will not hear from them again.

The relationship between my dh and his oldest daughter really got much better once she married and my dd and I went to the wedding. Dh could not get off of work so I went and our dd was even made the flowergirl once we got there!! Dh and his dd had began working ontheir relationship a bit before that but I think it really took off once that happened(the wedding) They all live in FL and us in GA.

I know first hand what it is like to have to pay child support and have no money left but thank goodness we are through with that.But I think they really think they could fed them on about $50 and they want to keep the rest. I may be totally wrong in this but I think that is what they are thinking.

Do try for the visit at Springtime. It might be good for all. But I would talk to their father first to get his feelings on it all.

 

[Maleficent13]

Just chiming in to say I'm kind of with golfgal. I would definitely be having a talk with your DD to see what she's thinking about all this.