Ex wanting the kids for the summer

[poohbear2]

Follow your insincts. There always right!

 

[Pamlur]

In some states, he couldn't even think about forcing the visitation issue until he had completely caught up on back child support.

 

[mickeyboat]

In some states, he couldn't even think about forcing the visitation issue until he had completely caught up on back child support.

What states are those? I was always under the impression that visitation is never tied to support.

Denae

 

[AMcaptured]

I happen to think the "new" wife has a different opinion of your "ex" than you do and she can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want him as part of their lives.....

Personally, I wouldn't let my kids anywhere near him or his wife until they talk to you first. Just the idea they are going behind your back with this mere suggestion to your children makes me wonder what their real intentions are.

I also would talk to a lawyer.

Good Luck!

 

[MagicalMom]

Some of you may remember this post from last year.

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=693434&highlight=gun+christmas

That was the last time he spoke to the kids until now. He never did send any presents. I'm thinking that after the holidays he may just dissappear again. I know him & huis wife have been married for over 5 years, so I don't know if it's really her pushing the issue. Maybe a season psychosis?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

oh look, my answer was the same a year ago.
I'm sorry he didn't stay away for the 5 years like I thought then though.


No honestly. That is so tough on the kids to have him burst in and then fade away over and over. Of course they want a Dad in their lives, who doesn't? I sincerely hope maybe he'll pull it together and actually want to be a part of their life now.... I have my doubts, but people do change.

 

[mickeyfan2]

What states are those? I was always under the impression that visitation is never tied to support.

Every state that I know will not let the non-custodial parent see the kids if they are not making child support payment. Not sure about being all paid up. Many states garnish wages, but this would be a federal issue with two states involve.

 

[horseshowmom]

Some of you may remember this post from last year.

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=693434&highlight=gun+christmas

That was the last time he spoke to the kids until now. He never did send any presents. I'm thinking that after the holidays he may just dissappear again. I know him & huis wife have been married for over 5 years, so I don't know if it's really her pushing the issue. Maybe a season psychosis?

After reading your post from last year, it reinforced what I was already thinking. I agree with what the others said, contact your lawyer. Your ex sounds toxic to me, and there's no doubt that he's got his "honey" fooled (thus the misleading statements on the phone). Of course, if it's the same Angie, she's probably as bad as he is anyway.

If I were you, I would stay out of it as much as possible - let them contact you. Regardless of what "plans" they want to make, they can't do anything without your agreement. Based on past history, there's a very good chance that nothing will come of it. Why look like the bad guy when they'll probably do it for you. IF they try to go through with their plans, I'd insist that there be a period of "getting to know each other" in Delaware not Tennessee.

Again, your lawyer can advise you best. Good luck!

 

[LindaR]

Your divorce/custody paperwork should specifically spell out visitation.

When I got divorced, every single detail (school breaks, summer, holidays, birthdays, etc) was specified. Travel details (in case someone did not live nearby) were spelled out. Who was responsible financially for travel was spelled out.

And it was also stated that when my daughter turned 13 SHE was allowed to make the decision of whether she wanted to visit her father.

As it turned out, her dad who is an alcoholic, barely ever saw her even though he lived 1 mile away. I never let my personal feelings be known to my daughter.........that is HER father (good or bad) and its up to her to form her own opinions. She is almost 17 (she was 1.5 when we got divorced) and last summer her dad (who is recovering) got married. DD had never met this person. Stepmom is a doctor (herself a recovering drug addict) and DD worked in her office parttime this summer as a "safe" way to get to know her stepmom AND to slowly build a relationship with her father.

Regardless of my feelings...(lotta water under that bridge) I let my daughter make the decision to get to know her dad and stepmom. I am here when needed. Its really difficult sometimes to step back and to keep my mouth shut, but that's what's best for my daughter........

 

[MagicalMom]

Your divorce/custody paperwork should specifically spell out visitation.

I double checked & it just states every other weekend visitation. I imagine it was done this way because he failed to show up to our divorce hearing. The visitation schedule was set at our seperation hearing. After that we didn't hear from him or receive child supprt. His lawyer showed up for the divorce hearing & just sat there frustrated & fed up. He agreed to everything & we left. It was years before we heard form him again.

 

[LindaR]

If it for sure just states every other weekend and there's no mention of school breaks, then he cannot force the issue of visitation. He would need to petition the court to make any changes.

That being said, perhaps you should involve your children in this decision. It is their father.

I haven't read any of your other posts on this matter, but if there is a true "safety" issue, then it's your responsibility to take care of this legally. If it is "your" issue with their father, then you need to examine this situation to see if you are truly doing what is best for your kids.

 

[wvjules]

I haven't read all the responses but I'm gonna chime in with my opinion.

My DD10 hasn't seen her father since she was 6. He never calls, not even on birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. (ETA: He did call this Tkgiving). We live in WV he lives in NC.

After 4+ years of limited phone contact and no personal visits (even when he is in town he doesn't call or visit her), there's no way in hell I'd let her go to NC to be with her dad for 7 weeks! I don't care what our court agreement says, i will not send DD to spend almost two months with a virtual stranger. However, if he does start a relationship with her on a regular basis I will let her go if she wants. But as it stands right now, they'd have to take me to court to get my DD for ths summer.

 

[wvjules]

Every state that I know will not let the non-custodial parent see the kids if they are not making child support payment. Not sure about being all paid up. Many states garnish wages, but this would be a federal issue with two states involve.

Actually this is not true, atleast in WV. Child support and visitation are totally seperate issues. My ex could skip out on child support for years and still be entitled to visitation.

 

[tarmand]

Your divorce/custody paperwork should specifically spell out visitation.

When I got divorced, every single detail (school breaks, summer, holidays, birthdays, etc) was specified. Travel details (in case someone did not live nearby) were spelled out. Who was responsible financially for travel was spelled out.

And it was also stated that when my daughter turned 13 SHE was allowed to make the decision of whether she wanted to visit her father.

As it turned out, her dad who is an alcoholic, barely ever saw her even though he lived 1 mile away. I never let my personal feelings be known to my daughter.........that is HER father (good or bad) and its up to her to form her own opinions. She is almost 17 (she was 1.5 when we got divorced) and last summer her dad (who is recovering) got married. DD had never met this person. Stepmom is a doctor (herself a recovering drug addict) and DD worked in her office parttime this summer as a "safe" way to get to know her stepmom AND to slowly build a relationship with her father.

Regardless of my feelings...(lotta water under that bridge) I let my daughter make the decision to get to know her dad and stepmom. I am here when needed. Its really difficult sometimes to step back and to keep my mouth shut, but that's what's best for my daughter........

Wow, if only all parents could be like you. You really have a great attitude.

 

[mickeyboat]

Actually this is not true, atleast in WV. Child support and visitation are totally seperate issues. My ex could skip out on child support for years and still be entitled to visitation.

You are correct.

http://www.fathers4kids.com/html/VisitationHelp.htm

 

[mum4jenn]

At the very least they could go for a week to start. When my dh and I were first married his kids came for a 3 week visit....they were way too young for that long a visit (I think 3 and 5 at the time) and those three weeks felt like 3 years to both of us. They had been fed stories of the wicked stepmother before they came and those two did everything in their power to try to break us up in those three weeks. Yes...even at that age.I could write 20 pages on that first visit!! Now 17 years later we have a great relationship with the oldest and have not heard from the other one in several years.


Also keep in mind that you can not be charged with child support during that time HOWEVER........!!!!!!!!! If his wages are NOT being garnished and he is paying the court or you directly they might be doing his to try to keep the child support money during that time. Be very careful. She said they had no money so this might be what they are trying. They might think that it dos not take over $400 a month to suport the kids so they will bring them there and keep the money..it might be a ploy to try to get it(support) lowered or something. You never know.....ex's can be heck to put up with when money is concerned.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Actually this is not true, atleast in WV. Child support and visitation are totally seperate issues. My ex could skip out on child support for years and still be entitled to visitation.

I said the states that I know and WV is not one of them. If not seeing the other parent is child abuse, then so is not paying support. In the states that I know, the state will deny visitation without complying with court ordered child support. BTW I live in one of the highest rates of child support payment in the country. Maybe there is a connection. I don't know how well WV has with getting payment.

 

[mickeyboat]

I said the states that I know and WV is not one of them. If not seeing the other parent is child abuse, then so is not paying support. In the states that I know, the state will deny visitation without complying with court ordered child support. BTW I live in one of the highest rates of child support payment in the country. Maybe there is a connection. I don't know how well WV has with getting payment.

Which state do you live in, if oyu don't mind saying? PM me if you don't want to make that information pubic. It is not the norm to deny visitation due to failure to pay child support.

Denae

 

[aprilgail2]

The thought of a gun in my 10 yo hands is making me ill too. Don't you have to take a hunters saftey course or having a hunting license first?

That would be a MAJOR sticking point for me...I don't even allow my daughter to go over someones house to play if their parents own a gun, locked up or not....I certainly would not allow her to sleep over a house where there were guns!!

 

[MELSMICE]

Maybe I'm just too cautious, but the whole thing sounds fishy to me.

There are definitely a few things I would do:

--contact your lawyer
--talk to your DD & get her "side of the story"
--contact your ex to find out what his intentions are

I would not be comfortable sending my kids with someone they really don't know, not even for a weekend, if I could help it (I know your custody agreement says they can see him on weekends, but he is also supposed to pay support)

Follow your gut instincts & from the way your posts sound, I think it is saying that you don't want them spending time with these people.