Ex Not Paying child support!! LONG POST

[growinupdisney]

My ex has not paid child support this month getting ready to go into the second. This was a problem years ago that we resolved by having him have it garnished from his paychecks. It was not that he didn't have the money he just didn't want to pay or would spend his $$ on other things.

Well, since then he has remarried, has adpoted his wifes child who is 6 she is in private school, he has taken her to WDW(not taken ours), bought a new BMW a couple of months ago, and they have a house twice the size of mine. I have a 4 br(so mine isn't tiny)

He quit his job in advertising a few months ago to go into some alarm business. Well, I guess things are going well because I haven't recieved any $ for our children. I wasn't worried around Christmas because my dd16 said her step mother wanted to know of dates thet were out of school so they could take a vacation(first one with my kids since they have been married and that has been 5 years)

Now today I just found out that they aren't covered under any insurance which is part of the court order along with the child support coming out of his paycheck. But, he had told me a month or so ago to worry insurance would be taken care of and he would get child support paid himself instead of it being garnished, well i thought this would be a problem since he couldn't manage to pay it in the past.

I have absolutely no sympathy for him right now, he never helps with the kids extra curricular activities that he wants them to do, won't give $ when its his weekend to the kids if they need a b-day present(for friends party) etc, won't pay half of any medical bills that he is supposed to.

It's hard when i just saw on his wifes FB page talking about them having a party at their house( and references to alcohol) if they had $ for this why have't I recieved any $. Heck, if he gave as little $60 I could aleast see he was trying which I know he spent that in alcohol.

Not to mention his wife just got lip injections yes, I know its not her resonsibility to pay the child support but it just makes it hard to swallow when I see them doing the things they do and my children not recieving their $.

I have bills that I pay with my income but i do rely on their $ to pay their expenses. The $ he pays averages out to $11.45 a day for both children.

For those of you have children, lunch for school, gas to school and sports, is way more than that. I'm not even including their prescriptions, Public school expenses( fees, school supplies(getting ready to start new semester) and other things.

They even got mad when my dd16 worked during Christmas break for a few hours(12-2) because they didn't want it to cut into their time. My dd16 has to pay half of her insurance. They said they would pay for it if she didn't work, well that's fine and dandy but pay the child support before you offer other $$$$.

My dh glady pays the costs of the kids because we were a "package" deal but I hate that he is having to do sooo much more and my ex and his family are living the high life!

I'm also concerned that his not paying is going to cost us or DW trip. With my extra $ I earn going to the expenses uaually covered by child support I can't put any extra aside.

Sorry for the long post I just had to vent to someone! I wanted to get it out before my DH gets home for work, I don't want to take out my frustration out on him!

 

[njmom47]

Very frustrating, and believe me, I really do know what you're going through.
My ex (who lives in another state, is remarried, and his current wife has 3 children from her first marriage), was court-ordered to pay cs wayyyy back in the beginning. I didn't get money for AGES...then when I was owed quite a bit of money, he had settled a lawsuit, and I got all the money I was owed. Since then, he seems to "work" from April to November, because that is the only time of the year I get money weekly. (And can you really imagine his current wife allowing him to work only half the year? I feel he gets paid under the table for the rest of the year) However, I get the "chunk" of money that is owed to me every year...most likely their tax return is garnished. It really stinks, but I am used to budgeting like that. And since my dds are 19 and almost 18, I'm sure it will end the day my younger one turns 18.
I had put in many calls to the child support system in my state, and to the other states he had resided in. Have you tried to call your child support division? Do you personally know any attorneys or someone who works for one that could draft some type of letter? If his wages are supposed to be garnished, someone needs to make sure this is done so that you get what you are entitled to.
Good luck, and I hope it works out for you.

 

[soonerfan2008]

I'd fill out paperwork to have his wages garnished so you don't have to rely on him. It sounds like, based on his lifestyle, that his child support amount is very low (unless his wife is making the majority of the money).

Two things though: Why would he pay additional money (outside the child support) for extracurricular activities? My husband pays a huge chunk of money in c/s (on time or early each month), and I would be shocked if his ex-wife actually thought she was entitled to more $$ because the kids wanted to do karate/sports/dance, etc.

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

 

[okeydokey]

I think it's time to tell him that if he doesn't pay up you will be taking him back to court. Try to document all you can about all this other stuff he's buying instead of supporting his children. Good luck,

 

[Darcy03231]

I'd fill out paperwork to have his wages garnished so you don't have to rely on him. It sounds like, based on his lifestyle, that his child support amount is very low (unless his wife is making the majority of the money).

Two things though: Why would he pay additional money (outside the child support) for extracurricular activities? My husband pays a huge chunk of money in c/s (on time or early each month), and I would be shocked if his ex-wife actually thought she was entitled to more $$ because the kids wanted to do karate/sports/dance, etc.

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

Most states require child support through age 18 or high school graduation, whichever is last, unless a child becomes sooner emancipated.

In some states child support is paid through college as long as the child is a full time student. I would encourage everyone to see what the law is in their state.

 

[Kathi OD]

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

First, let me say that thankfully, I don't have to deal with this situation. However, I work with 2 men who both are still paying child support for their grown children, one 19 and one 22. Neither child are in school, but because they (the children) don't have full time jobs, these guys still have to pay child support to their mothers.

 

[disneychrista]

Why would he pay additional money (outside the child support) for extracurricular activities?

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

Some support order have a flat amount for day to day expenses (food, shelter, clothes) and then specify will pay 1/2 of any extras (sports, camps, etc)

Support generally stops either after HS graduation or 18 which every is later. Sometimes it specifys at a later date/age if going to college.

 

[njmom47]

Believe me, I waited for months before she turned 18 to get that court notice. It never came! I got divorced in 1994 so I will have to go back and look at my paperwork. (Obviously it was NOT a friendly divorce and I am happy I don't have to deal with him).
I'm not counting on cs after May (when 2nd dd turns 18)...I just look at it as a bonus (although he does owe since Nov., and it may be that I'm not going to get that at all, which I am also prepared that it could happen). New Jersey has been good at making sure I do get my money, because I get a lump sum once a year to "catch up."

 

[karice2]

Child support doesnt always end at 18. If an order for child support has been established before the child is 18 and if the amount is in arrears then child support will continue to cover the arrearage (think that is the word).

So if you have an order for child support and the parent paying support is behind when the kid turns 18 then the payer is responsible for the amount that they are behind no matter how old the kid is.

I have friends who were still getting checks into their 30's. Imagine if someone is behind $100,000. They will pay until it is all paid up no matter how old the kid is.

 

[ceecee]

Take him back to court and tell him you are doing so. Your kids need insurance and support. Second thing, stay off his wife's FB page!

 

[growinupdisney]

I'd fill out paperwork to have his wages garnished so you don't have to rely on him. It sounds like, based on his lifestyle, that his child support amount is very low (unless his wife is making the majority of the money).

Two things though: Why would he pay additional money (outside the child support) for extracurricular activities? My husband pays a huge chunk of money in c/s (on time or early each month), and I would be shocked if his ex-wife actually thought she was entitled to more $$ because the kids wanted to do karate/sports/dance, etc.

And to njmom47-why wouldn't child support end when your youngest turns 18?

I have filled out papers for his wages to be garnished 10 years ago and it was court ordered to be done so but since he switched jobs he decided to pay it in him self instead of having it garnished which I think would be making him vilotion of a court oder.
He doesn't pay for these extras I do but when child support was put in place they were much younger and not into other activities that cost more $$ I really don't see it fair that he wants the kids in these activities and that I should pay for them and him not help when it's what he wants them to do, but I have been doing so for the last 10 years.

If your husband wanted his children to do a sport or activity you would expect his ex to pay for it and him pay nothing..Money keep coming out her pocket to pay for the activity, the gas to take them to the activity,and all the other expenses that come with it?

I know you are looking at it from your dh eyes and not from a mother that has to pay for things while her ex is not being responsible.

I am a little bitter right now so I don't want to come off as flaming you and if I am I'm sorry.

But, the $ can only go so far if my ex keeps wanting things for them to do and I have to keep paying for them I don't see it as being fair.

Yes, I have indeed paid for the things in the past and I have only asked him a couple of times years ago to help but when he refused I no longer asked so we wouldn't have contant arguments about $ I just went a paid what I had to trying to get $20 and $30 here and there was too hard and ot woth the fight. So, now it is my fault for not putting a stop to it. I know this!

Yes, his child support is low, I could have gone back to court and had it adjusted for more when he started making alot more $ but didn't. We had an aggreement that I would not seek more child support as long as he paid on time, paid half for extra curricular activities that we both agreed on and half of medical. All of which has not been doing! I try to keep peace in the family that why I haven't been pursuing it.

 

[growinupdisney]

Some support order have a flat amount for day to day expenses (food, shelter, clothes) and then specify will pay 1/2 of any extras (sports, camps, etc)

Support generally stops either after HS graduation or 18 which every is later. Sometimes it specifys at a later date/age if going to college.

Exactly. Thank you!

 

[growinupdisney]

Take him back to court and tell him you are doing so. Your kids need insurance and support. Second thing, stay off his wife's FB page!

Hahah yes I know but we were friends and have common friends so I see stuff she posts whether I want to or not!

 

[hffmnheidi]

Take his butt back to court ASAP, don't give him any more chances or take anymore promises that he'll pay-if he wanted to do it, he wouldn't have let it get to this point. If he owes you money for 'his' children, then he needs to pay it. Most agreements for minor children state until 18 or finishing high school. Check your own for the specifics.

If your custody agreement states he is responsible for insurance and he's not covering it-he is in violation of the court agreement and the court can and probably will go after him for proof of insurance for your kids.

As for paying for extras-check your original agreement if that provision was put in there, some agreements have that written in there. If he won't pay-I don't think you're responsible for letting him know if there's a function/event with your activities. Let your children tell him if they want him there(not sure what your kid's situation with their father is like).

"We had an aggreement that I would not seek more child support as long as he paid on time, paid half for extra curricular activities that we both agreed on and half of medical."----####IS THIS IN WRITING ANYWHERE???? If it is, you can go after him for more suport since he's clearly not living up to his part of the agreement for as many months as he hasn't been doing this. YOU have to be the one to get back into court and get what your kids deserve.

I hope you keep us updated with your situation.

 

[soonerfan2008]

Most states require child support through age 18 or high school graduation, whichever is last, unless a child becomes sooner emancipated.

In some states child support is paid through college as long as the child is a full time student. I would encourage everyone to see what the law is in their state.

Right. I do realize that all states are different. If njmom's daughter will still be in hs, and their order states that he pays thru graduation, he would be in violation of the order.

I have filled out papers for his wages to be garnished 10 years ago and it was court ordered to be done so but since he switched jobs he decided to pay it in him self instead of having it garnished which I think would be making him vilotion of a court oder.
He doesn't pay for these extras I do but when child support was put in place they were much younger and not into other activities that cost more $$ I really don't see it fair that he wants the kids in these activities and that I should pay for them and him not help when it's what he wants them to do, but I have been doing so for the last 10 years.

If your husband wanted his children to do a sport or activity you would expect his ex to pay for it and him pay nothing..Money keep coming out her pocket to pay for the activity, the gas to take them to the activity,and all the other expenses that come with it?

I know you are looking at it from your dh eyes and not from a mother that has to pay for things while her ex is not being responsible.

I am a little bitter right now so I don't want to come off as flaming you and if I am I'm sorry.

But, the $ can only go so far if my ex keeps wanting things for them to do and I have to keep paying for them I don't see it as being fair.

Yes, I have indeed paid for the things in the past and I have only asked him a couple of times years ago to help but when he refused I no longer asked so we wouldn't have contant arguments about $ I just went a paid what I had to trying to get $20 and $30 here and there was too hard and ot woth the fight. So, now it is my fault for not putting a stop to it. I know this!

Yes, his child support is low, I could have gone back to court and had it adjusted for more when he started making alot more $ but didn't. We had an aggreement that I would not seek more child support as long as he paid on time, paid half for extra curricular activities that we both agreed on and half of medical. All of which has not been doing! I try to keep peace in the family that why I haven't been pursuing it.

If it has been ten years since you had child support calculated, you should file a motion to modify so it can reflect the increases in income since then. Other than that, if your friendly agreement is to pay half for activities you both agree to, and he is not paying, then you need to stop letting him take advantage and take action to collect what he is ordered to pay.

And no, I would not expect us to foot a bill for extracurricular activities unless we suggested it, signed the kids up for it and took them to it. As for what she does in her house, we DO pay for part of it in that we pay child support. The amount we pay easily covers half of their living expenses, clothing, food, their share of utilities and any activities (within reason) they wanted to do. I would never expect to pay more than what we do just because she signed the kids up for baseball.

Honestly, she is not interested in them doing any sort of activities--she feels it is a waste of her time and money. She will not even share clothing items for the kids, so we must buy an entire wardrobe for them to use in our home.

I'm sorry your ex is not taking care of his obligations. That is just so wrong.

 

[Kat&Dom]

I feel your pain. My son is 5 and my ex already owes over $10,000 in back child support because he hasn't paid hardly anything over the past 3 years. He thinks that it doesn't cost anything to raise his son. He just got back from a 3 week vacation to the Caribbean and has no money to provide for his son.

I am so thankful that I have a good paying job and am not dependent on child support payments because he is a total deadbeat. He thinks nothing on buying himself $200 runners or $150 jeans but can't cough up the $296 per month in child support to provide for his son.

Also, In the court order from our divorce judgment, he is obligated to pay child support and cover a percentage of my son's activities - it is prorated based on our combined wages to figure how much each of us pays which is a fair way to calculate things.

I am so sorry for your frustration and that your ex is not living up to the responsibility he has to provide for his children.

 

[Marionnette]

My ex has not paid child support this month getting ready to go into the second. This was a problem years ago that we resolved by having him have it garnished from his paychecks. It was not that he didn't have the money he just didn't want to pay or would spend his $$ on other things.

Well, since then he has remarried, has adpoted his wifes child who is 6 she is in private school, he has taken her to WDW(not taken ours), bought a new BMW a couple of months ago, and they have a house twice the size of mine. I have a 4 br(so mine isn't tiny)

He quit his job in advertising a few months ago to go into some alarm business. Well, I guess things are going well because I haven't recieved any $ for our children. I wasn't worried around Christmas because my dd16 said her step mother wanted to know of dates thet were out of school so they could take a vacation(first one with my kids since they have been married and that has been 5 years)

Now today I just found out that they aren't covered under any insurance which is part of the court order along with the child support coming out of his paycheck. But, he had told me a month or so ago to worry insurance would be taken care of and he would get child support paid himself instead of it being garnished, well i thought this would be a problem since he couldn't manage to pay it in the past.

I have absolutely no sympathy for him right now, he never helps with the kids extra curricular activities that he wants them to do, won't give $ when its his weekend to the kids if they need a b-day present(for friends party) etc, won't pay half of any medical bills that he is supposed to.

It's hard when i just saw on his wifes FB page talking about them having a party at their house( and references to alcohol) if they had $ for this why have't I recieved any $. Heck, if he gave as little $60 I could aleast see he was trying which I know he spent that in alcohol.

Not to mention his wife just got lip injections yes, I know its not her resonsibility to pay the child support but it just makes it hard to swallow when I see them doing the things they do and my children not recieving their $.

I have bills that I pay with my income but i do rely on their $ to pay their expenses. The $ he pays averages out to $11.45 a day for both children.

For those of you have children, lunch for school, gas to school and sports, is way more than that. I'm not even including their prescriptions, Public school expenses( fees, school supplies(getting ready to start new semester) and other things.

They even got mad when my dd16 worked during Christmas break for a few hours(12-2) because they didn't want it to cut into their time. My dd16 has to pay half of her insurance. They said they would pay for it if she didn't work, well that's fine and dandy but pay the child support before you offer other $$$$.

My dh glady pays the costs of the kids because we were a "package" deal but I hate that he is having to do sooo much more and my ex and his family are living the high life!

I'm also concerned that his not paying is going to cost us or DW trip. With my extra $ I earn going to the expenses uaually covered by child support I can't put any extra aside.

Sorry for the long post I just had to vent to someone! I wanted to get it out before my DH gets home for work, I don't want to take out my frustration out on him!

I'm sorry you're dealing with an unreliable ex. Divorce doesn't get easier after the papers are signed.

A couple of questions. Is he only behind one month so far. I'm not making little of the fact that he should have given you the money before now. It's just that most states will not aggressively pursue back child support when it's less than a certain number of months in arrears. It may not help to go right to the state at this point. You could antagonize him and he might dig in his heals over it. Have you spoken to him about it and asked him when you can expect your check(s)?

Secondly, did he lose health insurance coverage when he switched jobs? Does he have a probabtionary period at his new employer that he needs to wait out until he can cover the kids and himself? Did he decide against COBRA coverage during the interim period? Does your state have a children's health insurance program? I'm asking since just filing for subsidized insurance benefits can spark the state into making the responsible parent do what they are supposed to be doing.

The rest of the stuff...well I don't have any advice. My brother's ex is supposed to pay for half of all non-covered medical expenses. She never comes up with the money and I doubt that she ever will. She never seems to have any money for anything to do with the kids. But she always has plenty of money for alcohol and vacations. The only thing I can say is to do the best that he can by putting his kids first. Don't bad-mouth her infront of the kids. And he needs to remember that if they were still together, most of the financial responsibilities would have still fallen on him since she really never held a well-paying job before the divorce.

I hope things work out soon for you.

 

[growinupdisney]

I would like to add I am not a greedy person my ex came out well in our divorce.
He had an affair so our divorce was not very amlicable, he tried to ecuse me things and when it backfired on him things went bad for awile.
Our divorce drug out for 3 years I finally gave in and let him have our house and everything in it, just for custody of the kids. He could have paid me have of the value of the house (by the way he still has a rents out.) and gotten considerably more $$$ but I was trying to be as civil as possible. As long as the kids were taken care of I let things slide.

This summer things became more hostile between him and his current wife and I because I found out after i told them I didn't want my dd seeing a certain boy they were letting her do it behind my back after they knew I felt about him.
The wife (who I used to be frindly with) actaully came to my house and asked how I felt about it, she said she would support me and then an hour later texted my dd and told her that it didn't matter what I thought they would let her do it. My ex of coarse didn't believe his wife did this but I showed him the text and he quickly shut up.
My dd boyfriend had slept with atleast 3 girls (that he admitted to) while they were together so needless to say I wasn't happy with them being back together. So things are starting get worse and worse.

 

[Leajess99]

First, let me say that thankfully, I don't have to deal with this situation. However, I work with 2 men who both are still paying child support for their grown children, one 19 and one 22. Neither child are in school, but because they (the children) don't have full time jobs, these guys still have to pay child support to their mothers.

This I do disagree with. My son turns 18 next month and I just foresee my ex stopping child support to him so this week I am heading back to the Child Support enforcement office as my son is still in high school.

I could see having to help with a child in school but I would not be paying the child support to the mother if they are not in school full time living at home. If the child is off at college than the child schould be receiving the child support.

 

[Marionnette]

Hahah yes I know but we were friends and have common friends so I see stuff she posts whether I want to or not!

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