Ever try to sway to child's college decision?

[Pooh's Pal]

My baby (DD) is off to college next fall. She has applied to 5 colleges. Of the 5 ...she has two favorites that she's been accepted to.
One is a private (all girls $$$) college in Western Massachusetts about 2 1/2 hours from home. She would like to teach high school math, but this school doesn't have that major, it only has elementary edu. But it does have a great winter guard team (like a dance team with flags and rifles) that she could be on if enrolled there. This school is just outside of the major city of Springfield, Mass.

Her 2nd favorite choice (coed $) is a public 4yr. college, a whole state away(N.H. oh my!!) and offers a great sec.edu courses in math, but doesn't have any of the extra activities(guard) that she wants that the 1st school offers. This school is in the lovely small town of Keene, NH. with lots of things to do there.

I really think the reason she'd like to choose the 1st school is because her best friend is going to another college in W.Mass and would only be about a 30 minute drive away from her. How do I tell her that once she's in college she'll meet NEW friends and will probably never see her friend until she comes home(if at all ever again!!).
But I can't seem to get this through to her...what is mother to do!?? Should I put my foot down and tell her she's got to go to the public college in NH or should I let her go to the private school in Mass (near her buddy) and see what happens? I just don't think she is going to like it there.
BOTH of the schools have offered equally wonderful financial aid packages too!! So, now the choices are gettting tougher!
Any suggestion?? Anyone gone through this before??

 

[Cruisin]

Wow that's a tough one Pooh's Pal.

I don't know if it is a good idea for you to try to overly influence her choice. That might come back to haunt you if she changes her mind and then ends up hating it.

You can certainly give her your opinion (assuming that she will listen to you that is).

Does she still have all of the same friends that she had before she moved up to high school? Maybe you could point out how things changed and she made new friends and going away to college will probably have the same result.

I wish your daughter luck in making the choice that is right for her.

 

[DocRafiki]

I can't remember HOW I wound up going to the college I went to. I was sick out of my mind with mono for about 3 months during that time and can only assume that my parents took over, seeing as how I wound up going to school 30 minutes away from where they moved to right after I graduated from high school. Anyway, I have lots of regrets over going to that school. You don't want her blaming you if your choice isn't what it's cracked up to be.

 

[minniecarousel]

Non-academic activities are so important as a College freshman - so the school with the Winter Guard sounds like a winner to me! My boys both did a little college-hopping & the choice has to be theirs. Help her see the pros/cons for both schools. Hopefully, she won't pick a particular school just because her best friend will be near-by. This is a tough decision - it isn't easy!

 

[shortbun]

I don't agree that she won't see her friend until they come home.
My best friend graduated from Smith and those schools there
in that cluster are always getting together. In fact lots of her friends were from Mt Holyoke,Amherst, etc and I who stayed in
Ohio used to go and visit. We arranged internships together in
our Jr. years in Boston living together and although her degree was from ivy league and mine from a state school in Ohio, we all had great fun! Your DD will be getting a Masters anyway so the
undergraduate degree isn't critical. Also, more than 1/2 change
their minds on their careers during undergraduate course work.
She can take classes from all those school around hers and
could even end up transferring to one of them or somewhere
else. I keep up with 6 of my good high school friends 35 years
later on a regular basis. The friend mentioned above has been
a friend since 8th grade. " Make new friends and keep the old,
some are silver and the others-gold."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Alright, if I had this crossroad with my dd I would immediately seek the advice of a High School math teacher. Perhaps a couple. In fact have her go on a "fact-finding" mission so she can back up the claim that she is OK seeking elem. education.

Have her go to a elem. school & seek advice there. Ask about $$$ as well and how much you make.

NEXT....talk to teachers in BOTH of the schools in those departments at each college.

In essence I guess I am saying to have her make a case (pro-con) for EACH school.

NOW, once you do this hard digging and she sees the "facts", you know that her decision is based on more info.

Good Luck!

 

[mudnuri]

This school is in the lovely small town of Keene, NH. with lots of things to do there.

well, first off Keene is NOT a small town. It's a city...though not as big as Springfield, MA. I live 1/2 hour from Keene, and DH's store is there...he's there every day, I'm there 5 out of 7. DBIL's Gold's Gym is also there.

Here's what I would think...first off the crime rate in Springfield Ma is HORRIBLE....gangs, gangs, oh- did I say gangs? HORRIBLE!!!...

Keene is a city, but was also for the last 5 years rated one of the top 10 place in the country to raise a family...that tells you something. It's also only about 1 1/2 hours from Springfield, MA...not too far at all.

I dont know if I'd sway her, however, is she going to school for her education for for extracurricular activities? It doesn't seem to make sense to me to go to a school which doesnt offer the major she wants...but now adays kids are transfering colleges a lot more mid-major.

My mom graduated from Keene State, with a dual major back in 83 (my brother, mom and I lived on campus...single mom 2 kids etc.)

We go to Keene State for sporting events, and arts stuff all the time with the kids, its a beautiful campus, and a great city.

If you want/need any pamplets or anything like that about the area, let me know I'd be happy to pick them up and mail them to you. I'm sure the college has stuff about the school, but I can get you city info from the Chamber of Commerce etc.

Brandy

 

[Tiggeroo]

I think money matters. Although both schools offered good packages, one is apparently more. How much more. As a high school teacher you don't make alot and you don't want to be straddled with high debt. Also, it's not always a good idea to get your masters before you start teaching. Some schools would prefer to hire you at the lower salary, then they pay you to get your masters and increase your pay when your finished. To teach hs you get your degree in your subject matter and add your educ. classes on top of it. Even at 11/2 hrs your dd will see her friend during all the breaks you get during college and they can go visit each others schools occasionally on weekends. My dd and her friends do this.

 

[Melann]

Everyone here has given some great advice...when I was looking at colleges 4 years ago (wow, its been that long), I really wanted to attend a private, all girls $$$ school about 2 hours away, but my financial aid didn't come together. Plus, my mom really didn't want me going away. I ended up going to a school I commute to (10 min), and I have enjoyed it, but there's always the feeling that I should have went ahead and gone to the other school (my mom saying she wanted me to stay home factored at lot into it)...what I am trying to say is help your daughter make the decision, but don't overly try to sway her from one to the other. I have had a great time at college, but can't help but feel regret! Let the final decision ultimately be up to her!

 

[DisneyMim]

This really is a hard one. My DD is in her second year of college and I remember how it was two years ago. I tried really really hard (and for people who know me this was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life since I am very outspoken on my opinions to my kids!!) to try to let her pick her own school. Both my husband and I gave her our advice, but in the end the decision was hers. She didn't want any part of our old college and we both understood this. She picked an excellent school, is very happy and has made Dean's List and National Dean's list. I don't agree about not seeing old friends though. She is still very close to her old HS friends even though they are not in the same schools. This will be a difficult thing for you to do, but I really believe that the child has to get as much info as possible, talk to as many people as possible, but make the decision on her own. Lots of kids transfer (not that I am saying this is an option in her case), but sometimes it's hard to know exactly what a college is like until you are there awhile.

Good Luck!! And tell her to enjoy the rest of HS!!!!

 

[RumpleMom]

If you know what you want for your major, then you choose the college that has the best reputation for that major. Which school's graduates are being hired? Going to a school that doesn't have your major doesn't make sense.

There is a world of difference between teaching high school math to adolescents and teaching in an elementary school where you teach all of the subjects to young children. You need to decide which age group you want to teach.

 

[Snowysmom]

My DS is a college freshman. We did not try to influence his decision. We went over the pros and cons of the 2 schools he had narrowed it down to (one private and one public.) We went to visit each again during the days that the colleges had for the accepted students. Since he is majoring in science, he asked his science teachers for their recommendations. He even went back to one of them again and talked with professors and students. He made his decison and I know he is happy with it. He chose the public college and is doing really well. They have a great science program with great laboratory facilities and professors.

 

[JoenAdamnErinnSam]

No,I never tried to influence ds20-he decided what he wanted to go to college for and which college at least 5 years ago..the rest was up to him.I let him do his applications,contacts etc.He got in,he picked his roomate(a friend from HS),and he is completely content and thrilled that he is where he is.He is about 3 hours away,and I still worry,but we talk almost everyday online at least for a couple of minutes.Bottom line is I trust him,and he has earned my trust-and I envy the fact that he knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life...go Adam

 

[bsnyder]

We're going through the decision-making process now too, and it is tough!

DS got accepted to his first choice school last week. He's been saying since 9th grade that he wants to go to the University of Southern California (can't get much farther away from home than that!) and the problem is, I can see him loving it there. When we visited last year, we both thought it would be a great fit for him, as far as his major, and other interests.

Unfortunately, as of right now, they've offered him no scholarship money and it's doubtful that he'll end up with anything from them.

The other school he is seriously considering is Tulane. He got a great scholarship, and we are going to New Orleans tomorrow morning, for a two day program for their accepted Honors students.

In the end, it's going to be his decision. But he will be making it with full knowledge of the financial big picture.

 

[Pooh's Pal]

I've been away all day in Boston at a Winter Guard Competition (only placed 3rd, after being 1st all season...hard show!)with DD's high school team. WOW....what a response!

DD and I spoke a little on the bus ride home, and thought maybe we would do brunch/breakfast out on Sunday morning and chat about the college choice and compare all things involved.

Thanks for all the great suggestions!

"mudnuri": Thanks for the help....(I didn't know Keene was a city!!...learn something everyday!!) I think we may go up there within the next few weeks and check out the school again, as we hadn't been there since last October...I'll let you know if I need anything....she's also been accepted at Franklin Pierce and New England College in NH!!! But, thanks for the offer on info on Keene, I may take you up on it!!

 

[ScarlettO]

I'd go with the school that offers her major....the specific extra-curriculum activity seems unimportant in the decision.

With e-mail and cell phones kids DO stay connected , no matter where their friends are. My college son stays in touch with kids one and two hours away , also in NC, New York City and West Point....because they all do come home at holidays and "hang".

 

[Blueeyes101817]

im a freshmen in college now...my first choice was a private school about 2.5 hours away from my home (i live in nj, school in pa)...my mom told me her opinion was for me to be closer to home, but let me make my own choice.....i transferred closer to home to the school my mom wanted me to go to...im glad she let me pick, just because if notk i would have been upset at her,,but now i realize i should have listened..im in my 2nd semester at the new school and living at home and love it! good luck