Etiquette question?

[Magpie]

I'd like to just preface this by say I'm not offended. I'm just curious.

My brother-in-law's wife's parents are in town and they've invited my brother-in-law, his wife (their daughter), and my husband out to dinner. But me? I'm not invited. I'll be staying home that night (which is actually fine with me ).

The only time we've had contact with these folks was at my BILs wedding eleven years ago. This is the first time they've ever invited my husband to dinner. My husband and I have been married for 16 years.

Now, I've always assumed that when you're issuing invitations for a family or social occasion and you invite one person, you routinely invite their partner as well. So for example, when we went out to celebrate my mother's birthday, we invited my brother-in-law AND his wife. They're a couple and they come together. Even though his wife has no connection to my mother (they've barely spoken), it wouldn't occur to us to leave her out of a social invite involving her husband.

So, I'm curious... When your family gets together for dinner, do you automatically invite their spouses? Or do you leave them out, because they're not technically family?

 

[Tinkmom75]

I would definitely invite the spouse!

 

[Art 1]

I'd like to just preface this by say I'm not offended. I'm just curious.

My brother-in-law's wife's parents are in town and they've invited my brother-in-law, his wife (their daughter), and my husband out to dinner. But me? I'm not invited. I'll be staying home that night (which is actually fine with me ).

The only time we've had contact with these folks was at my BILs wedding eleven years ago. This is the first time they've ever invited my husband to dinner. My husband and I have been married for 16 years.

Now, I've always assumed that when you're issuing invitations for a family or social occasion and you invite one person, you routinely invite their partner as well. So for example, when we went out to celebrate my mother's birthday, we invited my brother-in-law AND his wife. They're a couple and they come together. Even though his wife has no connection to my mother (they've barely spoken), it wouldn't occur to us to leave her out of a social invite involving her husband.

So, I'm curious... When your family gets together for dinner, do you automatically invite their spouses? Or do you leave them out, because they're not technically family?

It seem that they are very cheap, don't know any better or both.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I'd like to just preface this by say I'm not offended. I'm just curious.

My brother-in-law's wife's parents are in town and they've invited my brother-in-law, his wife (their daughter), and my husband out to dinner. But me? I'm not invited. I'll be staying home that night (which is actually fine with me ).

The only time we've had contact with these folks was at my BILs wedding eleven years ago. This is the first time they've ever invited my husband to dinner. My husband and I have been married for 16 years.

Now, I've always assumed that when you're issuing invitations for a family or social occasion and you invite one person, you routinely invite their partner as well. So for example, when we went out to celebrate my mother's birthday, we invited my brother-in-law AND his wife. They're a couple and they come together. Even though his wife has no connection to my mother (they've barely spoken), it wouldn't occur to us to leave her out of a social invite involving her husband.

So, I'm curious... When your family gets together for dinner, do you automatically invite their spouses? Or do you leave them out, because they're not technically family?

Hmmmm...I think it's really weird to only invite your husband (and actually quite rude). Unless it is a business affair or girls only/boys only event, I think it is customary to invite partners and even more so when it's family doing the inviting!

 

[Green Tea]

That is very strange. For something like that, married people come as a set.

 

[Ceila]

They are being extremely rude.

 

[mrsv98]

They are completely out of line. You should treat married couples as one entity in this type of situation. Good for you for taking it well and not making a fuss.

 

[Magpie]

They are completely out of line. You should treat married couples as one entity in this type of situation. Good for you for taking it well and not making a fuss.

Well, I definitely think there are more important things in life to worry about, but I got to wondering about it when my husband didn't understand why I thought it was odd.

So I decided to toss it out here, just in case it was one of those things where there's disagreement over the polite thing to do. From the response it seems people are pretty united on this one!

My husband's comment is, "Well, they're branching out slowly!"

 

[DisneyScraps]

You should have been invited. It's rude to just invite one spouse.

Lisa

 

[Mermaid02]

They should have invited you.

My husband wouldn't want to go, with or without me. It's an odd invitation- and bound to be an odd dinner.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'll agree that it's rude to invite only one half of a couple to a social engagement. However, if it were me I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps there was a reason they needed to speak to my husband alone with his brother, although the only reason that comes to mind right now would be if they wanted him to be an executor or their estate or a trustee of a trust. Maybe it was a business dinner and they wanted the conversation to center only on the topic at hand rather than a dinner full of small talk and interruptions? Perhaps they were planning a surprise vacation getaway that included me and needed him to help with the logistics?

I don't know that I'd be insulted, nor would my DH refuse to go if I weren't invited to that particular dinner. I would think it was odd and I'd be full of questions when he got back, but I'd probably just shrug it off and make other plans for that night if I wanted to go out.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I find that absolutely weird and possibly a breach of etiquette. I've never heard of ditching a spouse by family being acceptable, especially considering that they invited her husband and her husband's brother whom they are not related to by blood.

Odd Odd Odd!

I will admit that if it happened to me, I would be appalled. But in *some* situations, I Do offend easily and getting the shaft is one of those situations.

Do they know that your husband is married? Does BIL and his wife like you? See--these are the crazy thoughts I would have.

Yes--I realize I might need therapy.

 

[Magpie]

I'll agree that it's rude to invite only one half of a couple to a social engagement. However, if it were me I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps there was a reason they needed to speak to my husband alone with his brother, although the only reason that comes to mind right now would be if they wanted him to be an executor or their estate or a trustee of a trust. Maybe it was a business dinner and they wanted the conversation to center only on the topic at hand rather than a dinner full of small talk and interruptions? Perhaps they were planning a surprise vacation getaway that included me and needed him to help with the logistics?

I don't know that I'd be insulted, nor would my DH refuse to go if I weren't invited to that particular dinner. I would think it was odd and I'd be full of questions when he got back, but I'd probably just shrug it off and make other plans for that night if I wanted to go out.

Well, my husband is under the impression that it's just a social occasion, nothing more. He could be wrong, though I do know it has nothing to do with me, as they've never actually spoken to me (beyond general greetings at my BILs wedding eleven years ago). Maybe they're both very shy...

I agree though, shrugging it off is definitely the thing to do!

 

[N&B'smom]

They are being extremely rude.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO rude!!

Well, I definitely think there are more important things in life to worry about, but I got to wondering about it when my husband didn't understand why I thought it was odd.

My husband's comment is, "Well, they're branching out slowly!"

LOVE your husband's comment but he really doesn't think it's weird? Sounds like they've got social issues!

Enjoy your nice, quiet evening at home!

 

[Tink888]

It seems a little rude. I wouldn't be bothered by it though.

How do you and BIL's wife get along?

 

[Magpie]

I find that absolutely weird and possibly a breach of etiquette. I've never heard of ditching a spouse by family being acceptable, especially considering that they invited her husband and her husband's brother whom they are not related to by blood.

Odd Odd Odd!

I will admit that if it happened to me, I would be appalled. But in *some* situations, I Do offend easily and getting the shaft is one of those situations.

Do they know that your husband is married? Does BIL and his wife like you? See--these are the crazy thoughts I would have.

Yes--I realize I might need therapy.

I think they know we're married. After all, we were both at their daughter's wedding (with our kids!), and my BIL and his wife are very fond of their niece and nephew. And my BIL and SIL are frequent guests at our house (at least every other week they drop over just to hang out). We chat, watch movies, and do all the normal social things together, so I'm sure they don't dislike me.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

They should have invited you. Its rude!

I remember years ago when my sister in law(husbands sister) and her husband were getting married, her future father in law said he wanted to get to know the family better before the wedding since he lived far away , so he was going to invite everyone to dinner to get to know them better, He invited my inlaws and both grandparents but not my husband (his sisters only sibling),or me. I thought that was weird and rude. I didn't care so much about me, but I think DH was kind of hurt. Was he not part of the family?

Same with you, OP, you are part of the family, you should have been asked.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Meh....shuda, wouda, couda. Magpie seems to be keeping proper ettiquette herself by being graceful about it. That shows class!

If this were a big family reunion or wedding event where she was the only one in the whole family that wasn't invited, a big stink or cold shoulder would be in order. But it's not. It's just dinner. The parents may not have even realized their faux pas, so Maggie's being the bigger person by not making a federal case out of it and trying to make them feel small.

Nice job, Mags!

 

[Magpie]

LOVE your husband's comment but he really doesn't think it's weird? Sounds like they've got social issues!

Enjoy your nice, quiet evening at home!

I honestly think it didn't occur to him to think it was weird. But then again, my husband doesn't spend much time thinking about social stuff. He's the guy who convinced me to wear jeans to his MPA graduation ceremony - I learned after that NEVER to take advice from him, when it comes to social occasions! ("But honey, if I'm happy with the way you look, why should it matter if everyone else is in black tie?")

My husband was genuinely surprised by my reaction to being left out to the invite, so I won't mention it to him again or he'll think he has to do something about it. And I don't want that!

I will definitely enjoy my nice quiet evening.

 

[Magpie]

Meh....shuda, wouda, couda. Magpie seems to be keeping proper ettiquette herself by being graceful about it. That shows class!

If this were a big family reunion or wedding event where she was the only one in the whole family that wasn't invited, a big stink or cold shoulder would be in order. But it's not. It's just dinner. The parents may not have even realized their faux pas, so Maggie's being the bigger person by not making a federal case out of it and trying to make them feel small.

Nice job, Mags!

Aw, thanks!