Etiquette Question opinions please!

[crazyme5kids]

Under the circumstances I think if it were me I'd pay. How would you divide the bill? You're paying for other people (family and cousins), it would be rude to just divide the total bill by how many people are there because the others would be footing part of the bill for the ones you say you are paying for.

 

[azgal81]

I don't think you are obligated to pay for your friends. I have gone to numerous birthday dinners with friends and have always paid for my share and we usually split the birthday persons tab as well. I would tell them though about the cost beforehand and if it's to much then I would meet them later for coffee or drinks or whatever.

 

[aprilgail2]

If you invite you should be paying, especially if you are paying for some and not others-that would be totally rude IMO.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Unless it's a price fixe dinner how would you fairly split the cost though when you are already paying for other people? You're not going to go through the bill and start doing the, You had an appetizer for $7.99 and dinner was 15.99, you had 3 glasses of wine.......". You know what I mean?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you invite you should be paying, especially if you are paying for some and not others-that would be totally rude IMO.

Yea...that would be very uncomfortable.

 

[U2_rocks!]

Unless it's a price fixe dinner how would you fairly split the cost though when you are already paying for other people? You're not going to go through the bill and start doing the, You had an appetizer for $7.99 and dinner was 15.99, you had 3 glasses of wine.......". You know what I mean?

Yes, I can see the logistical issues here! I hadn't paid close enough attention to the fact that there were family members being paid for - that could get awkward.

I like the idea of 2 different venues on the same night - dinner with the ones you want to treat, dessert and coffee with the other friends.

 

[Beth76]

If you invite you should be paying, especially if you are paying for some and not others-that would be totally rude IMO.

I think OP said she was paying for cousins. I'm assumming minor cousins. I doubt any adult would get upset that the OP was paying for her neices/nephews and not paying for them. Although I do agree that dividing the bill at the end could be a logistical nightmare.

 

[VSL]

Please dont take this the wrong way, but I wouldnt want to meet up with old friends if they were bringing extended family. I would feel uncomfortable.

I agree.

 

[Imzadi]

You're not going to go through the bill and start doing the, You had an appetizer for $7.99 and dinner was 15.99, you had 3 glasses of wine.......".

Um, we do this all the time in NYC too. But then again, we're know for being rude, upfront & in your face.

We just treat it as a business transaction - which it is. Why are people making so much more over paying a bill? The bill just goes around the table. People look at it & pull out their wallets & pay for their share. If they had an appetizer for $7.99 and dinner was 15.99, and had 3 glasses of wine, they'd pay for all of that. Plus tip. If you ordered it, you pay for it. THAT'S fair.

There have been too many times many of us have gotten screwed in "Let's split the bill evenly." Why should someone who only ordered a $5 salad pay for someone else's alcohol consumption and end up paying $25 a head, instead? Or a vegetarian pay for someone else's steak?

The OP doesn't have to point out she's paying for 3 people. She'd simply, quietly add up her amount & lay out $75 or whatever. No big deal. Then the bill gets passed to the next paying person. That person hands over their amount to the person collecting the money.

People are usually chatting during all this, and don't pay attention till the bill is in front of them. They don't look around and say, "Hey! OP, you paid for three people.

The money gets counted right in front of everybody to make sure we've got the right amount. Again we simply treat it as a business transaction. (We've also gotten screwed by someone not leaving enough, either intentionally or by miscalculating and have been left paying more than our share.)

If it's off by a lot, that means someone forgot a drink or appetizer. Usually you can tell the amount, like $13. Then someone looks at the bill again & says "Oh yeah, I had the calamari. It tasted off, so I didn't finish it & forgot I ordered it." No shame, they just toss in the missing dollars. If there's not enough for a tip, everyone forks over another dollar or two.

If one person wants to pay by credit card, we hand all the cash over to that person once we know the amount is correct. Usually the waitress gets the tip in cash.

It's great when everyone put in more than enough and we all know the waitress is getting a nice big tip.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Please dont take this the wrong way, but I wouldnt want to meet up with old friends if they were bringing extended family. I would feel uncomfortable. Could you maybe meet up with your friends for drinks after dinner and let your DH watch the kids?

hahaha I'm actually fixing up my DH's cousin with my old college roomie, at their request. I introduced them once, years ago and now they're both single and wanted to get together. See, I really AM trying to do everything all at once. It's insane! But you know what? We're going to have fun no matter what darn it!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

STILL no mention on how this is going to be a special birthday for your child....so far you are seeing old friends for your birthday, you are playing matchmaker, and your daughter is enjoying this how?

 

[Cindyluwho]

STILL no mention on how this is going to be a special birthday for your child....so far you are seeing old friends for your birthday, you are playing matchmaker, and your daughter is enjoying this how?

Because she gets to spend the evening with her favorite cousin (DH's cousin's daughter) and she finally gets to meet my old roomie. She has wanted to meet him forever because he's in "the music biz". She has this whole blown out of proportion idea of what he must be like. It's kinda funny, my daughter has met so many folks in the business and it's never been a big deal, but for some reason she's always wanted to meet him in particular. Weird. BTW-for what it's worth. It's also my DH's birthday on the 10th and mine on the 11th. We're very used to sharing our birthday celebrations along with Valentine's day which is her birthday. It will really be a win-win if we can pull it off.