Escape or Disney wedding- how did your family react?

[Rafiki31]

Our family freaked out. If we do this, we may have a very small guest list, which is fine with us. We will also have a couple of angry family members, but well they are the kind that will not be happy with what we do at home either, you know the kind that always complain? So if they do not come, it would be fine with us.


I will be hurt if my parents do not come. But not hurt enough to have a big elaborate wedding at home that we are not interested in . I am kind of hoping they will just get on board with this idea, I think they will. If they do not, well they can watch the video and we can go out to dinner when we return.

So do we run off and elope? Or do we invite them as an invitation of "we hope you can come, but understand if you can not" and let them watch the webcast?

With our budget and at home wedding would be so crappy anyway, and Escape would be much nicer. If it ends up being just the two of us, we will prob skip the Escape wedding and just do a small elopement in orlando followed by a fireworks cruise. The Escape would be perfect if we have some guests.

Has anyone had their family freak out? Did you go through with the wedding at Disney or have one at home? Any regrets? Did the fam get on board?

 

[Bridie1996]

We had a few family members try to argue us out of it. Before we told anyone about it though, we had decided that this was what we wanted and if our family members chose to join us, great but if not, oh well.

We viewed it as this is something for us to do for ourselves, before we started having kids and suddenly life wouldn't be so much about what we wanted anymore.

We'll be paying for it ourselves, which helps. I have actually gone there and told people that if they want "that" type of wedding then they were welcome to pay for it. You'd be surpised how quickly people stop complaining then! I've also threatened to have only friends at the wedding if the families didn't stop being difficult.

Just decide what you want, and stick to it. I'm sorry people are being negative about it. If it helps, our dissenters eventually got on board after they realized we weren't changing our minds and were going to do it with or without them there. And now, we have people trying to invite themselves they want to come so badly.

 

[soulmates]

So many other girls are in this same boat, so why not suggest, that maybe family who can't come, could have a nice big reception when you get back. That way everyone can see the video or pictures, and they can still celebrate WITH you!

 

[WDWBride04/19/2010]

I would invite them like you said. That's basically what DF&I did w/everyone when we told them what we were planning, and when DF got around to taking care of his part of the room block. A few people were like, "Why are you getting married THERE?" blahblahblah because they couldn't go, and while that sucks, this is what I've been wanting since I was 8, and we're planning on having a little get together for those people when we get back (or I guess we could go a send-off since people have been mentioning that which is another great idea, and we're doing a joint bachelor/bachelorette party before we leave anyway). So you could always do that w/the fam'. and if it ends up just being the 2 of you for the wedding, I like your plan for that. Just make sure if you're going to go for the Escape but then find out it'll just be you 2 that you've read the contract cancellation policy so you know what that means. I know my dad said it costs more to cancel a Wishes wedding than it does to actually have it, lol.

 

[lurkyloo]

This is how our families reacted to the news: One side thought we were joking and then danced around like they'd won the lottery when they found out we were serious. The other side thought we were joking and then dumped (virtual ) buckets of cold water on us when they found out we were serious.

Or do we invite them as an invitation of "we hope you can come, but understand if you can not" and let them watch the webcast?

Exactly. And it sounds like you've already got the right perspective about the whole thing: Do what you want, be happy if they can make it, and don't sweat it if they can't - cuz you're not going to have your wedding the way other people want it.

 

[pghloveswdw512]

The DF and I wanted to elope with just the two of us and tell everyone when we got back, but our plans changed a lot after we made our decision to do the Disney Escape. We felt guilty about at least not telling our parents, so we did. They assumed they were going, and they offered to pay for everything (bonus! ).

Then, they told us we should at least tell our siblings that we were getting married at Disney. Well, that didn't go over well either. The DF's siblings freaked out that they couldn't see their brother get married. At the end, we decided to invite the siblings, mvoing our guest total from just the two of us to 19.

When people started asking us why we couldn't invite grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., we told them that if they wanted to pay the extra money to have a Wishes wedding, we would invite everyone. Luckily, nobody has taken us up on that offer!

It's been a little weird having a shower, etc. when people aren't invited to the ceremony, but everyone has been supportive and congratulatory. We're having a backyard picnic for an at-home reception when the weather warms a few months later.

If people are unhappy, who cares? We're getting married at Disney! Go for your dreams, and don't let anybody get in the way of your happiness. (I had to learn that, but it's a great lesson!)

 

[Bridie1996]

When people started asking us why we couldn't invite grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., we told them that if they wanted to pay the extra money to have a Wishes wedding, we would invite everyone. Luckily, nobody has taken us up on that offer!

I actually broke down and did that too a few weeks ago! We haven't had much complaining since then.

I'll also say that we are having a BBQ in the spring for those who couldn't come to Disney. Our friends have all been very supportive of our decision and very good about the whole thing. But they have asked that the MOH have call them from her cellphone so they can all listen to it on the speaker phone.

 

[WDWBride04/19/2010]

But they have asked that the MOH have call them from her cellphone so they can all listen to it on the speaker phone.

Haha, there are also the webcasts like O.P. I'm thinking of doing that for the people who can't come, but I haven't looked into pricing yet.

 

[Beep]

We were really lucky with our family over our choice. My parents weren't surprised in the slightest and couldn't wait to book their flights. My SIL was the only one we had sneering comments from and now she isn't coming much to our delight!

My OH hasn't spoken to his family for 12 years so no problems there either!

I can honestly say that if anyone had a problem with what we wanted to do wewould have done it anyway. It is YOUR day, not anyone else's, and as other people have posted you can always do something for everyone else.

 

[WDWBride04/19/2010]

My SIL was the only one we had sneering comments from and now she isn't coming much to our delight!

Haha, love it!

 

[alwaysdisney]

We told family & just mentioned it to friends. This is our 2nd marriage, so we can care less what family and friends had to say. One person did ask me 'why aren't you getting married closer to home' my reply 'Disney is our home away from home & it's our wedding and we chose Disney'. We also got engaged there as well. Invitations will be mailed to family only and most of our family is coming. Total is 19.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

I agree that you should do what makes you happy and if they come great, if not, that is ok too!
I was supposed to get married on a disney cruise 2 weeks ago...everyone on my side was supportive, although most were not able to attend. DF's side of the family caused the whole thing not to happen. Basically, they guilt-tripped him into not doing it b/c they couldn't (wouldn't) be there. After several months of having a headache everyday listening to the arguing, I said forget it! So the beautiful wedding in St. Thomas went down the tubes...along with about $2K we had already spent towards it. It was too late to cancel the cruise, so we went anyway. I was not in the best mood knowing that I was on my almost-wedding cruise.
Now I am supposed to plan a wedding here in Charleston that I do not want. Needless to say, I haven't planned anything. It just isn't how I pictured our wedding, and I can't get "into" the planning.
So- moral of the story- don't give in...they had your their day, now you get yours!

 

[Sarah_Rose]

I'm also chiming in on the "don't give in" side of things! I really wanted an Escape wedding.... but I got vetoed. My side of the family was all for it, but DH's family was not... and there are over a hundred of them. There were tears, there was yelling, and in the end, I planned a large local wedding. DH's parents paid for all of their guests (which was 75% of the guest list) so I couldn't even really say no about anything I didn't want.

In the end, the day was beautiful and went off without a hitch, but I never really felt like it was "my" wedding. I planned it because I had to, but my heart was never really into it. My parents are still bitter about having to travel all the way across the country to attend a wedding where they knew almost no one, and I'm still quietly mourning my Escape wedding.

I was told that "the wedding is really for the families, anyway" but don't give in! You need to do what you are happy with!

 

[rebecca_boo]

Suprisingly my mom was the one who brought it up, and I couldn't refuse. LOL

 

[LLLBelle]

I had a similar experience to a couple who posted. DFi and I were planning a DCL wedding, the whole family loved the idea and was on board (we had been talking about it for two years) Everyone wanted to go on a 7 day too.

Well the day before the save the dates were to go out and we were to tentatively book our cruise, his family sank the ship, to put it simply. Really it was two of his sisters, who were really horrible about the whole thing and DFi's older sister sent out financial requirements for our wedding! Who does that? And his younger sister told us we were having a $50000 wedding and having everyone pay for it. The worst part is that neither one of them called me to talk to me about it, I had to make the effort to talk to them, even though I did not want to. His older sister told me that we all have to make sacrifices with weddings and that she had to change her date, well changing your date and your entire wedding are two different things.

My mom was so pissed at them. Regardless, I refused to pick another cruise and at the time I thought Disney itself would be too expensive. And DFi really wanted to have his sister's at the wedding. In the end we will be having a beautiful wedding in Puerto Rico with a Disney honeymoon. So I am most certainly not complaining. I also wanted a destination wedding, so I am glad to get that.

I do wonder every once in a while, "what if I had fought harder for what I wanted?" But I love my wedding plans and hope it is wonderful. So if you want a Disney wedding, go for it and don't give up, so people like to complain in the beginning, but come around eventually. You have to do what you feel comfortable with and what you and DFi want. You may have to compromise with certain things, but location you can fight for.

 

[thatdisneygirl]

The emotions from friends and family when we told them about our plans ranged from excited to lukewarm to downright pissed. But we had a year between our announcement and our wedding and by the time it came around, everyone was excited and had a great time.

The people that thought it was stupid and didn't want to make the trip weren't missed, because by that time it had become pretty clear that there were lots of places in our life where their love and support was missing...

 

[WDWBride04/19/2010]

I was supposed to get married on a disney cruise 2 weeks ago...everyone on my side was supportive, although most were not able to attend. DF's side of the family caused the whole thing not to happen. Basically, they guilt-tripped him into not doing it b/c they couldn't (wouldn't) be there. After several months of having a headache everyday listening to the arguing, I said forget it! So the beautiful wedding in St. Thomas went down the tubes...along with about $2K we had already spent towards it. It was too late to cancel the cruise, so we went anyway. I was not in the best mood knowing that I was on my almost-wedding cruise.
Now I am supposed to plan a wedding here in Charleston that I do not want. Needless to say, I haven't planned anything. It just isn't how I pictured our wedding, and I can't get "into" the planning.
So- moral of the story- don't give in...they had your their day, now you get yours!

I'm so sorry. but congrats about the bun in the oven!

Well the day before the save the dates were to go out and we were to tentatively book our cruise, his family sank the ship, to put it simply. Really it was two of his sisters, who were really horrible about the whole thing and DFi's older sister sent out financial requirements for our wedding! Who does that? And his younger sister told us we were having a $50000 wedding and having everyone pay for it. The worst part is that neither one of them called me to talk to me about it, I had to make the effort to talk to them, even though I did not want to. His older sister told me that we all have to make sacrifices with weddings and that she had to change her date, well changing your date and your entire wedding are two different things.

Some people are so horrible!