Epic Fail

[MUN]

Ugh sorry for this post but I am just so disappointed. So we are booked, paid in full for our cruise on the Fantasy in August. We'd planned to surprise our son with this trip...his 6th birthday will be while we're on the ship. We spent his 5th birthday on the Dream this past summer and we all had the time of our lives so my husband and I thought why not do it again.

Well my husband slipped up a little tonight at dinner...we were planning on waiting until way closer to to tell him. Well my husband accidentally slipped up and said a little too much and my son caught on...he begged and begged us to tell him so we gave in and told him what we were doing this year for his birthday. His reaction? "I wanted to go to New York or do something else. We did that last year...we've already done that." And he seemed less than excited. Like zero excitement.

I knows he's just a kid and doesn't understand but it just sucked to hear that. Maybe we made a mistake by doing this again right after going last summer? I'm just shocked at his reaction. I expected him to be so happy we were doing this again after the great time we had this past summer. And then I got annoyed thinking about how much I wish I could have done something like this when I was little...we never had the money for any trip like this when I was growing up. If this cruise wasn't paid in full I swear I'd think twice about going.

Sorry for the negative, Debbie downer post...I just needed to vent. Someone please tell me I didn't just completely waste $8,000 on a trip my son isn't going to even be excited about! Ugh!

First of all, you can't blame a kid for wanting to go to NYC. It's a great city! Smart kid! Why not do both? Take him for a quick trip to the Big Apple, which will be much cheaper than $8K and go on the DCL cruise as planned. If he had fun on your first cruise, I'm sure he'll have a great time on your upcoming cruise. Even if you skip the New York trip this year, promise him that trip for his next birthday. NYC is beautiful in August.

MUN

 

[nearlyfallinstar]

This is part of the reason why I don't do the "surprise vacation!" for my kids. I've seen too many videos of lack luster responses and I don't want to set myself up for that disappointment. lol! The main reason I don't surprise my kids with travel is because the planning is about a third of the fun for me and I can't seem to hide the plans from them. So they know about our Sept. 18 cruise and have heard me talk about going on an Alaskan cruise after that.

 

[godde8ss]

Queen of high exceptions here! I build up everything, plan to the detail and always get so bummed when the recipient doesn't act the way I imagined the grand scene in my head. My son turned 7 last week, and he acts this way sometimes. We are pass holders and cruised DCL twice. for our third trip, I elected not to make it a surprise to take that off of my heady expectations list. He ALWAYS has a great time when we get to WDW or anywhere else he complained about. as another poster said, we sometimes give these kids too many choices or let them affect our plans too greatly. Go, have a great time and it will infect your child likewise! Don't forget, its your birthday too! You brought him into this world!

 

[quickcat]

Ha- I get this a lot from my son. He loves the excursions but not sea days at all. We will usually hear the "I might not go this year" we always just say OK, grandma will come over and stay if you decide not to go. Every time he decides to come with and has a fun time.
I Think it really depends on the kid. My daughter, when we are literally walking to the car from the ship will ask, "How many more days until we get to come back?!" We can't win
Have a great cruise!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

This is why DH and I are going on the 10 night Southern Caribbean by ourselves this summer. We sailed with the kids (12,16) in December. We had an amazing time. I just knew they would be ecstatic at the opportunity to go on a 10 night cruise. Well I was wrong. Maybe it's because we just cruised, but they were not excited at all. They also thought that 10 days was just too long. After being deflated by their lack of interest, DH and I decided to save some money and go alone. They'll be at Grandmas for 10 whole days and their ok with that. Oh well.

I know that we've spoiled them with Disney trips. We've made memories that will last a life time.

Oh man passing that trip up?! Holy moly I bet they'll look back and regret not going with y'all one day!! That's amazing you're going by yourselves! Hope you have an amazing trip!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Queen of high exceptions here! I build up everything, plan to the detail and always get so bummed when the recipient doesn't act the way I imagined the grand scene in my head. My son turned 7 last week, and he acts this way sometimes. We are pass holders and cruised DCL twice. for our third trip, I elected not to make it a surprise to take that off of my heady expectations list. He ALWAYS has a great time when we get to WDW or anywhere else he complained about. as another poster said, we sometimes give these kids too many choices or let them affect our plans too greatly. Go, have a great time and it will infect your child likewise! Don't forget, its your birthday too! You brought him into this world!

I agree I think we give him too many choices!! Growing up my mom and dad would just say this is where we're going and that was it! He also thinks superheroes live in NYC which is why he's so excited about going haha Kids don't know what places are really like and we as adults know what's age appropriate and what works for vacations...I need to keep that in mind! Taking him to NYC for his 7th Bday and I think by then he'll appreciate it more! Thanks for your reply!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Kids are really spoiled nowadays. I don't mean yours in particular, I mean all of them (including my own)

I would be more concerned actually that he now has the expectation that he is going to get a big trip for every birthday. He's only 6 so there is still time to nip that expectation in the bud. I'm guessing with 5 months to go it would cost you big $$ to move the trip to another week but honestly if there is another summer week you could go, I would move it off of his birthday and spend a quiet birthday at home... maybe have a party for a few friends and some family or something like that, but maybe attaching your family vacation to his birthday is giving too much significance. If not this year then definitely going forward.

My son is on the spectrum (aspergers even though that is no longer a diagnosis) and has ADHD and anxiety so he has been in therapy for a lot of his young life. There are times when I go to his therapist too, to discuss parenting issues and sometimes it's "parenting a kid like this" and sometimes it's "parenting in general." One of the most helpful things she told me is that a lot of parents give their kids too much choice. They do this out of love, but in reality what giving kids so much choice does is that it gives them a lot of power and a lot of responsibility that they are not really developmentally ready to carry. Right now, your son has all of the power about your family vacation because you are making it about his birthday and not about family vacation. I would take that pressure off of him... if not for this trip, then for next year. And I would talk to him about it too (most kids are pretty smart) and say "daddy and I have decided that we are going to have a family vacation that is about us as a family and have your birthday celebration separately." And I would not give him veto power over your vacation. I would maybe at some point sit down and make a list of places that your family wants to go together and then you and dad sit down and figure out where next year's family vacation is going to be. Then once that is decided give him some choices within that vacation... "we are going to new york next year. Do you want to see the lion king or do you want to see Aladdin?" I think this advice was given to me when he was ABOUT your son's age, maybe a little younger and it has made the biggest impact in the way I deal with him to be honest. Acting "bratty" or "entitled" is just a sign of discomfort with having the pressure of having to make big choices that they shouldn't be making - either directly or indirectly. Of course kids should have some choice in things but the big choices should be made by you and your husband (which you did in this case, but he is just acting like he is an equal partner in the decision). It's just a lot of pressure for a little dude (one that many kids act like they want, but what they want and what they need are often two different things... the other big piece of useful parenting advice I have gotten) to have his birthday tied to a big event like that. It's nice once in a while (as you saw by having such a magical trip last year) but I would separate them out going forward.

That said, whenever you go, he is going to have a great time. I have read tons of reports by parents about how their kids don't get excited about trips. For a lot of kids, travel can cause anxiety (as someone pointed out above it was about getting there not being there that made her kids not be excited about going). I don't know where you live but maybe NY is driveable while florida requires flying? My little guy gets anxious about flying. even if it's nothing "new" or "different" he'll still have a lot of fun and so will you and your husband. Raising kids is hard and then they break your heart They are little narcissists in adorable clothing, lol. I think this is a biological necessity for the young of any species, the only way you can survive is putting yourself first. As thinking, feeling human beings we try to teach our kids otherwise but they will grow out of it. Enjoy your trip, I'm sure it will be awesome.

I totally agree about the whole being spoiled thing! Like you not talking about anyone else's kids...just referring to mine! We've done so many Disney trips and this will be his second DCL cruise and he's only 5...I had nothing like this growing up by any means!! I didn't go to WDW for the first time until I was 21! And I had the most amazing childhood!!

We want to keep this taking a trip for his birthday a tradition in our family...we don't take a summer trip other than the one for his bday every year...I'd much rather spend money on us going somewhere as a family than on a birthday party. Birthday parties stress me out to the max! We're going to keep this tradition going I'm just going to tell him where we're going every year instead of giving him choices

 

[Anna Chassereau]

One year, we had annual passes (with water parks included) to Disney World at a really good price, so we added extra trips in to make use of the water parks. We surprised the kids with a trip on the day we were leaving in August. My younger child (9 at the time) was NOT happy--turns out she doesn't like surprises, doesn't like to fly, and just wanted to 'relax'. Poor kid...we had another surprise trip planned for that October, but we did tell the kids a week early (on our wedding anniversary)and we got the 'Disney again?' response for her. Note that she was very happy AT Disney, so it was just her needing to know in advance.

Your son will come around and get excited about the trip. Show him some of the unique things for this cruise, some of the ports you're visiting, etc. Get him involved in the planning and see if there is a port excursion he might like. This is a longer cruise for you, so there will be more things to see/do.

This is great advice...we looked online at some of the ports last night and I should go over some of the port adventures with him and see what he thinks. I think he really thinks that we're doing the exact same cruise when it will really be different with new places we haven't been!

 

[dragynally]

I agree I think we give him too many choices!! Growing up my mom and dad would just say this is where we're going and that was it! He also thinks superheroes live in NYC which is why he's so excited about going haha Kids don't know what places are really like and we as adults know what's age appropriate and what works for vacations...I need to keep that in mind! Taking him to NYC for his 7th Bday and I think by then he'll appreciate it more! Thanks for your reply!

Too bad you can't go on an NYC Marvel cruise like my husband and I are. They're in October and November.

 

[Napoleon Dynamite]

Aww! Doesn't stuff like that kill you!! I'm sure he will come around and it will be a great cruise!

I surprised my kids with a weekend at WDW in December for the Christmas party. I had kept it a secret for weeks! Then I said we had to pick dad up from the airport. So we get there and I said SURPRISE!! We are going to Disney and dad is meeting us there!!! My 9 year old DD was like really mom?! I'm not stupid, I had a feeling. Not "woohoo, yippie" LOL. I was so mad! My 17 year old was excited though! Of course she had fun, but sometimes their reactions just suck don't they?!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Too bad you can't go on an NYC Marvel cruise like my husband and I are. They're in October and November.

I know I wish we could!! We are doing WDW again in the fall with my father in law...he's getting older and LOVES Disney world and he really wanted to go with us again...if we didn't have that trip planned I would so jump on that cruise out of nyc!!

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Aww! Doesn't stuff like that kill you!! I'm sure he will come around and it will be a great cruise!

I surprised my kids with a weekend at WDW in December for the Christmas party. I had kept it a secret for weeks! Then I said we had to pick dad up from the airport. So we get there and I said SURPRISE!! We are going to Disney and dad is meeting us there!!! My 9 year old DD was like really mom?! I'm not stupid, I had a feeling. Not "woohoo, yippie" LOL. I was so mad! My 17 year old was excited though! Of course she had fun, but sometimes their reactions just suck don't they?!

Oh man!! I would have been mad and upset at that too! Yes their reactions definitely do suck sometimes!! I think it's bc they just don't really get how expensive these trips are...they don't understand the concept of money yet and won't until they get out in the real world. They don't realize just how lucky they are! I also think I play up in my mind too much the reaction I'm expecting when I should go into it with no expectations...that's hard to do though! One day they'll look back and be like Wow and they'll thank us! One day! Lol

 

[Tulip2796]

[QUOTE="

We want to keep this taking a trip for his birthday a tradition in our family...we don't take a summer trip other than the one for his bday every year...I'd much rather spend money on us going somewhere as a family than on a birthday party. Birthday parties stress me out to the max! We're going to keep this tradition going I'm just going to tell him where we're going every year instead of giving him choices[/QUOTE]

Doing a trip as a birthday tradition is fine but at some point, it will be developmentally appropriate for him to prefer to be with his friends for his birthday. In the future you may want to move your vacation to a different week. You may not want to spend money on a party and parties may stress you, but he may very well want a party and want to celebrate with others. Kids talk about each others' birthday parties, like picking out the place or theme, get to invite friends, they talk about it at school before and after it happens, the presents, singing and cake, it is an event for them and all about them. A Disney cruise is great, don't get me wrong, my 2 boys (one close in age to yours) are still talking about it many months later, but where we live, lots of kids go on Disney cruises. Vacations are not talked about much at all, it is not a shared experience with friends and classmates and so what 6 year old wants to hear about another kid's vacation for more than 2-3 minutes, if that.

 

[AndreAggie]

I kept our last cruise a secret for 14 months...let me tell you that was HARD! We told our son we were joining Daddy on a work trip to Miiami and we could go to the beach (that's how I was able to pack shorts and swim stuff with his help). The morning of the cruise, we can see the ship from our hotel room in Miami. I had Goofy call and tell my son he was going on a cruise that morning. He wasn't mad, but I had been planning for 14 months and I expected some sort of positive, exciting reaction. Instead I just got "ok." We had already booked the trip we're going on next weekend, so we went ahead and told him right then too since the reaction was such a letdown to me. However, he had a BLAST on the cruise and is really excited about our next one coming up.

 

[dragynally]

I know this started out as a disappointment post but I'm loving these stories! I thought I was strange as a child because I didn't act excited when people tried to surprise me. Not because I didn't appreciate the gift. But because I'm a thinker and I'm too busy thinking about what just happened and what do I have to do now. So maybe your kids are like me.

 

[Anna Chassereau]

[QUOTE="

We want to keep this taking a trip for his birthday a tradition in our family...we don't take a summer trip other than the one for his bday every year...I'd much rather spend money on us going somewhere as a family than on a birthday party. Birthday parties stress me out to the max! We're going to keep this tradition going I'm just going to tell him where we're going every year instead of giving him choices

Doing a trip as a birthday tradition is fine but at some point, it will be developmentally appropriate for him to prefer to be with his friends for his birthday. In the future you may want to move your vacation to a different week. You may not want to spend money on a party and parties may stress you, but he may very well want a party and want to celebrate with others. Kids talk about each others' birthday parties, like picking out the place or theme, get to invite friends, they talk about it at school before and after it happens, the presents, singing and cake, it is an event for them and all about them. A Disney cruise is great, don't get me wrong, my 2 boys (one close in age to yours) are still talking about it many months later, but where we live, lots of kids go on Disney cruises. Vacations are not talked about much at all, it is not a shared experience with friends and classmates and so what 6 year old wants to hear about another kid's vacation for more than 2-3 minutes, if that.[/QUOTE]

Great! Thanks for making me feel like we should be staying home and throwing him a party instead! Give me a break! You are entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine and personally I think a Disney cruise is a FABULOUS way to spend a birthday and our son has talked non stop about his 5th birthday on our cruise this past summer! But thanks for your input!

 

[IBLarsen]

Honestly, at that age, I wouldn't even think twice about it. Kids that age can't really process how they will feel so far in advance. You can get him involved in the 'planning' a little now and to talk about what he would like to do on this cruise, might make him feel like he has some say. I can't imagine he won't love every minute of it. If he were a teenager, I would worry...not at age 5/6 You can tell him you would love to plan a trip to NY with him someday, and honestly, by next year he may not want that anymore either...he's 5 I understand your initial reaction, just keep in mind his age and don't take it to heart

 

[Anna Chassereau]

Honestly, at that age, I wouldn't even think twice about it. Kids that age can't really process how they will feel so far in advance. You can get him involved in the 'planning' a little now and to talk about what he would like to do on this cruise, might make him feel like he has some say. I can't imagine he won't love every minute of it. If he were a teenager, I would worry...not at age 5/6 You can tell him you would love to plan a trip to NY with him someday, and honestly, by next year he may not want that anymore either...he's 5 I understand your initial reaction, just keep in mind his age and don't take it to heart

Thank you so much for the uplifting words...you're right I need to remember he's 5 and doesn't think the way we do as adults! Thank you!

 

[wilkeliza]

Great! Thanks for making me feel like we should be staying home and throwing him a party instead! Give me a break! You are entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine and personally I think a Disney cruise is a FABULOUS way to spend a birthday and our son has talked non stop about his 5th birthday on our cruise this past summer! But thanks for your input!

Don't worry. My fiance's family still travels for his birthday and he is 30. Sure as he got older they didn't always go because high school summers were busier but it was a tradition. You do what is best for your family. If your son wants parties later in life, it doesn't mean you have to get rid of your family trips over his birthday at all he can always have a small hang out party before you leave or after you get back since there is no law saying you have to have your birthday party on your birthday. I don't get why people are judging you on this. You and your husband have decided that family vacation for your son's birthday is going to be your tradition and that is great! People need to realize there are bigger problems in the world then what someone dictates as their family traditions. Go have fun and I'm sure your 6 year old will find some enjoyment on the cruise too even if he complains all the way to boarding.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

Hey Anna,

The others are right. He will come around.

Remember, though you feel like he is holding all the cards, you are really in the driver's seat. You and your husband selected the Disney Cruise and you are the ones who get to choose to go forward with it. Good for you! Stick to your guns.

These experiences you are giving him are a great thing. Sure kids don't always appreciate it at the time, but what we do for them now does sink in. In the choices they see us make. In the attitudes they see us have. (Uh oh. I'm in trouble some times on that one!) It will stay with him, even if the specific memories fade.

My kids are teens now, and I tell them that I will forever be the voice inside their head, not telling them what to do, but nonetheless telling them what I would do. And I take a lot of opportunities to TELL them how lucky they are. Especially when they are giving me grief about some trivial problem. Sure, at the time, they HATE hearing it, but when they calm down they come back and tell me that they appreciate that I pointed that out. I need to (try to) be calm when they are not. Positive, when they are moody. It isn't easy, but it is worth it.

And I think you are doing fine. Trust yourself. And have a GREAT time on your cruise! If you want a teen-aged son to take with you...