English Paper

[Sparx]

I had to write a research paper for english. My topic was emotional abuse. This is what I came up with. I'd like opinions. Thanks!




Emotional Abuse:
Invisible Crime


The phrase “domestic violence” brings to mind images of women, jails, and restraining orders but, in all actuality emotional abuse should come to mind. Emotional abuse leaves deeper, sharper, more painful cuts than physical abuse ever could, and the scars take much longer to fade. Emotional Abuse is an “Invisible crime” because it leaves no evidence on the abused and no “smoking gun” beside the abuser. I could write statistics for hours about the numbers of women, children, and yes, even men who are affected by this crime, but instead of numbers, I’m going to write about the people. I will write about how this crime hurts families, friends, and even casual acquaintances of the abuser and the abused.

Emotional abuse centers on mind control. Most abusers have no intention of ever tearing their victim apart; they just want control (The Emotionally Abused Woman). They make their victim feel inadequate, in essence, making the abuser the “master” of the victim.

The accusations and put downs are believed by the victim (The Emotionally Abused Woman). The victim’s sense of confidence is often totally destroyed. Victims usually require extensive therapy to recover from this. Victims lose all confidence and believe what is said about them (The Emotionally Abused Woman).

The statistics of those affected are startling. This crime is an epidemic. I’ve noticed in my research that the women and children that stated they were emotionally abused were the same that stated they were being beaten or sexually assaulted by the person who was abusing them. Emotional abuse is a gateway crime, and just like a gateway drug, it will lead to stronger and worse abuse. The reason for this is that most abuse (physical, sexual, and emotional) all coincide with the desire to control another. Nearly every child asked stated that they were a victim of emotional abuse (TCADSV).

It never ceases to amaze me how this is viewed as okay. Domestic violence is seen as a private thing. It is not. Sometimes what goes on behind closed doors shouldn’t be kept away from the eyes of the public. This is one of those times. Statistics state that if a bystander sees a man hit a woman they will do nothing. They may report it, but while he is hitting her, nothing will be done to help her. This is the same case, if not more so for emotional abuse. It is a cycle. Emotional abuse IS a crime. Emotional abuse IS wrong. Emotional abuse needs to be stopped.


Biblography

Author Unknown. “National Domestic Violence Statistics” Tennessee Coalition against domestic and sexual Violence (TCADSV) 2005. TCADSV 4/26/2006 3:44 PM <http://www.tsadsv.org/dv%20stats.htm>


Engel, Beverly. The Emotionally Abused Woman. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1990

 

[golfgal]

First, get rid of the quote marks around various words unless they are direct quotes, which they aren't.

Second, how long is this supposed to be? There isn't a lot of detail which would lengthen the paper but if it is supposed to only be a page, that is ok.

 

[paigevz]

Sparx, your intro is very good.

Your intro should tell them what you're going to tell them. But, in the body of the paper, you do speak of the effects of the victims, but not so much the effect on the families, friends, and really, the victim's later life.........you touch on it in paragraph two, but should really delve a bit deeper into the effects.

Remember, SHOW don't TELL. A few punchier "scenes" would jazz it up a bit, and get your point across more deeply.

Conclusion is nice, but you need a bit of a wrap-up there of what you told them, before your opinions. Go back to the facts first, then add in the opinions.

Also, your conclusion seems tacked onto a body paragraph there........separate after the part of "if not more so for emotional abuse" into another paragraph. This is where you'll make your concluding paragraph with your facts again, then your opinions (which are stated well, by the way).

Great job over all. Just needs a few tweaks!

 

[Sparx]

Golf gal

Thanks. I'll change that. and it was only supposed to be five paragraphs.

paigevz

once again, it was only supposed to be five paragraphs. But I will restate my facts.

thanks for the advice.

 

[Snow Brite]

What grade level English class is this for? Just curious. Not knowing what kind of paper, or the requirements for the content, I just checked for construction, spelling and grammar errors. Not too many but I did find a few....

The phrase “domestic violence” brings to mind images of women, jails, and restraining orders but, in all actuality emotional abuse should come to mind. Remove quotations around domestic violence

Emotional Abuse is an “Invisible crime” because it leaves no evidence on the abused and no “smoking gun” beside the abuser. Remove quotations around invisible crime and smoking gun and make I in invisible and a in abuse lower case. Consider not using the idiom smoking gun but instead use a more legal or scientific, serious if you will, term.

I could write statistics for hours about the numbers of women, children, and yes, even men who are affected by this crime, but instead of numbers, I’m going to write about the people.Good sentiment, but I would throw one in and then say this. It could come across as lazy unless this was the purpose of the paper.

First paragraph is a good introductory paragraph and you end well with your topic sentence. I would add that you are going to talk about how it affects the victim as well.

However the second paragraph does not address anything in the topic sentence, but is more background. I would include this information in your background information in the introductory paragraph.

They make their victim feel inadequate, in essence, making the abuser the “master” of the victim.Remove quotations around master.

The third paragraph addresses how it affects children, which I guess are the families you refer to. Could you add a little about other family members here?

There is not a paragraph about how it affects friends or casual aquaintances as is stated in your topic sentence.

Your final paragraph sums things up nicely. But you should restate your topic sentence, slightly rephrased and state that you have proven your point in some way.

Are the references supposed to be titled Bibliography? I thought we were moving away from that and towards the title of References.

Good job on a difficult subject.

 

[MinnieM3]

Good job Sparx.

Not sure, but in paragraph 3 (?) when you say women and children that state... I think you should say "who" state. Same sentence, are the same that state... I think should say are the same ones who state.

I was a victim of this abuse many moons ago. One phrase or way I had descibed it was that while physical abuse could be seen as bruises or scars, the scars and injuries from emotional abuse are on the inside. If they *were* on the outside, I'd have been in Intensive Care.

One other thought...I think you should replace domestic abuse (unless you are talking about all kinds of abuse) with physical abuse, if that's what you are specifically referring to. (excuse the prep!)

Try to make the second paragraph a bit longer!

Good luck!
Beth

 

[Sparx]

Okay. I've rewritten it.

The phrase “domestic violence” brings to mind images of injuries, screams, and police cars but, in all actuality the emotional abuse that prefaces all of this should be what comes to mind. Emotional abuse leaves deeper, sharper, more painful cuts than physical abuse ever could, and the scars take much longer to fade. Emotional Abuse is an Invisible crime because it leaves no mark on the victim’s face and no smoking gun in the abuser’s hand. I could site statistics for hours about the numbers of women, children, and men who are affected by this crime, but instead of numbers, I’m going to write about the intense damage that is inflicted on the victims of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse centers on mind control(The Emotionally Abused Woman). Most abusers have no intention of permanently harming their victim; they want total control (The Emotionally Abused Woman). They make their victim feel inadequate, in essence, making the abuser the master of the victim.

The victim is under such a constant barrage of insults and accusations of worthlessness that their self confidence is diminished almost to the point of non-existence (The Emotionally Abused Woman). It is only through extensive mental therapy that it can be regained; however in some cases the victims are so emotionally damaged that it is nearly impossible to regain their sense of self worth. In these cases it is truly evident the scars this kind of abuse can leave a victim with.

The statistics of those affected by emotional abuse are startling, to the point that this crime has become an epidemic. I’ve noticed in my research that the victims that stated they were emotionally abused were the same that stated they were being beaten or sexually assaulted by the person who was abusing them. Emotional abuse is a gateway crime, and just like a gateway drug, it will lead to stronger and more dangerous abuse. The reason for this is that most abuse (physical, sexual, and emotional) all coincide with the desire to control another. Nearly every physically abused child when asked stated that they were also a victim of emotional abuse (TCADSV).

It never ceases to amaze me how some view domestic violence as a private matter. It isn’t. Sometimes what goes on behind closed doors shouldn’t be kept away from the eyes of the public. This is one of those times. Some statistics state that if a bystander sees a man hit a woman they will do nothing. They may report it, but while he is hitting her, nothing will be done to help her. This is the same case, if not more so. Emotional abuse may not cause the same physical scars as physical or sexual abuse, but the damage can be equally or even more sever. It is up to all of us to do whatever we can in order to see that it is brought to an end.


This is the final.

thanks for your help everyone.