engagement party

[IndyBride]

My mother is hosting an engagement party for myself and my fiance at the end of May. All the guests (well all but two) have recieved their save the dates and invites for the e-party. However, there were quite a few people that I didn't invite for one reason or another ($$$$). Well, I was hoping to invite some that aren't invited to the wedding but I know ettiquette tells me otherwise. Do you think something along the lines of: Although we can't have everyone we want with us when we get married we would still like to celebrate our big news with you. And then info about the e-party. Then they know they aren't invited to the wedding but we still want them at the e-party.

Also, how is everyone dealing with people that assume they are invited when actually they are not?

 

[Mrsdisneyb2b]

I actually got attacked on another board for this
I was going to have the escape wedding first and then invite everyone to a engagement party... which to me, it is still friends and family who would understand right?
I don't see the problem with inviting people not invited to the wedding. But, be careful. I got feedback that shocked and upset me...

Then again...Im starting to realize Im a wuss and I cant handle critisizm! (haha)

 

[pink_tink8i8]

I say do whatever you want. I'm sure you know your family and friends well enough to know how they'd react.

 

[DisneyFairy19]

We had to cut out guets too, b/c it got to be WAY to many people.... Go with what you think is right

 

[theantibride]

Etiquette rules state that anyone invited to an engagement party should be invited to a wedding as well. The reason for this is imagine the situation. You have the enaggement party and people are talking about receiving their save-the-dates. Then you have a guest come up to you and ask why they never received their save-the-date. You tell them it's because they aren't invited tot he wedding. They get upset. Are you ready for that scene? If you can't invite everyone then I say instead of inviting them to the engagement party invite them to a party after the wedding in celebration of your recent nuptials. That's the polite way to handle it. Think how you would feel if someone invited you to their engagement party to share in their joy but then didn't invite you to the wedding. It's like saying "Sorry, but you just don't mean enough to us for you to come to the wedding." I'm not trying to flame or be mean so don't think that I'm just trying to help you from getting into a mess or from hurting people's feelings.

 

[sungela]

As much as traditional etiquette is to only invite wedding guests to wedding related stuff, I think different rules apply with destination weddings. We knew that many of our friends can't afford to fly to and stay at Disney AND give us a gift, so we just invited them to our shower. We've let people know that the wedding is fairly small, and I think most of them are content to celebrate with us when they can.

 

[IndyBride]

Etiquette rules state that anyone invited to an engagement party should be invited to a wedding as well. The reason for this is imagine the situation. You have the enaggement party and people are talking about receiving their save-the-dates. Then you have a guest come up to you and ask why they never received their save-the-date. You tell them it's because they aren't invited tot he wedding. They get upset. Are you ready for that scene? If you can't invite everyone then I say instead of inviting them to the engagement party invite them to a party after the wedding in celebration of your recent nuptials. That's the polite way to handle it. Think how you would feel if someone invited you to their engagement party to share in their joy but then didn't invite you to the wedding. It's like saying "Sorry, but you just don't mean enough to us for you to come to the wedding." I'm not trying to flame or be mean so don't think that I'm just trying to help you from getting into a mess or from hurting people's feelings.

I understand this and that's why I'm mulling it over so much. I know a lot of people have a reception after they return but to me that says the same message. Not important enough to be invited to the real thing. I'd like to say that I wouldn't be upset if I were invited to an engagement party of someone having a destination wedding. But who knows. Thanks for everyone's opinion. I know we all go through the same thing with the guest lists.