Engagement Party Gift

[kapica3]

I am a little stumped. Please help.

I have been invited to an engagement party. First one in my life (can't believe I have made it this far without being invited to one). Anyhow......the party (which will be held at a small banquet hall with probably 150 people) is for my first cousin who is marrying at age 31 for the first time. We live in NJ - If this helps.

For a bridal shower I usually choose a household item as gift, for the wedding I give a cash/check gift. For this occasion I truly am clueless!

Question: What kind of gift is customary for an engagement? Someone told me you usually give crystal for an engagement another person said lingerie (sp?) Is there a specific item one should present to the bride on this occassion? Or should the gift be geared more toward the couple???

Please help?

 

[DoeWDW]

In my opinion, you can never go wrong with a gift certificate to a nice restaurant. I've never been to an engagement party, so can't offer any other insight.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I've been to a couple of engagement parties. In most cases they were similar to showers, but the attendees were there for both the bride and groom. The couples had registered and the gifts were just like shower presents.

Actually DH and I had an engagement party as did my sister and her finance.

 

[CEDmom]

Although I've never been to one either I also heard that gifts are mostly off the registry. From friends who've had them I think engagement parties are more of the family event whereas a shower would include friends as well. Anyway, I agree you can't go wrong with a gift card. Maybe one for Lowe's or Home Depot so the gift would be so geared towards the bride.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I know in a lot of cases people usually give money. It depends on what you prefer. I usually prefer to give a gift, and I feel that you reallly can't go wrong with Tiffany's. Most of their stuff is classic and they are also great about exchanging. Have fun
tara

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by kapica3
I am a little stumped. Please help.

First one in my life (can't believe I have made it this far without being invited to one).

Consider yourself lucky LOL!! Personally I hate engagement parties...giving a shower gift and a wedding gift is one thing, ... but I really resent having to give a 3rd gift for the same wedding at an engagement party. I have been to 3 in the past few years and only ONE of the couples ended up getting married and they were a couple already living together prior to the engagement! The other two broke up, one only a month after the party, those gifts were returned but the other was about 9 months after the party and no one saw any of those gifts returned.

 

[joats]

We did not have an engagement party. However we received a few engagement gifts: picture frame; crystal ring holder; silver candlesticks, a bottle of good champagne and 2 crystal flutes.

I've been to one many years ago (btw it was in NJ). I agree with aprilgail2 with the whole 3rd gift thing!

 

[Desnik]

I had an engagement party. Everyone gave us money. Bridal showers are the ones where the bride/groom registers and you give them a gift off the registry. The wedding you give money. This is what everyone I know does. Usually the couple saves the money from the engagement party to help pay for something for the wedding. Those days of the brides parents paying for everything are long gone. Now, most of the time the couple and their parents all help pay for the numerous things you have to have for a wedding. Personally I preferred the money.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I think our whole "party society" is out of control. Any excuse to ask for presents is acceptable!

We give a set amount for the drawn out event. For example.... if we set the limit at $50 and there is an engagement party, two showers and the wedding itself, then that money will be split four ways. If there is just one shower and the wedding, then we might fudge a bit and give something for the shower and still give the $50 wedding cash.

I think it's ridiculous to ask the same people to give gifts over and over when a couple gets married. JMO.

 

[luv2nascar]

For Showers and Engagement party ? never been to one I would probably buy something on sale at Target. Being asked to give three gifts is a bit much. We always give money for Weddings. And like previous poster said I probably wouldn't spend anymore than I was planning to on shower just split it in two.

Picture frames sound like great gifts.

 

[kapica3]

Thanks everyone for your help.


I kind of liked the ideas of Home Depot gift card and also of good bottle of champagne and champagne flutes. Also like the ideas of something Tiffany.

Even though I really don't have the extra cash to spend, I feel I must go a little extra because the party is in a catering hall and will cost a pretty penny I am sure. I always feel I have to at least cover the cost of the per person charge in order not to appear cheap. It will be DH, DD and I so I may have to go with both a Home Depot gift card and Champagne. Who knows.

I am not shopping until the end of the week so if anyone else comes up with anything please feel free to jump in.

I still feel wishy-washy about this.

 

[joats]

I have to say although most people say "you have to cover the cost of your plate", I believe etiquette says you don't. Why should you have to pay for the cost of a "plate" when people may be making that "plate" downright expensive? I am not cheap by any means!! Yet, I believe a gift is a gift and gifts do not have to fit some set $$ amount. IMO, do whatever feels right and whatever your wallet will allow. You do not have to spend an outrageous amount just because they are!!

 

[vald1977]

I agree with joats. Do what you are comfortable with and can afford. I like the idea of a gift card. The couple can pick out what they need and didn't get.

 

[jel0511]

I'm from NJ, and had an engagement party, briday shower, and a wedding. Everyone I know also had all three parties, so actually not getting an engagement party invite is weird, at least to me. Try to find out if the bride and groom are registered anywhere. We did register before our engagement party, and most of the engagement parties we've been to, the bride and groom have also registered. I just choose something off the registry, and buy it. I ususally stick to china or crystal, the more formal stuff, since usually the more homey stuff is given at the bridal shower.

 

[KristiKelly]

I've only been to a few and have usually been in Sept - Nov and I've always given a nice Christmas ornament.

 

[kapica3]

Oooh, Good Idea! Maybe I'll get a gift card to our local Christmas Store and they can pick out some things come next christmas to get their Xmas decorating started.

 

[ibouncetoo]

I have a question....is this an East Coast or perhaps Upper Class tradition? I've lived in the mid-west and southwest and never been invited to, or even heard of one except in the movies! I have known of engagements being announced at a party, but it was a surprise (more or less) to the guests and no gifts were involved. I received an engagement gift from my godmother/aunt that she had me keep when it was broken off (I think she was relieved I wasn't getting married so young).

Just curious.

 

[Aristocath]

Engagement parties are fairly popular here in Fort Worth and I hav been to many. It is not a gift giving occasion. Take a card for the couple. Engagement parties are meant to celebrate the announcement, not to aquire more gifts. However, if you feel you must take a gift, a friend gave me a journal at our engagement party. This was to record all my feelings of the pre-wedding time. I do treasure that journal. Have a good time.

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by ibouncetoo
I have a question....is this an East Coast or perhaps Upper Class tradition? I've lived in the mid-west and southwest and never been invited to, or even heard of one except in the movies! I have known of engagements being announced at a party, but it was a surprise (more or less) to the guests and no gifts were involved. I received an engagement gift from my godmother/aunt that she had me keep when it was broken off (I think she was relieved I wasn't getting married so young).

Just curious.

LOL...not upper class that is for sure...I am far from upper class and people I know have had them. And I don't know about other places but they include where they are regisitered with the invites so it IS a party you bring gifts to!

 

[sunni]

Originally posted by aprilgail2
LOL...not upper class that is for sure...I am far from upper class and people I know have had them. And I don't know about other places but they include where they are regisitered with the invites so it IS a party you bring gifts to!

IMHO it seems tacky to include where you are registered on ANY invitation, even the wedding invitation. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I think Emily Post would agree.

I've always thought that an engagement party was mainly for the purpose of making an announcement of the engagement, kind of making it "official". IMO the gift shouldn't be anything more than what you might bring to someone's home if invited to a formal dinner party. I would take a nice card with a handwritten note vs just signing it, and a bottle of wine or champagne. Or I like the journal idea too, it would be a cherished memento.