Ending the Elf tradition : what did you do, what did you change?

[mdurette]

Hello All: About 11 years ago I learned about the elves from Elf-Magic right here on this board. At that time, the Elf on Shelf wasn't as mainstream as it is now. I am returning to find out how you all have ended/adjusted the tradition over time. Our elves didn't report back to Santa, they could be played with, they simply came around the holidays to visit/play with DD and create mischief in the evening. In our house, they were more magical than the big man himself. I'm here writing in the middle of the night because they usually arrive about 10 days prior to Christmas, which would be tonight. DD is 13 now and she put out the little bed for them. For her, it isn't about believing in the actual elf anymore (I think), it is her still believing in the magic of the season. But, here it is.....I simply cannot do it anymore. I don't want it to end, it just needs to change. So, how did it end/change for you?

 

[Orionreplay]

My daughter is 12. We were as well holding off this season as we always started with our Elf on 12/1 every year. We got to around the 3rd or 4th and she hadn't said anything. My wife and I thought, we had done it cold turkey and it worked. We have both gotten so over it now and I thought this might be the year.

I then saw on my daughter's PC in her room that she had been Googling, "When does the elf arrive in 2019". I felt crummy. She hadn't been saying anything, but she was searching for answers from Google.

So... he made his return. She acts emotionless about it with us, but I know she looks for him and the day goes on. I don't know if she believes it is an elf or if simply the spirit of the season. But it broke my heart when I saw that on her computer.

 

[QueenIsabella]

We ended a couple years ago. My youngest is 13, almost 14--it was time. We had an active elf, always getting into mischief--the kids loved him, and actually my older son, now 22, was instrumental in setting up the crazy antics.

We sent the kids a note from Santa, saying it would be Snowflake's last year. We replaced him with another game (per the note). Now each year on Christmas Eve, we do a "Silly Santa" exchange, where there's a pile of wrapped gifts of varying value/interest/whatever. We each pick 3, round-robin, and you can steal gifts and so forth. Some gifts might be lottery tickets, special candy, funny books, whatever. Some of the items are weird (DH got a zombie Chia pet last year). Some have a little "extra" tucked in--a gift card or cash.

There was a twist in that Mom has to wear an ugly sweater and elf ears while she runs the game. And of course, I have to run around and pick up all the gifts (18 of them, since we're a family of 6). I probably should have thought this through a little better...

 

[Ginger R]

Our daughter is 12 and although she doesn't believe in Santa since last year, she knows the elf is just a game and our "Sparkle" returns every year in the beginning of December. Now she likes to decide where it will be and I think when she isn't into it anymore I will simply bring the elf out and she will become a Christmas decoration on our mantle since that is where she made her original debut. It is sad when they get older and these things aren't as magical as when they were younger QueenIsabella I like your silly Santa game idea! That's Cute!

 

[mjkacmom]

To be honest, I just got lazy, I have 5 kids, lots to do. He just kept moving less and less, and we joked about it.

 

[bigredbeta]

Seeing a whole lot more photos on social media of Elf's being incapacitated in various ways so they don't have to be moved this year than in year's past - broken legs, being "frozen" by Elsa, trapped by Darth Vader and the like.

I have little ones (3 1/2 and under a year) and truthfully the whole thing looks miserable. I get the "magic" and having a tradition (although I wonder about how meaningful it actually is when the rest of the block is doing the same thing), but I think it's probably better to create traditions where you actually do things as a family, than being beholden to a doll.

With pre-teens/teens who presumably know the Santa truth, I think there's an opportunity to have the Elf "return" but usher in a new tradition that's more about doing things together as a family - volunteering or going to a local holiday tradition that maybe you haven't been to in the past (such as local theater productions of Nutcracker/Christmas Carol/ELF, or botanical garden light shows, or holiday markets like Chicago's Christkindl market), and that new activity becomes the way you kick off your holiday season instead of the arrival of the Elf. Even if you have a list of things in your community that you do already, there's surely something that can be added in nearly every locale. Or be the family that hosts an open house the first weekend after Thanksgiving, or make one night that you place luminaries around your yard as a unique outdoor decoration. I've lived in a lot of different places in my adult life and each one I can think of unique, annual events that could be readily incorporated into a set of family traditions - things that will continue well into your children growing into adults.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I agree with the PP. One thing that my older son enjoyed so much was being on "this side of the magic"--making Christmas a magical time for his younger siblings. There are many ways you can teach your kids about being on "this side of the magic"--donating time or gifts or food--that can fit in almost any budget or schedule.

 

[TwinkleKS]

Our elf doesn't do the crazy creative things that some people's do. We just hide it and it becomes a challenge for the kids to find her everyday. So very little prep time on our part, the kids are old enough they pretty much know what is going on, but there is still the excitement in the morning.

 

[tinkerjo]

We never did the elf thing thank goodness and youngest DS12 hasn’t believed in Santa for several years BUT we still enjoy the Christmas Eve traditions. One year when the kids were little we forgot carrots for the reindeer and put out oats( last minute idea) well DH made a mess with the oats, all over the dining room. Now every year, even when I don’t lay out oats, the reindeer find them and make a mess eating them. (They knock over chairs and everything) I have grandsons now that look forward to seeing what mess the reindeer make every year. I think I will let DS help this year. OP At age 13, I’m sure she doesn’t believe in the elf anymore. Talk to her and maybe you can come up with a new tradition together.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

Just stopped...cold turkey.

 

[Rory607]

I was anti-elf, but a few years ago my H went out and bought one My DD loves that elf so much and was in tears when her brother touched it last week. Ugh. She is 9 and I think she still believes all the magic, but I know this might be the last year. I truly think she will be more upset about the elf than Santa. I wish we’d never started it, but here we are.

 

[RogueX]

Thanks to a practical joke, our Elf on the Shelf has gone too far. My daughter has an elf, who she named, Rayna. When she had a sleepover at my niece's house, one of my sisters put out Rayna in the morning as well as my niece and nephew's elf, Buddy. Well, my daughter comes home and tells us that Rayna and Buddy got married while we were away. So as a joke, I found a tiny elf on the shelf and that one appeared Christmas eve. That's all cute, but now she looks for them.

 

[Bjkandma]

You never stop believing in the Magic of Christmas, your role just changes! The traditions should continue. Maybe the elf doesn't get around that much, as he's older, but keep the magic! If he is part of your tradition, please keep it!!

We haven't believed in Santa for years and yet Santa continued to leave presents. He didn't quit coming, because some chose not to believe. (Santa is a take on St. Nicholas and he was real. His "holiday" is December 6 th, if you are from German descent or certain beliefs.

 

[mdurette]

OP here - thank you all for the replies. Yes, at 13, I was sure DD knew there was no Santa and the Elves were not real. But, she still did believe in the magic of it all.


First, was the letter that was left that morning from Santa:

Hi XXXXX! Happy Elf Anniversary. Did you know that 10 years ago I assigned Eve to be your Elf? And 5 years ago, Holly joined in all the fun. This is certainly a special year to celebrate with the girls. I heard about the mischief they caused in your house. My favorites where when they decorated your parents cars, gift wrapped the doorways and I laughed when they told me they put Rudolph noses on everything in your house.

I have more news to share with you. It is an exciting time for Eve and Holly. As you know, they have been working Elves for quite a long time. I have let them know they can officially retire from their Elf duties! They are very excited about this, but also sad because they know their roll in your life may change too.

When an elf retires, they have many choices as to what they would like to do next. Some elves stay in the North Pole forever and volunteer to teach the younger elves how to create magic, some elves decide they want to move to beach (can’t blame them) and some elves just hang around the farm and play with the reindeer every day. Well, as you know, Eve and Holly are not ordinary Elves and they have asked for something a bit different. They would like to come and live with you to be part of your Christmas traditions forever!

Before I send them, I want to make sure that it is ok with you. They will live with you year-round. It will be your choice when to take them out; maybe a birthday or vacation, but absolutely every Christmas season. Since they won’t have all their Elf magic anymore, they will need you to help them out during the holidays Remember, their magic is nothing compared to the magic that you have inside you. The three of you can create your own new magic for the holiday season filled with joy, mystery and surprise.

Is it ok that I send them your way? Please write you answer:


DD woke that morning and found the note. She was quiet for the first 20 minutes or so and when off to her computer. I could tell she was typing a letter. I went in the shower and when I came out I found DD crying uncontrollably in bed. Ugh....yes, feeling like the crap mom of the year because I couldn't just suck it up for one more time. In between the tears and sobs, she managed to let me know: She was afraid her bond with the elves would be gone and she knew there was no Santa. I took the deep breath and told her correct....there is no big guy in a red suit delivering presents all over the world. That Santa represented the magic of the holiday's....just like the elves. I went on to compare it to Disney. The magic she feels when she is there, when she has a meet and greet with a character. The reality that the character is just a person in costume vs the magic that you believe you are interacting with say the mouse himself. I went on about time to create her own magic with the elves.

After our talk she was fine, especially when she figured out that she can be part of the Elf mischief against.....DAD! That put a smile on her face and she started plotting all the things she could have them do to him Ha Ha Ha.

It has been a few days and all is normal. She hangs out with them, chats with them, etc. They still hold the magic for her. All is good.

 

[Rory607]

Thanks for the update, OP. I think my daughter will react in a similar way. I love the letter and will be stealing that idea for sure, lol. Before I had kids I would have thought it was over the top and not understood, but now I do. My daughter feels things very deeply, much more than I do, but it’s just how she is. I’m hoping we make through this year with magic intact. She has a younger brother and I hope can convince her to help keep the magic going for him when the time comes. But I have a feeling she will be so upset she tells him.

 

[mdsouth]

Hi XXXXX! Happy Elf Anniversary. Did you know that 10 years ago I assigned Eve to be your Elf? And 5 years ago, Holly joined in all the fun. This is certainly a special year to celebrate with the girls. I heard about the mischief they caused in your house. My favorites where when they decorated your parents cars, gift wrapped the doorways and I laughed when they told me they put Rudolph noses on everything in your house.

I have more news to share with you. It is an exciting time for Eve and Holly. As you know, they have been working Elves for quite a long time. I have let them know they can officially retire from their Elf duties! They are very excited about this, but also sad because they know their roll in your life may change too.

When an elf retires, they have many choices as to what they would like to do next. Some elves stay in the North Pole forever and volunteer to teach the younger elves how to create magic, some elves decide they want to move to beach (can’t blame them) and some elves just hang around the farm and play with the reindeer every day. Well, as you know, Eve and Holly are not ordinary Elves and they have asked for something a bit different. They would like to come and live with you to be part of your Christmas traditions forever!

Before I send them, I want to make sure that it is ok with you. They will live with you year-round. It will be your choice when to take them out; maybe a birthday or vacation, but absolutely every Christmas season. Since they won’t have all their Elf magic anymore, they will need you to help them out during the holidays Remember, their magic is nothing compared to the magic that you have inside you. The three of you can create your own new magic for the holiday season filled with joy, mystery and surprise.

Is it ok that I send them your way? Please write you answer:

You did a great job with the letter. I loved how you gave your daughter choices on what would happen with the elf. I never started the elf on a shelf tradition with my kids, they are older but I have friends that do and they were talking this holiday season about what will happen in a few years. So, when I came across this thread I just had to look and I will share your idea with them. Thanks for sharing!