Empty Nesters or Near Empty Nesters

[Sparkie]

Ok- I'm gonna whine and moan.....

My nest is starting to empty and I am having a hard time finding myself again.... I feel like I have no life- what did I used to do for fun???? I have my Disney obsession but outside of Disney and work I feel lost.....

My nest isnt quite empty.... my DS is 20, sleeps at home, I didnt say lives at home because he is always gone with his friends, he works full time and we see him some but he doesnt really participate in the "family" anymore

My DD 17 is finishing high school- home school- and is pregnant- yeah, I'm still reeling in that one.... I am not crying as much anymore.... still not happy that she purposely chose this for her life and feel that it is only a matter of time before she is gone too.....

My DD 12 almost 13 is a middle schooler and OMG she is becoming a dreaded TEENAGER!!!! She is growing in her own way, and then there will be boys and dates, and she wont need her mama anymore either.


My DH and I were arguing the other day- about nothing really - and he says to me.... You better be nice to me..... you realize soon I'm all you've got left....


How do you find that reconnection with your spouse after the children are grown? How do you find yourself again? I know I used to have something more interesting in my life other than, laundry, dishes and kids..... but that seems so long ago..... How do I find ME again???



Anybody else where I am?

 

[Eeyore's Wife]

Sparkie,

I don't think you are suffering from empty nest, or even partly empty nest. You have three kids still in your house, all of them in some stage of adolescence.

Your oldest seems to be using you as a youth hostel, your youngest is smack in the middle of middle school, and everything that comes with that, and your middle child is about to welcome a child into the world.

Given the economic reality of being a teen mother, that little bird and her baby won't be flying the nest any time soon.

You seem to be understandably overwhelmed, saddened, and lost in the midst of caring for all of these people who do not fully appreciate the incredible sacrifices you are making.

You are overwhelmed by all the dishes, laundry, and hard work that come from taking care of people. All of that effort is compounded by the fact that very few teens, and sometimes even husbands, appreciate all the hard work that goes into keeping a home running. Forget appreciation, sometimes they don't even notice that you do anything at all.

You mentioned crying, dread, and fights in your one post. You also mentioned that your husband said something that is very emotionally manipulative. From that one comment I have no idea if this was the norm or an aberation, but it seems clear that you are really struggling with your very full plate.

I would encourage you to talk to a counselor, pastor, or therapist. You are going through a major life transition and getting a little help is o.k.

I would also encourage you to get a full check up with your doctor. Several medical issues can leave you feeling tired, overwhelmed, or "off." Your problems right now could have a medical component which need to be addressed.

For what it is worth, I am amazed at all the balls you are juggling. As to the idea that your kids won't need you anymore. I have a daughter in college and just the other day I had a nice long cry because I wanted to talk to my Mom, who passed away many years ago. I still need my Mom!

Women like you keep civilization running. Thank you for caring so much about your kids, for giving so much of yourself, and for reaching out when you know you need some help.

The first rule for being a caretaker is that you MUST take care of yourself. If your tank runs out then not only will you falter, but you won't be there to care for those who need you. I cannot tell you how to find the "old" you, because I don't know you, but deep down, You Do.

Please, seek help from a qualified conselor. I think the old you will naturally resurface as you deal with the other issues in your life.

Hugs, Hugs, Hugs and More Hugs.

Eeyore's Wife

 

[Sparkie]

Thanks for the hugs Eeoyre's Wife.

Maybe I do need some "professional" counseling- more than just from friends here on the Dis.....

The comment that my DH made wasnt made in a mean way to me, I took it as a joke.

My DD 17's boyfriend and father of the baby is 24 and from Mexico. I guess I am afraid that after she has the baby she will leave and move to Mexico.



You are right- my plate is very full- emotionally full- I used to juggle taking kids here and there with working full time and keeping my house going- and now I'm not so involved in the kids activities and have all this time that I feel so alone.

But thanks for taking the time to respond and thanks for the hugs.