Empty Nest Syndrome

[violetrose]

I have 2 that have already started their adult life, my daughter graduates college next year and my oldest son is an auto mechanic, living in his own apartment. The youngest goes to college next fall, and he has made it clear he wants to go to a college out of state. So we'll be empty nesters too. I think as long as your relationship is strong as a couple you'll do fine. DH and I were married 5 or 6 years before our first child came along and we know we are very good company for each other. We have friends who were so wrapped up in their children that once the kids left the nest they found they hardly knew each other anymore.

I also agree with everyone who said to book the Disney trip! I am sure with time it will get easier, and nice that your son is close by. I think that is the best of both worlds, away but not so far away you can't get to him in an emergency. My daughter goes to college all the way across the country and my younger son will be several states away. Only my middle son is close by. It's hard but you do get used to it! In some ways it's better because you don't worry about them as much when they are away. I hate when my daughter comes home from college for the summer and breaks and I have to go back to worrying about what time she is going to be home!

 

[mckryan]

We went through this when our only went off to school 45 minutes away 3 years ago. It was *so* hard, but we learned to enjoy doing things together without being tied to a school schedule. Now we look forward to weekends and summers at home, and I think all 3 of us were ready for her to go back to school last week. I promise it gets better, but the first few weeks were really, really hard for all of us.

 

[minniecarousel]

Our 2 sons are two and a half years apart - 2 years apart school-wise. Older son went out of state, didn't like it, came home, went to a CC, so then they both left at the same time. Felt like a double-whammy! My Mom came to live with us about 6 months later. She lived with DH & I for 9 years. I always told her she arrived just in time since I missed the boys so much (a little tip - don't go watching old home movies during this time!)

Of course, our sons are old married men now & DH & I moved to a smaller one-story house. We'll live into our golden years here. We are very lucky that our sons both live near-by and they each married lovely young women.

So - Empty Nest Syndrome is tough and it's real. But you will get through this! Look at it this way - you wouldn't want your child living at home foerever. You brought him up right to go out on his own.

Hang in there!

 

[KimR]

Then they get married, have kids of their own, and you're right back where you started...loving, laughing and having the time of your life with little ones again!

That's a positive way to look at it! I have to admit, I am dreading the empty nest days. My oldest has already been away at college for 2 years and I don't know what I'll do when the other 2 leave. Honestly, if I were able, I'd love to just start all over again having babies.

I think it's time to start developing interests and hobbies outside of my kids in order to ease the transition, but I have no idea what to do. It's funny because I had my first at age 30 so I had plenty of child-free adult years, but I was so busy with work and school that I didn't really have time to pursue anything else.

 

[Saphire]

Honestly, if I were able, I'd love to just start all over again having babies.

Lol, that is just what I did when the third went off to college. Except they are foster babies.

When I looked back on life from the mid-point, I saw that my best work was raising my kids. So, I am doing it again. My house can be a whirlwind of activity with bio kids visiting while caring for a baby, then there are quiet times too and even time to travel in between placements.

It really did hurt when my youngest left, but it is a great time for reflection and evaluation of what you want your future to look like. Best wishes.

 

[luvgoing2disney]

I looked at our schedules for the next couple of months but my DW, who is a recruiter for International Students, is entering into her busy time of the year, so it looks like a WDW trip is not possible---for now. But in the Spring, it is definately a possibility. Of course, we may be over out "illness" by then, but a little Disney never hurt anyone at any time.

 

[duffy]

My youngest daughter was only 5 when her oldest sister went away to college, 3 hours away. That was so heartbreaking, she sobbed almost the way home after we dropped her sister off. My older girls have always been very independent and I knew they'd be fine, and even though I missed them, the hardest part was seeing how much my youngest missed them. Hang in there, you obviously did a great job!

So cute, my youngest was also 5 when her sister started college. The middle daughter was 16, and had also left the nest, to be an exchange student in Europe.

The youngest was so excited at the idea of being the only child, and not having bossy older sisters around, that on the drive home, she could not sit still. She eventually stripped off all of her clothes!!

Now that child is about to start her senior year of high school. I've already put together a long list of "date night" ideas for my husband and I, a lot of which we will do before she leaves.

We keep telling her that when we take her to college, we plan to strip off all of our clothes on the drive home, we will be so excited.

 

[cabanafrau]

So cute, my youngest was also 5 when her sister started college. The middle daughter was 16, and had also left the nest, to be an exchange student in Europe.

The youngest was so excited at the idea of being the only child, and not having bossy older sisters around, that on the drive home, she could not sit still. She eventually stripped off all of her clothes!!

Now that child is about to start her senior year of high school. I've already put together a long list of "date night" ideas for my husband and I, a lot of which we will do before she leaves.

We keep telling her that when we take her to college, we plan to strip off all of our clothes on the drive home, we will be so excited.

Oh my, you're that parent.

Hilarious!

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Appreciate your spouse. I didn't have the luxury of one when my son left last year. Also, strengthen your friendships and expand your hobbies. This time is for you now. I am not going to tell you it is easy, but I did look forward to holidays and phone chats with my son who was 6 hours away.

 

[luvgoing2disney]

Appreciate your spouse. I didn't have the luxury of one when my son left last year. Also, strengthen your friendships and expand your hobbies. This time is for you now. I am not going to tell you it is easy, but I did look forward to holidays and phone chats with my son who was 6 hours away.

That part is easy. We've been married for 27 years and I like to think we are still on the honeymoon. I've always taken time to plan surprise cruises or birthday trips to Disney for her. She knew nothing until the night before we were to leave on those.

 

[WDWBarb]

I've been moaning on the college thread about how much I hate my empty nest. DD (only child) moved out 5 days ago to her dorm for her first year of college.

I miss her so. There seems to be no light in our house. I find myself turning on extra lamps to try and brighten the gloom but it just doesn't work.

I know time will make this better, but I really, really want our old lives back.

 

[js]

My wife and I have just become victims of the Empty Nest Syndrome. Our only child is attending the local University and has moved all of 5 mkinutes away into a very nice apartment complex with his best friend. And our hearts are breaking.

I know that we raise our children to do just what he as done, and we are thankful and proud of the son is has become. He has never given us any worry, made good grades, we were not overly protective, gave him good morals, and this is hurting us so badly. Granted, he has been gone only two days and we can text, call, and stay in touch in any number of ways, but just knowing that he is not home is difficult.

Thanksfully, we have a very strong marriage and I know that with the passing of time, we will adjust. In fact, those who have gone through this stage say that in 2 or 3 months, you find that you've got more freedom and can enjoy the new stage of our lives. I hope that is true.

I heard a quote from Dr. Seuss of all people that I am trying to focus on. "Dont cry becuse it is over. Smile because it happened" We are trying to do that.

We need a trip to Disney!

BOOK THAT TRIP! September is great to go and now you can!
My dd leaves for college on August 25 and I'm on a plane on August 26 to Disney to make myself feel better, although we told my ds that it is his 8th grade graduation present
You'll be fine. I wish us both good luck and the kids too

 

[MichelleVW]

I missed my first DD like mad when she moved away to college 4 years ago, but when the second one went last year it was a LOT easier and now I am counting down the days until they head back to school!

I love my girls and I love having them home, but I love it when it's just me and DH around!!

 

[njmom47]

Mine aren't away at school, but dd1 has her own place, dd2 is never really home, and ds actually lived at his best friend's house all summer .
What's worse is dh works overnights, so basically I've had the house to myself...well, me and the cats.

 

[pat fan]

What's worse is dh works overnights, so basically I've had the house to myself...well, me and the cats.

I get ya! My DH worked nights for forever, and I really thought the first year our youngest was gone would put me over the edge, but I loved it! DH is on days now, and I actually kinda miss my quiet nights. He is on a really early shift, so he goes to bed at 7:00, so I'm basically still alone at night, only now I have to miss sleep due to snoring! Guess we always have something to complain about!

 

[jennyjinx3]

My girls are four years apart & the younger one has been celebrating her sister's departure, almost countdown style for a while now. Odd, because they bicker but don't really argue much at all, despite being quite different personalities.

Younger one is a super softie, people-person. It's going to be a mess when the reality sinks in for her. Even the harder-edged older one has acknowledged she's unlikely to get a roommate as easy to get along w/ as her sister.

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the bittersweet concept of my older DD being away. Funny how quickly after you have kids you truly cannot remember not having them in your life. Seems like they've always been a part of you. Now they're leaving? Weird. It will all be good in the end.

Your whole post just made me tear up, especially the bolded. Reminds me of my DD's.

 

[KristaTX]

Kleenex alert!
This clip from the Andy Griffith Show episode "Opie the Birdman" was shown at our church on Sunday morning. It's bound to make some of you cry, but hopefully make you feel better, too. It's a great scene with a sweet message:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BMjtwp8n6A

 

[Talking Hands]

Our youngest moved out a few weeks ago for the second time. Since she will not be returning this time I am enjoying fixing her old bedroom up for the grands to visit Nana.
It gets easier and I do have my job and hobbies to keep me busy. Now if I could just get their pets to move out as well.

 

[leebee]

My only moves back to campus in 2 weeks to start her sophomore year. Campus is 5 minutes down the road. I already miss her like crazy. Yes, I know this is the way it's supposed to be, it's what we raised her for, and we are so happy and proud that she's successful, but there's a part of me that just wants my family back.

 

[tvguy]

We were empty nesters for 9 months. 1 child 50 miles way at college, the other 200 miles away at college. It was odd at first, just the two of us again for the first time in 22 years. We got used to it, and then they both moved back home because they didn't want to be away anymore!