Empty Nest Syndrome

[luvgoing2disney]

My wife and I have just become victims of the Empty Nest Syndrome. Our only child is attending the local University and has moved all of 5 mkinutes away into a very nice apartment complex with his best friend. And our hearts are breaking.

I know that we raise our children to do just what he as done, and we are thankful and proud of the son is has become. He has never given us any worry, made good grades, we were not overly protective, gave him good morals, and this is hurting us so badly. Granted, he has been gone only two days and we can text, call, and stay in touch in any number of ways, but just knowing that he is not home is difficult.

Thanksfully, we have a very strong marriage and I know that with the passing of time, we will adjust. In fact, those who have gone through this stage say that in 2 or 3 months, you find that you've got more freedom and can enjoy the new stage of our lives. I hope that is true.

I heard a quote from Dr. Seuss of all people that I am trying to focus on. "Dont cry becuse it is over. Smile because it happened" We are trying to do that.

We need a trip to Disney!

 

[Mrs.Malone]

I agree with Dr. Seuss. And I agree a Disney trip may be in order!

 

[mickeysgal]

You'll be fine, just give it time. Being that your child is only 5 minutes away, you can always arrange for the occasional dinner out. Let the child acclimate to school though, it's good for them to learn to live on their own and figure things out without us parents in the background.

It's strange at first having the house so quiet, cooking for less, etc. I had my moment a couple of years back...two of our oldest had left for their schools and we only had one left at home. We were at Target and I had my scared moment as I realized that I only needed either a basket to carry or the front section of a cart for our groceries - not the full cart anymore.

Time for you and your spouse. Plan a trip. Seriously.

 

[Marionnette]

My wife and I have just become victims of the Empty Nest Syndrome. Our only child is attending the local University and has moved all of 5 mkinutes away into a very nice apartment complex with his best friend. And our hearts are breaking.

I know that we raise our children to do just what he as done, and we are thankful and proud of the son is has become. He has never given us any worry, made good grades, we were not overly protective, gave him good morals, and this is hurting us so badly. Granted, he has been gone only two days and we can text, call, and stay in touch in any number of ways, but just knowing that he is not home is difficult.

Thanksfully, we have a very strong marriage and I know that with the passing of time, we will adjust. In fact, those who have gone through this stage say that in 2 or 3 months, you find that you've got more freedom and can enjoy the new stage of our lives. I hope that is true.

I heard a quote from Dr. Seuss of all people that I am trying to focus on. "Dont cry becuse it is over. Smile because it happened" We are trying to do that.

We need a trip to Disney!

All 3 of mine were away at college last year. I've had the luxury of easing my way into that empty nest since they left one at a time. But they were all home this summer.

We just moved our daughter to her new apartment last week. Our sons will leave for their universities next week.

I always look forward to having them home but I can't wait for them to leave. I've gotten accustomed to having my house to myself.

 

[pat fan]

Been there, done that, it does get better. You really will enjoy yourselves in a few months, but for now it IS hard!

Plan a WDW trip. Seriously, do something fun and crazy. Our youngest keeps telling us that when he moved out his father and I became kids. Ummm...yeah! And loving it!

When they come home to visit, it's sweet and wonderful, but like you, we are SO proud of the great young men we ushered into the world. Now if they would only find the right girls and make us grandparents, THAT would be cool!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Am I bad to actually look forward to it?
My younger DD is leaving for her first year next week while my older DD is leaving for her last. She says she'll be home next year for grad school. So we'll be empty nesters for year.

They'll be home for enough breaks, especially Christmas which is way too long at almost a month.

I have a Disney trip planned for Dh and I in November but I think we'll have to cancel- too many expenses.

 

[mickeysgal]

Am I bad to actually look forward to it?
My younger DD is leaving for her first year next week while my older DD is leaving for her last. She says she'll be home next year for grad school. So we'll be empty nesters for year.

They'll be home for enough breaks, especially Christmas which is way too long at almost a month.

I have a Disney trip planned for Dh and I in November but I think we'll have to cancel- too many expenses.

Nope, not at all.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No you are not bad. I can't wait as well. Too bad my 21yodd moved back home and is going to school locally.

Just dropped younger dd off for her sophomore yr in HS.

The "plan" as it stands now is that by the time younger dd graduates HS, older dd wants to be graduated from college and moved out.

Then we sell this house and we move into our "forever" retirement home. Condo or house with land remains to be seen but it will be a ranch house or a first floor condo regardless.

Best wishes to you and your wife! You get to move into the next phase of your life. Totally go on VACAY!!!!

 

[luvgoing2disney]

Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Every person and family is different so it's good to get the varied perspectives on this stage. We'll get through it and in hindsight will probably laugh and how hard it hit us, but that's OK.

 

[AndreaDM]

My youngest daughter was only 5 when her oldest sister went away to college, 3 hours away. That was so heartbreaking, she sobbed almost the way home after we dropped her sister off. My older girls have always been very independent and I knew they'd be fine, and even though I missed them, the hardest part was seeing how much my youngest missed them. Hang in there, you obviously did a great job!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

We need a trip to Disney!

Take a trip to Disney. Just the two of you.

 

[Pakey]

After our youngest left home, I got a dog. It helped for us to have someone to talk to and to transition to coming home to an empty (and clean) house.

It's been several years now and I couldn't imagine going back to having kids in the house.

 

[FINFAN]

My youngest daughter was only 5 when her oldest sister went away to college, 3 hours away. That was so heartbreaking, she sobbed almost the way home after we dropped her sister off. My older girls have always been very independent and I knew they'd be fine, and even though I missed them, the hardest part was seeing how much my youngest missed them. Hang in there, you obviously did a great job!

we had that only our DS was 13...longest plane ride ever back from Sarasota to Chicago. HS was rough for our DS without his sister here, honestly, things would have been so much different.

OP, The only thing that would hold me off from taking a WDW trip to take my mind off missing my kids is that, it would remind me of them MORE! If you think that will not be an issue, go for it. Now, my oldest went to school in Sarasota (we are outside Chicago) so only saw her very limited time for the summers and about 2 weeks over Christmas, so I get the heartache you are feeling. Look at it this way...you are the lucky parents who will have their DS home for any special holiday/weekends/traditions your family chooses...it just about killed me to see althe neighbor kids who went to school under 5 hours away home all the time in the neighborhood. As soon as your DS gets the novelty of being on his own under wraps, he will be home to see what's in your fridge, laundry, little things like that. Watch, if you do go out of town, lol....THAT'S when he'll head home to raid the fridge, lol.
Hang in there...you are not alone and your DS will fo great! Be proud! Remember that even though he is so close to home, he is dealing with being away as well, and many may not give him the "homesick" pass like those further away get...time will fly...honestly, as the others have said it does get better.

 

[cabanafrau]

My girls are four years apart & the younger one has been celebrating her sister's departure, almost countdown style for a while now. Odd, because they bicker but don't really argue much at all, despite being quite different personalities.

Younger one is a super softie, people-person. It's going to be a mess when the reality sinks in for her. Even the harder-edged older one has acknowledged she's unlikely to get a roommate as easy to get along w/ as her sister.

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the bittersweet concept of my older DD being away. Funny how quickly after you have kids you truly cannot remember not having them in your life. Seems like they've always been a part of you. Now they're leaving? Weird. It will all be good in the end.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

We are right there with you! We have two boys. The oldest, literally, we felt, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." We drove him 3 1/2 hours to his school, hauled in all his stuff, helped him do a few things and he said, "It's okay for you guys to leave now." Didnt cry a tear. He was sooooo ready to be on his on. He is extremely independent.

Youngest son, loves hanging out with us, just the most kind, gentle spirt. He is gong a whopping 40 minute train ride into the city. I actually leaned into the towel display at Target and began to cry. Different boys. Different relationships. I am simply very attached to the companionship.

And yes DH and I are friends and have a great relationship. We have our jobs, volunteer work, and great friends. We will be fine. Shoot he is so close I can visit him for lunch. Still sad.

 

[disneychic2]

We had four kids and when the first one went away, we missed her, but the family dynamic wasn't drastically different. When our second one left a year later, I found myself wandering into her room and crying. When DH and I were in the grocery store and I reached for a second gallon of milk, he told me we didn't need two anymore...I cried. By the time the youngest one left, he (our son) said he thought we didn't miss him at all. It wasn't true, but we started doing so many things, he felt that way.

We found that they begin pulling away in their senior year. They are so involved with things and friends, they aren't home that much any way. Except our house was the house to congregate in, so we still got to at least hear their laughter! Our last son was working and going out so much, it was as though he'd already left.

Having just one child, I can see where it would be super hard. But as you say, we begin the day they are born to teach them to be independent from us. Now my 2 girls live 6 hours away in Virginia, one son lives in Florida and one lives 2 1/2 hours away, but still in Ohio. We travel a lot to see them and while we're home, we find all kinds of things to keep us busy and have fun with each other. You'll do this too. Good luck!

 

[Murron]

When our twins left for college, we dropped each off with all their paraphernalia, drove back home to pick up our suitcases, and got on that plane to Orlando!

That was six years ago. Trust me...the nest is never empty for long. They come back on breaks, holidays, summer, weekend laundry (if close by) etc. One lives on her own and the other came back to live and complete grad school.

I'm convinced this nest will always have occupants.

 

[John VN]

Never had any Empty Nest Syndrome here. We felt our job was to raise 2 prepared young adults and when DD went to college and DS went into the Army, they were both well prepared. They in turn are doing likewise for our grandchildren.

It was a wonderful feeling when they journeyed out beyond the house walls and were able to take on the challenges of life for themselves.

Good luck and know that you have done a good job in preparing your son for his new adventure.

 

[luvflorida]

I know how hard it is when they go off to college. However, I agree with others that the nest doesn't really stay empty for long.

Our oldest lived at home while attending college, so that wasn't a hard adjustment to make. When our middle child went off to college (about an hour away) I remember feeling like my heart was going to break. I tried so hard not to show it, though. She and her younger sister are very close, and it was difficult for the younger one. She really missed big sister.

The first few months were definitely the hardest, but we settled into a new routine, and since she was only an hour away, we still got to see a lot of her.

The summer before our youngest went off to college, I was a wreck. Again, she was less than an hour away, and we got to see her every week, but being the youngest and last one to go off on her own was very, very difficult for me!

The good news is that it does indeed get better. We were thrilled to see all three of our children become responsible, independent young adults. And, my husband and I actually love having the house to ourselves! Of ocurse, like I said, you don't really end up with an empty nest. They all come back at some point (vacations, holidays, summers, etc.) maybe even to live for awhile.

Then they get married, have kids of their own, and you're right back where you started...loving, laughing and having the time of your life with little ones again!

 

[eliza61]

No you are not bad. I can't wait as well. Too bad my 21yodd moved back home and is going to school locally.

Just dropped younger dd off for her sophomore yr in HS.

The "plan" as it stands now is that by the time younger dd graduates HS, older dd wants to be graduated from college and moved out.

Best wishes to you and your wife! You get to move into the next phase of your life. Totally go on VACAY!!!!

LOL what are you living my alternate life MM. Just when I was getting my youngest out of the house, my oldest decided to come back home!! Now he was in a special program for Asperger kids but boy did we enjoy the freedom.

Now we drop my youngest off 600 miles away for school next week.

When I came back home from college, I swear my dad would look at me, then look at his watch, then look at me..... I could almost hear his brain. "when is this child gonna get an apartment"?

Op, definitely go on vacation and let me tell you, there is nothing as magical as a disney trip with your sweetie and no kiddies...

I love and adore my children but we are really enjoying our 2nd act.