Elderly and drinking

[mhsjax]

So much expect advice on this board. And so much clarity for people who weren't even there. I sure wish I was that gifted.


Thank you for all your opinions on everything I did wrong.

sorry, op. That is what you get here at the lovely Dis board. For what it is worth, I think they drink too much to. None of my business but my opinion. ANyone that drinks all day, then has a drink on the way to get another drink has a problem. Flames away, don't care.

Yep op. you are at fault. They were drunk, drinking in the car and it is still your fault. All you had to do was drive or refuse, never mind that the "elderly" people had any responsibility, all YOU had to do was not get in the car or drive. (note sarcasm)

PS I personally would have never gotten in the car myself or had HD drive, but I wasn't there.

 

[RitaE]

Those were my thoughts. The impaired driving ASIDE, I can guarantee that once I reach an age where my responsibilities are fewer and my finances are perhaps freer, I will have a wine glass pretty much permanently affixed to my hand.

I'd do it now but I already have a hard enough time staying awake until bedtime.

 

[okeydokey]

OP, there are 2 issues here.

The driving is a serious issue that can be taken care of by having your DH drive.

The judging someone else for what they are drinking is an entirely different issue. You made it clear that you disapprove of drinking and that you were able to have fun at the lodge without drinking so those that did have drinks were wrong, or at fault or just totally out there. Two issues completely.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't see two different issues, at all....

The OP never said anything to these people...
It was very clear that her problem was the constant drinking and driving.

The OP has a right to her thoughts, feelings, values.

The only negative and unnecessary judgments I see here are those who are passing judgment on the OP.

OP, you really need to make it clear to your DH that you will simply never be in a car with these people, ever again.
(I am assuming that you have no children involved, but this becomes an even more critical issue once you have precious children)

You have my total admiration and agreement!

There is simply no cultural, age-related, or even social, excuse for drinking and driving.

PS: Personally, I do feel that people who drink (use any drug or alcohol) to that extent are 'users'.

 

[okeydokey]

I don't see two different issues, at all....

The OP never said anything to these people...
It was very clear that her problem was the constant drinking and driving.

The OP has a right to her thoughts, feelings, values.

The only negative and unnecessary judgments I see here are those who are passing judgment on the OP.

OP, you really need to make it clear to your DH that you will simply never be in a car with these people, ever again.
(I am assuming that you have no children involved, but this becomes an even more critical issue once you have precious children)

You have my total admiration and agreement!

There is simply no cultural, age-related, or even social, excuse for drinking and driving.

PS: Personally, I do feel that people who drink (use any drug or alcohol) to that extent are 'users'.

Then go back and re-read the OP. She states:

I don't know how to say anything without starting arguements or offending them about their drinking. Personally, I thinking they have a problem.

Maybe I'm just a stick in the mud, but I can go out and have fun without it involving alcohol. I had fun at their lodge and I didn't have to drink to do it.



There's the judgement right there.

 

[Wishing on a star]

She did not say anything to these people or actually issue any judgment.
What I see here is her opinion which she is more than entitled to.

If crazy uncle Albert wants to drink all day, dance with the lampshade on his head, and then get behind the wheel.
I have to admit that my opinion would be exactly the same as the OP.

And, so would my reaction... I wouldn't say anything, but I ain't gettin' in the car with him either.

 

[NHdisneylover]

She did not say anything to these people or actually issue any judgment.
What I see here is her opinion which she is more than entitled to.

If crazy uncle Albert wants to drink all day, dance with the lampshade on his head, and then get behind the wheel.
I have to admit that my opinion would be exactly the same as the OP.

And, so would my reaction... I wouldn't say anything, but I ain't gettin' in the car with him either.

Then your reaction would not be the same. I respect your reaction I really don't respect essentially condoning drunk driving by riding along with a driver who is impaired merely because one is too shy to speak up about it. Sorry, but it is too big of a deal to be quiet no matter WHO the person is.

 

[mhsjax]

Then go back and re-read the OP. She states:

I don't know how to say anything without starting arguements or offending them about their drinking. Personally, I thinking they have a problem.

Maybe I'm just a stick in the mud, but I can go out and have fun without it involving alcohol. I had fun at their lodge and I didn't have to drink to do it.



There's the judgement right there.

Sorry, but if they are drinking and driving, then they need to be judged. End of story. However, if you don't feel that they should be judged, wait until the DUI and they will be judged by a real judge. Maybe that would be ok, after they possibly kill someone.

I don't understand the hostility toward someone that isn't drinking and driving, yet the soon to be lushes whe drink all day and then get behind the wheel, well shoot they are ok.

True she shouldn't have gotten into the car with them, but where is the responsibility of the old folks. I really just don't get the opinions here in the DIS.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Exactly, it's not just an 'opinion', but a legal issue.
Hello, it is against the law...

PS: yes my sentiments (and reaction) are EXACTLY the same as the OP.
It seems that she only did this, this time, because she was caught off guard and didn't really have a choice.

Once she realized that she was, indeed, out on the road with people who were driving impaired, she found her voice and made her husband drive them back.

My husband has consciencely or unconsiencely thrown me under the bus with the inlaws before... (including things like our toddler DS NOT being confined to a child carseat/restraint or seatbelt at all...)

Yep, been there, done that...
Had to find my voice.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry, but if they are drinking and driving, then they need to be judged. End of story.
.....
I don't understand the hostility toward someone that isn't drinking and driving, yet the soon to be lushes whe drink all day and then get behind the wheel, well shoot they are ok.

Exactly...

 

[walden]

You've misunderstood me. The drinkers in this scenario are old enough to drink. It isn't the drinking that bothers me, it is the driving. Perhaps if everyone took a stance about getting in a car with drinkers, their will be less lives lost. For the people in this scenario, clearly everyone just puts up with it. I would not and I'd tell them such. Again, drinking is a legal thing assuming the drinkers are over 21; drinking and driving is not, regardless of age. The drinkers are of age; however, drunk driving is something I'd never put up with.

I've just taken such a strong stance, no one in my circle drives after drinking. I hope they don't just abstain when I'm around, but I would never really know.

Thanks for the clarification. I'm sorry I read that wrong, and I agree with you.

I was flamed earlier in this thread (can't be bothered to find the quote) who thought I was way out of line for suggesting that a) it sounded like a real ongoing drinking problem which is a heath concern and, b) the OP *might* want talk to her elderly relatives (preferably when they are sober) and share her concerns about their drinking and driving. Yes, they can drink legally. No, they can't drink and drive legally. The OP described drinking steadily during the day, taking another drink "for the ride" (isn't the open container law Federal), and then drinking more in the evening. She was appropriately concerned, and got some unfair criticism here, IMO.

So, not to hijack the thread, but can we take this away from the OP and make it a more general discussion?

As someone who has had, sadly, to participate in family interventions to take away the car keys of elderly parents who were driving very dangerously (not alcohol related but definitely impaired), I believe that there is a point at which there is an ethical/moral obligation to intervene with dangerous behavior before the person kills themselves and others.

It is probably much harder to do this with a senior than it is with a peer. Obviously one's ability and willingness to do this depends on the closeness of the relationship. But for anyone reading this thread who believes that you (general you) should stay out of the situation and not say anything to people who are drinking and driving (no, it is not a "hoot") I have to ask this:

Will you (again, general you) feel any guilt when, heaven forfend, Great Uncle Ebenezer and/or Great Aunt Morticia kills or disables someone when they are driving impaired?

At what stage, if any, would you feel the need to intervene in a way that is not limited to refusing to get into the car with an impaired driver or offering to drive?

I hope people respond to these questions.

 

[okeydokey]

Sorry, but if they are drinking and driving, then they need to be judged. End of story. However, if you don't feel that they should be judged, wait until the DUI and they will be judged by a real judge. Maybe that would be ok, after they possibly kill someone.

I don't understand the hostility toward someone that isn't drinking and driving, yet the soon to be lushes whe drink all day and then get behind the wheel, well shoot they are ok.

True she shouldn't have gotten into the car with them, but where is the responsibility of the old folks. I really just don't get the opinions here in the DIS.

I'm not talking about the driving. I said several times that there were 2 issues here. The driving is wrong and her DH was right to drive home. But her judging the relatives for drinking was really a separate issue and I feel it's not her business aside from the driving.

 

[okeydokey]

Sorry, but if they are drinking and driving, then they need to be judged. End of story. However, if you don't feel that they should be judged, wait until the DUI and they will be judged by a real judge. Maybe that would be ok, after they possibly kill someone.

I don't understand the hostility toward someone that isn't drinking and driving, yet the soon to be lushes whe drink all day and then get behind the wheel, well shoot they are ok.

True she shouldn't have gotten into the car with them, but where is the responsibility of the old folks. I really just don't get the opinions here in the DIS.

There is no hostility at all about the driving. Show me one thread where anyone said she should be OK with drunk driving. I said her attitude that they should all have fun like her without drinking that sounded judgemental.

 

[Wishing on a star]

There is no hostility at all about the driving. Show me one thread where anyone said she should be OK with drunk driving. I said her attitude that they should all have fun like her without drinking that sounded judgemental.

Sorry, but again, if one is 'having fun' at a location outside of home/hotel/etc. where one has to drive back... Heck yeah, somebody better be having fun without drinking.

There is simply NO justification for the scenario described by the OP.
And there is simply NO justification for passing judgment on the OP.

Methinks are some here who also love their drinking and driving 'fun' just too much, and who just can't bear any negative opinions....

 

[Wishing on a star]

Thanks for the clarification. I'm sorry I read that wrong, and I agree with you.:good
At what stage, if any, would you feel the need to intervene in a way that is not limited to refusing to get into the car with an impaired driver or offering to drive?

I hope people respond to these questions.

I completely and totally see what you are saying...
And, I will answer.
In the OP's situation, where it is her inlaws who she apparantly has not spent a lot of time with and has not been personally close to... NOPE, good intentions are great. But in all reality, I don't see her jumping up and demanding everyone's keys. (like anyone would comply)

Sorry, if her husband was not even onboard, it would be nearly impossible for her to have any positive effect. Apparantly, she was the outsider and everyone there had no problems or concerns... (SAD, yes, but true)

In reality, there are millions of alcoholics who drive every single day...
The situation is not that easy, or black-and-white.