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Eisner Refusing to step Down, Studio Revival & Peter Pan to Close
AP- Glendale CA
Hugh Fibber, staff reporter
April 1, 2005
In a move sure to shock wall street and investors, Michael Eisner said in a press conference
earlier this morning that he will not be resigning from his position of CEO of the Walt Disney
Company (NYSE
IS).
"I've given this long and careful thought and I simply cannot step down".
When asked what had changed his mind, Eisner replied, "After finally ditching those
boneheads (the Weinsteins) I can now take Miramax on to a far greater performance then they could have ever achieved."
When asked how he planned on exceeding their past performance, which many media watchers have deemed to be highly successful, Eisner said,
"I will create new and dynamic synergies by cross branding our beloved Disney characters and the highly successful Reality show format.
I am convinced the market is now highly receptive to a pilot I have written called, 'Desperate
surviving -ahh, something or other - I'm still working out the final title."
The press secretary from Cal Arts who was present for the conference then asked, " Mr. Eisner,
will this new production facility produce live action, CGI or classically animated works?".
"Actually none of those. After deploying my considerable intellect, and conducting exhaustive market research and with development of detailed proforma projections; I have decided to outsource the Miramax production facilities to a small town in western Mongolia, where, I have identified thousands of qualified and motivated professionals - all of whom have been in the industry on average of more than 2 years, and who collectively are of an average age of 11, to create this new profit center. Specifically, we will highlight this new concept in entertainment by drawing from a treasured classic approach to animated art. One which the entire audience can relate too. Our features will be made using the traditional 'flip book' approach. Drawn simply with black number 2 pencil on pads of paper stapled together and flipped through quickly while under the camera. This nostalgic methodology is sure to work to endear another whole generation to the magic of Disney."
I also have plans to acquire the rights and title to a repeating short produced by Matt Groening.
The Itchy & Scratchy Show will be retooled to feature that fun loving tag team of Chip n Dale. The twist is of course, that Chip n Dale have run amuck a proven formula for wild and wide audience appeal.
The scores of media press in attendance at this point went uncharacteristically
quiet. Sensing that he had astonished the crowd, Eisner continued by saying, A part of my decision not to leave the company at any time in the future, is the fact that the Walt Disney Company simply cannot survive without me. I mean really, who else on earth is more qualified to win the hearts, minds souls and wallets of our tens of thousands of cast minions and delusional fans? My track record speaks for itself. Ive earned the right to live in fantasyland! That being said, I know no one can replace Walt, therefore I would never presume to live in the Castle. However, it is only fitting that like Walt, I should have a nice quiet little place to kick back, have an attendant take my shoes off, and relax while being close to the masses who love me so much. It is with this understanding that I am happy to announce, that starting immediately construction will begin inside the former attraction space of Peter Pans Flight at the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida to accommodate my goals of having a modest apartment there.
AP- Glendale CA
Hugh Fibber, staff reporter
April 1, 2005
In a move sure to shock wall street and investors, Michael Eisner said in a press conference
earlier this morning that he will not be resigning from his position of CEO of the Walt Disney
Company (NYSE
IS)."I've given this long and careful thought and I simply cannot step down".
When asked what had changed his mind, Eisner replied, "After finally ditching those
boneheads (the Weinsteins) I can now take Miramax on to a far greater performance then they could have ever achieved."
When asked how he planned on exceeding their past performance, which many media watchers have deemed to be highly successful, Eisner said,
"I will create new and dynamic synergies by cross branding our beloved Disney characters and the highly successful Reality show format.
I am convinced the market is now highly receptive to a pilot I have written called, 'Desperate
surviving -ahh, something or other - I'm still working out the final title."
The press secretary from Cal Arts who was present for the conference then asked, " Mr. Eisner,
will this new production facility produce live action, CGI or classically animated works?".
"Actually none of those. After deploying my considerable intellect, and conducting exhaustive market research and with development of detailed proforma projections; I have decided to outsource the Miramax production facilities to a small town in western Mongolia, where, I have identified thousands of qualified and motivated professionals - all of whom have been in the industry on average of more than 2 years, and who collectively are of an average age of 11, to create this new profit center. Specifically, we will highlight this new concept in entertainment by drawing from a treasured classic approach to animated art. One which the entire audience can relate too. Our features will be made using the traditional 'flip book' approach. Drawn simply with black number 2 pencil on pads of paper stapled together and flipped through quickly while under the camera. This nostalgic methodology is sure to work to endear another whole generation to the magic of Disney."
I also have plans to acquire the rights and title to a repeating short produced by Matt Groening.
The Itchy & Scratchy Show will be retooled to feature that fun loving tag team of Chip n Dale. The twist is of course, that Chip n Dale have run amuck a proven formula for wild and wide audience appeal.
The scores of media press in attendance at this point went uncharacteristically
quiet. Sensing that he had astonished the crowd, Eisner continued by saying, A part of my decision not to leave the company at any time in the future, is the fact that the Walt Disney Company simply cannot survive without me. I mean really, who else on earth is more qualified to win the hearts, minds souls and wallets of our tens of thousands of cast minions and delusional fans? My track record speaks for itself. Ive earned the right to live in fantasyland! That being said, I know no one can replace Walt, therefore I would never presume to live in the Castle. However, it is only fitting that like Walt, I should have a nice quiet little place to kick back, have an attendant take my shoes off, and relax while being close to the masses who love me so much. It is with this understanding that I am happy to announce, that starting immediately construction will begin inside the former attraction space of Peter Pans Flight at the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida to accommodate my goals of having a modest apartment there.
