Easing DH into DLR

[twinky]

I grew up a Disney Kid. Living in the Midwest, most of our Disney vacations were of the old-school Florida kind (Polynesian, Fort Wilderness, River Country), but we did make a few excursions out West to see the California side of the family and of course, visit Disneyland. I ended up going to college in Southern California, so ... well, you get the picture.

My husband did not grow up a Disney Kid. In fact, he has never been to a Disney park. Somehow, we've managed to stay together, lol.

Three years ago, my mother offered to take the grandkids to DLR --- yay, grandma! DH had a work obligation (legit). "Have a good time," DH said. And, of course, we did. The next year, same thing (annual event around Thanksgiving, so legit again). Last year, we went right before Christmas. No work conflict, but DH didn't want to go. His father was anti-Disney (without having been there), so that was buried in his psyche. We didn't push the issue. Still, whenever the kids returned, full of excitement and stories about the trip, I seemed to detect a hint of regret in him.

Excuse the backstory. We're now planning our (now annual) Holiday Visit. The kids have begged DH to go this year. He is ... going! He has expressed concerns about crowds and I'm straight with him: we will not be alone in DLR in the days before Christmas. He does have a penchant for large music festivals, which.are.crowded ... so, I KNOW he can handle it.

My question to all of you...how to ease him into the experience? (Especially) because of the time of year, we've learned how to front-load the mornings and early afternoons and happily coast the rest of the day. He may not be game for super-early start times, but I think he will comply at least 2 of the 4 mornings. For the other times, should I just let him sleep in and catch up with us? Or... wait for him?

I'm thinking at least one "date night" out will be fun, and will offset potential theme park overload (although we'll still be in the resort bubble...Trader Sam's/Steakhouse 55, which I think he will enjoy). Certainly, we can't force him to love it, but with the kids' enthusiasm for sharing the Disney Magic with him, I suspect he will enjoy himself.

Any ideas for introducing DLR to a newbie (and possibly somewhat reluctant) DH?

Thanks DISers!

 

[Congo Queen]

This is a tough one to answer as you know your husband better than any of us DISers. Reading your post makes me thank my lucky stars I found a husband who loves Dland as much as I do (we both grew up in SoCal and he has been going to Dland since the '50s and me since the '60s.)

So what to do in your situation? It depends I would say if he is a person who is happy to follow along with other's plans or if he must be in control. If he is a follow along person, I would share with him your plan for the days (plans you can assure him are based on your years of Disney experience) and tell him it will be a blast, but if at any time he is tired or fed up or needs some space he is free to rest on a bench or even go back to the hotel and it will not hurt any one's feelings at all. If he must control, then I would offer to split up the trip - he gets to plan X number of days and you get to plan the other X number. You agree to go along with what the other one wants to do on their leadership day and be happy and supportive.

As for waiting for him to wake up on his sleep-in days, I would say don't do it. You go in the parks when you want and let him wake up when he wants. Both parties happy. He can text you and you can link up in the park That way no pressure. He gets a vacation that lets him rest to his full heart's content and you and the kids can do park activities that he didn't particularly want to do.

Have fun!

 

[twinky]

CongoQueen: Your advice about providing the open option to rest/return to the room is key. A vacation should be a vacation for all, even if it means different things to different people. He definitely falls more into the "follow along" camp rather than controlling, especially considering this is not his "turf." I'm sure it will turn out fine, but I was curious to know if others had similar situations and approaches for introducing DLR to a newcomer (reluctant or not). For example, do you think it's important to start at DL vs. DCA for dramatic effect, or...?

 

[Natara]

Oh, boy, do I feel for you. My dad's anti-Disneyland/anti-Disney park (though, oddly, he loves Disney movies... go figure), and dealing with that is super challenging at times. In fact, what you said about your DH's dad sums up my father pretty well...

His father was anti-Disney (without having been there)

Anyway! As for the question at hand...

For the other times, should I just let him sleep in and catch up with us? Or... wait for him?

That depends on his mood, I say. If he's given you the idea the night before that he wants to sleep in and rest up, or that he's not totally enjoying himself, then you may want to let him sleep and go out to the parks on your own. If he's given you the impression that he's having a blast and wants to be in the parks as much as he can, you may want to wait for him out of courtesy (especially since he doesn't know his way around the parks as well as you do and he might need some help navigating things).

do you think it's important to start at DL vs. DCA for dramatic effect, or...?

Well, I think there is something to be said about having DL's grandness be your first impression of the resort. It's hard to beat that castle, that Matterhorn, that... well, you get the idea. However, I don't think it's totally necessary to begin with DL. Say, for example, that you planned to take him on a ride in DCA that you think he'd really, really like. I say do that first and head over to Disneyland second.

It depends really on the rides you think he'd be interested in. When I took my Disneyland-hating dad to the park for the first time, I planned out all the rides I thought he'd enjoy beforehand. I knew he'd love Soarin' and Toy Story Mania, so I made those priorities and headed over to DCA first thing.

If you really want to show him Pirates or Haunted Mansion, on the other hand, then Disneyland seems like a great place to start out. But it definitely depends on what your plans are and what you think your DH would be most interested in.

I think the same could be said for your whole trip. Try to come up with rides, shows, etc that you think he would enjoy as well as you. If he's apprehensive about the crowds on one of the days, maybe take a trip over to the Tiki Room or some other attraction that doesn't usually have long lines or big crowds. If he gets tired or sick of the parks, let him take a break and don't worry about marathoning it. (The GCH lobby, for example, is a wonderful place for a weary newbie to relax in and get their energy back up.)

Definitely try to pick rides you think he'd be most interested in. For example, if he likes Star Wars and/or Indiana Jones, Indy and Star Tours seem like attractions he may have an interest in. If he's more into "adult" activities and not quite the movie connoisseur, try to find something catered to that. You shouldn't need to revolve all of your activities around his enjoyment, but meeting him in the middle won't hurt.

If he starts digging his heels in, a little guilt-tripping never hurts, either... never be afraid to use your kids' love of the parks as leverage! (Kidding, of course.)

Don't worry about it too much. Either he'll love it or he won't. At the end of the day, you can't really control or predict how he'll feel about it, regardless of whether or not you ease him into it. But hopefully, things will go great! (And really, who couldn't love Disneyland??)

 

[DznyPrnces]

My DH is also not a huge fan of Disneyland. Crowds, price, etc. Although, he had gone a handful of times before we met, and a few times while we were dating. We live in CO now, but I go back once or twice a year with the kids to visit family and go to Disneyland. My kids have gone once or twice a year their whole lives (starting when my DD was 3 months, and she's 5.5 now). He has gone with us maybe 3 times. His enjoyment grows as the kids get older and share their excitement with him. But it's still not his favorite thing to do. We go with the expectation that he may not stay with us all day. At some point in the day, he needs a break. So he'll find somewhere to sit with something to drink and wait for us. Other than one or two rides, he really has no preference and is happy to do what the kids want to do. We stay with family, so we don't have the option of a hotel, so I can't help you there.

As far as easing him in, maybe start with DCA as the crowds seem to be slightly less there, at least in my experience.

As someone else mentioned, you know him best. I can say that I personally have learned not to push. If he doesn't want to do something, don't make him. We had a fight once because I really wanted him to ride TSMM and he wanted to sit and have a beer. So we ended up riding without him. It was a lesson for both of us. I learned it's not worth a fight, and after listening to DD talk about the ride, he realized he missed a pretty fun experience with her.

 

[krispin41]

My husband also had never been to Disney before I took him. I talked all about the magic and the rides...and he's thinking amusement park, why is she so excited? He was going because it was a vacation and we would be together, and have fun because of that.

Well. He's a convert now. He gets the magic...seeing the shows, the happiness, the characters. I dragged him to character breakfasts, Fantasmic! World of Color, Halloween Party, you name it we did it.

And his favorite part of all: Animation Academy. I think if I let him stay there all day he would have!

He let me take the lead our first trip...and he had his definite favorites during our next trip.

I think if he sees the joy your kids experience, he will get it. Trust in the Fairy Dust.

 

[twinky]

If he's given you the impression that he's having a blast and wants to be in the parks as much as he can, you may want to wait for him out of courtesy (especially since he doesn't know his way around the parks as well as you do and he might need some help navigating things).

Yes, he will need more than a park map to get around, lol!

It depends really on the rides you think he'd be interested in. When I took my Disneyland-hating dad to the park for the first time, I planned out all the rides I thought he'd enjoy beforehand. I knew he'd love Soarin' and Toy Story Mania, so I made those priorities and headed over to DCA first thing.

I think he'd really get into Soarin and Toy Story, actually! Really, who wouldn't?

I think the same could be said for your whole trip. Try to come up with rides, shows, etc that you think he would enjoy as well as you. If he's apprehensive about the crowds on one of the days, maybe take a trip over to the Tiki Room or some other attraction that doesn't usually have long lines or big crowds.

Strangely enough, hestrikes me as a Tiki Room kind of guy, too. Which makes me think there's really a hidden Disney kid underneath the mild resistance...

If he starts digging his heels in, a little guilt-tripping never hurts, either... never be afraid to use your kids' love of the parks as leverage! (Kidding, of course.)

Don't worry about it too much. Either he'll love it or he won't. At the end of the day, you can't really control or predict how he'll feel about it, regardless of whether or not you ease him into it. But hopefully, things will go great! (And really, who couldn't love Disneyland??)

Fully agree. Thanks for the great advice, Natara!

 

[twinky]

His enjoyment grows as the kids get older and share their excitement with him.

This is what I'm hoping for...

As far as easing him in, maybe start with DCA as the crowds seem to be slightly less there, at least in my experience.

I'm leaning in this direction, especially bc we can enter from the hotel ... maybe not as overwhelming as the esplanade. Still, could be somewhat deceptive on my part...

If he doesn't want to do something, don't make him.

If there are rules for this trip, this will be one of them...

Thanks for sharing your experiences, DznyPrnces...exactly what I was looking for.

 

[twinky]

Well. He's a convert now. He gets the magic...seeing the shows, the happiness, the characters. I dragged him to character breakfasts, Fantasmic! World of Color, Halloween Party, you name it we did it.

This is great! My DH may not go full-Disney like your DH, but a good helping of this enthusiasm would be nice!

I think if he sees the joy your kids experience, he will get it. Trust in the Fairy Dust.

I believe, I believe!

Thanks, Krispin, for sharing!

 

[tstidm1]

I'm a guy who is a Disney fan. I say engage your husband, but don't overload him with information. Not all men like to deeply plan things. See what he likes and mix them in with what you like. Let him have some breaks in the afternoon. It will make the crowds less maddening for him by not being there at peak hours especially on a peak Holiday week. Throw in a day of non-park activity. Maybe let him golf or just see things he wants to see in Southern California.

 

[Californiacicle]

My DH is NOT a Disney person. Before our first DLR trip together in 2008 he had only been to WDW once as a child. After our trip be begrudgingly agreed it was a good place. What really seemed to helped was that he could ride everything. He's a Pooh sized guy, very tall at 6'4 and trips to other amusement parks always ended in disappointment and embarrassment because he couldn't ride many things. At DLR there was no issue and he was thrilled. He still hates Fantasyland but is willing to hang out there for his son.

I can't say I really did anything, just being there worked on its own.

 

[peterpanandwendy]

Yeah, I find a lot of people who have never been to disney think 'amusement park' and don't understand the magic, no matter how hard you try to explain it. They just don't understand how you could spend 3-5 days there. I think a lot of non-disney-ers don't understand that there is a lot of 'adult' stuff to do, so planning a date night is a great idea, or just taking it easy when you enter the park on the first day. We love to head to Main Street first, grab a coffee and stroll leisurely around until we find a ride we like... We like to take the time to eat at more grown up restaurants, or grab a beer or a glass of wine in DCA later in the afternoon.

I remember the first time I went with my DH (who IS a disney guy) I wanted to go to Aladdin so bad, and he was not interested... I dragged him along and he LOVED it, it has been a must do for us on every trip since. He was had no clue the calibre of the show, and was totally underestimating it, which I think many first timers do. Same thing with my BIL, he refused to go, and we finally dragged him along, and he went back 2 more times before our holiday was over!

So, like I said, people unfamiliar with Disney just don't possibly understand it until they see it for themselves.

Congo Queen... I think that disneyland was one of the first conversations I had with my husband when we first started dating... Liking disneyland was on my 'boyfriend' must have list lol! We went for our honeymoon!

 

[YukonMommy]

I had one of those hubbies also. His parents kept telling him what a waste of time and money (even the night before in a phone call....so that did not help at all !!) Good thing it was a present from My Mom or I don't hink we would have went at all . After the 1st day there he was like a changed man, seriously I needed a child leash for him!!! I think it was the combination of the kids being uber excited (their first trip ever), me being relaxed and uber excited and even watching his mother in law become a kid again. He just went with the flow. I knew I had him hooked when on day 3 he said we need to come back...and we did 2 more times and planning a 4th trip as we speak!!

Have a magical and fun filled family holiday!

 

[ktlm]

If he is anything like my husband, just take him to the pier at CA and introduce him to the Karl Strauss beer and pretzel cart. Of course then when you are over at DL he will be asking when you are going to CA again! My DH had never once been to a Broadway show, even though he grew up an hour and a half from NYC and had only been to DL once as a little kid, and only went to WDW the first time because he knew I loved it. Now he loves WDW, DL and Broadway shows! Hopefully you just have to get him there and then he will realize what he has been missing!

 

[Sherry E]

twinky --



If having an occasional adult beverage is something that interests your DH, definitely work that angle (Trader Sam's is a good start, which is already on your agenda). Fortunately, there are quite a few good places to get those beverages between the hotels, Downtown Disney and California Adventure.

In fact, whenever I walk through the GCH lobby during the holiday season (and Natara already suggested the GCH lobby) I see men who look as though they would probably rather be elsewhere, sprawled out on the sofas and holding cups of something or another (the Hearthstone Lounge is a convenient place for them to get a steady stream), as well as men with big, goofy grins and glazed-over eyes, indicating that the "something or another" might have already kicked in.

 

[twinky]

I'm a guy who is a Disney fan. I say engage your husband, but don't overload him with information. Not all men like to deeply plan things. See what he likes and mix them in with what you like. Let him have some breaks in the afternoon. It will make the crowds less maddening for him by not being there at peak hours especially on a peak Holiday week. Throw in a day of non-park activity. Maybe let him golf or just see things he wants to see in Southern California.

tstidm1, I agree with you that the less planning info, the better. After all, I've accumulated my DLR knowledge over several years. I couldn't expect him to absorb all of the ins and outs for his first trip (especially "involuntarily"). Still, I think it is possible that my DH would appreciate hearing about some of the trivia bits and Disney backstory --- I'll have to polish my tour guide skills.

Re. non-park stuff, we may start the trip in San Diego a few days prior. He would feel robbed being that close to the Pacific and not seeing it.

And, YES to breaks --- for everyone!

Thanks!

 

[twinky]

Yeah, I find a lot of people who have never been to disney think 'amusement park' and don't understand the magic, no matter how hard you try to explain it. They just don't understand how you could spend 3-5 days there.

It's also hard for these folks to understand why someone might want to return to the same destination year after year. When I mention to a friend (who has never been to a Disney park) that we're going to Disney (pick a year), she responds, "AGAIN???!!" I'm not interested in challenging her position (partly because it's not informed with first-hand knowledge). But of course, it's a different story with DH...

I think a lot of non-disney-ers don't understand that there is a lot of 'adult' stuff to do, so planning a date night is a great idea, or just taking it easy when you enter the park on the first day. We love to head to Main Street first, grab a coffee and stroll leisurely around until we find a ride we like... We like to take the time to eat at more grown up restaurants, or grab a beer or a glass of wine in DCA later in the afternoon.

My mom and I had a few mother-daughter outings sans kids (who were loving Pinocchio's Workshop). We had a blast, whether in the parks, soaking up the DTD nighttime activity, or out to dinner. I suspect DH will enjoy all of this, too. I just have to ensure he transitions into the bubble ok.

I remember the first time I went with my DH (who IS a disney guy) I wanted to go to Aladdin so bad, and he was not interested... I dragged him along and he LOVED it, it has been a must do for us on every trip since. He was had no clue the calibre of the show, and was totally underestimating it, which I think many first timers do. Same thing with my BIL, he refused to go, and we finally dragged him along, and he went back 2 more times before our holiday was over!

If DH makes it to this stage, I'll know that I've made progress.

So, like I said, people unfamiliar with Disney just don't possibly understand it until they see it for themselves.

Thanks, peterpanandwendy!

 

[twinky]

I had one of those hubbies also. His parents kept telling him what a waste of time and money (even the night before in a phone call....so that did not help at all !!) Good thing it was a present from My Mom or I don't hink we would have went at all . After the 1st day there he was like a changed man, seriously I needed a child leash for him!!! I think it was the combination of the kids being uber excited (their first trip ever), me being relaxed and uber excited and even watching his mother in law become a kid again. He just went with the flow. I knew I had him hooked when on day 3 he said we need to come back...and we did 2 more times and planning a 4th trip as we speak!!

Have a magical and fun filled family holiday!

I absolutely love your story, YukonMommy! (Especially the transformation of your doubting MIL!) Thanks so much for sharing...I'm definitely feeling more positive/less anxious with all of these success stories!!

 

[twinky]

If he is anything like my husband, just take him to the pier at CA and introduce him to the Karl Strauss beer and pretzel cart. Of course then when you are over at DL he will be asking when you are going to CA again! My DH had never once been to a Broadway show, even though he grew up an hour and a half from NYC and had only been to DL once as a little kid, and only went to WDW the first time because he knew I loved it. Now he loves WDW, DL and Broadway shows! Hopefully you just have to get him there and then he will realize what he has been missing!

I'm sure DH will appreciate the beer/pretzel cart, although I have to admit that I've never even seen it! What is it near?

And, great trifecta on WDW, DL and Broadway shows! I would settle for winning on DL (Broadway shows may be the 2015 project, lol).

Thanks, ktlm!!!

 

[twinky]

Hi, Sherry E! So nice to hear from you!

If having an occasional adult beverage is something that interests your DH, definitely work that angle (Trader Sam's is a good start, which is already on your agenda). Fortunately, there are quite a few good places to get those beverages between the hotels, Downtown Disney and California Adventure.

Definitely no shortage of opportunities to indulge... in food or magic beverages!

In fact, whenever I walk through the GCH lobby during the holiday season (and Natara already suggested the GCH lobby) I see men who look as though they would probably rather be elsewhere, sprawled out on the sofas and holding cups of something or another (the Hearthstone Lounge is a convenient place for them to get a steady stream), as well as men with big, goofy grins and glazed-over eyes, indicating that the "something or another" might have already kicked in.

Don't encourage him...he still needs to wake up for EMH!!

Thanks, Sherry! Looking forward to posting in the holiday thread this year!!