DS's Wedding Apparently OFF!!! (Warning: long and rambling))

[Manda1219]

The mother is wayyyy off base. If the daughter is seriously in love with your son, she should take it upon herself to change her living situation. It is possible for the mother to enforce a restraining order against your son that will include him not being allowed near their home. If she cannot commit to changing her situation, and continues to live under her mothers dictatorship, maybe shes not ready to be on her own?
It's a sad situation, but maybe it's better this happens now and that your son doesn't wind up with a live-in MIL 4 years down the line.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sending you some

I don't blame you for how you are feeling. This girl is being very hurtful and unloving to your son. She really is showing her true self I am afraid (poor character, immature, & not ready for marriage). The best thing you can do is listen and hope your son works this out in his mind. He must just be in total shock!

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'm so sorry. I guess it's for the best in the long run. If she really loved your son, she would at least stand up to her mother enough to talk to your son, IMO. I think the bride needs to grow up a lot before she considers getting married.

My brother's fiance broke up with him right before their wedding a few years back. It broke his heart, but better before the wedding than after. I still see her at church and she's a good person. She just realized that she wasn't ready to get married. He got over it eventually and married my sister-in-law. He knows now that it's better that it happened that way. He's very happy.

 

[Antonia]

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and for letting me get my emotions about this off my chest.
We're gonna get through it and I know in my heart this is a blessing in disguise.
A friend of DS's called who did not know about the situation and he and DS have gone out with some guys for the evening. Note: DS made sure to put on cologne before he left. Guys don't put on cologne for other guys. So maybe DS is doing better than I am.
P.S. None of you would believe how clean my house is - this stress has caused me to clean like there's no tomorrow. When I get done here, I may be for hire. LOL

 

[floridaminnie]

I have a silly question. Who would let one of their employee's mommy come to work with them?

 

[Antonia]

Probably coincidental - she had probably dropped by to see her daughter and my DS had bad timing. It's a shoe store in the mall. I hope she's not actually going to work with her.

 

[floridaminnie]

But from everything I've read about this crazy women (and I'm being nice with the word crazy), I wouldn't put it past her.

 

[TIGGERSMOM]

Your DS is way better off without this chick. Could he imagine having her at his house constantly cause that is what would happen.
I personally think 19 is way too young to marry anyway.

 

[Laura]

I'm sorry this is going so badly, Antonia. But it does sound like this girl has no backbone and is not ready to get married. If she really does love your DS, I think she could/would find a way around her mother. I hope you all get through this without too much damage.

 

[Antonia]

I agree. I wouldn't put it past this crazy woman to be on guard at the shoe store.
And I agree that 19 is too young to marry. I always expected that my DS would go on to college or to tech school. Then he met this girl and nothing would do except for the two of them to get married., The mother was all for it as she had just married a man 25 years her senior. The mother has a history of having been through several engagements herself since her husband died 11 or so years ago.
My DH and I, we married after finishing college and I would have expected that of our DS as well.
Today is DS's birthday and I am crossing my fingers in hopes that she does not call and that things will fizzle on out and maybe by the time the next semester of tech starts he will feel like taking a new direction and take some classes. I finally slept 7 full hours last night. And my best friend of 30 years is taking me out for lunch today for tomorrow is MY birthday.
I have discussed with DS that even if he and this girl get back together, I advise him not to marry her until a lot of time (years - LOL) passes. Thanks so much to you all for hearing my crazy problem and responding. The DIS is a great place to air your problems. I'll update with the rest of the story as it unfolds.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Antonia,

Is there any way that you could get your son to speak to a professional? It might be helpful for your son to hear what kind of life he would have if he marries this girl. He would also be hearing it from someone besides his own family. I'm glad he went out with friends last night.

Lori

 

[joshsmom]

WOW, what a STORY!!! I feel for your DS because I know his feelings are in the dumper right now. But like others have said, better some heartache now than a lifetime of misery. I would be SCARED to let my grandchildren visit that woman (if I was in your shoes!)

I had a similar situation, only it was the GUY and his mother. We had been friends before dating and his mother regularly went with us to ballgames, etc., as did my DS8. We were friends doing stuff together. But when we started DATING, mom KEPT coming with us!!! After the third "date", I told him that in order to "date", we needed mommy to stay home (this was a 35 year old man). Well, since the umbilical cord was still firmly in place, he basically said "you date me, you date my mom". I RAN as fast as I could in the other direction and I have never been happier. He still sends me email and cards and signs them "Joe and Betty" (like they're a couple!!!) SCARY!!!!!!

Best of luck to you and to DS. It may be cliche', but he's young and has LOTS of time to find someone that will put him and their children first in her life!!!

 

[momm2four]

I really hope that your son will use his head and not his heart on this one. Not only will he have to deal with this woman as a MIL, but I would worry about the girl having some of this woman's traits as well. As much as people may try to not be like their parents sometimes, most of the time those characteristics show up later on in life in the son or daughter. I know that I hear my mother's words coming out of my mouth more and more as I get older. I'm not saying she would be totally like her mother, but those odd little quirks can show up.

I did say a prayer for him this morning and also for you. I can empathize with you as my only brother dated this one girl for about 6 or 7 years, and he even gave her a diamond. The problem was that she seemed to absolutely hate my mom and me. When Glenn would come home to take a shower, his girlfriend would sit in the living room on the couch with her coat still on, while the rest of the family was in the den. We would invite her to come and watch TV with us, but she would just shake her head. She was sooo jealous of him spending time with anyone else, so when I would come home from college, she would invent ways to get him away from our house. We were (and still are) a close family, so it hurt everyone so much for him to take her side over ours. THank the Good Lord that they finally broke up and he married a lady that treats him so well and tries to involve my mom in their lives (which was especially appreciated when my father died and I lived 10 hours away).

Sorry for rambling, but based on my past mistakes, I do pray that he will think about this logically, b/c emotions and feelings are very fragile things to base a marriage on.

Lori P.

 

[Antonia]

Well, sometime during the night or wee hours of Saturday morning, ex-bride's family moved all of her stuff out of the townhouse they had leased. They had never spent a night in it. She had tons of boxes of stuff - she was a pack rat and also had several pieces of furniture. I suspected they might do this and so late Saturday afternoon my mom and I went to the apartment while DS was working to check it out. This was his actual birthday and he had said that he was going to give her until his birthday to call him - and if she did not call he would know that it was over. He took it better than I expected when DH told him all her stuff was gone. He has never been able to speak to his former bride - the mother has been the constant middle man and he cannot get past her. So for his birthday, he and a bunch of guys ordered pizzas, played cards and stayed up most of the night playing PlayStation games. I'm sure being with a bunch of guys did help take his mind off his troubles. Now I hope he does not hear from former bride and that as each day passes, he will get stronger and look forward to dating girls with normal mothers. I am going to church today and I know people will congratulate me on the engagement announcement in the paper. Not sure yet how I will respond. Thanks toall who have said a prayer for us.

 

[Robinrs]

As bad as it may feel now I'm sure it will be better than getting legally connected to a nightmare like this. She may be adorable now but adorable has a timebomb attached to it.

Common sense has to win this one. Too many red flags.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[mom2boys]

I would probably just tell the church people the announcement was premature.

 

[Tigger1]

In the future you may see this as the change in his life more than he will ever realize. Her moving out on his birthday may be enough for him to realize this is what is best and not go back with her.

My family was so happy for my DS when he finally brokeup for the last time with his GF. Her mother was very strange. After I got to know GF mother, I could understand why GF was also very strange.

Its been nearly 2 years now and DS does not even want her name mentioned in the house.

Tigger

 

[Serena]

What a story. I hate to say it, but I am so glad that this was done now instead of later. I can just picture this happening at the first spat. I'm afraid to even think of what would happen if children were involved.
I'm sorry your son is hurting. I can't imagine how he must be feeling.

 

[mad4themouse]

Antonia,
Like the others have already said, this may be a mixed blessing. Your DS is so young to be entangled in such a mess. It makes me think of that Garth Brook's song "Unanswered Prayers". Years from now, when he's married to a fine woman and has a happy life, he will be thanking God that things turned out the way they did. Have courage and faith.

PS.-Forgive me if this sounds inapropriate but, Happy Birthday.

 

[Antonia]

Thanks for the "Happy Birthday". When looking back, I will probably realize ex-bride and her mother gave DS (birthday 2/7) and myself (birthday 2/9) wonderful birthday gifts - her leaving.

Thanks to God that both DS and I are very positive people and my DH is a loving and supportive father to DS. While all our hearts are broken, at the same time DH and I feel also a sense of relief. My hope and prayer is that DS will move forward in a positive way, decide to go to school and enjoy his youthfulness. Deep down I did not want him to marry, but he seemed hell bent on it. I feel like we have our son back and the opportunity to help him make something of himself. We still don't sleep all that well, but hey, we are eating again!