DSs wanted to know if "gay" is a swear word

[Apothecary]

So, our twin DSs, 8, asked DW the other day "Mom, is gay a swear word?"
DW asks them "Well, what do you think it means?"

DS1: "I kinda thought it meant happy"

DW: "It does. But why do you think it is a swear word?"

DS2: "Well, a kid called another kid gay at school today,"

DW: "I see. Well, it also means something else. You know in our family we have a mommy and a daddy and you two guys. In some families they have 2 mommies or 2 daddies who love each other. They are considered gay,"

DS2: "Well, what's so wrong with that?"

DW: "Nothing's wrong with that, but some people think calling someone else gay is funny or an insult, but its not"

DS1: "That's not nice,"

DW: "No its not"


So, I think we have 2 CSPs in training!!

 

[LukenDC]

That is a wonderful response to your DS's question.

 

[ILuvDVC2]

That's exactly how my siblings and siblings-in-law explained it to their kids. When you explain it at the moment they ask the question, it's not that big of a deal to them. It becomes a fact that they now know, so they move on.

 

[Mom to Will and Finn]

At my house, my son is allowed to say "gay" all he wants...as long as he's not using it in a derogatory way. That seems to be the thing with kids his age (12, almost 13) . I enforce the rule with his friends while they're at our house, too.

I told him early on (he found out exactly what being gay is from friends very early on, I think. He didn't come to me with questions.) that the word "gay" is a positive word, in all of its meanings and he is not allowed to turn it into a negative word.

 

[gopherit]

You know, sometimes I hate what society does to the English language, and the kids who hear it.


This reminds me of a recent incident that happened to my son on the playground. Ds came home VERY upset - said they were playing a no-holds-barred game of tag at recess and he was "it". He reached out in the mayhem of kids running pell-mell to grab a kid as he passed by and apparently made a solid tag.... on the rear. Well, this kid whips around and tells DS that he just committed an act of "inappropriate touching", and proceeds to call DS a battery of names, stating he plans to tell the teachers/staff/principal/other students, and most likely DS will do jail time for his heinous crime. DS looks up at me and says, "He said it meant I was 'gay'....and a "sicko" and a 'pervert'. What does all THAT mean, Mom?"

Well you can imagine the things I WANTED to say to the parents of the OTHER kid....

DS knows all the definitions of "gay", but now I had a battery of new words to explain to him, as well as why those other words were all used in tandem by this kid, and why that kid is quite obviously out of line. The kid never did tell anyone, which is as I figured - as I told DS, at that very moment, it wasn't really even about DS - it was all about the tagged kid, about taking the reality that he had been tagged out. He was trying to manipulate / run down my DS so he could feel "bigger" by comparison, instead of being the kid who got tagged out.

Sadly, I don't think it changes too much in the adult world though, does it? People do that all the time - run down other people's sexual orientation / race / religion to an effect of making their own choices seem "better" to themselves. I grew up as one of very few Catholics in the deep south...(and the facts my parents were considered Yankees did NOT help one iota). Our house was TP'd just because my sister rode home from basketball practice with a black male player. My bf in high school had a mother who would rather her son date an atheist than a Catholic. And of course I have some awesome gay friends who have had far more than their share of verbal barbs thrown their way.

People never seem to realize that tossing out insults at others of different race/creed/orientation doesn't make their opinions "more right"... just their actions "more wrong". It's a tough lesson for a kid to learn on the playground, but it's one he will see for the rest of his life until we humans can learn to get along....

 

[FairlyOddFairy]

That was a great response! My 12 year old brother had questions when I first came out and now he could tell every one of his friends exactly what it is to be Gay and has no problem telling them if their negative uses of the word bother him. I think it bothers him more than me! Kids are alot more accepting of diversity than adults. He knows my partner and I are happy and thats all that matters to him.

 

[ThunderMTexpert]

your children are beautiful for that!! what a wonderful answer!

 

[Rella Bella]

At my son's school the kids all use 'gay' in a derogatory way.
It drives me nuts! It also makes me very sad.

We don't let him use it in that way, and we've explained why many times -- to him and to his friends who we hear using it. They don't use it in context, it has nothing to do with orientation, it's just negative.

So after all these conversations we are at a neighborhood party and an adult uses it in the same generally negative way! And very loudly! All the kids hear it, and my son looks at me like "if adults say this it can't really be bad"! I can't believe the behavior of some people!! I'm guessing now that this whole trend was started by adults!

What is wrong with these people! Even if you disagreed with the issues at hand, why would you have to behave that way. I just don't get it.

 

[Adrienne]

You know, sometimes I hate what society does to the English language, and the kids who hear it.


This reminds me of a recent incident that happened to my son on the playground. Ds came home VERY upset - said they were playing a no-holds-barred game of tag at recess and he was "it". He reached out in the mayhem of kids running pell-mell to grab a kid as he passed by and apparently made a solid tag.... on the rear. Well, this kid whips around and tells DS that he just committed an act of "inappropriate touching", and proceeds to call DS a battery of names, stating he plans to tell the teachers/staff/principal/other students, and most likely DS will do jail time for his heinous crime. DS looks up at me and says, "He said it meant I was 'gay'....and a "sicko" and a 'pervert'. What does all THAT mean, Mom?"

Well you can imagine the things I WANTED to say to the parents of the OTHER kid....

DS knows all the definitions of "gay", but now I had a battery of new words to explain to him, as well as why those other words were all used in tandem by this kid, and why that kid is quite obviously out of line. The kid never did tell anyone, which is as I figured - as I told DS, at that very moment, it wasn't really even about DS - it was all about the tagged kid, about taking the reality that he had been tagged out. He was trying to manipulate / run down my DS so he could feel "bigger" by comparison, instead of being the kid who got tagged out.

Sadly, I don't think it changes too much in the adult world though, does it? People do that all the time - run down other people's sexual orientation / race / religion to an effect of making their own choices seem "better" to themselves. I grew up as one of very few Catholics in the deep south...(and the facts my parents were considered Yankees did NOT help one iota). Our house was TP'd just because my sister rode home from basketball practice with a black male player. My bf in high school had a mother who would rather her son date an atheist than a Catholic. And of course I have some awesome gay friends who have had far more than their share of verbal barbs thrown their way.

People never seem to realize that tossing out insults at others of different race/creed/orientation doesn't make their opinions "more right"... just their actions "more wrong". It's a tough lesson for a kid to learn on the playground, but it's one he will see for the rest of his life until we humans can learn to get along....

i'm a social work student, and i urge the poster who posted this to talk to the other childs teacher. Children who act like this are often victims of child abuse or abusive households (domestic violence etc) Teachers have a legel responsibility to report suspected Child abuse, but i believe that all of us have a moral obligation to watch out for suspected cases of child abuse. Sorry to hijack the thread, but i thought it was important to say this

Adrienne

 

[smoof]

Really is a great response. I am a middle school teacher. I don't let the kids use the "G" word.