DS9 and DW stayed home...continued

[sarobison]

The thread on Trip Planning was closed before I could post again...hopefully this is the correct forum.

For those who didn't see- DS9 had to stay at home since he didn't do/turn in his homework for the better part of a month. DW volunteered to stay home with him. Didn't really bother her since she needed to finish up loads of work for her own online classes and was going to have to either work the entire drive down or stay at the hotel while the rest of us were at the parks.

Now since I'm not going to bash your style of parenting please don't bash mine. My kids are independent self starters who work for what they want/get.

Anyway...after a monumental break down yesterday afternoon when the decision was made DS9 settled down and came to terms with what was going on. All was okay until DS12 and I left at which time another fit ensued (as expected). This one according to DW lasted all of 10 minutes. This morning he got up early and started working on his chores (and then some) and has been working without complaint (something I don't know we have ever experienced before...).

Me, well I'm a big softy I guess. I talked to DW early afternoon and she told me what was going on. I left the decision up to her but told her I could find them cheap flights down tonight if she thought the lesson had been learned. It took a few hours between making a decision and re-arranging pet sitting we had made but DW and DS9 are flying into MCO late tonight

As for some of the questions I noticed in the other thread-
I am a teacher and landscaper and DW is an insurance agent. The last two years we made the decision to do all of our vacationing at WDW so we "invested" in AP's. We try to do short trips every 3-day weekend and make provision for longer trips when we can. We drive which saves us a TON of money over flying. I can say this will probably be the last year for awhile that we do this. I think we are going to save up for a nice vacation abroad and enjoy some short weekends at the beach or in the mountains.

DS has a homework notebook that we sign and most nights he does actually do his homework without prompting. We try to instill some personal responsibility in our kids so things like homework are part of what he is allowed to manage (as long as it gets done). He however likes to test the adults in his life so I think he saw the homework deal as a challenge- he thought he would get to go regardless (ok maybe he is, I'm hoping this doesn't backfire on us)

DW and I both made the deal and she is the one who told him he wasn't going and that she was staying with. I offered to cancel the trip and eat the hotel deposit but she insisted DS12 and I go. Honestly I think she was relieved to have some time to work on her stuff.

So, fire away...just remember I'm a big softy and I bruise easy

 

[michellejed]

I am so glad you all will have a wonderful Family vacation! Enjoy

 

[lindsmom]

I'm glad you started another thread - I thought they should have just moved it to the family board - I wanted to (a) commend you on drawing that line and (b) following through!

My husband and I always have a running theory that we regularly need to "draw the line in the sand" and every six months or so we end up enforcing it. We have had our share of carrying children out of public places, kicking and screaming, just to prove that we mean what we say and we say what we mean (100 percent!).

Sounds like your point may have gotten across to your son - you'll know next time, I suppose. Glad you were able to come to a compromise, especially for DW's sake.

To the others who had comments on homework, etc. My daughter has a book we have to sign but I don't know if she has written everything in there. She is going into 6th grade (almost 11) and she is developing that responsibility for doing her homework. If DH and I say to her "you need to make sure all your homework is done for the month before we go to Disney," then I expect her homework to be done.

Once again, OP, glad you could work out a compromise.

 

[twinboysmom]

I never got a chance to offer my opinion on your original post but here it is. I don't know what substance some of those folks were smoking but I am in full support of your decision. I agree children have to learn to take some responsibility and at 9, my mother didn't hold my hand to do my homework. As I got older, when I put off school projects until the last minute, they didn't bail me out there either. I have numerous friends that are teachers and I hear all the stories about the parents that dn't force their kids to take responsibility for their actions. After reading your other thread, I surely do believe it.

Hope your DS learned his lesson and no flames from me. Have a nice vacation!

 

[ready2vacation]

As a mom to a 24 yo DSS (who I raised from age 11 on) and now a 9 month old DD, I totally support both your decision to follow-through and not let him come and with the amicable compromise you've made. Good job!

 

[brymolmom]

Wow - the other thread must have gotten interesting indeed. I read your post early on - but didn't keep up with it.

I can't imagine people bashing you...It is very rare these days that I see parents instilling consequences and following through. And I can't imagine those parents who must sit and watch their child finish every line of homework- I'm guessing it's the same ones whose kids come in with "4th grade projects" that are no where NEAR 4th grade abilities. I have other moms in my kids' classes actually yell at me because I expect my kid to do his own project and I only offer occassional advice and a trip to the store to buy some supplies for him (but usually make him use what we have around the house), but that's another topic altogether. At that age they certainly should be taking most of that responsibility for themselves with perhaps a reminder or two from mom & dad.

Glad it worked out and he learned his lesson. You are a softie and nicer than me - no way would I have paid extra $$$ for airline tickets - mine would have had to stay home the whole time.

 

[jessp1021]

Glad it worked out and he learned his lesson. You are a softie and nicer than me - no way would I have paid extra $$$ for airline tickets - mine would have had to stay home the whole time.

I agre with the extra for airline tickets..It sounds like you both have an EXCELLENT parenting system and I think it probably shocked DS that you not only said it but followed through. Not enough parents do that I also think he is a pretty lucky kid that his parents were nice enough to say ok we think you get the point and let him join part of the vacay! Hope yall have a wonderful trip

 

[clm10308]

I think what you did is a great lesson for your child, and it is nice that you can afford to fly him down later.

I have done similar things with my own kids on a much smaller scale. Just last fall, my DD16, DS9 and myself spent one night in Sante Fe while driving home. That morning we were planning to visit a few museums/tourist stuff before we headed home. Well, the kids had been fighting the whole trip. We were at the first museum, and I let them go one room ahead of me. By the time a caught up they were arguing loudly. I just said "that's it. We are going home." After only 15 min in the museum, we got in the car and drove straight home. I didn't talk to them for 2 hours and no stop at McDonalds either.

Sometime, they just need reminder that we are serious.

 

[Tricia's mom]

BRAVO !!!!!

DH and I always follow through on threats..That was a tough one to do...He is lucky YOU wanted him to be with y'all.

 

[whoopsiedoodle]

I did not read your other thread but I have to say WAY TO GO!!! There are too many parents out there who talk a big game but never follow through resulting in kids who think they can do anything with no consequeces. It totally sucks to have to be the bad guy (esp when you are a big softy! Don't worry I am too!) but you taught your son a very valuable lesson. The fact that he turned his attitude around WITHOUT being told to or being told that he could go if he did speaks volumes. Sounds like you guys have a great parenting style. Enjoy your FAMILY vacation!

 

[DisneyDoc5]

Refreshing, parents that follow through! One of our jobs as parents, teaching our children responsibility and that the lack there of has consequences. We do this for our children because we love them, it's not always easy to be a good parent, it takes energy and dedication and follow through. Bravo! I can only imagine how twisted the comments must have become in your previous thread

 

[maxiesmom]

It is actually against Disboard rules to re-post a thread that was closed. So don't be too surprised if this one vanishes.

I'm glad you cleared up why your wife was the one who was left behind. And I'm glad you are now all going to be able to enjoy the trip. I have to agree with some of the posters on the other thread though, I would never use a family trip as a punishment. Family time is precious and hard to come by! I would never deny it as part of a punishment. Maybe because so many kids think that family time IS punishment!

 

[Kristian]

I did read your other post and I saw some of the comments about your wife being the one that was actually being punished and so on. I figured that there was more to the whole situation, so I didn't comment. I think that because you didn't offer the same detailed information in your original post (about your wife actually NOT MINDING staying home because of work to catch up on, etc) that people took the to the defense, if that makes sense. I'm not making excuses though, I think its great that you followed through with the consequences of his actions. Parenting is hard and I admittedly don't always follow through with all consequences that I say are going to follow certian actions. Yes, my child is only 3, but when i'm in the shopping mall and I threaten to take my dd home a hundred times if she doesn't stop doing X really defeats the purpose if I never follow through . You stuck to your guns and I commend you on that. Obviously you struck a nerve with your ds. I agree that at age 9, a parent shouldn't have to hold their child's hand in order for them to complete homework. A homework "check in" or an offer to help with homework is great, but most of the responsibility should be with the 9 year old to get it done. I get it. Its not as if you were giving him the "option" of doing his homework because at 9, homework isn't an option. The homework was always going to get done, you just left it in your ds's hands as to how he went about it knowing full well of the consequences. Your ds is lucky that you are a "big softy" and was willing to pay extra for a flight down. We drive, so no matter how many chores, homework, etc she did....we'd still be at home

 

[drinkme]

Wow - the other thread must have gotten interesting indeed. I read your post early on - but didn't keep up with it.

I can't imagine people bashing you...It is very rare these days that I see parents instilling consequences and following through. And I can't imagine those parents who must sit and watch their child finish every line of homework- I'm guessing it's the same ones whose kids come in with "4th grade projects" that are no where NEAR 4th grade abilities. I have other moms in my kids' classes actually yell at me because I expect my kid to do his own project and I only offer occassional advice and a trip to the store to buy some supplies for him (but usually make him use what we have around the house), but that's another topic altogether. At that age they certainly should be taking most of that responsibility for themselves with perhaps a reminder or two from mom & dad.

Glad it worked out and he learned his lesson. You are a softie and nicer than me - no way would I have paid extra $$$ for airline tickets - mine would have had to stay home the whole time.

I agree with this post! I've gone to my kids' schools and saw some of the science projects. I couldn't believe the teachers didn't insist the kids do their own work. One group of kids brought in this contraption that I couldn't have made! It looked like a professional electrician built it. I also don't check over my kids work every night. I will help them with something if they ask for help, but I don't go over every homework assignment to make sure they get all of their answers correct.

Anyway, to the OP, I totally agree with you. A 9 year old is completely capable of being responsible for their homework every night. Sometimes there are circumstances when a child can't get their homework completed, but we're not talking about that.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

Refreshing, parents that follow through! One of our jobs as parents, teaching our children responsibility and that the lack there of has consequences. We do this for our children because we love them, it's not always easy to be a good parent, it takes energy and dedication and follow through. Bravo! I can only imagine how twisted the comments must have become in your previous thread

Did I miss something? How did the OP follow through? He caved; his kid is going to Disney. If he had followed through, the trip would be off, period.

No criticism intended of OP, it's a parent's decision. Just don't see how this is an example of consistency. It's not.

 

[ToddyLu]

I remember at age 3 or 4 not getting a prized toy at Sears---I was acting up and told that I would not be getting the toy--but that my brother would be So my brother got his toy and anytime I headed for it that day my Mom stopped me and made me leave it alone. Yes, eventually I got to play with it....but the consequences stuck....for years. Mom amd I were talking about it the other day.

I am 43 and she is 69.

 

[lindsmom]

It is actually against Disboard rules to re-post a thread that was closed. So don't be too surprised if this one vanishes.

In case mods are following this thought process (which I understand), I would just ask if the previous thread could have been moved over here rather than just locked?

 

[DisneyDoc5]

Did I miss something? How did the OP follow through? He caved; his kid is going to Disney. If he had followed through, the trip would be off, period.

No criticism intended of OP, it's a parent's decision. Just don't see how this is an example of consistency. It's not.

I see your point and I agree with you. I was just referring to what seemed to be the OP's opinion on how their son showed a change in behavior (due to the consequence), that they then rewarded with the mom and son joining the group. I guess it depends on how you look at it, I don't think I was alone in thinking they 'followed through'.

 

[ready2vacation]

I see your point and I agree with you. I was just referring to what seemed to be the OP's opinion on how their son showed a change in behavior (due to the consequence), that they then rewarded with the mom and son joining the group. I guess it depends on how you look at it, I don't think I was alone in thinking they 'followed through'.

You weren't! I also felt like he followed through because he was at Disney and his child was not. It took a change in attitude/behavior without the child having any idea he would get to come to Disney to actually end up getting to go.

Now, in the future, the child may think Dad will always compromise later, but then again the child may do as he is supposed to and not take the chance.

 

[DisneyDoc5]

You weren't! I also felt like he followed through because he was at Disney and his child was not. It took a change in attitude/behavior without the child having any idea he would get to come to Disney to actually end up getting to go.

Now, in the future, the child may think Dad will always compromise later, but then again the child may do as he is supposed to and not take the chance.

thank you for also seeing the point I was trying to make