DS16 got a job!! (but........)

[tink_n_pooh]

My brother and I worked in restaurants when we were in high school and had the same hours as the OP's son. We made it work somehow, I remember that I generally always got all of my homework done in school (lunch, study hall, at the end of class, etc). Granted it was 10+ years ago and people weren't as strict then but there were still labor laws then too, we even had to have working papers from our high school. When we were lucky we got paid cash instead of on the books (ok now I realize that it wasn't a good thing but the money was great at the time!) and I'm sure that helped the owners out with not showing how many hours were actually worked

 

[N.Bailey]

My brother and I worked in restaurants when we were in high school and had the same hours as the OP's son. We made it work somehow, I remember that I generally always got all of my homework done in school (lunch, study hall, at the end of class, etc). Granted it was 10+ years ago and people weren't as strict then but there were still labor laws then too, we even had to have working papers from our high school. When we were lucky we got paid cash instead of on the books (ok now I realize that it wasn't a good thing but the money was great at the time!) and I'm sure that helped the owners out with not showing how many hours were actually worked

I think it's amazing what young people can do when they put their mind to it. I once worked with a girl who opened the salad bar in the restaurant where I worked, then headed to the town an hour away so she could close at another branch to get the hours she needed to be able to afford her college education.

Could the boy do it? Absolutely. I don't think anyone is denying that it's possible. The point is however, you did it and have not mentioned that you had a child in your life. Can you imagine how much time the child would spend with daddy? I can't say that's in the best interest of anyone in this situation (of course this is opinion only).

The crux of the argument from my prospective is to stress the education right now while the opportunity exists. That doesn't mean there aren't other wins for all involved if he isn't working a schedule day in and day out like this one.

If he's capable, MizTink, don't rule out the possibility of him waiting tables. It's where he can actually make the best money. Not all guys can do this, but boy, the ones that can, they really clean house. I've worked with several young men over the years (I was fairly young myself in those days) and they consistently get higher tips than their female counterparts. It does take a special kinda guy to be able to do it. My son is way too clutsy for this type of position, plus, he's not really as outgoing as one needs to be. If you really want to make money, you really need to know how to suck up (I hope that's not interpreted in a negative way because I know how you must watch every word one says on this board).

 

[MizTink]

OP here.
it's 1:00am and he just got home from work.
i can tell you exactly how much his DD saw him today. 10 minutes before school, and 30 minutes after school, with 20 of those minutes in the car on his way to work. of course she is sleeping so he will see her in the morning, with the same schedule.
he's pretty determined to stick it out and try to get out bussing tables soon.
he's already mentioned dropping out of school and getting his GED. um, i don't think so. not to be a dishwasher!

 

[momrek06]

OP here.
it's 1:00am and he just got home from work.
i can tell you exactly how much his DD saw him today. 10 minutes before school, and 30 minutes after school, with 20 of those minutes in the car on his way to work. of course she is sleeping so he will see her in the morning, with the same schedule.
he's pretty determined to stick it out and try to get out bussing tables soon.
he's already mentioned dropping out of school and getting his GED. um, i don't think so. not to be a dishwasher!

Oh OP, 1am. Wow. Like I have said before, he will be dropping from sheer exhaustion sooner or later.

 

[luvsJack]

OP here.
it's 1:00am and he just got home from work.
i can tell you exactly how much his DD saw him today. 10 minutes before school, and 30 minutes after school, with 20 of those minutes in the car on his way to work. of course she is sleeping so he will see her in the morning, with the same schedule.
he's pretty determined to stick it out and try to get out bussing tables soon.
he's already mentioned dropping out of school and getting his GED. um, i don't think so. not to be a dishwasher!

Bless him for being so determined. There are so many dead beat dads but he is definitely not going to be one.

I would hate to see him missing the time with his child too. Its hard to realize how precious that time is when you are 16. Heck its hard to remember it when you are 26! And with just these few days he must be exhausted!!

Maybe the job bussing tables will come along soon. If it doesn't materialize soon, I would definitely be encouraging him to find something else with less hours.

 

[golfgal]

It is admirable that he wants to do this but long term it will be MUCH better for her DD if he concentrates on getting a good education and not killing himself working until 1:00 am then getting up for school 5 hours later.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

That is simply too late to be getting home on a school night. What is the business thinking anyway? Sheesh!

Poor thing must just be exhausted!!

Please don't let him drop out of school..........

 

[momrek06]

There are so many dead beat dads but he is definitely not going to be one.

Unless, he collapses from exhaustion and is completely burnt out. It can happen. He is only 16yo. He is just a kid himself. This schedule is grueling. Very grueling. And then hopefully he gets to sleep by 1:30am (or so) and up for high school by 6:30am ... a mere 5 hrs later ... how will he make it through the day to only had back to work after school. That is no life for a 16yo.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

OP here.
it's 1:00am and he just got home from work.
i can tell you exactly how much his DD saw him today. 10 minutes before school, and 30 minutes after school, with 20 of those minutes in the car on his way to work. of course she is sleeping so he will see her in the morning, with the same schedule.
he's pretty determined to stick it out and try to get out bussing tables soon.
he's already mentioned dropping out of school and getting his GED. um, i don't think so. not to be a dishwasher!

Okay, while I understand you are concerned about him I would recommend letting him do this for awhile. And if it makes you feel better (which is won't), I see my DD sometimes less than that. I have to work. DH is disabled. I'm very lucky to have a good job but it comes with long hours. You do what you have to do.

But I agree with you that dropping out and getting his GED, which he is not allowed to take until he is 18, is a very bad idea.

 

[luvsJack]

Unless, he collapses from exhaustion and is completely burnt out. It can happen. He is only 16yo. He is just a kid himself. This schedule is grueling. Very grueling. And then hopefully he gets to sleep by 1:30am (or so) and up for high school by 6:30am ... a mere 5 hrs later ... how will he make it through the day to only had back to work after school. That is no life for a 16yo.

No it sure isn't. And you are right, if he goes too long with no sleep and burns out he could very well decide that this is too hard and he doesnt' want to try anymore. That would be very sad indeed.

 

[wvjules]

Unless, he collapses from exhaustion and is completely burnt out. It can happen. He is only 16yo. He is just a kid himself. This schedule is grueling. Very grueling. And then hopefully he gets to sleep by 1:30am (or so) and up for high school by 6:30am ... a mere 5 hrs later ... how will he make it through the day to only had back to work after school. That is no life for a 16yo.

It is when that 16 year old fathers a child. He's not a child anymore. He is a parent. That being said...I agree that needs to cut back on the hours so he can finish school. He needs to work, yes, but he doesn't need to work himself to death.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

OP here.
it's 1:00am and he just got home from work.
i can tell you exactly how much his DD saw him today. 10 minutes before school, and 30 minutes after school, with 20 of those minutes in the car on his way to work. of course she is sleeping so he will see her in the morning, with the same schedule.
he's pretty determined to stick it out and try to get out bussing tables soon.
he's already mentioned dropping out of school and getting his GED. um, i don't think so. not to be a dishwasher!

While I think his definitely should get an education, lots of fathers don't get to spend as much time with their children when they have to work.

DH is a CPA and has his own business. Right now (tax season) the kids see DH for 15 minutes before they go to school and a few hours between Friday night and Sunday night. This is a busy time and we all make sacrifices.

Sounds like your ds is trying to make the sacrifices he needs to for his daughter.

 

[bunny]

It is when that 16 year old fathers a child. He's not a child anymore. He is a parent. That being said...I agree that needs to cut back on the hours so he can finish school. He needs to work, yes, but he doesn't need to work himself to death.

I totally agree. He is an adult now. Not only is he a dad, he also lives with his girlfriend. I applaud the OP for helping them but they are living an adult lifestyle. He needs to do everything he can both now and in the future to bankroll it. The baby is with the mom all night.

There are alot of men who work hard and don't get to spend much time with their children. My BIL worked evening shift for about 10 years. He only saw his children on the weekend. They grew up fine and knew he was doing everything he could to take care of them. The OP's son needs to do the same.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't know if the laws have changed in NY, but it used to be that a 16 yr. old who is still in school could not work past 10 p.m. Sunday through Thursday nights..

 

[MizTink]

That is simply too late to be getting home on a school night. What is the business thinking anyway? Sheesh!

Poor thing must just be exhausted!!

Please don't let him drop out of school..........

yeah. dropping out of school isn't even an option. no way!

But I agree with you that dropping out and getting his GED, which he is not allowed to take until he is 18, is a very bad idea.

he COULD get his GED at 16, IF i let him drop out, which i won't.

I don't know if the laws have changed in NY, but it used to be that a 16 yr. old who is still in school could not work past 10 p.m. Sunday through Thursday nights..

they don't care about the laws i guess. here a 16 year old can't work later than 11.
it's funny, because tonight his manager said they need 1 more dishwasher. he asked DS if he knows anybody that would be interested. DS told him that his cousin wants to do it. he's home schooled, so the late hours wouldn't be a problem. but he isn't 16 yet. the manager actually said he can't because he's too young. said his hours would be too limited becasuse of the LABOR LAWS!!!!!!

 

[FireDancer]

I worked my way through college. I had a 48 hour a week job and took 12 to 16 credit hours a semester along with going in the summer so I could get out in 3 years. It doesn't really matter if you are 16 or 20, there are people who can do it and the OP's son might be one of them. There were nights where I would go to class, then work, then work on a project (I was an MIS major), take a nap, and do it all over again the next day.

It was hard but it was short term and I don't regret doing it one bit. Sometimes people end up in situation where they have to make things work. He has a kid at 16 so there are things that he will have to do that I didn't at 16. It isn't all that different then working 2 jobs, only in this case one job is school. As a PP said, once you have a kid you are a parent and no longer a child.

 

[Took]

OP, I thought, before reading all the posts, that I had advice for you. Now, I'm not so sure.

Instead, I will say 'good luck.' You and your son seem like responsible people with your priorities right. I'm sure you will make this work.

BTW, how difficult is the GED test in FL? My impression from some folks is that it's not easy....

 

[luvsJack]

I totally agree. He is an adult now. Not only is he a dad, he also lives with his girlfriend. I applaud the OP for helping them but they are living an adult lifestyle. He needs to do everything he can both now and in the future to bankroll it. The baby is with the mom all night.

There are alot of men who work hard and don't get to spend much time with their children. My BIL worked evening shift for about 10 years. He only saw his children on the weekend. They grew up fine and knew he was doing everything he could to take care of them. The OP's son needs to do the same.

No he is still a child. He is a father but he is still 16 with all the things that go with being 16. You don't suddenly skip all that growing up just because a baby is born (it would be nice if they could, but it doesn't work that way)

He NEEDS an education. He NEEDS to go to school so that he can then go to the vo/tech program he has chosen so he can make a decent living for his child and possible future wife.

He is not just working the nigh shift and not seeing his child, he is also not getting enough sleep to be able to perform well in school.

Just because someone else did it, does not make it the ideal situation. If the OP has the ability to help them, why make it harder than it needs to be?

 

[wdwfan16]

I did not read the entire thread, so this may have been answered.

1) Does the OP's son live with her? The DGD too?

2) Where does the mother live? How old is she? Does she work and/or go to school?

 

[MizTink]

OP, I thought, before reading all the posts, that I had advice for you. Now, I'm not so sure.

Instead, I will say 'good luck.' You and your son seem like responsible people with your priorities right. I'm sure you will make this work.

BTW, how difficult is the GED test in FL? My impression from some folks is that it's not easy....

i've heard it's not a piece of cake like some people like to think. there is a local place that offers free GED prep training for anyone over 16 who has ALREADY dropped out. i just don't want him to become 16 year old drop out to wash dishes. i would reluctantly consider it if he were able to do something worthwhile right away. KWIM?
i just worry that, after being out of school and working for 2 years, he would just be stuck working and wouldn't go back to school. it's happens so easily.

No he is still a child. He is a father but he is still 16 with all the things that go with being 16. You don't suddenly skip all that growing up just because a baby is born (it would be nice if they could, but it doesn't work that way)

He NEEDS an education. He NEEDS to go to school so that he can then go to the vo/tech program he has chosen so he can make a decent living for his child and possible future wife.

He is not just working the nigh shift and not seeing his child, he is also not getting enough sleep to be able to perform well in school.

Just because someone else did it, does not make it the ideal situation. If the OP has the ability to help them, why make it harder than it needs to be?

i feel the same way. my son has matured beyond what i ever imagined he could in the past 7 months, but he is still 16. a mature 16, but still 16.